❓ PLP Inquires II ❓

[Neanderthal247]

My sincerest apologies to everyone’s eyes!
___________________________________

I’ve thought about my sexuality quite deeply. I think there are clear signs looking back at young PLP and her attentions but I thought of it as either friendly love or physical curiosity. I’ve known and had experiences with girls since I was “insert Lit appropriate age” but I don’t think I allowed a label until I was in my thirties. I had more experience with men and felt more comfortable in that domain so surely … I wasn’t… right? Um… wrong! My relatively few experiences with women have been fucking amazing and - I get it guys! We’re pretty great.

I’m out to everyone in my life except my parents and that’s mainly because I can’t handle the mama drama there. As someone in a heterosexual relationship, I do feel it’s kind of important to be out and remind people that there are queer people everywhere even if you don’t recognize them immediately. The only way I think my sexuality might shift is leaning more into the Pan of it all. I just have less experience there and I’m cautious to claim something I don’t know much about.

I don’t wish I identified as anything else. I like the best of both worlds options but… I will say that I can, as a Bi-woman, see the enormous amount of privilege I have compared to a Bi-man. I think most people can sexualize women pretty easily and can understand why women would be interested in both sexes but when they get any hint of a Bi guy, they simply think it’s a baby step towards being gay. I wish it was easier for those guys and many many other people who - obviously - have it infinitely harder, especially in this particular day and age.

Does this have to do with the state you live in ?

In NYC today it's definitely easier to be gay or bi or trans today, when I was a kid they were bullied and treated horribly in my area ( hood areas ), but today they're accepted and celebrated. I'm sure there's some incidents of people who identify as LGBT that have been treated horribly, but overall NYC is very accepting and inclusive.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Does this have to do with the state you live in ?

Which part do you mean? I just want to make sure I answer the right question.

 

[Neanderthal247]

Which part do you mean? I just want to make sure I answer the right question.

Im speaking of this " I wish it was easier for those guys and many many other people who - obviously - have it infinitely harder, especially in this particular day and age.", unless I misunderstood what you meant.


My question meant does the LGBT community have it difficult where you live ? Does the culture of the state you live in, treat the LGBT differently?


Just so you know, I am not trying to argue, just asking questions ?


I could have misunderstood what you said, I took as it's more difficult societal.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Im speaking of this " I wish it was easier for those guys and many many other people who - obviously - have it infinitely harder, especially in this particular day and age.", unless I misunderstood what you meant.


My question meant does the LGBT community have it difficult where you live ? Does the culture of the state you live in, treat the LGBT differently?


Just so you know, I am not trying to argue, just asking questions ?


I could have misunderstood what you said, I took as it's more difficult societal.

No I know you're not. I just wanted to make sure I understood the question.

It may be where I live. But it's also something I've noticed here and in things male friends have mentioned. I might be basing my thoughts on a small sample size for sure!

 

[Neanderthal247]

No I know you're not. I just wanted to make sure I understood the question.

It may be where I live. But it's also something I've noticed here and in things male friends have mentioned. I might be basing my thoughts on a small sample size for sure!

It's probably not a small sample size, the whole country isn't NYC or the states or cities, that are more accepting and inclusive. Even where I live you have assholes making fun of people for their sexuality, but it's way better than it used to be ( Only speaking of NYC ).


Sorry your friends or people you know are being treated with disrespect, it's stupid and ignorant.

 

[SalaciousMonkey22]

I didn’t overthink the label side of things because I was too busy chasing the why behind it all. The what, as in, the “who” I was into, felt way less interesting than the way it all lit up my brain.

This has been my life’s one and only true goal. In all aspects. Not just boning.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

06.14.25

Growth

Are there things or behaviors that you can point to in your life now and see where you've grown in some way? From washing your face every night to quitting smoking, making your bed every morning to the way you approach relationships - small to large - is there something that you put thought or effort into and have seen the change? Was is straight line or where there ups and downs? Did you figure it our internally or did someone help or encourage you? What kept you focused or did it come naturally? What's an area you're still trying to grow in?

Tell me about your growth!

 

[AlpineFresco]

Ah jeez, this is a big one. See, I've changed my perspective on... uh... an astonishing number of things over my life. 'I'm a work in progress' is one hell of a cliche but it's just true, for most of us. I think. It is for me, anyway!

I think the why of this question is super interesting - why did we make a change? Was it social pressure, and if so did the change revert when that went away? Was it a regret of past actions or fear of, say, falling into patterns we saw from our elders? Was it motivated by love to be better for someone we care about? Was it just that we realised we were actually wrong on something, and changed our beliefs accordingly?

I've been politically all over the map in my younger days, with stats (and an ability to read the damn things) and compassion giving me growth. But even then, I've had blind spots and an widening circle of acquaintances has done a lot to help me see different points of view (or, in some cases, solidify why I don't believe something).
Relationship-wise I've gone through a lot of changes. I've learned to be a reasonable man based on my male role models being, um... let's say more 'terrible warnings' than 'inspiring people' in my younger years. Again, that's changed and I have good men, roughly my age, around me now. I've been pretty shit at handling envy, at handling good communication, and those are things I've worked pretty damn hard on to get to where I am. Again, I'll stress, work in progress, but much better than I used to be.

I could go on and on and on, there's very little of me I haven't worked to improve somewhere. Alpine 10 years ago would be unrecognisable. Alpine 20 years ago... I wouldn't get on with that guy, not so nice. Alpine 10 years in the future? Hopefully still growing!

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

06.14.25

Growth

Are there things or behaviors that you can point to in your life now and see where you've grown in some way? From washing your face every night to quitting smoking, making your bed every morning to the way you approach relationships - small to large - is there something that you put thought or effort into and have seen the change? Was is straight line or where there ups and downs? Did you figure it our internally or did someone help or encourage you? What kept you focused or did it come naturally? What's an area you're still trying to grow in?

Tell me about your growth!

I'm a big believer in growth and change for the better. I want to make my future and past selves proud and apparently it's not a magic spell and instead it's dumb hard work and self awareness. Rude!

Things I've gotten markedly better at (though not perfect) -
• Nightly self-care - the washing and lotions and potions of it all. Present PLP wishes past PLP had treated her skin kinder.
• Not letting my own often wobbly self-image affect letting others be attracted to me. I may not get it some days but it you like it, I love it.
• Deconstructing my faith and deep religious connections - this is still very complicated and hard to talk about with anyone who hasn't had to do it but I'm so much more at peace now
• Dealing with the narcissist in my life - defining soft and hard boundaries has been a literal life saver here (not sure whose life - hers or mine)

Things I'm still working on -
• Trying not to "fix" everything - just sitting in the mess, indecision, and chaos until the best answer comes - not just the first one
• Letting go of hurtful words that stung, stick and affected my behavior
• Being okay being "too much" even for myself sometimes - I'm a lot but I'm rarely boring!
• Budgeting - everything else is the world is the problem but me at the moment
+ ETA Self-control

Things I'm still shit at but they are on the list to get to eventually -
• Trust
• Procrastination anxiety
• Being more direct - especially when it's hard
• Drinking more water

 

[morelikeasong]

06.11.25

Coming off the back of that question and because it’s Pride month.

Have you ever evaluated your sexuality? If you identify as straight, have you always defaulted that way or have you evaluated it with any open mind? If you identify as something else, when do you come to that realization? How open are you - on Lit or IRL? How flexible are you to your sexuality shifting in the future or having new understandings of your sexuality? Do you ever wish you identified as something else?

Anything else I haven’t asked that you’d be curious about?

I can’t remember when I started identifying as bi. Definitely after I met my husband, and I think after we were married. My earliest memory of using the label for myself is on my Tumblr bio (20something, bi, married). Maybe I had said it in some PMs here on Lit, on my old account. Maybe I had been thinking about it before and then started testing the waters using the label here? It’s all kind of blurry in my memory. I don’t think I ever came out to my husband? I don’t know. I’m actually finding it a bit odd that I don’t remember so many of these elements, now that I’m trying to recall.

I do remember coming out to my mom a few years ago. I was visiting her and we were on a walk. Reminded me of when she used to bring up hard conversations in the car when we were alone.
Anyway, I told her that it wasn’t a big deal and that obviously I was already married to my husband, but that I was being more open about it with strangers and it just felt weird that she didn’t know since we are very close. I didn’t want it to feel like some secret. She understood that. There wasn’t really much else to the conversation.
Later that week I came out to my best friend and her husband. That conversation went something like:

“hey so maybe you already know this about me but I didn’t totally know myself and I just came out to my mom so I figured I should officially say something to you? I don’t know. Anyway, I’m bi?”

“…yeah, duh”

“oh, okay, yeah I did kinda think that might be your reaction but like… why didn’t anyone tell me?”



I'm not really sure why it took me so long to figure it out/come out. One of my best friends in high school was a lesbian and we hung out with a lot of queer folk. I was raised in a very open and accepting religion and community. I did a program about activism in high school and lobbied my congresspeople about protections against discrimination based on sexual orientation.

Don’t know what took me so long but I’m bummed I never gave myself the opportunity to explore that. I know it doesn’t work like this, but I feel like a fraud identifying as queer when I’ve never had any real queer experiences and also benefit from all of the heteronormative privilege.

 

[SalaciousMonkey22]

06.14.25

Growth

Are there things or behaviors that you can point to in your life now and see where you've grown in some way? From washing your face every night to quitting smoking, making your bed every morning to the way you approach relationships - small to large - is there something that you put thought or effort into and have seen the change? Was is straight line or where there ups and downs? Did you figure it our internally or did someone help or encourage you? What kept you focused or did it come naturally? What's an area you're still trying to grow in?

Tell me about your growth!

Just asking the easy questions here aintcha?

I’d say, first of all, I don’t think I’ve ever used the word growth in my internal monologue. I think a lot about change. Sometimes for the better sometimes for the worse but sorta inevitable either way. I’ve had multi year stretches where I had incredibly good and healthy habits that get washed away in a couple months of distraction. Were the healthy habits growth, and the loss of them regressions? I’ve certainly gotten worse at things like focus and attention which is a regression I don’t always like. I guess… I try not to focus on beating myself up about those things (with greater or lesser success from day to day) and try to understand what changed and why and how I feel today. Understanding that process and how it relates to me being a me I can like and be proud of is more important than identifying a particular activity that makes me that way/

I don’t know. I think healthy habits are good. I think exercise is good. I think eating well is good. I think sleeping regularly is good. But it’s not the habit, which is fluid and and can change with so many external factors not always in your control, it’s the person those things help you be that I try to care about.

But in the spirit of the question one thing that sounds silly but I decided to do during lockdown and do every day and it really works for me is I make sure that the first words I say out loud are good ones. Whatever the fuck is going on in my head I make sure I tell my wife I love her. That the sky looks beautiful. That the cat that is bumping its head against me as soon as it notices me stir is adorable. Something good a positive.

This worked even better when I followed that up with some exercise and stretching. And imma trying to get back to that but you know, it’s a process.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

I can’t remember when I started identifying as bi. Definitely after I met my husband, and I think after we were married.... <snip> .... and also benefit from all of the heteronormative privilege.

I identify with a lot of this. Except your healthy relationship with you mom
O think just being able to know it's true for you just feels better. Might be me, but there's a like puzzle piece in place feeling.

Just asking the easy questions here aintcha?

I'll ask an easy one next - describe your favorite butthole or something like that

But in the spirit of the question one thing that sounds silly but I decided to do during lockdown and do every day and it really works for me is I make sure that the first words I say out loud are good ones.

I love this so much. I might steal it ... or try to. I think mindset makes a huge difference. Thanks for sharing!

 

[SalaciousMonkey22]

I love this so much. I might steal it ... or try to. I think mindset makes a huge difference. Thanks for sharing!

Yay! I hope it works. Mindset can’t fix everything but I find it helps me deal with it.

Though also I might be a wee bit TOO good at avoidance. I dunno. It’s a balance.

 

[AtramentousRex]

Yay! I hope it works. Mindset can’t fix everything but I find it helps me deal with it.

Though also I might be a wee bit TOO good at avoidance. I dunno. It’s a balance.

As someone who is struggling hard right now with my BPD and about to begin serious treatment for it, I am absolutely stealing this and will report back my progress on making it a real habit.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

06.18.25

Changing Hearts and Minds

Have you ever changed your mind about someone? I’m most interested in the positive turn - did you have a negative opinion about someone that slowly warmed up? Did you find out new information about them, did someone give you bad intel, or was it a case of a bad first impression? Or did someone completely ruin their good rep with you? What happened? How easy is it for you to change your opinion of someone? What about Lit specifically?

Have you ever changed someone’s mind or something big or small? Sell the brilliance of your favorite movie, change their political stance, or open their eyes to something? Has someone ever changed your mind on a subject? How flexible are your thoughts and opinion to change?

 

[SalaciousMonkey22]

06.18.25

Changing Hearts and Minds

Have you ever changed your mind about someone? I’m most interested in the positive turn - did you have a negative opinion about someone that slowly warmed up? Did you find out new information about them, did someone give you bad intel, or was it a case of a bad first impression? Or did someone completely ruin their good rep with you? What happened? How easy is it for you to change your opinion of someone?

Have you ever changed someone’s mind or something big or small? Sell the brilliance of your favorite movie, change their political stance, or open their eyes to something? Has someone ever changed your mind on a subject? How flexible are your thoughts and opinion to change?

I’m on record as being judgey. And I admit that if I see some shit that turns me off to someone I spend very little energy trying to learn more. But It’s not like I write folks off exactly. I know that impressions are just that. I wouldn’t say it’s EASY to change my mind but I’m certainly open to it.

So probably my closest friend these days is a coworker who I initially didn’t really like and it took us like 5 years to become friends. It was a weird workplace thing, my best friend in the office was mortal enemies with the boss of this guy and it took both those people leaving to realize we actually liked each other and that bullshit was none of ours

In terms of changing other people’s minds…I’m not really that guy. I’m not particularly interested in debate. I’ve spent A LOT of time in my life figuring out what I think is right. If I think you’re doing something wrong and I give a shit about you, I’ll tell you. But I’m not gonna cajole you, or listen to your excuses. I don’t get involved over minor stuff. If I’m talking to you it’s often a deal breaker for me. Like, I’m never gonna be friends with a Trump voter. Full stop. I can, in my life be polite and work with them. But no discussion is happening. Read a book. I’m not here to educate you. Did I mention I’m stubborn

 

[Whiskeyjack]

06.18.25

Changing Hearts and Minds

Have you ever changed your mind about someone? I’m most interested in the positive turn - did you have a negative opinion about someone that slowly warmed up? Did you find out new information about them, did someone give you bad intel, or was it a case of a bad first impression? Or did someone completely ruin their good rep with you? What happened? How easy is it for you to change your opinion of someone?

Have you ever changed someone’s mind or something big or small? Sell the brilliance of your favorite movie, change their political stance, or open their eyes to something? Has someone ever changed your mind on a subject? How flexible are your thoughts and opinion to change?

Since I've spent the last 3 years working in the school district, I've gotten to know some kids as they mature from, say, 8th grade to 10th grade. There's a lot of growing up that happens in those years and sometimes the shittiest 8th-grader will become a halfway-decent 10th-grader. So, yeah, in terms of changing my opinion about some people for the better, that's usually where it happens.

As far as people who are older and whose brains and personalities are already fully cooked... that's a lot tougher. I'm not the easiest person to get along with in general (I'm not mean or anything, but I can be very introverted and reserved), so if I don't get off on the right foot with someone right away, I'm the problem as often as not, and they might not want to give me a second chance to improve my opinion of them.

I have a roster in my head of some of the other parents in town who are kind of dickheadish, douchey people. I'm trying to think if any of my opinions of them have changed for the better over the years. Mmmm... nope. All still douchey dickheads.

The only thing I can think of that I've changed someone's mind about is that my wife used to hate Monty Python. Her friends in high school would quote Holy Grail non-stop and it drove her mad. She's still far from a Python fan. But I did take her to see Spamalot during its original Broadway run, with Tim Curry, Hank Azaria, Sara Ramiriez, Alan Tudyk, David Hyde Pierce... it was a -phenomenal- cast. And she loved that. Because how are you going to hate anything with Tim Curry? She still leaves the room whenever I put Holy Grail on, but if I just put on an episode of Flying Circus or something, there's at least a 50/50 chance she'll stick around. I'll take that as a win.

 

[Wriggle]

06.18.25

Changing Hearts and Minds

Have you ever changed your mind about someone? I’m most interested in the positive turn - did you have a negative opinion about someone that slowly warmed up? Did you find out new information about them, did someone give you bad intel, or was it a case of a bad first impression? Or did someone completely ruin their good rep with you? What happened? How easy is it for you to change your opinion of someone? What about Lit specifically?

No.
I'm a very good judge of character - it's like my superpower - and everyone I've changed my mind about being a dickhead was actually always a dickhead and more fool me for giving them a chance.

One of UKs biggest public twats once changed my mind on euthanasia, though.

Even if a broken clock is wrong 86398 times a day, there are 2 correct readings.

 

[EvaLane]

06.14.25

Growth

Are there things or behaviors that you can point to in your life now and see where you've grown in some way? From washing your face every night to quitting smoking, making your bed every morning to the way you approach relationships - small to large - is there something that you put thought or effort into and have seen the change? Was is straight line or where there ups and downs? Did you figure it our internally or did someone help or encourage you? What kept you focused or did it come naturally? What's an area you're still trying to grow in?

Tell me about your growth!

I’ve grown, been cut down, replanted, tended to, grown again - torn apart again, thrown out into a desert, tumble-weeded my way back to a damp patch of soil and here I am. Growing again.

I get it - change is good. Growth is good. The journey is the journey, blah blah blah.

It might be nice to just enjoy the sun for like… a decade. To burrow deep into the ground, let my roots stretch. To let my leaves fall gently with the autumn breeze instead of being ripped away in frantic handfuls.

I’ve grown, but I’m tired.

Can’t a girl just photosynthesize in peace!?!???

 

[EvaLane]

06.18.25

Changing Hearts and Minds

Have you ever changed your mind about someone? I’m most interested in the positive turn - did you have a negative opinion about someone that slowly warmed up? Did you find out new information about them, did someone give you bad intel, or was it a case of a bad first impression? Or did someone completely ruin their good rep with you? What happened? How easy is it for you to change your opinion of someone? What about Lit specifically?

Have you ever changed someone’s mind or something big or small? Sell the brilliance of your favorite movie, change their political stance, or open their eyes to something? Has someone ever changed your mind on a subject? How flexible are your thoughts and opinion to change?

One of my best and worst qualities is that I can excuse, reason, and logic my way through most red flags. I don’t go into relationships hoping to change or fix someone, I go in wanting to understand them.

It’s not arrogant of me to say I’m insightful and observant, it’s just the truth. People might see me as naive sometimes, but I know exactly what I’m doing - I know exactly who I’m talking to long before we’re really talking.

Here’s the thing, I don’t need to prod or press. People tell on themselves. We all crave connection, to be seen, to be known, even the ones trying hardest to stay hidden. It’s inhuman not to.

That’s not to say people can’t surprise me, of course they have, but rarely in ways that make me hate them. I may step back, but I don’t stew in animosity.

The few friends I’ve had to step away from ultimately just couldn’t get out of their own way and like I said, I’m not here to change anyone.

It doesn’t mean I was wrong about you.
It means you were wrong about yourself and really, that can be the hardest thing to confront.

Lit is my escape, it’s where I seek what I can’t always access in daily life - sexual and intellectual freedom. If someone dulls that, I’ll choose myself. I have to.

 

[SalaciousMonkey22]

It doesn’t mean I was wrong about you.
It means you were wrong about yourself and really, that can be the hardest thing to confront.

This is such an incredibly arrogant thing to say and I love it because it is something I’d think and probably say

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Can’t a girl just photosynthesize in peace!?!???

You can and yet... it's still growth. And that's the prettiest part.

 

[AtramentousRex]

06.14.25

Growth

Are there things or behaviors that you can point to in your life now and see where you've grown in some way? From washing your face every night to quitting smoking, making your bed every morning to the way you approach relationships - small to large - is there something that you put thought or effort into and have seen the change? Was is straight line or where there ups and downs? Did you figure it our internally or did someone help or encourage you? What kept you focused or did it come naturally? What's an area you're still trying to grow in?

Tell me about your growth!

I stumble and I fall. I fail continuously. I often let people down and lose relationships because it takes to long and so much pain before I really start to get things. But I never stop trying. I do take in what others say and I'm always self evaluating.

I've always thought that this might be my biggest redeeming quality. If you watch closely, over time, I do change for the better. Mostly because the universe gets tired of my stubborn ass and drops me off a metaphorical cliff periodically.
When that happens, sometimes the change is rougher, the growth rapid. I've been taken a lot of places and through some interesting experiences. I've seen some strange shit.

The winding road to use another metaphor, never stops going up for me. It;s just that the progress is glacial.

 

[AtramentousRex]

06.18.25

Changing Hearts and Minds

Have you ever changed your mind about someone? I’m most interested in the positive turn - did you have a negative opinion about someone that slowly warmed up? Did you find out new information about them, did someone give you bad intel, or was it a case of a bad first impression? Or did someone completely ruin their good rep with you? What happened? How easy is it for you to change your opinion of someone? What about Lit specifically?

Have you ever changed someone’s mind or something big or small? Sell the brilliance of your favorite movie, change their political stance, or open their eyes to something? Has someone ever changed your mind on a subject? How flexible are your thoughts and opinion to change?

I have a history of trusting people because I experience some sort of Limerance with them. Infatuation makes me ignore the red flags and turn them to green. It causes me to fall into patterns with those people that are not healthy for me. I give over choice and power to them by ceding the right to be respected or to even have my own needs or desires.

I let those people so deep inside me that it leaves me no protection because when I love, I leave nothing back for the return trip. I leap into those depths. Somehow I eventually experience a transgression from them. Something that l witness or find out about that doesn't sit right with me enough that I start asking questions.

In this way I have gone from falling for people, to losing them entirely when I realize that they were never the way I thought they were. I lose my feelings only if they try to hurt someone I consider precious.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

06.18.25

Changing Hearts and Minds

Have you ever changed your mind about someone? I’m most interested in the positive turn - did you have a negative opinion about someone that slowly warmed up? Did you find out new information about them, did someone give you bad intel, or was it a case of a bad first impression? Or did someone completely ruin their good rep with you? What happened? How easy is it for you to change your opinion of someone? What about Lit specifically?

Like Wriggle said I'm usually a pretty accurate judge of character. I love to believe the best in people but every time I've ignored that little red flag in my brain, I have always regretted it. So going from positive to negative is usually a matter of either finally accepting that someone isn't what I wish they were OR someone changing themselves so entirely that I don't recognize them anymore. Going from negative to positive is MUCH harder and usually involved me finding out something I thought was true wasn't at all. I have noticed this a few times with other people in relation to me. For "reasons" they got a bad word on the street about me, and then whenever we've talked, they realize I'm mostly a sweet weirdo. That's a nice feeling - things being righted.

Have you ever changed someone’s mind or something big or small? Sell the brilliance of your favorite movie, change their political stance, or open their eyes to something? Has someone ever changed your mind on a subject? How flexible are your thoughts and opinion to change?

I have changed minds about things - never online and I think largely anyone trying to make big differences in ideology online is wasting time and electricity - but I do think slow and consistent and respectful has gotten me the most gains with important topics. I do get very feisty when people don't like media I hold dear and I will argue it's merits until they submit or I abandon them forever to lunacy.
I like changing and growing and if someone is down to teach me something new or reframe something in my mind - and can do it intelligently about things I feel can be flexy about - that's hot!