Has anyone else drawn the ire of story critic Stacnash? 🤣

[Djmac1031]

Fuck it. This is the comment Commentarista left on my story, Black Barbie.

The story in a nutshell: a recently divorced middle aged man visits an Adult Book Store that features "Live Nude Girls!" and has a brief but erotic encounter with the lovely black sex worker who catches his eye.

My only "goals" in telling this story was to tell a sexy story that did not fetishize the black woman simply for being black and did not portray sex workers in a negative light or portray those who use their services as deviants.

The story is short: 3.8k words

Now, that in mind, see if you can interpret this:

Since the stated purpose was to not stigmatize the worker nor the user, the story partially succeeded: it didn't blame the man that solicited and didn't cast the female negatively. But I can't help wonder if there weren't missed opportunities to strengthen the female side. No one can argue the guy didn't get bothered by anyone and no other guy that visited received criticism either.
***
Largely the story couches most of the language neutrally. For example, he recognizes that she doesn't have to care about him and he notes it as transactional. The narrative grants him some sympathy by establishing his ex-wife wouldn't do two things for him that Barbie did. No one doubts a divorcee--especially male--gets lonely if he's shier. Contrarians however could say he's throwing shade at his ex because either he didn't tell her what he liked or she was rather self-centered and didn't want to know.
***
There is some minimal moralization in the guise of the man; that approach in any fashion was highly reviled in literary circles in the 18th and 19th century. It could have been opted to enlarge her backstory in humanizing her more through perhaps doing something like explaining briefly that she had her life planned out, several unfortunate circumstances occurred which put her in financial hardship, and then she turned to this because when she thought about it, about the only assets she had left were her looks. This story could have improved by making her an escort, as A&E produced documentaries on pornstars, sex workers, or escorts. The thing about escorts that could have supported this better is that many--although able to engage in sex for added fees--can be contracted to be a man's high-end beauty queen for the evening (that's it); could be asked to listen to a man's tale of woe; or otherwise could highlight her wits and intelligence by accompanying him to a high-end ball or to some art exhibit (perhaps roleplaying as a friend)... which has happened. Some make upwards of 1,500 in one appointment, while all of their clients tend to be screened well before they can say yes or no. Reason why this proves more powerful is because the woman controls the experience and can even craft the kind of reputation she desires as opposed to simply being in a club and being more one-dimensional.
***
While this metaphorically gets on base, it doesn't make it farther because it's too short. About 7.5 K words would normally give stories a shot to develop most everything so nothing's lacking. The other thing: this category requires Interracial Love, which means focusing on a relationship and the cross-cultural issues they might have to address to be successful as a couple. This fails to do that, because in the end, we could have replaced Barbie with anybody else and had the same result/conclusion.
***
However, thank you for a more considered offering then what most recent submissions here have been.

 

[Erozetta]

Commentarista commented on my story, Black Barbie, with a long winded commentary that, when boiled down to basics, said my story was good, but could have been better if I'd written it their way.

He commented on a few 750s and a poem I wrote under a different username when I was in a pretty low place. Came back to complain about the five he gave me disappearing and saying he was sorry the story flew so far under the radar. I knew nothing of him at the time, but he went on to comment on most of my stories on that account and followed it.

Of course, I haven't done anything with it since restarting my regular account and it was only ever meant to host those five stories and the eventual full length versions.

https://www.literotica.com/s/a-beautiful-silence/comments

https://www.literotica.com/s/whispers-of-love-to-the-moon/comments

https://www.literotica.com/s/a-promise-worth-keeping/comments

https://www.literotica.com/p/good-girls-fall-in-line/comments

 

[StillStunned]

I've been through the triple Total Perspective Vortex of reviews by Stacnash, Commentarista (5x) and AwkwardMD/Omenainen, and walked away eating the fairy cake.

Either I'm the best writer here, or the blandest.

 

[Voboy]

Fuck it. This is the comment Commentarista left on my story, Black Barbie.

The story in a nutshell: a recently divorced middle aged man visits an Adult Book Store that features "Live Nude Girls!" and has a brief but erotic encounter with the lovely black sex worker who catches his eye.

My only "goals" in telling this story was to tell a sexy story that did not fetishize the black woman simply for being black and did not portray sex workers in a negative light or portray those who use their services as deviants.

The story is short: 3.8k words

Now, that in mind, see if you can interpret this:

Yes, I've noticed he's fond of using the word "requires," in the sense that stories entered into categories or contests ABSOLUTELY MUST HAVE SPECIFIC CONTENT or they lose stars.

I wouldn't call him an asshole, really; he's got a point of view and expresses it, then signs his name. But he's completely divorced from the reality of writing and posting here, and that's a shame.

 

[Voboy]

He commented on a few 750s and a poem I wrote under a different username when I was in a pretty low place. Came back to complain about the five he gave me disappearing and saying he was sorry the story flew so far under the radar. I knew nothing of him at the time, but he went on to comment on most of my stories on that account and followed it.

Of course, I haven't done anything with it since restarting my regular account and it was only ever meant to host those five stories and the eventual full length versions.

https://www.literotica.com/s/a-beautiful-silence/comments

https://www.literotica.com/s/whispers-of-love-to-the-moon/comments

https://www.literotica.com/s/a-promise-worth-keeping/comments

https://www.literotica.com/p/good-girls-fall-in-line/comments

Lol, yeah, that shit about Marianism and its relation to the name "Luna..." man, what a weirdo.

I'm glad he liked your stuff, though! It's nice to have pats on the back, even from people who are certifiable.

 

[Djmac1031]

I wouldn't call him an asshole, really; he's got a point of view and expresses it, then signs his name. But he's completely divorced from the reality of writing and posting here, and that's a shame.

oh neither would I. and in a way im flattered that someone put that much thought into my little sex story.

I just cant help but think maybe their efforts would be better spent writing their own stories than suggesting how others should write theirs.

 

[iwatchus]

Either I'm the best writer here, or the blandest.

Certainly one of the very best I have read here.

 

[MelissaBaby]

Fuck it. This is the comment Commentarista left on my story, Black Barbie.

The story in a nutshell: a recently divorced middle aged man visits an Adult Book Store that features "Live Nude Girls!" and has a brief but erotic encounter with the lovely black sex worker who catches his eye.

My only "goals" in telling this story was to tell a sexy story that did not fetishize the black woman simply for being black and did not portray sex workers in a negative light or portray those who use their services as deviants.

The story is short: 3.8k words

Now, that in mind, see if you can interpret this:

So he wanted you to humanize her by falling back on the tired old trope that sex workers only do it because they fall on hard times and don't have other choices?

 

[MelissaBaby]

I've been through the triple Total Perspective Vortex of reviews by Stacnash, Commentarista (5x) and AwkwardMD/Omenainen, and walked away eating the fairy cake.

Either I'm the best writer here, or the blandest.

Now I'm going to have to one bomb you.

 

[Voboy]

I've been through the triple Total Perspective Vortex of reviews by Stacnash, Commentarista (5x) and AwkwardMD/Omenainen, and walked away eating the fairy cake.

I don't think they've done any of mine? I think... don't you have to request it or something?

 

[lovecraft68]

His issue with mine (among several) was that I didn't write an entire history/ backstory for my sex worker character describing exactly how she got into the business and the societal difficulties that drove her to it.

My story was a short & sweet encounter between a recently divorced man and a friendly and talented sex worker who helped him get a little self confidence back.

Commentarista wanted an additional 7.5K words ( I kid you not, they literally suggested this) to 'give the story a shot at developing.'

Getting a little off topic with this, but I think when writing about an escort its best to keep with the erotic fantasy of it in the sense they all love what they do and always have, and have so much fun doing it. Getting into the more real life version how all that would not be the best idea if you want the story to be fun. I have one I'll be posting later this year, and I do get into the characters motivation and first time and let's just say if the person you said was complaining over you not giving a background, I'd deliver some careful what you wish for.

Sometimes less is more and imagination is a good thing.

 

[Djmac1031]

Getting a little off topic with this, but I think when writing about an escort its best to keep with the erotic fantasy of it in the sense they all love what they do and always have, and have so much fun doing it. Getting into the more real life version how all that would not be the best idea if you want the story to be fun. I have one I'll be posting later this year, and I do get into the characters motivation and first time and let's just say if the person you said was complaining over you not giving a background, I'd deliver some careful what you wish for.

Sometimes less is more and imagination is a good thing.

Without trying to derail the thread entirely, I fully acknowledge in the Afterwards of the story that there are of course darker aspects to the sex work industry.

But I also stated I see nothing inherently wrong with the trading of sexual services for money, and see no shame in those who choose to work in the sex industry, or those who choose to employ their services. And that that was the goal of this story. Not glorifying it, but not stigmatizing it either.

 

[StillStunned]

Certainly one of the very best I have read here.

Thank you! Your opinion puts you in good company, based on this thread.

Now I'm going to have to one bomb you.

Yup, you'll be in good company as well.

 

[Djmac1031]

Thank you! Your opinion puts you in good company, based on this thread.

Yup, you'll be in good company as well.

 

[StillStunned]

I don't think they've done any of mine? I think... don't you have to request it or something?

Yes. They have an ongoing thread in Story Feedback. When I was still a fresh-faced poster, I asked for a review of my oldest story here.

 

[lovecraft68]

I don't think they've done any of mine? I think... don't you have to request it or something?

You have to ask.

Maybe someday before I call it quits here I'll give them one. AMD will need a cigarette afterwards and not from the story, but the excitement of shredding me.

 

[lovecraft68]

View attachment 2542893
This discussion is hilarious, I’m glad I asked.

Aww, that's so nice of you!

I've been meme'd my life is complete.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

His issue with mine (among several) was that I didn't write an entire history/ backstory for my sex worker character describing exactly how she got into the business and the societal difficulties that drove her to it.

My story was a short & sweet encounter between a recently divorced man and a friendly and talented sex worker who helped him get a little self confidence back.

Commentarista wanted an additional 7.5K words ( I kid you not, they literally suggested this) to 'give the story a shot at developing.'

He reviewed one of my stories and we DMed back and forth a bit and he reviewed another one at my request.
He has a perspective that can definitely get lost in the weeds on various issues, but at the same time I haven't seen him being nasty towards anyone. He's genuinely trying to provide constructive feedback, and I give him credit for that.

 

[Djmac1031]

He's genuinely trying to provide constructive feedback, and I give him credit for that.

That i never have a problem with.

Like I said the only thing I truly found frustrating with his novella of a comment was the suggestion that MY story would have been better only if id written a completely different story using his suggested guidelines.

If he wants that kind of story, cool. He should go write it.

 

[Voboy]

If he wants that kind of story, cool. He should go write it.

This. And I told him as much, in reply to his comment to me. He came back and re-commented, but didn't address my suggestion.

 

[Djmac1031]

This. And I told him as much, in reply to his comment to me. He came back and re-commented, but didn't address my suggestion.

in retrospect, I kinda wish I'd reached out to him and given him full permission to write 8k words or more on Barbie's traumatic backstory on how she became a sex worker at a small town Adult Book Store.

I'm sure it could be a good story. Just wasn't the one I wanted to write.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

That i never have a problem with.

Like I said the only thing I truly found frustrating with his novella of a comment was the suggestion that MY story would have been better only if id written a completely different story using his suggested guidelines.

If he wants that kind of story, cool. He should go write it.

The feedback he gave me was helpful. He gave a lot of detail about how he interpreted the characters. I think one of the challenges as a writer is that we know exactly who our characters are, now we have to pass that on to the audience. Sometimes things get lost in translation, and having someone say, "this is the impressionI got" provides an opportunity to examine our choices and consider why they got that impression instead of what we were trying to convey.

He also made a useful comment on another story about my FMC doing something that was unsafe.
Now, several chapters later you learn she was in no danger whatsoever, but it was a valid observation from what the reader knew at the time.
That said, it has made me examine some of those issues and how to "sell it", why would she do this if she wasn't protected by plot armor?

 

[Voboy]

in retrospect, I kinda wish I'd reached out to him and given him full permission to write 8k words or more on Barbie's traumatic backstory on how she became a sex worker at a small town Adult Book Store.

I'm sure it could be a good story. Just wasn't the one I wanted to write.

He'd have refused. Because if you can't do it in 7.5k words, there's something wrong with you.

 

[Djmac1031]

The feedback he gave me was helpful. He gave a lot of detail about how he interpreted the characters. I think one of the challenges as a writer is that we know exactly who our characters are, now we have to pass that on to the audience. Sometimes things get lost in translation, and having someone say, "this is the impressionI got" provides an opportunity to examine our choices and consider why they got that impression instead of what we were trying to convey.

He also made a useful comment on another story about my FMC doing something that was unsafe.
Now, several chapters later you learn she was in no danger whatsoever, but it was a valid observation from what the reader knew at the time.
That said, it has made me examine some of those issues and how to "sell it", why would she do this if she wasn't protected by plot armor?

Constructive criticism from readers can of course be helpful.

Going back to Stacnash, their 3 star review of my story did have some criticism about my sterile and clinical use of language in some spots that I took to heart and have strived to improve on.

Its one thing to offer criticism, another to try and rewrite it.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

Constructive criticism from readers can of course be helpful.

Going back to Stacnash, their 3 star review of my story did have some criticism about my sterile and clinical use of language in some spots that I took to heart and have strived to improve on.

Its one thing to offer criticism, another to try and rewrite it.

Well Stac's review of my story was pretty worthless. Just one long personal attack.