What’s your most controversial opinion?

[easyoff]

It's only kinky once, after that it becomes normal.

 

[bobb_sledd]

Most people just don't understand sarcasm.

 

[AtramentousRex]

We forgive the narcicist because it hurts too much to accept that they just never loved us in the first place. It's hard to understand how anyone could lie like that.

 

[cactusjack0584]

Fried chicken shouldn’t be as good as it is… it’s not fair… you want to eat a whole bucket but it’s so bad for you!

 

[JustAnotherFlower]

A1 is delicious on steak.
Ketchup can go on a hot dog.
Ice cream can have hot peppers in it.

 

[FreckledSprite]

Why aren’t the spouses who withhold intimacy (including intellectual/emotional not just physical/sexual) told to divorce, before they get to the point they treat the person they said they’d love, like nothing more than a paycheck and domestic labor? The way cheaters are told they should’ve gotten divorced before fulfilling their needs elsewhere?

 

[FreckledSprite]

We forgive the narcicist because it hurts too much to accept that they just never loved us in the first place. It's hard to understand how anyone could lie like that.

I just got out of a relationship with someone I’m not sure experiences empathy. I could see him cognitively display normal social responses but you can tell it was just a learned reaction.

He had the same need for connection and love, but lacked the capacity to see how others have feelings that can be hurt too. He only considered his.

 

[RjThoughts]

Screaming at your job interviewer that you want someone who's not a DEI hire is no way to endear yourself with the company where you want to work!

 

[AtramentousRex]

I just got out of a relationship with someone I’m not sure experiences empathy. I could see him cognitively display normal social responses but you can tell it was just a learned reaction.

He had the same need for connection and love, but lacked the capacity to see how others have feelings that can be hurt too. He only considered his.

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you went through that. I've been fooled twice in my life and have come to think that the one who raised me left some kind of marker that draws them.

 

[FreckledSprite]

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you went through that. I've been fooled twice in my life and have come to think that the one who raised me left some kind of marker that draws them.

Do you know your MBTI type? I think mine is that + a few other factors. Attachment theory?

 

[AtramentousRex]

Do you know your MBTI type? I think mine is that + a few other factors. Attachment theory?

I'm not sure. I largely figure things out on my own and then later find out I reinvented the wheel. My mother was a histrionic, narcissistic, psychopath who left me simultaneously craving love but certain I was unworthy because I'm deficient.

Also, never meant to take over the thread, sorry.

 

[FreckledSprite]

I'm not sure. I largely figure things out on my own and then later find out I reinvented the wheel. My mother was a histrionic, narcissistic, psychopath who left me simultaneously craving love but certain I was unworthy because I'm deficient.

Also, never meant to take over the thread, sorry.

Eh, they can blame me for hijacking the thread.

My takeaway is it’s a miracle YOU didn’t turn into the narcissist. The person I mentioned above had a narcissistic mother (we trauma bonded over this shared connection). It made him Avoidant and unable to recognize love or express it in healthy ways. He cyberstalked me to know how to better manipulate, lashed out in jealousy when there for shit he invented, etc.

On that type of mother creates people pleasers, where I fall. Maybe you do as well? Narcissists love those.

I don’t use that term lightly. I know not everyone’s Ex is a narcissist.

 

[AtramentousRex]

Eh, they can blame me for hijacking the thread.

My takeaway is it’s a miracle YOU didn’t turn into the narcissist. The person I mentioned above had a narcissistic mother (we trauma bonded over this shared connection). It made him Avoidant and unable to recognize love or express it in healthy ways. He cyberstalked me to know how to better manipulate, lashed out in jealousy when there for shit he invented, etc.

On that type of mother creates people pleasers, where I fall. Maybe you do as well? Narcissists love those.

I don’t use that term lightly. I know not everyone’s Ex is a narcissist.

I don't know if I was ever a people pleaser. I think I tried hard, but always felt like I was doomed to fall short. There is also a part of me that has always resisted, rebelled. Nobody likes that part.

I've been on a personal journey lately. Everything has changed so fast. A month ago I woke up with Bells Palsey. Then I rapidly lost my job and my place to live, drive 1k miles only to have a cardiac event and tomorrow morning will have a triple bypass. It's like the universe got tired of waiting for me to learn. But I think I'm learning now.

I hope you're way smarter than me and far less stubborn. The lessons will be gentler.

 

[TwystedDzyre]

I don't know if I was ever a people pleaser. I think I tried hard, but always felt like I was doomed to fall short. There is also a part of me that has always resisted, rebelled. Nobody likes that part.

I've been on a personal journey lately. Everything has changed so fast. A month ago I woke up with Bells Palsey. Then I rapidly lost my job and my place to live, drive 1k miles only to have a cardiac event and tomorrow morning will have a triple bypass. It's like the universe got tired of waiting for me to learn. But I think I'm learning now.

I hope you're way smarter than me and far less stubborn. The lessons will be gentler.

My heart and hugs for you!

First of all, sending blessings, wishes and lots of love for the soonest return to the most healthiest life for you. My warmest wishes for your surgery tomorrow.

I can relate to you, friend: On January 20th of this year, just two days before I was planning gall bladder-removal surgery for my wife, I had the most violent fall in my own house's bathroom.

I suffered triple and total fracture of my right humerus bone -- severing it in three pieces. The traumatic fall also led to Radial Nerve Palsy (a wrist drop condition, where the wrist extension, fingers extension, and thumb extension become motionless/paralyzed); it hasn't improved at all since then. It is my dominant hand, so life has come to a sudden, shocking standstill.

It's just me and my wife--so her life and time is going towards my care, which is delaying her own surgery.

I have been a Male Breast Cancer survivor since past 5 years. My oncologist, looking at my severe fracture, suspected if I suffered the fracture due to an underlying pathology. What if, prior to the fracture, my bones had weakened severely due to early or developing bone cancer? The oncologist thought.

So, she preponed my yearly PET-CT scan from every June to March this year.

I underwent the test on March 10, 2025. The report came and read: "...bilateral subpleural lung nodules; "...suspicious of metastasis."

An indeterminate diagnosis -- hinting or suspecting a possible early/developing likelihood of lung cancer (in both lungs).

I asked my oncologist what would be its Stage, if it does get confirmed as a metastasis. The oncologist replied, "Stage 4. A breast cancer recurrence in the lungs is always Stage 4."

My wife and I were about to plan a child this year; we married into our late 30s.

The lung nodules cannot be definitively confirmed until they grow bigger, from current size of 5 mm to at least 8-9 mm; only then a biopsy or a scan can confirm beyond doubt.

So, I am staring at a window of 3-6 months before the next scan can come to a conclusion.

My wife and I have been riding ebbs and flows of grief since the PET-CT scan report came. I am trying to complete all my passion projects in creative writing--which is my profession, my career, my calling ever since my late 20s. I have also begun planning To-Dos -- so that my wife is taken care of entirely after me.

Through many examples all lifelong in health, career, and relationships, I have been repeatedly reminded of one lesson by life: that it can change entirely in a matter of an instant! And we cannot do a thing about this aspect of life.

-- Again, my deepest wishes and blessings to you.

 

[Strixaluco]

Why aren’t the spouses who withhold intimacy (including intellectual/emotional not just physical/sexual) told to divorce, before they get to the point they treat the person they said they’d love, like nothing more than a paycheck and domestic labor? The way cheaters are told they should’ve gotten divorced before fulfilling their needs elsewhere?

I bet they were told exactly that - if they told their friends they do so.

 

[Strixaluco]

who left me simultaneously craving love but certain I was unworthy because I'm deficient.

Well that is the "marker". Because it affects how you behave, even whom you choose. It is incredibly easy to repeat the experience, to choose partners who confirm you're not worthy - you accept that, starting from little things, because you don't feel like worthy.

One who feels worthy feels uncomfortable with those people, starting from little things we don't even recognise as signs yet, thus rejecting them.

 

[Strixaluco]

There are several businesses, even hobbies, which should be starved out as they are simply environmentally irresponsible to their core.

 

[FreckledSprite]

I bet they were told exactly that - if they told their friends they do so.

I doubt it.

First the withholding spouse would have to be aware that they’re neglecting their spouses needs/wants.

Then willing to openly say they’re doing so for whatever reason: exhaustion, stress being common. But other times to punish a spouse they’re mad at. Mad for over a decade?! Denying sex for over a decade…

And the friend would have to be willing to correct that bullshit. I’m that friend. I’m not sure many more are.

What I see play out instead is the pile on after any amount of cheating is involved and the spouse who denies intimacy milking the sympathy.

 

[FreckledSprite]

There are several businesses, even hobbies, which should be starved out as they are simply environmentally irresponsible to their core.

I’m currently reading a Cli-Fi and the premise is What can be done to address climate change as catastrophic events happen and are projected to continue due to warming? It really digs into the Environmentalism, Economics and Politics involved.

Consumers, businesses, world banks and governments all largely take the attitude Après moi, de déluge [After me, the flood] when it comes to giving up what they want for the good of the planet. A handful of people joined the 2,000 Watt Society (Americans use 15x that in a day), and it can be done, but most rejected making changes to their own lives in favor of pointing fingers at everyone else.

 

[Strixaluco]

I doubt it.

First the withholding spouse would have to be aware that they’re neglecting their spouses needs/wants.

Then willing to openly say they’re doing so for whatever reason: exhaustion, stress being common. But other times to punish a spouse they’re mad at. Mad for over a decade?! Denying sex for over a decade…

And the friend would have to be willing to correct that bullshit. I’m that friend. I’m not sure many more are.

What I see play out instead is the pile on after any amount of cheating is involved and the spouse who denies intimacy milking the sympathy.

Why it does happen is mostly the withholding spouses not talking to their friends how they are withholding. Much less than people admitting to their friends - or over here - how they are cheating.

I believe friends are just as willing to correct the bullshit as in the case of cheating. They just seldom hear it as plainly in the case of withholding.

If it even is a plain case. It might be a case of unrecognised asexuality. Or the sex only ever being one-sided enjoyable in that relationship. But those being denied sex never admit or even recognise if there has in fact been a lack of safe space to discuss these issues, or even outright disregard for what the spouse might want or need.

 

[FreckledSprite]

But those being denied sex never admit or even recognise if there has in fact been a lack of safe space to discuss these issues, or even outright disregard for what the spouse might want or need.

This is simply untrue. If you have Reddit, you should visit the Dead Bedrooms subreddit.

So many neglected spouses have broached the subject, ad nauseam, desperate for a solution. Willing to do anything to please their partner. Just to get blown off again and again.

The withholding partner is getting exactly what they’re after. Financial stability, all a married status affords them, someone to split the household chores. There’s no motivation for them to meet their partners needs.

There are plenty of cases where the withholding spouse is dangling sex like a carrot on a stick to demand more from their neglected spouse.

 

[subdudeme13]

This is simply untrue. If you have Reddit, you should visit the Dead Bedrooms subreddit.

So many neglected spouses have broached the subject, ad nauseam, desperate for a solution. Willing to do anything to please their partner. Just to get blown off again and again.

The withholding partner is getting exactly what they’re after. Financial stability, all a married status affords them, someone to split the household chores. There’s no motivation for them to meet their partners needs.

There are plenty of cases where the withholding spouse is dangling sex like a carrot on a stick to demand more from their neglected spouse.

Does the withholding spouse have Freckles? (Asking for a friend!)

 

[FreckledSprite]

Does the withholding spouse have Freckles? (Asking for a friend!)

Do you lack the ability to read the room?

 

[subdudeme13]

Ya think?

 

[Strixaluco]

This is simply untrue. If you have Reddit, you should visit the Dead Bedrooms subreddit.

So many neglected spouses have broached the subject, ad nauseam, desperate for a solution. Willing to do anything to please their partner. Just to get blown off again and again.

The withholding partner is getting exactly what they’re after. Financial stability, all a married status affords them, someone to split the household chores. There’s no motivation for them to meet their partners needs.

There are plenty of cases where the withholding spouse is dangling sex like a carrot on a stick to demand more from their neglected spouse.

Oh I know many of the neclected spouses are definitely not at fault. And I recommend them to leave just as much as their neglecting spouse.

I also know that not all are as innocent as they claim. You only hear their side of the story, remember. They may exaggerate how much they actually do (some say they do half the chores when it's actually 15% etc), or neglect telling that they, in fact, get all defensive when their spouse actually tries to discuss it, which has eventually led to not even trying anymore, because the "neglected" spouse is willing to hear anything but what is actually the root of all things.

And no, I absolutely don't have reddit, I stay away from there.