Sex & Shenanigans

This morning, in a decidedly more PG-rated chat group I'm in, the subject of knots came up. A friend who'd once been an Eagle Scout said that his favorite knot is the Tucker Hitch. Which, to me, sounds like either a male stripper name, or a Republican trust fund baby name. And now I've got a mental image of a blond-haired, blue-eyed Yalie whipping off a pair of Brooks Brothers tear-away pants.

If I have to have this nightmare I'm bringing you all with me.
"Oh, Tucker Hitch! Met him for cocktails out in the Hamptons. One of the Sagaponack Hitches. Nice enough lad, but no head for business."

I am so using that name for a third-generation company nepo-VP in a story...
 
I haven't heard this in forever!

But is it that you don't believe in love? Or that you aren't currently in love?
It's Valentine's Day (which I already hate for different reasons -- it is a scam by de Beers, Big Flora, Hallmark, expensive restaurants, and Big Candy. Romance is a daily thing, not a once a year thing. But I digress...), so I am into extremes.

Whether I am currently in love or not does not affect whether I believe in it.

(And I thought you would like a little Queensrÿche with your morning beverage of choice.)
 
It's Valentine's Day (which I already hate for different reasons -- it is a scam by de Beers, Big Flora, Hallmark, expensive restaurants, and Big Candy. Romance is a daily thing, not a once a year thing. But I digress...), so I am into extremes.

Whether I am currently in love or not does not affect whether I believe in it.

(And I thought you would like a little Queensrÿche with your morning beverage of choice.)
We should get back to the original roots of Lupercalia
 
Can your friend tell my friend?

I’ve never had either!
You both should take me on dates and I can be the judge
Okay imagine this. You get off your plane and I pull up in my sexy mom van with all room for all your luggage and all the holders you'd want for any drinks you have. If you're starving, there's probably goldfish somewhere.

We drive 5 minutes to the nearest In n Out and we order a cheeseburger, or a double double if you're hungry, animal style. We share some extra crispy fries. I'll even spend the $3 to get you a shake cause this meal is going to be under $15 even with the upgrade.

The food comes hot and the lettuce crispy like always. The line moves faster than you imagine a fast food line could move thanks to the limited menu and the guy on foot taking orders in line. We get cardboard trays so we can eat easily in the car. We get the little paper hats to wear because we are adorable. I even remember to ask for the special In n Out peppers on the side for you in case you like it spicy.

We park and take our food to the grassy area nearby. I lay out a picnic blanket so you're comfortable and the grass won't get you wet (that's my job, grass). We watch the planes take off and land as we eat the most affordable and consistently good and convenient fast food burger there is.

Can Bry's Culver date beat this? I think not.
 
Okay imagine this. You get off your plane and I pull up in my sexy mom van with all room for all your luggage and all the holders you'd want for any drinks you have. If you're starving, there's probably goldfish somewhere.

We drive 5 minutes to the nearest In n Out and we order a cheeseburger, or a double double if you're hungry, animal style. We share some extra crispy fries. I'll even spend the $3 to get you a shake cause this meal is going to be under $15 even with the upgrade.

The food comes hot and the lettuce crispy like always. The line moves faster than you imagine a fast food line could move thanks to the limited menu and the guy on foot taking orders in line. We get cardboard trays so we can eat easily in the car. We get the little paper hats to wear because we are adorable. I even remember to ask for the special In n Out peppers on the side for you in case you like it spicy.

We park and take our food to the grassy area nearby. I lay out a picnic blanket so you're comfortable and the grass won't get you wet (that's my job, grass). We watch the planes take off and land as we eat the most affordable and consistently good and convenient fast food burger there is.

Can Bry's Culver date beat this? I think not.
I think In 'n Out is cultish and overrated, but that description?

 
I think In 'n Out is cultish and overrated, but that description?

I think people misunderstand In n Out. It's not supposed to be the best burger you've ever had. It doesn't even have a fried egg or avocado on it. It's just a great burger that is always consistently great, fast, and convenient.
 
Last edited:
Back
Top