What do all of you in sexless marriages do for sex?

[Drinkmein]

I think a lot of us end up here looking for connection so that we’re not just mindlessly masturbating alone every time.

 

[amigayorbi]

Ditto

 

[Utmale48]

I think a lot of us end up here looking for connection so that we’re not just mindlessly masturbating alone every time.

True story.

 

[Bigboobbabe]

I was the cause of our sexless marriage for years. I had a medical problem that would sometimes be manageable, but mostly not.
I had multiple surgeries and medications for years. Then I had emotional problems related to the mental abuse and degrading I took for it.
The final surgery and a great gyn specialist turned me around.
As fate would have it, my husband started to have sexual difficulties that "weren't me" problems.
I misread him, thinking he was having an affair, and I cheated.
Turned out, he is now a she, and is totally asexual.
I am single and living my best sex life.

In the early transition days, (34 yrs married), I suggested remaining roommates for the social aspect and combined finances, etc.
I proposed an open relationship, ENM or polyamorous.

I think ENM should be normalized more. I had a great relationship for 3 years with a guy in a sexless marriage (13 yrs since last sex).
We met when we could. His family always came first. If he was with me, I always came first. LOL

We didn't need each other financially, socially, or any other way married partners do. He had a great family dynamic with his kids and wife.

ENM can be a great solution.

 

[EvaLane]

Sorry but what is ENM?

Ethical Non Monogamy

 

[EvaLane]

My relationship isn’t sexless, but it feels mindless. Our bodies connect but there’s never been that current of mutual understanding. Whereas his needs and desires seem very superficial (ass, ass, ass) mine seem too complex (read my mind, read my mind, read my mind).

I’m sure that’s a bit triggering to any men in a sexless relationship where their partner doesn’t communicate - that’s not the situation here. I’ve given him all the information needed and more - I have years of journaling and other means of expression that he glanced at and basically ignored.

At a certain point I had to accept that he is who he is and I’d never get what I was searching for in him.

So… I’m here, searching for more than a physical release but less than a romantic bond. It’s difficult and really is asking for too much in most cases leading to an eternal suffering

 

[Bigboobbabe]

Sorry but what is ENM?

Ethical non-monogamy.
Like cheating, but all parties and their partners approve.

 

[Bigboobbabe]

Thank you. Learnt something new today although it's a complete non starter for me. Good for those who make it work!

I can respect that. It would have been a non-starter for me, too.

Until my ex deliberately took medication that rendered him unable to get an erection. And his penis shrunk.

 

[Boat1]

Ethical Non Monogamy

Thank you

 

[xrockx1]

I'm male, Sexless relationships led me to sucking more cocks.

 

[Bigboobbabe]

I am more open to it but she isn't . She is free to look elsewhere too, I am secure enough, but she won't and I respect that. To me, sex is a gift to humanity that needs to be enjoyed responsibly.
But about what you said - deliberately took medication? That's mind boggling. So sorry to hear!

Transgender. After 35 years of marriage.
Assumed I would be OK with it since I supported the wearing of women's clothes when in private.

There is a huge difference between silicone breast shapes in a bra than 38DD implants and lack of body and facial hair.

 

[Naughtyboy1974]

Many have all already posted that they have sexless marriages ( and I do sincerely hate that anyone has to go through this) so no need to recant it all, what I want to know is what do all of you do for sex?​

​

Reading the stories on here then lots of masturbating. The trouble is fantasise all the time, very frustrating

 

[PMarky2]

Reading the stories on here then lots of masturbating. The trouble is fantasise all the time, very frustrating

When the wife was healthy we would fuck like mink twice a week, and I would not think about it (much) in-between. Now I cannot scratch the itch, as it were, sex is a permanent distraction. I have one girl I would love to have lots of gentle tender sex with and get her pregnant. I'd like to give her Mum one up the arse because she looks like she needs it. I would not mind bending the Spanish teacher at work over her desk... Etc!

 

[hulmule]

Just get on lit and try to find some relief. Waiting for the time to have the house to myself to try and enjoy it

 

[Britva415]

Ethical non-monogamy.
Like cheating, but all parties and their partners approve.

Which, it has to be said, makes it not-cheating.

 

[Bigboobbabe]

Which, it has to be said, makes it not-cheating.

Exactly. All parties agree. That's why it's ethical.

 

[sarod]

like everyone else, self gratification. Maybe I'm just lazy, I just feel cheating causes more problems than justifying myself getting my rocks off with a fling, because of children, grandkids, buying a house as a married couple, the headaches of what occurs in divorces, probably mostly of hurting my kids is the biggest reason I don't cheat, so I use my sexual deviance of viewing porn online. Fantasies are all I have, nothing ever physical

 

[sammyIammy]

My relationship isn’t sexless, but it feels mindless. Our bodies connect but there’s never been that current of mutual understanding. Whereas his needs and desires seem very superficial (ass, ass, ass) mine seem too complex (read my mind, read my mind, read my mind).

I’m sure that’s a bit triggering to any men in a sexless relationship where their partner doesn’t communicate - that’s not the situation here. I’ve given him all the information needed and more - I have years of journaling and other means of expression that he glanced at and basically ignored.

At a certain point I had to accept that he is who he is and I’d never get what I was searching for in him.

So… I’m here, searching for more than a physical release but less than a romantic bond. It’s difficult and really is asking for too much in most cases leading to an eternal suffering

This is great. Not great but…well put. I hear you. Loud and clear. What is that between orgasm and romance? I think it’s finding a connection. On a deeper level. Nothing too deep, just not feeling like your wants can only be retuned as favors or require more than someone wants to put forth.

 

[Firedog78]

I think what @EvaLane said makes a lot of sense. I don't come here to find a new love, but someone I can connect with and we can get a mutual release from. I has to be a mutual thing though but neither of us can expect to get overly attached. It's a thin line.

 

[LookN2Talk]

My relationship isn’t sexless, but it feels mindless. Our bodies connect but there’s never been that current of mutual understanding. Whereas his needs and desires seem very superficial (ass, ass, ass) mine seem too complex (read my mind, read my mind, read my mind).

I’m sure that’s a bit triggering to any men in a sexless relationship where their partner doesn’t communicate - that’s not the situation here. I’ve given him all the information needed and more - I have years of journaling and other means of expression that he glanced at and basically ignored.

At a certain point I had to accept that he is who he is and I’d never get what I was searching for in him.

So… I’m here, searching for more than a physical release but less than a romantic bond. It’s difficult and really is asking for too much in most cases leading to an eternal suffering

I think what @EvaLane said makes a lot of sense. I don't come here to find a new love, but someone I can connect with and we can get a mutual release from. I has to be a mutual thing though but neither of us can expect to get overly attached. It's a thin line.

I agree. It is all about making that connection. Sharing a connection. Well said.

 

[Fufumberuk]

My relationship isn’t sexless, but it feels mindless. Our bodies connect but there’s never been that current of mutual understanding. Whereas his needs and desires seem very superficial (ass, ass, ass) mine seem too complex (read my mind, read my mind, read my mind).

I’m sure that’s a bit triggering to any men in a sexless relationship where their partner doesn’t communicate - that’s not the situation here. I’ve given him all the information needed and more - I have years of journaling and other means of expression that he glanced at and basically ignored.

At a certain point I had to accept that he is who he is and I’d never get what I was searching for in him.

So… I’m here, searching for more than a physical release but less than a romantic bond. It’s difficult and really is asking for too much in most cases leading to an eternal suffering

It's a cruel twist with human nature and relationships. I think we are hard wired animals looking for new partners. It's only society that restricts our biology. Maybe not everyone?

 

[Madxgirl]

Honestly, we haven't had sex in 9 years. I lust after her daily. Lit and porn are substitutes but all I do is put us in those fantasy situations and it honestly makes the longing worse.
I would like it if a she would talk to someone to either get perspective or be told the gods honest truth about how this is going to end. Either from a professional or a woman who knows and wants to help.
Women are oblivious or dismissive of how men bond. It's different than women and good loving men bend over backwards to accommodate a woman's relationship desires. Women towards men, not so much.

Nine years… that’s a long time to live in longing. But have you ever considered that maybe desire isn’t just about who—but about how?
You speak like a man with fire still in him, yet you let it burn only in your thoughts. Maybe the real question isn’t whether she will ever see it, but whether you’ll ever let it be seen.

Perspective is a funny thing—sometimes it takes the right conversation to change everything. But then again… some mysteries are best unraveled slowly, don’t you think?

 

[Jseven82B]

I have always hoped to find a woman who was also in a happy and sexless marriage. Kinda thought we could connect and help each other out with an honest understanding of what the other needed. So far no such luck.

 

[Erosfan]

Masturbation works pretty well for those dry periods.

 

[Dudeqwe]

Sexless but not loveless. Continuing to work for the better. Slow but steady.