What do all of you in sexless marriages do for sex? What alternatives?

[Ynotnow69]

Like so many have already said, it is depressing and sad and lonely at times. My spouse and I are best friends, have a great life together, except for any form of intimacy. She told me many years ago ( over 10 ) that she just had no interest in sex and no libido. So at first you think it is you. What have I done to make her lose interest in ME? But after a few years of deep conversations I realized it is not me ( as she told me over and over again) . So the next few years it is deep conversations about how I need intimacy, I have not lost my libido. And she eventually said "Well, you will need to find that elsewhere". Not believing her at first I continued the deep conversations until she convinced me that is was okay for me to find sex, intimacy, get my rocks off, somewhere else. She trusted me to be safe but she didn't want to know about it or have it flaunted in her face. Great , Now I have the ultimate hall pass but it is not that easy for me. I want intimacy, not wham bam thank you ma'am. So it is a struggle. How do your find a connection about sex but not replace the 30 + year marriage connection. Especially today when everyone is skeptical about everyone's motives. Reading stories here helped at first, writing stories helped even more. but as many have commented it is a lot of masturbation and no physical connection. As Jseven posted above, where are all the woman who have the same issue with their spouse and how do we get together to help each other out.

 

[Ynotnow69]

I think a lot of us end up here looking for connection so that we’re not just mindlessly masturbating alone every time.

yes exactly true

 

[Ynotnow69]

Ethical Non Monogamy

That is a great definition. I want more of a connection but not a new spouse. Hard to slide into that sweet spot ( pun intended) of connection with honesty and good communication.

 

[Octavian]

Masturbation works fine for me. But then I am not far short of 80.

 

[Britva415]

desire isn’t just about who—but about how

Absolutely. My wife does have some limited amount of willingness to do a limited set of sex acts, but the fact that she only wants to do it “for me” and isn’t into it, herself, completely ruins it.

So we don’t do any of it anymore. I get it elsewhere, with her consent.

 

[Britva415]

Maybe the real question isn’t whether she will ever see it, but whether you’ll ever let it be seen.

One gets to a point where one knows perfectly well what the result of showing it be it will be, and just doesn’t want to subject oneself to it anymore.

It’s not a substitute for talking out loud about “what is it supposed to mean that we don’t have sex anymore and probably won’t again,” but it beats refusing to pick up what the other partner is clearly putting down.

Another conversation is “what does it mean that one or the other or both of us have just absolutely given up on this.” Many people are afraid to have that conversation, but it doesn’t mean that giving up on sex with that (unwilling) partner was a mistake.

For a lot of people in this situation, it’s the absolute best thing one can do. No progress can happen until denial ceases.

Does “progress” have to mean splitting up? Not necessarily, but you can’t find out what’s possible until you recognize and become willing to talk out loud about what’s obviously not possible.

 

[ned63]

well my hand and cock know the most intimate feelings between them. That all the sex I get

 

[skitzoid]

Like so many here in this subject, sex is a memory. Oh, I do get a BJ once in a while. (maybe every 3 months ) The physical act of sex I do miss but the romance is mostly missed. Never thought that would be a problem, now big problem. Where did all the hugging and little random kissing and grab ass gestures go ? Yea, we aree old , ( me 74,, her 64 ) but that is not an excuse. The loving feeling is gone and that's the most hurtful. Discussions have not helped. Masturbating helps but not the same. We've been together for 25 yrs. and the first 12 to 14 was fine. I don't know what happened but would like to fix it.

 

[HampshireBoy]

Absolutely. My wife does have some limited amount of willingness to do a limited set of sex acts, but the fact that she only wants to do it “for me” and isn’t into it, herself, completely ruins it.

I know exactly what you mean, on the very rare occasions where my wife suggests or agrees to sex I know she is only consenting because she knows I want to not because she does. I therefore don't get as much enjoyment from it as I should.

 

[Fufumberuk]

I think a lot of us are all in the same boat. The French have got it right, one would appear. Mistresses are in order

 

[Dearelliot]

And pussy is much less expensive in countries where it's legal. $300 an hour, more than most doctors make

 

[hulmule]

I think a lot of us end up here looking for connection so that we’re not just mindlessly masturbating alone every time.

It's sad that we have to come here to get that verses from our partners. Tried to discuss again with my sexless marriage wife about I understand she has no desire understand painful intercourse due to menopause but I still have my needs finally she said just go take care of them and ended the conversation. Not sure where that leaves me

 

[ParkerSteve66]

When she first stopped having sex, I went to massage parlors for a happy ending. That led to hookers/escorts for, at first just blow jobs. Then, full on sex including pussy eating and fucking. And finally, ALSO enjoying cocksucking.

 

[Ynotnow69]

Below is a poem I wrote that sums up my feelings after my wife announced she was giving up all intimacy and after many years of detailed discussion proved to me she was very serious.

https://www.literotica.com/my/#/works/poems/published?page=1

 

[BoredIndianaDad40]

Find other women to fuck

 

[Ynotnow69]

Find other women to fuck

working on it, but it is not as easy as it sounds.

 

[BoredIndianaDad40]

working on it, but it is not as easy as it sounds.

True but when you do take advantage of it

 

[curl4ever]

Below is a poem I wrote that sums up my feelings after my wife announced she was giving up all intimacy and after many years of detailed discussion proved to me she was very serious.

https://www.literotica.com/my/#/works/poems/published?page=1

Very evocative! Very appropriate for this thread!

Here is a direct link for anyone interested…

https://www.literotica.com/p/i-miss-your-touch-1

 

[ParkerSteve66]

working on it, but it is not as easy as it sounds.

No it is not. Luckily I did find a woman for about 10 years that just wanted to fuck, suck and be eaten.

 

[Ynotnow69]

No it is not. Luckily I did find a woman for about 10 years that just wanted to fuck, suck and be eaten.

That is so lucky. I did have a 6 month encounter with a hot wife a number of years ago. Lately it has been very hard ( pun intended) to find anyone interested in mutual help to the sexless issue.

 

[nsa3006]

No it is not. Luckily I did find a woman for about 10 years that just wanted to fuck, suck and be eaten.

Very interested in knowing how to find someone like that

 

[hulmule]

Below is a poem I wrote that sums up my feelings after my wife announced she was giving up all intimacy and after many years of detailed discussion proved to me she was very serious.

https://www.literotica.com/my/#/works/poems/published?page=1

Poem says it all

 

[hulmule]

That is so lucky. I did have a 6 month encounter with a hot wife a number of years ago. Lately it has been very hard ( pun intended) to find anyone interested in mutual help to the sexless issue.

Not easy to find a person to hook up with. Then when you do its been so long one of the partners tend to want more than just sex. You long for the intimacy to go farther

 

[Bisexguy70]

Im staying in a hotel so I posted on Doublelist. Its rare but I had 2 men follow through. The first guy we had mutual oral. We 69 until we came. He had a decent body and I enjoyed groping his ass as I sucked him.
Then I had this dom man who asked if I was a sissy. He came by, i dressed in my naughty slut attire, stuck my new mini vibe in my ass. I had it going when he entered the room. He sat down, I got on my knees and pleased him. The best part was when he flogged my ass as I sucked him off. He was spewing out demeaning verbal names for me as He flogged me. My pussy mouth made him cum quick. So yea, this is what I do for not having sex at home.

 

[TemptationTango]

Very interested in knowing how to find someone like that

Pretty much 50/50...luck and persistence.

I cant speak for all the women on Lit, but a sense of humor and honesty go a long way.