Writing romantic sex scenes

[K155]

For the Karaoke comp I decided to write a tender, romantic little tale centered around a song I love.

I did not expect that writing the sex scenes would be as difficult, I have no problem whatsoever writing filthy, down and dirty sex scenes but trying to make it tender and romantic... HARD!

Anyone else find this? Or any other unexpected noticings?

 

[spankableBelle]

I've been writing sex scenes for 20+ years... And for me, they've not gotten any easier to write.

I've been working on a sex scene for 3 days. I'll finish it today and then move on to the next one.
Sometimes they're awesome and the words flow and just gush out of me... Other times, I avoid them like the plague until I have no choice because the rest of the book is finished, edited, and ready...

 

[AlinaX]

Sometimes the better the story, the harder it is to write the sex, just because it starts to matter.

 

[Altissimus]

I find writing sex scenes easy...

...if I'm into it.

I'm currently writing a story outside of my usual sphere, and I keep putting it off. The sex? Dunno if it's hot or not. Guess the votes will tell me.

 

[MelissaBaby]

For the Karaoke comp I decided to write a tender, romantic little tale centered around a song I love.

I did not expect that writing the sex scenes would be as difficult, I have no problem whatsoever writing filthy, down and dirty sex scenes but trying to make it tender and romantic... HARD!

Anyone else find this? Or any other unexpected noticings?

Emphasize the emotional over the physical.
Engage all senses, not just vision and touch. Sounds and scents matter, too.
Softer language. More euphemistic, but stick to the standards, don't try to be poetic.
Generously use endearments.

If worse comes to worse, a distant thunderstorm always helps...

 

[Djmac1031]

Something I still am working on as well, trust me.

My newest story: 17k words. Barely any sex.

When I finally got to the sex scene, the two main female characters finally hooking up, I wanted it to be special.

I actually wound up cutting the scene short. I have a lot of build up, foreplay etc.

But I realized the scene was more about the one character finally admitting to herself what she wanted, and so I took it to that point and the rest....well, it'd just be another ABC sex scene.

I'll find our if readers hate that approach or not when I finally publish it i suppose.

 

[MrPixel]

I've been doing the "cutaway" thing more often these days. You know, setup the scene in dialog, even down to anticipating certain moves in general, and in a poly situation, who with whom, then break the scene for the reader to extend their own visions of the down and dirty. But sometimes I'll pepper in a little detail, especially when somebody walks in on the action.

It seems to be well received.

 

[K155]

Emphasize the emotional over the physical.
Engage all senses, not just vision and touch. Sounds and scents matter, too.
Softer language. More euphemistic, but stick to the standards, don't try to be poetic.
Generously use endearments.

If worse comes to worse, a distant thunderstorm always helps...

Thanks for this. I've just read back the whole story and I think I'm feeling it a bit more now. Great advice, I'm considering whipping the wind up and cracking some thunder now!

 

[ronde]

Emphasize the emotional over the physical.
Engage all senses, not just vision and touch. Sounds and scents matter, too.
Softer language. More euphemistic, but stick to the standards, don't try to be poetic.
Generously use endearments.

If worse comes to worse, a distant thunderstorm always helps...

I totally agree. Sex that happens in a real-life romance isn't just two people deciding to hop in the sack and start banging away. It takes an understanding of each by the other, an appreciation of their similarities and differences, and the verbal expression by at least one partner that the other partner is the "one". That takes time, and the words exchanged aren't what you'd read in a porn story.

Once they've decided, the sex will be more both experiencing everything about the other rather than the simple physical act. After all, sex is about 90% mental and 10% physical.

 

[K155]

It is done! Thanks for the words of encouragement!

My only concern now is that I have a five thousand word story with one short masturbation scene and one tender sex scene. The sex itself is totally vanilla, man on top, making love till they both orgasm... The thing she says post-love making I feel is such a natural ending, but I don't want readers to feel cheated out of some good down and dirty sex.

 

[KeithD]

Yes, I have more trouble writing a romantic sex scene than a hot-blooded lustful one.

 

[Djmac1031]

It is done! Thanks for the words of encouragement!

My only concern now is that I have a five thousand word story with one short masturbation scene and one tender sex scene. The sex itself is totally vanilla, man on top, making love till they both orgasm... The thing she says post-love making I feel is such a natural ending, but I don't want readers to feel cheated out of some good down and dirty sex.

Here's what I've discovered in my two years writing here.

You can absolutely have it both ways.

Sometimes I write down and dirty.

Sometimes, sweet and romantic.

Sometimes long, detailed scenes.

Sometimes short and sweet.

I've never had a massive complaint either way, or a story "fail" for "not enough sex."

Write what's needed for each individual story.

You'll find an audience for it.

 

[luv2custrip]

For the Karaoke comp I decided to write a tender, romantic little tale centered around a song I love.

I did not expect that writing the sex scenes would be as difficult, I have no problem whatsoever writing filthy, down and dirty sex scenes but trying to make it tender and romantic... HARD!

Anyone else find this? Or any other unexpected noticings?

Someone said I always make hot wet sex scenes seem romantic somehow. My characters use sex as a means to get to know and love each other.

 

[KeithD]

My characters don't approach sex in any one, five, or twelve ways.

 

[StillStunned]

For me, a romantic sex scene involves both (or all, I suppose) characters feeling a sense of connection. They should both be nervous, if it's a big moment. There should be some awkward moments, like getting a foot stuck in a trouser leg, that the characters can share a grin over. That helps to relieve the tension. The characters should be on an equal footing, emotionally and mentally. They should both be happy to be doing it, eager to please the other, simply to give the other the best possible experience.

Essentially, it should be a meeting not just of the bodies, but of the hearts and minds (or spirits or souls, if that how you're inclined).

 

[AchtungNight]

Personally I think I will always be concerned about my romantic stories more than any others. It’s just something I don’t understand much for various reasons- I haven’t had too much of it, my family was into either unspoken but unconditional love or love bombing that was sometimes used for unwelcome expectations and never found an acceptable middle ground that I discerned. My ex wife was also aromantic too, though I always appreciated it when she tried to be romantic with me. I hope my future relationships will be better at it. Don’t ask me about the woman on whom I based my most frequent fantasies- those stories are more fantasy than reality. Yet I still always want the two to meet. And using romance to bridge the gap… I don’t know how to do it despite all my hopes and aspirations.

My Romance stories here are “Compensation”, “Passion” 1, 2 and 5; “Loose Ends” (this one is more breakup than romance but it still counts), the Will Trent story, and “Ruleskirter”. Some others feature it as light elements. I am very interested in getting further feedback on these stories.

 

[Cagivagurl]

It is done! Thanks for the words of encouragement!

My only concern now is that I have a five thousand word story with one short masturbation scene and one tender sex scene. The sex itself is totally vanilla, man on top, making love till they both orgasm... The thing she says post-love making I feel is such a natural ending, but I don't want readers to feel cheated out of some good down and dirty sex.

Nobody is cheated if the story is good. Another sex scene... "Ho hum." I want to read (My opinion only)
Erotica, after reading the 10,000th sex scene.... trust me. I skim them, and move onto the story. The good bits, the emotion, how do they feel, was it fulfilling, how are they coping / dealing with it...
That is the reason we are here. You created characters we ether like or hate...
If you've managed that...
Job done...

Cagivagurl

 

[Djmac1031]

Nobody is cheated if the story is good. Another sex scene... "Ho hum." I want to read (My opinion only)
Erotica, after reading the 10,000th sex scene.... trust me. I skim them, and move onto the story. The good bits, the emotion, how do they feel, was it fulfilling, how are they coping / dealing with it...
That is the reason we are here. You created characters we ether like or hate...
If you've managed that...
Job done...

Cagivagurl

Agreed. If the story is boring, the characters uninteresting caricatures, no amount of hot sex can save it.

 

[yukonnights]

Emphasize the emotional over the physical.
Engage all senses, not just vision and touch. Sounds and scents matter, too.
Softer language. More euphemistic, but stick to the standards, don't try to be poetic.
Generously use endearments.

If worse comes to worse, a distant thunderstorm always helps...

The first sentence from Melissa is the primary one to focus on IMO. I doubt anyone, male or female, is 100% honest and open about everything they are feeling or thinking in a romantic situation. Thus, the trick is; Get into the minds of both characters and spill the beans. The trick that I've found to be very effective and rewarded by the reader is to use the alternating first person P.O.V. (also called; Close P.O.V). There are some nay sayers of the Close P.O.V. but my experience tells me that's nonsense.

It takes a bit of trial and error, and practice to get it right, but well done it's worth the effort to try. Such a story also requires the use of limited characters — two or three at most to start with + a thunderstorm.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Writing romantic sex scenes​

It’s just different.

My most romantic scenes are all probably in A Good Woman. As others have said, it was the build up of feelings, not “and then she poked my pussy with her finger.”

Em

 

[MelissaBaby]

The first sentence from Melissa is the primary one to focus on IMO. I doubt anyone, male or female, is 100% honest and open about everything they are feeling or thinking in a romantic situation. Thus, the trick is; Get into the minds of both characters and spill the beans. The trick that I've found to be very effective and rewarded by the reader is to use the alternating first person P.O.V. (also called; Close P.O.V). There are some nay sayers of the Close P.O.V. but my experience tells me that's nonsense.

It takes a bit of trial and error, and practice to get it right, but well done it's worth the effort to try. Such a story also requires the use of limited characters — two or three at most to start with + a thunderstorm.

Complete agreement. I've been advised by some very fine writers that I should not shift POV's in the middle of a sex scene. I have, respectfully, often ignored that advice. The basis for such a prohibition seems to be that it interrupts the train of masturbatory fantasy. I can see that point in some categories (although, frankly, getting guys to nut strikes me as no great achievement), but not in Romance.

 

[AchtungNight]

Complete agreement. I've been advised by some very fine writers that I should not shift POV's in the middle of a sex scene. I have, respectfully, often ignored that advice. The basis for such a prohibition seems to be that it interrupts the train of masturbatory fantasy. I can see that point in some categories (although, frankly, getting guys to nut strikes me as no great achievement), but not in Romance.

Agreed. You gotta have the couple thinking in sync, switch perspectives sometimes. Makes it more interesting. If the story has primarily been focused on one person’s viewpoint that’s one thing. But Romance isn’t about just one person. Seduction, sure. But romance isn’t just that.

 

[JaxRhapsody]

Complete agreement. I've been advised by some very fine writers that I should not shift POV's in the middle of a sex scene. I have, respectfully, often ignored that advice. The basis for such a prohibition seems to be that it interrupts the train of masturbatory fantasy. I can see that point in some categories (although, frankly, getting guys to nut strikes me as no great achievement), but not in Romance.

I write in 3rd person, so I don't have that issue. I do say what both are feeling, though.

 

[JaxRhapsody]

For the Karaoke comp I decided to write a tender, romantic little tale centered around a song I love.

I did not expect that writing the sex scenes would be as difficult, I have no problem whatsoever writing filthy, down and dirty sex scenes but trying to make it tender and romantic... HARD!

Anyone else find this? Or any other unexpected noticings?

Sex scenes in general can be hard, but I don't have a problem writing romantic passionate sex scenes. Put emotion in it, gotta make'm care about each other, not just lust after each other.

 

[JaxRhapsody]

I've been writing sex scenes for 20+ years... And for me, they've not gotten any easier to write.

I've been working on a sex scene for 3 days. I'll finish it today and then move on to the next one.
Sometimes they're awesome and the words flow and just gush out of me... Other times, I avoid them like the plague until I have no choice because the rest of the book is finished, edited, and ready...

At least I'm not the only one that'll take a day or so to write one...