Are sex scenes harder than sex stories?

[u1u1u1]

I have recently been writing stories with a fairly simple premise: my characters are young, in love, and horny. They don’t need an excuse to have sex, they’re just going to do it.

I find stories where the plot is sex to be very straightforward to write- the flow of scene setting->foreplay->rising action->climax->come down is very natural. It’s also fairly easy to write a brief intermission and then a second, slightly more intense or kinkier sex scene set the next day.

The issue I’m having is organically working sex scenes into actual stories where characters are having life issues. When sex isn’t the focus for the plot, but merely a distraction, it becomes less straightforward to write.

I’m writing a story at the moment where a young couple are staying in a strange city with a mutual friend, with all three knowing that a threesome is very much on the cards. But they keep encountering obstacles and stresses that have so far stopped them from having sex. Now that they’re finally all free at the same time, it feels difficult to justify them having sex - especially the organised kind (a threesome where everyone discusses their boundaries before beginning).

I think I have a narrative solution to this - essentially, separate the discussions from the sex, and have the sex begin more spontaneously at a natural time - but it’s surprising to me that writing a sex scene outside of a purely erotic story is harder than writing a nearly continuous sex scene as an erotic story. Does anyone else feel the same way?

 

[ElectricBlue]

I think I have a narrative solution to this - essentially, separate the discussions from the sex, and have the sex begin more spontaneously at a natural time - but it’s surprising to me that writing a sex scene outside of a purely erotic story is harder than writing a nearly continuous sex scene as an erotic story. Does anyone else feel the same way?

Often. Whenever I find my characters circling around sex but not quite getting there, it means they're not quite ready. So they do something, go somewhere, until they are more intimate. I never force a scene on them, they have sex when they're ready.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

Perhaps part of the problem is the need for a discussion where everyone sits around and talks about it.
It's a lot more natural for something to trigger some amorous activity and things gradually build than scheduling a meeting.

 

[Lifestyle66]

I have recently been writing stories with a fairly simple premise: my characters are young, in love, and horny. They don’t need an excuse to have sex, they’re just going to do it.

I find stories where the plot is sex to be very straightforward to write- the flow of scene setting->foreplay->rising action->climax->come down is very natural. It’s also fairly easy to write a brief intermission and then a second, slightly more intense or kinkier sex scene set the next day.

The issue I’m having is organically working sex scenes into actual stories where characters are having life issues. When sex isn’t the focus for the plot, but merely a distraction, it becomes less straightforward to write.

I’m writing a story at the moment where a young couple are staying in a strange city with a mutual friend, with all three knowing that a threesome is very much on the cards. But they keep encountering obstacles and stresses that have so far stopped them from having sex. Now that they’re finally all free at the same time, it feels difficult to justify them having sex - especially the organised kind (a threesome where everyone discusses their boundaries before beginning).

I think I have a narrative solution to this - essentially, separate the discussions from the sex, and have the sex begin more spontaneously at a natural time - but it’s surprising to me that writing a sex scene outside of a purely erotic story is harder than writing a nearly continuous sex scene as an erotic story. Does anyone else feel the same way?

It might be that you have the story idea in your head, but you haven't yet gotten into the characters' heads to allow the scenes to build.

In my stories, sometimes it's the detailed sex scenes with the characters focusing on the sex. And in others lately, I'm getting into the scene building, with the sex as "oh, here's what it looks like." As I write the stories, I find the pace and focus tend to take over to direct how much effort I put into them. It's what I FEEL like writing. And that might also change as I grow both older or see things in a different light.

If I'm feeling particularly horny, the detailed sex seems to flow easily. But as my personal desires wane, so does the sex in the scene.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I often encourage people to think about sex as a kind of conversation. For an established couple it might just be the physical equivalent of "love you" "love you too". But for something like a threesome between people who haven't been there previously, it's going to be socially and emotionally complicated, no matter how much they've talked it over beforehand, and the way that scene pans out should come as a continuation of the interactions they've already had.

Which is to say: if you start out with the intention of writing a threesome scene and you have very specific ideas about how that scene's going to work, but then you go back and write the interactions that happen before that scene, there's a pretty good chance that those interactions will end up at a point that doesn't mesh very well with the threesome you intended to write. Kind of like, I dunno, cutting the windowpanes for a house before you've built the windowframes they need to fit.

In your case, an alternative to separating the discussion from the threesome scene might be to rethink how the threesome looks, after all the things that have happened previously.

I had something like that happen while writing Anjali's Red Scarf. There's a love/lust triangle there: Sarah and Anjali are sleeping with one another, Lucy finds Anjali attractive and is falling for Sarah, and my intention was that the three of them would get together and end up having a threesome. But by the time I reached the place where the threesome was meant to happen, it didn't feel right. Things that had happened earlier in the evening had left Lucy feeling emotionally vulnerable, and I didn't see her as willing to leap into casual sex with Sarah and Anjali when what she really wanted was a relationship with Sarah. So instead I went with the flow and wrote a scene where she's offered the threesome but chooses instead to just watch and talk to Sarah and Anjali as the two of them get it on.

That was more complex than what I'd intended to write, but also an interesting challenge.

In your case... you talk about it being difficult to "justify" the threesome, but if you have three people who are all interested in the threesome and together in the same room, that's a lot of justification right there. It may not feel like it just flows naturally and spontaneously, but in my experience of such things IRL that's not uncommon; one of the dreadful secrets of both polyamory and just getting older is that spontaneity is hard to achieve.

One option might even be to let your characters acknowledge and address this awkwardness in character, e.g.: "It feels weird to just say this, but I'm really interested in that threesome, and I think you two are too, and god only knows when the stars will next align... how about it? We're all agreed? Uh, this feels awkward, how do we break the ice?"

 

[M_K_Babalon]

Sex scenes can be hard to write. You'll get used to it and get better. Then they get hard to write in a different way, as you start writing the same humanly possible positions a few times.

 

[samhasstories]

This is an interesting problem. Sometimes I do find my characters sort of reluctant to get it going, especially when it comes to initiating their first sexual encounter. Part of that comes from the fact that I generally write about characters that aren't in traditionally sexual relationships - that's part of the appeal for me.

Often what I do in that case is just do it, pull my authorial strings, make the characters charge through their pesky inhibitions and just get to the sex. The result usually feels awkward and forced and needs to be rewritten. But then the second time through goes smoother, or in the process of writing that out a better approach occurs to me. Then I'll go back and give it the proper setup (or try to).

It's sort of like sex in real life - it's much less awkward once you've done it already.

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

I find I have to opposite problem sometimes. For example, one story I'm working on is almost 16K words. I'm about halfway through and I just can't seem to find the right spot to bring sex in. The other stuff that's going on is pretty deep; MC loses his mom, dad blames him, working to reconcile...

It was originally going to be a FS I/T story, but the more I got to know the characters, I just couldn't. besides, that area makes me nervous. I guess that's why it has Taboo in the name.

 

[StillStunned]

Is the problem perhaps that you're caught up in writing about the characters? Kind of like how Robert Jordan liked his characters so much that he wanted to live every moment of their lives without moving the plot forward.

If you set yourself the goal of writing towards the sex scene, then you can gear the characters' interactions towards getting there. If you're just exploring their personalities and relationships organically, you might need to admit to yourself that it's not going to be a sex story but a character study instead.

 

[M_K_Babalon]

There's always a way to get characters to fuck.Just have one say; "fuck it, let's fuck." The dopamines will help them get outta their funk.

 

[StillStunned]

There's always a way to get characters to fuck.Just have one say; "fuck it, let's fuck." The dopamines will help them get outta their funk.

Aren't you supposed to have someone burst in waving a gun? That would work. Particularly if they're doing the Monty Python "Get on with it!" thing.

 

[samhasstories]

Aren't you supposed to have someone burst in waving a gun? That would work. Particularly if they're doing the Monty Python "Get on with it!" thing.

Deus ex... fuckina? No, that one needs work. I'll get back to you.

 

[M_K_Babalon]

Aren't you supposed to have someone burst in waving a gun? That would work. Particularly if they're doing the Monty Python "Get on with it!" thing.

All right you three, drop yer clothes, fuck or die. Suck his piece or mine, take yer pick.

 

[M_K_Babalon]

Deus ex... fuckina? No, that one needs work. I'll get back to you.

Could you consider the gun a mcglockin?

 

[StillStunned]

Could you consider the gun a mcglockin?

It's clearly Fuckoff's Gun.

 

[Euphony]

One relies on reader/author "it's erotica" tropes to do the heavy lifting.

The other you take on doing the work yourself.

Sex as plot is easier b/c everybody agrees (reader/writer) on the trope that of course horney teenagers want sex so much so, they aren't going to check in/negotiate a spectrum of motivations. See ball/get ball. Some authors throw in little bumps but real story structure isn't really addressed. Again, nothing wrong or "lesser" with this. Readers and authors have an implied handshake "this is erotica and it's ok b/c we all agree on a basic context and that meeting expectations"

Sex not as whole plot is a full story. Even your readers who were onboard with your trope/stroke will bristle or drop out b/c the tone you set will also change reader expectations mid-read. You aren't sailing with a tailwind anymore and maybe even in to a headwind.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

One relies on reader/author "it's erotica" tropes to do the heavy lifting.

The other you take on doing the work yourself.

Sex as plot is easier b/c everybody agrees (reader/writer) on the trope that of course horney teenagers want sex so much so, they aren't going to check in/negotiate a spectrum of motivations. See ball/get ball. Some authors throw in little bumps but real story structure isn't really addressed. Again, nothing wrong or "lesser" with this. Readers and authors have an implied handshake "this is erotica and it's ok b/c we all agree on a basic context and that meeting expectations"

Sex not as whole plot is a full story. Even your readers who were onboard with your trope/stroke will bristle or drop out b/c the tone you set will also change reader expectations mid-read. You aren't sailing with a tailwind anymore and maybe even in to a headwind.

This is a good point, and it isn't just limited to erotica. There are certain conventions that we expect in any form of entertainment.
Action movies are a good example, we willingly suspend disbelief as the hero takes a beating that would leave a normal human in the hospital for a week, then goes right on with the adventure.
Yet people in AH recoil that it isn't "realistic" for characters to not have long conversations about boundaries and consent and just figure it out as they go.
Of course it isn't realistic, this isn't reality.

 

[8letters]

The issue I’m having is organically working sex scenes into actual stories where characters are having life issues. When sex isn’t the focus for the plot, but merely a distraction, it becomes less straightforward to write.

I’m writing a story at the moment where a young couple are staying in a strange city with a mutual friend, with all three knowing that a threesome is very much on the cards. But they keep encountering obstacles and stresses that have so far stopped them from having sex. Now that they’re finally all free at the same time, it feels difficult to justify them having sex - especially the organised kind (a threesome where everyone discusses their boundaries before beginning).

I think I have a narrative solution to this - essentially, separate the discussions from the sex, and have the sex begin more spontaneously at a natural time - but it’s surprising to me that writing a sex scene outside of a purely erotic story is harder than writing a nearly continuous sex scene as an erotic story. Does anyone else feel the same way?

I'm not understanding why the young couple would want to have sex with their mutual friend. Is it "she's always wanted to try sex with a woman, their host is the ideal person for her first time, and the boyfriend is fine with that"? Is it "he's always wanted to try sex with a man, their host is the ideal person for his first time, and the girlfriend is fine with that"? Is it "the mutual friend is great at oral sex and the couple wants some pointers to improve their sex life"? Is it "Hey, we were going to give you a wine-and-chocolate basket from Costco as a thank-you for letting us stay with you, but then we decided to have a threesome with you instead"?

How is everyone going to be happy when the threesome is over? How does it positively change the lives of all three?

 

[AlexBailey]

Why do people seek intimacy?

Everyone has their own answers, who are your characters? Some people have no interest in sex at all.

Emotional dysfunction is a big factor in many hook-up situations, and sheer libido works for many more.

I love touch and snuggling and I've had life-long neediness for validation. I get depressed and lonely when I don't have someone to 'be' with. I think it runs deep from family issues when I was growing up - that's just me. It's easy for someone to warm me up just be displaying a genuine interest in my emotional well being. Strong obvious desire burns right through me too.

I have an ex-wife who had no idea how to have an emotional connection, she would put on whatever face would work and act however she could to get people to pay attention to her. She had borderline personality and bi-polar disorder, but could she fuck! She knew I was into poly and she tried to want it. She would put on a good face and set everything up with other couples but then sabotage the moments when we were all about to get together. She was dishonest with me and herself about her feelings and it swirled into chaos.

My lesbian girlfriend used to be into inviting straight girls over to see if we could seduce and convert them. I think she did it largely as sport. She once told me that most straight girls who were attracted to me weren't entirely straight.

Every threesome I've been in was adding a third to an established couple, many times it was because of some queer desire that could not be fulfilled by a single partner. Another time it was a married couple who were missing something between them, they brought me in as a toy and were fairly upfront about it.

Slow romantic attraction is the best, but it takes patience. A meeting of the hearts takes time and isn't always easy or obvious until it sneaks up on you - that's how my wife and I got together. We kept being in the same place at the same time and were drawn to the same friends and events. We got so comfortable just being around each other that we just started kissing one night when we were sitting outside at a gathering.

 

[AlexBailey]

I’m writing a story at the moment where a young couple are staying in a strange city with a mutual friend, with all three knowing that a threesome is very much on the cards. But they keep encountering obstacles and stresses that have so far stopped them from having sex. Now that they’re finally all free at the same time, it feels difficult to justify them having sex - especially the organised kind (a threesome where everyone discusses their boundaries before beginning).

I can imagine how it might go ...

Why are they in a strange city? What are they doing while there? Concerts? Municipal gardens? A ball game? Have they read any romantic stories that took place where they are? Museums? I once had a situation get intimate after talking about the small penises on Greek statues.

Sitting around talking after dinner, sharing thoughts about what they've seen or heard... Alcohol is a common lubricant, but so is dreaming of a new life - or a historical one. Why did these three travel together? Was the trip originally planned for four but something happened and the fourth didn't come for whatever reason, leaving one longing for a partner to share the moment with?

Maybe the established couple keeps having private moments and realize their friend is feeling left out....

 

[alohadave]

This is a good point, and it isn't just limited to erotica. There are certain conventions that we expect in any form of entertainment.
Action movies are a good example, we willingly suspend disbelief as the hero takes a beating that would leave a normal human in the hospital for a week, then goes right on with the adventure.
Yet people in AH recoil that it isn't "realistic" for characters to not have long conversations about boundaries and consent and just figure it out as they go.
Of course it isn't realistic, this isn't reality.

It depends on how the author sets the tone of the work. If a story changes tone partway through it'll be a really rough time for readers.

Start 'realistic' and readers will expect it to continue to be realistic when it gets to the sex. Start as a stroker, and it better not delve into philosophical discussions about life and love.

I love touch and snuggling and I've had life-long neediness for validation. I get depressed and lonely when I don't have someone to 'be' with.

I wonder if you might try a story about a cuddle party?

 

[Kelliezgirl]

It depends on how the author sets the tone of the work. If a story changes tone partway through it'll be a really rough time for readers.

Start 'realistic' and readers will expect it to continue to be realistic when it gets to the sex. Start as a stroker, and it better not delve into philosophical discussions about life and love.



I wonder if you might try a story about a cuddle party?

I agree with you, but I think internal consistency is a separate, if related matter.

 

[AlexBailey]

It depends on how the author sets the tone of the work. If a story changes tone partway through it'll be a really rough time for readers.

Start 'realistic' and readers will expect it to continue to be realistic when it gets to the sex. Start as a stroker, and it better not delve into philosophical discussions about life and love.



I wonder if you might try a story about a cuddle party?

Done.

 

[u1u1u1]

Thanks for the pointers, people, it’s certainly stuff to chew over.

I guess a major problem my characters have is that the boyfriend doesn’t realise that he doesn’t want to have sex with the other woman - he just wants to use her fetish equipment. In another threesome scene I had him lose his erection to symbolise his commitment to his relationship. He thought that the rules were “we can both invite someone to share our bed but we can’t cheat”, but actually he’s reached the stage where he’s only interested in monogamy.

(Contrastingly, girlfriend and other woman both have concrete motivations for the threesome, despite girlfriend being straight.)

Now, actually, that fits quite well with the plot I had planned, which was that their friend pays for their upcoming honeymoon on the condition that they make her a sex tape. I don’t want to toot my own horn, but I’m really pleased with how neatly those three parts come together.

Girlfriend wants to try exhibitionism and is constantly looking for new things. She’s straight, and has been lukewarm about sex with women.

Boyfriend doesn’t want to have sex in public, but wants to satisfy his girl’s fetish. He also has conflicted feelings about monogamy, wanting it but also not wanting to be possessive.

Other woman is basically motivated by lust for them both, initially him but increasingly her.

Is it wrong to say that I’m impressed with myself for creating a scenario that leads so neatly to the conclusion I’m after? The plan I had in my head was for them to just agree to make the tape as a favour, but actually it now seems like something they could come up with as an ingenious compromise that allows them to all get what they want. I wish this wasn’t true but I think it is the best thing I have ever written.

 

[nice90sguy]

This is an oft-posted thread subject here, one which always makes me feel uncomfortable.

I've read one or two stories here where the sex is so damn well-written that I can read it in isolation, get off on it, and then re-read it, and get off again. That will never happen with any story I write.

My current story (in draft) has a 10,000 word build-up to the first sex scene, which takes up all of 100 words. And that's before the MC has even entered the story. There are five sex scenes planned, most of them extremely short, and the story currently sits at 30,000 words, which I'll chop down to 20,000 in later drafts. The climax of the story (good guy hero vs heroine's evil aunt) has a longer sex scene of 2000 words or so. That last sex scene is what the entire story builds up to.

I'd be completely unable to write that last sex scene without all the build-up.