Are sex scenes harder than sex stories?

[GrushaVashnadze]

writing a sex scene outside of a purely erotic story is harder than writing a nearly continuous sex scene as an erotic story. Does anyone else feel the same way?

I hardly ever think of writing a "sex scene" per se. I try to write damn good stories. And then I fill them with lots of hot sex. Sex can be foreground or background, long or short, filthy or "nice"; that will most likely be dictated by the story.

A bit like, if you want to write a good musical, write a damn good story, and then fill it with great singing and dancing. The songs can be long or short, fast or slow, loud or soft; that will most likely be dictated by the story.

Am I stretching credulity with this parallel?

 

[Paul_Chance]

I think that generically speaking, writing a story is harder than writing a scene, just given that stories are a collection of scenes that tell a specific tale. Scenes, being the smaller unit, are always easier to write than stories.

Writing transitions, moving the characters from one scene to another through time, can be difficult, but at the very base level they're straight forward - "Then then went here and did this". Don't overthink your transitions. Just move the characters.

As human beings we go through dozens of transitions every day. Just remember the last time you transitioned from a non-sex scene to a sex scene in your real life and use it as a template.

 

[StillStunned]

I think that generically speaking, writing a story is harder than writing a scene, just given that stories are a collection of scenes that tell a specific tale. Scenes, being the smaller unit, are always easier to write than stories.

The challenge with writing "scene-as-a-story" strokers is in drawing the readers in without pages of build-up. If you don't want the story to be bland, you need to make your characters compelling, and the situation intriguing, without that information becoming disproportionate to the essence of your story, namely the sex scene.

It's not the same challenge as writing a "narrative" story, obviously, but it's a challenge nonetheless.

 

[BobbyLaker]

...

I think I have a narrative solution to this - essentially, separate the discussions from the sex, and have the sex begin more spontaneously at a natural time - but it’s surprising to me that writing a sex scene outside of a purely erotic story is harder than writing a nearly continuous sex scene as an erotic story. Does anyone else feel the same way?

I agree with the spontaneity... just let the sex happen.

Currently working on a story where the first (brief) graphical description occurs around 10k words in - previously unheard of in my scribblings. Anyone seeking the hot stuff is going to have to stick with it.

As usual, I started out with the barest bones of a story... just letting it flow where it will.

 

[LonRivers]

That is the great thing about erotic fiction. It can go any way that you the author needs or wants it to go. In sex scenes they can go as long or as short as you need it to go. It's fantasy. It can be realistic or unrealistic. Some readers I have learned love a little bit of realism in the story. They can relate on some level to the characters or the situation.

For me it is easier to write a scene. Plotting out and keeping continuity in the story takes more time and thought. You have to think ahead and hope that what you are currently writing doesn't ruin what you have planned, which sometimes happens when you are on a roll and the writing just flows and the ideas come out. Sometimes those ideas change your planned plot. Then you have to replan or rewrite.

A sex scene can flow much easier and may not effect the overall story that much.

 

[darkride]

Often. Whenever I find my characters circling around sex but not quite getting there, it means they're not quite ready. So they do something, go somewhere, until they are more intimate. I never force a scene on them, they have sex when they're ready.

I love your sentiment.

Equally, I hate it when I want my characters to do something, and they wont do it. Bloody frustrating creatures, characters! And when they pick a fight at the worst moment possible, too. Free will, goddammit!

 

[u1u1u1]

Well, the story is now with Laurel to review.

It ended up being 15,000 words long. That's as long as the previous three stories put together. But damn, I have mostly been doing this to "keep my eye in" but I've actually grown a lot as a writer just from these four stories.

 

[mirafrida]

I find writing sex scenes to be a lot of labor, but I usually don't have a problem blending them into the rest of the story.

Personally, I generally have pretty clear idea of the entire story arc and main beats before I start actually writing. (Or, not infrequently, I think I have a clear idea, write 2000 words, realize I'm not actually there yet, throw those words in the scrap bin, and think some more...)

That's not to say I don't learn things about the characters along the way, and I'm open to changing my plans. But it all usually fits together reasonably well. If I realize that the emotional ebb-and-flow is not adding up somehow, I can usually fix it by "re-coloring" a few problematic passages, or moving a scene around, or something like that. Often that sort of glitch reminds me of what I was originally trying to do, and highlights the fact that I've strayed from it. Then I can either try to redo the passage in question back closer to the original direction, or else embrace the shift and update other parts of the story as necessary.

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

Is the problem perhaps that you're caught up in writing about the characters? Kind of like how Robert Jordan liked his characters so much that he wanted to live every moment of their lives without moving the plot forward.

If you set yourself the goal of writing towards the sex scene, then you can gear the characters' interactions towards getting there. If you're just exploring their personalities and relationships organically, you might need to admit to yourself that it's not going to be a sex story but a character study instead.

Yeah, well, the son is a senior and Homecoming dance is coming up. I may have my opportunity.

 

[jhealy55]

I tend to go way too heavy on setting up my characters before I get to actual physical intimacy, but I'm also weaving in what should hopefully create a sort of organic inevitability about what finally draws them into sex. It has to feel gravitational in some sense, especially if one/both of the characters have reasons not to let it happen.

Much of your approach sounds very intentional on the part of your characters where my sense is that real attraction is much more chaotic/spontaneous, even if there has been some desire leading up to try/experiment with exhibitionism, threesomes, etc.

I guess I'm looking for crimes of opportunity rather than deliberate planning, synchronizing watches and negotiating terms.

Like others have pointed out, liquor is a wonderful lubricant. A night out dancing, a look across the dance floor that lingers just a bit too long, a blurted joke/confession that opens up a previously unconsidered possibility, a tumbling into the back of an uber causing an unintended intimate contact, etc. Maybe an indiscreet (and long forgotten) polaroid slipping out from a book one of the guests grabbed from the bookshelf on the way to bed. A mix-up involving who someone thought was in the shower. These are the kind of things that throw a switch in some people and create a nagging urge that eventually has to be satisfied.

I'd look for those bread crumbs to lead my characters to a point where common sense (propriety? decency?) has left the building as friction/animal urge has taken over.

 

[WeShallUnclench]

In my case, one of my standard moves in writing is using situations that are somewhat absurd/funny to me.

Bickering /competition / fights that escalate into sex or at least kinky situations is the kind of thing I'm aiming for.

That also means that my stories tend to be built around that central escalation, so less "a story with sex in it that feels logical" and more "a weird story about a weird sexual event". For longer stories, it is not a single incident, but a relationship dynamic I find kinky overall (and in turn, all sex scenes, if any, are mere symptoms of that dynamic).

I suspect it can lead to my characters reading as confusing and cartoonish ("real people wouldn't talk and act like that, real people would not fuck in a situation like that") but that's kinda what brings me joy. Guess the key is to make it entertaining enough so readers get on board with it.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

I suspect it can lead to my characters reading as confusing and cartoonish ("real people wouldn't talk and act like that, real people would not fuck in a situation like that") but that's kinda what brings me joy. Guess the key is to make it entertaining enough so readers get on board with it.

What they really mean is "I wouldn't do that," to which I reply, fine. I'm not writing about you. Perhaps "normal" people wouldn't do it either. Also fine, I'm not writing about normal people.

 

[Sinstories]

What they really mean is "I wouldn't do that," to which I reply, fine. I'm not writing about you. Perhaps "normal" people wouldn't do it either. Also fine, I'm not writing about normal people.

That to me is part of the challenge of writing erotic stories. I try to stories about real people in real situations that involve sex. Obviously after the first time the characters have sex, it just becomes more sex (literary porn) but the first time, I try to create a scenario that leads them there AND I try to make it realistic and different. If every story was about normal people having sex for normal reasons, this site would have shut down long ago.

 

[Rob_Royale]

it’s surprising to me that writing a sex scene outside of a purely erotic story is harder than writing a nearly continuous sex scene as an erotic story. Does anyone else feel the same way?

Well yes and no. It's not hard for me because it's the part I enjoy the most. Building a plot, characters, settings, in and around the sex. But it does take more work and a degree of writing chops. But then so does the short stroker, that's nearly entirely sex. I tried one recently and the response was rather meh.

I think I have a narrative solution to this - essentially, separate the discussions from the sex, and have the sex begin more spontaneously at a natural time -

This is spot on. Think of it like this. You and your SO are discussing last night's sex. It was too short, too long, too hard, too soft, whatever. Usually a tough talk, but it's something every couple does at some point. Usually, you're not in "the mood" after. If you try to have sex too soon it's awkward and you're overthinking it. Best to wait a while, when it's gonna happen organically.

I like to break things up with a date or something, in between the discussion and the sex. Dinner, dancing, spending time under the stars. Something romantic, to set the mood.

 

[intim8]

Often. Whenever I find my characters circling around sex but not quite getting there, it means they're not quite ready. So they do something, go somewhere, until they are more intimate. I never force a scene on them, they have sex when they're ready.

I have a scene, not yet published, where a young couple have been dating for some time. It will be her first time, and while he is not a virgin, he has very limited experience. They talk about it a lot, wanting to not rush into it and to make it special. They get to the point where they both agree it is going to happen soon, and both expect him to ask her out for an elaborate romantic date, take her back to his house, and make sweet and tender love for the first time.

Then they're coming home from a regular dinner date, planning to watch netflix and chill. It could happen, but it isn't that big romantic fantasy night they both have in mind, so they'll probably just fool around. In his driveway, he opens her car door for her, and as she's getting out, she kisses him. Then kisses him again, then.... right up against the car door, hot and heavy.

They both agreed after that it was pretty special because of the spontaneiety combined with both knowing going in that they were ready.