Would Love a Woman's Opinion But Anyone Can Respond

[NightL]

Hahaha, almost!

I was largely stirring as I felt your post more role playing than genuine questions. If you are genuine to follow through on your kinks then the person you need to communicate with is your wife. Playing the victim then trying so solicit sympathy from strangers here kind of indicates your mindset would not listen to any advice anyway.

I'll give it attempt though. You want to role play in your relationship and you want your wife to willingly participate, not be coerced or pushed into it. If you make it all about "me" then you may well lose your marriage and you will have no one to demean and dominate you as it seems to be your desire.

What benefits are in this for your wife? What are her desires that you can assist with and perhaps trade off on. You are going to have to "man-up" and have an adult conversation with her to negotiate your desires before she will ever consider you her worthless toy.

I have witnessed those who have become so obsessed with their own kinks in believing everyone should adjust to them they ultimately became lonely and single. What you desire needs two willing participants. What have you got to trade? Perhaps you should talk to a sex therapist to get advice on how to introduce the idea to your wife.

If your wife feels like you are not listening to her or respecting her views it will never happen. You need to develop a very deep connection with your wife for this to come from a place of love. If there is no love in this you will be single if you push it.

 

[karmadreamer52]

I was largely stirring as I felt your post more role playing than genuine questions. If you are genuine to follow through on your kinks then the person you need to communicate with is your wife. Playing the victim then trying so solicit sympathy from strangers here kind of indicates your mindset would not listen to any advice anyway.

I'll give it attempt though. You want to role play in your relationship and you want your wife to willingly participate, not be coerced or pushed into it. If you make it all about "me" then you may well lose your marriage and you will have no one to demean and dominate you as it seems to be your desire.

What benefits are in this for your wife? What are her desires that you can assist with and perhaps trade off on. You are going to have to "man-up" and have an adult conversation with her to negotiate your desires before she will ever consider you her worthless toy.

I have witnessed those who have become so obsessed with their own kinks in believing everyone should adjust to them they ultimately became lonely and single. What you desire needs two willing participants. What have you got to trade? Perhaps you should talk to a sex therapist to get advice on how to introduce the idea to your wife.

If your wife feels like you are not listening to her or respecting her views it will never happen. You need to develop a very deep connection with your wife for this to come from a place of love. If there is no love in this you will be single if you push it.

There is not one thing I can argue with in your post. I appreciate your advice and it reinforces my feeling that this is something that remains a fantasy.

 

[NightL]

There is not one thing I can argue with in your post. I appreciate your advice and it reinforces my feeling that this is something that remains a fantasy.

well maybe try first for "You need to develop a very deep connection with your wife" - and that is just win for both of you. You will have to focus on listening, truly listening. If you earn her trust in her knowing her words count then she will listen to you.

In order to create space for you to open up about who you are aim for her to discover and express her fantasies and desires along the journey.

Have you ever play acted roles with each other? Find out what intrigues her. Treat it as fun. If you slip up have a laugh and try something else. Make sure the laugh is more at yourself than ever diminishing something she wants to try.

Become teenagers again - tease each other, be silly - experiment. Have fun, laugh, love your wife.

It probably will be much easier than asking her to take up golfing with you - think about that.

 

[karmadreamer52]

well maybe try first for "You need to develop a very deep connection with your wife" - and that is just win for both of you. You will have to focus on listening, truly listening. If you earn her trust in her knowing her words count then she will listen to you.

In order to create space for you to open up about who you are aim for her to discover and express her fantasies and desires along the journey.

Have you ever play acted roles with each other? Find out what intrigues her. Treat it as fun. If you slip up have a laugh and try something else. Make sure the laugh is more at yourself than ever diminishing something she wants to try.

Become teenagers again - tease each other, be silly - experiment. Have fun, laugh, love your wife.

It probably will be much easier than asking her to take up golfing with you - think about that.

I have the connection in many areas of our life just not with this. Everything you say to try is right on and I am not giving up on our sex life but sex to her is just very goal oriented and should be done quickly. I don't want to go down that road on here again because like you said, it's just interpreted as a sympathy play. I don't know what I was trying to accomplish with my original post. I think I was using it as a bit of therapy for me, a chance to express something I can't express in real life. And no, I don't think I am a victim or anything I just need to try to get this out. I love my wife more than anything!

 

[policywank]

One thought that hasn't really been explored here yet is what it really means to be submissive. In many cases - including it would seem the OPs - submission is thought of along the lines of "I want my wife to make me do X." I think of that more as being bottom than being submissive.

The distinction is subtle but important. The first premise of being a Sub in my opinion is being obedient to her commands and what she wants you to do - not compelling/convincing her to do the dominant type things that you want her to do. You get spanked when she wants to spank you or thinks you deserve to be spanked not because you ask her to do it. She may choose to accommodate the things that she knows you desire. But that is her decision. Your role is to obey and comply regardless of whether her commands appeal to your kinky desires or not.

 

[karmadreamer52]

When I met my wife 15 or 16 years ago, we were both into bdsm and just about any other pervy adult pastime. She was a fetish diva, with more leather and latex than most women have clothes.

And when we first decided to go down the dominant wife/FLR path, we found out it was too damn hard! We imagined it would be like scening at a dungeon most of the time. We understood everyone needs a rest from that, but how to “call time out” and then get back into it… without it seeming more like a game than a lifestyle, we couldn’t quite figure.

What finally made it work was ditching all the porn stereotypes. She was no longer playing a part or trying to fit a mold. Instead she was just being herself… with complete authority.

Now, those of you who think of a femdom as an otherworldly bitch goddess, impossible to satisfy and constantly making demands or cracking the whip… would certainly be disappointed. She is kind, gentle, loving, and generous. That’s who she really is. She leads because she makes good decisions, has plans and expectations, and because people, me included, want to please her.

The stereotype stuff is for play, not full time life. And in case you wonder, she does have a sadistic streak that she lets out occasionally, and she is an artist with things that hurt.

I say all that to say this: In my opinion one of the biggest obstacles to a wife wanting to take charge is the impression she will have to be someone

One thought that hasn't really been explored here yet is what it really means to be submissive. In many cases - including it would seem the OPs - submission is thought of along the lines of "I want my wife to make me do X." I think of that more as being bottom than being submissive.

The distinction is subtle but important. The first premise of being a Sub in my opinion is being obedient to her commands and what she wants you to do - not compelling/convincing her to do the dominant type things that you want her to do. You get spanked when she wants to spank you or thinks you deserve to be spanked not because you ask her to do it. She may choose to accommodate the things that she knows you desire. But that is her decision. Your role is to obey and comply regardless of whether her commands appeal to your kinky desires or not.

I am sorry if I gave the impression that I want to dictate anything. I will admit I have those desires to be made to do things but the last thing I want to do is force her to do anything. I want her to do whatever she wants and even though I may wish differently, that also means she will probably never do anything along these lines and that is ok. I do think I am a submissive and have been my whole life. It's hard to explain and like a man, i am not doing a good job at communicating! But I do not want to make this into anything at all.

 

[AchtungNight]

My advice? Present your ideas to your wife, but do not require her or yourself to accept them. If you can keep both the expanse of imagination and the limiter of free will in play, you may have a chance. But deny either power or fail to respect each other’s wishes, and you are done!

I’m a male fanfic writer who often likes to write from a female or transcendent perspective.

 

[policywank]

I am sorry if I gave the impression that I want to dictate anything. I will admit I have those desires to be made to do things but the last thing I want to do is force her to do anything. I want her to do whatever she wants and even though I may wish differently, that also means she will probably never do anything along these lines and that is ok. I do think I am a submissive and have been my whole life. It's hard to explain and like a man, i am not doing a good job at communicating! But I do not want to make this into anything at all.

I didn't get the impression that you wanted to dictate anything. But I did get the sense that - like a lot of Subs - you want to engage in certain types of sexual and BDSM play. That is perfectly normal. And as a Dom I regularly indulge my Subs desire for those things. It is just that it is important for me that he first focus on obedience and through his mastery of that he earns the other activities that he so enjoys rather than coming to it with expectation of getting those things.

 

[karmadreamer52]

I didn't get the impression that you wanted to dictate anything. But I did get the sense that - like a lot of Subs - you want to engage in certain types of sexual and BDSM play. That is perfectly normal. And as a Dom I regularly indulge my Subs desire for those things. It is just that it is important for me that he first focus on obedience and through his mastery of that he earns the other activities that he so enjoys rather than coming to it with expectation of getting those things.

As it should be! So just curious, how does your Sub know what to focus on?

 

[policywank]

When I met my wife 15 or 16 years ago, we were both into bdsm and just about any other pervy adult pastime. She was a fetish diva, with more leather and latex than most women have clothes.

And when we first decided to go down the dominant wife/FLR path, we found out it was too damn hard! We imagined it would be like scening at a dungeon most of the time. We understood everyone needs a rest from that, but how to “call time out” and then get back into it… without it seeming more like a game than a lifestyle, we couldn’t quite figure.

What finally made it work was ditching all the porn stereotypes. She was no longer playing a part or trying to fit a mold. Instead she was just being herself… with complete authority.

Now, those of you who think of a femdom as an otherworldly bitch goddess, impossible to satisfy and constantly making demands or cracking the whip… would certainly be disappointed. She is kind, gentle, loving, and generous. That’s who she really is. She leads because she makes good decisions, has plans and expectations, and because people, me included, want to please her.

The stereotype stuff is for play, not full time life. And in case you wonder, she does have a sadistic streak that she lets out occasionally, and she is an artist with things that hurt.

I say all that to say this: In my opinion one of the biggest obstacles to a wife wanting to take charge is the impression she will have to be someone she’s not.

I agree with this. We can't live our whole lives with me in a leather corset and him chained up and under my heel....even if that does make for a fun Friday night. Many aspects of our FLR are almost too subtle for most people to recognize.

For instance when it comes to going out for dinner a few scenarios might unfold:

• I tell him that we are going out for dinner and where;
• I tell him that we are going out for dinner and ask if he has any preferences in which case he will give a considered and honest response - "I don't know, whatever you want" is not an acceptable answer and will be punished
• I may even ask if wants to go out to dinner in which case a clear and honest response is expected - again "I don't know whatever you want" is not acceptable

The underlying theme is that we don't play the "equal decision making" dynamic of deferring to one another and neither wanting to drive the decision. It is clear that I will make the final decision and his role is not to be deferential or circumspect, but provide the necessary input. It isn't dictatorial or absent collaboration, but rather the final authority is clear. It is a little like dealing with your boss at work. Everyone knows who has the final authority and if that person asks you for input you are expected to give it. Failing to do so or doing so in a wishy-washy way that is design to be overly deferential would be viewed as unproductive and unprofessional because that person doesn't need your validation. They just need an answer to the question being asked with all parties knowing that boss will make the final decision.

Likewise my husband is free to ask if we can go for dinner. But again it is that direct - he states a desire and seeks permission/approval. There is no "how would you like to go for dinner?" or "hey I'd like to go for dinner" and hoping that I will pick-up the thread. It is expected to be "may we go to dinner this evening?" and I pick it up from there knowing that it is not only my prerogative but also my responsibility to make the decision. In that particular example it is actually quite liberating to just have that clarity. Sometimes the beating around the bush to get to consensus can be exhausting.

 

[policywank]

As it should be! So just curious, how does your Sub know what to focus on?

I try to communicate my requirements as clearly as possible and he is encouraged to seek clarity where he needs it. As I noted in my other post it is a bit like how you might interact with your boss. A boss is a leader but not a dictator (or at least it need not be that way). We each have a part to play and leadership comes with responsibility, including knowing what motivates my Sub and the areas where he might require more direction. Over time a lot of mutual understanding develops which streamlines things and allows us to improve that dynamic in a way that is beneficial to both of us.

On the specific matter of the kinky things that he enjoys, it helps a lot to know that is in my control. I will not be put upon, but rather he will serve me and I will reward him in such measure and at such time as I deem appropriate. It is about my leadership, not what I do with that authority. Once I feel comfortable in that role and his obedience pleases me then I am far more inclined to indulge him.

 

[karmadreamer52]

Thank you and it sounds very well thought out and reasonable!

 

[VikingPhoenix]

This will probably seem self serving and a bit of just venting but I would love to hear what others think. This will jump around a lot because it is mostly stream of consciousness I need to express.

I am a mid 50's married guy who was never really smart but I do try to work hard and I have embraced many responsibilities without reservation. I have worked from home since 2001. For the first 15 years, I travelled quite a bit but since 2016 I have not travelled so I am at home most days, all day isolated. I did pick up a second career in real estate in 2008 that I do concurrently with primary job. I mention this to try to show that I take my responsibility as provider seriously because there were times we were struggling and this was needed. I do not resent any decisions that have been made. My wife has worked off and on in the fitness industry, doing things she mostly loves. Her income is always good to have and not looked down on but she really works because she wants to, not needs to. I really cling to being a provider now as it seems my role in life is being diminished. With that said let me get to what I am wondering.

Since I work at home, I am the one who really does 80% of the household chores. From the outdoor work to cooking almost all meals and doing the laundry and cleaning, I do almost all. It just makes sense because I do have the time to do it and I don't believe in not doing something that I have time for. So what I have found myself imagining is that I am my wife's submissive househusband. She doesn't really know how often I imagine it but she does know some. She(maybe unwittingly) has said things about how she could never see herself with another man because it took so long to train me! I did try to open up about it a little a few years ago but I was told it creeped her out. That really caused me to lose a lot of confidence and the ability to feel safe to be open with her. I do not want to ever make anyone feel creeped out. I am very aware that my fantasies are not for everyone; maybe they really aren't for anyone....

So I guess I am asking, are there any women who would like a man like me? I can go into detail about what that househusband role means to me but I don't want to jump right into that. I am wondering what women here think and maybe what they would like. I will admit that I of course see this as transferring to the bedroom where I am submissive to her.

I will say I am glad there is an anonymous forum like this where I can type something out and see the response.

Thank you. Very interesting. I am in a similar but different situation. I will respectfully hold on more comments as you've expressed the desire for a female reply. You are a beautiful person

 

[karmadreamer52]

Thank you. Very interesting. I am in a similar but different situation. I will respectfully hold on more comments as you've expressed the desire for a female reply. You are a beautiful person

You don't have to hold your comments. Please feel free to share!

 

[Purple_Fronds]

One thought that hasn't really been explored here yet is what it really means to be submissive. In many cases - including it would seem the OPs - submission is thought of along the lines of "I want my wife to make me do X." I think of that more as being bottom than being submissive.

The distinction is subtle but important. The first premise of being a Sub in my opinion is being obedient to her commands and what she wants you to do - not compelling/convincing her to do the dominant type things that you want her to do. You get spanked when she wants to spank you or thinks you deserve to be spanked not because you ask her to do it. She may choose to accommodate the things that she knows you desire. But that is her decision. Your role is to obey and comply regardless of whether her commands appeal to your kinky desires or not.

Just curious on this submission versus being bottom.

I‘m familiar with both terms but not in contrast to each other.

I understand and believe we’re on the same page as far what submission means or at least should mean, but can you please tell me your thoughts on ”being bottom“ as a contrast.

 

[policywank]

Just curious on this submission versus being bottom.

I‘m familiar with both terms but not in contrast to each other.

I understand and believe we’re on the same page as far what submission means or at least should mean, but can you please tell me your thoughts on ”being bottom“ as a contrast.

I should say first of all that I don't claim to be "correct" in the distinction I am making. Many of the terms that we use to describe alternative lifestyles are still evolving in their usage.

When I think of someone being Sub I think of them ceding control and agreeing to obey a Dom. How that Dom chooses to use that authority is entirely up to them. They might choose to spank their Sub or they might just tell them to go pick-up a pizza or spend the day at the spa. It is the Sub's obedience that is the essence of that experience.

I think of a bottom as someone who is seeking specific treatment, such as to be spanked or bound or gagged. They want to play a specific role. Usually it is a role that we associate with submission, but they aren't actually fully ceding control because they are helping define what their activities will be. For them the essence of being a bottom is the role they play (i.e. being spanked) as opposed to obedience.

Obviously there is a lot of overlap between the two. Many Subs wish to be treated as a bottom and many Doms will indulge that desire. But they do so as and when they see fit rather than as a specific agreement between parties. One can be both Sub and bottom, but they address somewhat different factors and characteristics.

 

[Purple_Fronds]

Thanks and makes sense and is a good a word to match the definition as anything else. I think the same can be said for the dominant as well, sometimes they just want to top and perform certain acts on somebody. For some the thought of always leading or being dominant can sound exhausting, irrespective of whether being the person that decides means you can shape the situation to your liking.

 

[policywank]

Thanks and makes sense and is a good a word to match the definition as anything else. I think the same can be said for the dominant as well, sometimes they just want to top and perform certain acts on somebody. For some the thought of always leading or being dominant can sound exhausting, irrespective of whether being the person that decides means you can shape the situation to your liking.

Yes the role of Dom can be exhausting. Our relationship is a full-time FLR but the proportion of time I spend actually being a Top is relatively modest. The rest of the time it is a pretty typical relationship. I make key decisions, but I do so with both of our preferences in mind and no drama. There are times that it feels like a bit of a burden but I actually prefer that to our pre-FLR days when key decisions were negotiated and there was a natural conflict between wanting to be accommodating versus expressing your own desires. In a way I think of it a little like a traditional relationship with the roles reversed. Leadership has it's burdens but their are quid pro quos to my benefit and part of the deal is that he appreciates the leadership and follows along happily.

 

[karmadreamer52]

Yes the role of Dom can be exhausting. Our relationship is a full-time FLR but the proportion of time I spend actually being a Top is relatively modest. The rest of the time it is a pretty typical relationship. I make key decisions, but I do so with both of our preferences in mind and no drama. There are times that it feels like a bit of a burden but I actually prefer that to our pre-FLR days when key decisions were negotiated and there was a natural conflict between wanting to be accommodating versus expressing your own desires. In a way I think of it a little like a traditional relationship with the roles reversed. Leadership has it's burdens but their are quid pro quos to my benefit and part of the deal is that he appreciates the leadership and follows along happily.

This makes a lot of sense and I do think role-reversal is a good analogy.

 

[Purple_Fronds]

Yes the role of Dom can be exhausting. Our relationship is a full-time FLR but the proportion of time I spend actually being a Top is relatively modest. The rest of the time it is a pretty typical relationship. I make key decisions, but I do so with both of our preferences in mind and no drama. There are times that it feels like a bit of a burden but I actually prefer that to our pre-FLR days when key decisions were negotiated and there was a natural conflict between wanting to be accommodating versus expressing your own desires. In a way I think of it a little like a traditional relationship with the roles reversed. Leadership has it's burdens but their are quid pro quos to my benefit and part of the deal is that he appreciates the leadership and follows along happily.

its the decision making that can be a grind, especially when you’re trying to do the best for people. My wife and I still have the “what do you want to do for dinner discussion”, followed by her telling me “you decide” to me having to educate guess what she actually wants. Fortunately after 20 something years you get good at it, “honey how about <type of salad> from <restaurant>”. Sometimes it takes a couple of tries but I usually get there . But this is one of many reasons an flr would never work for us. So using your terms I just like to sometimes bottom.

Follow up question as a fan of your posts, what came first the flr or the cuckolding, it seems from reading your stuff the flr enhances your freedom or at least makes it easier but curious if there was a specific order?

 

[policywank]

its the decision making that can be a grind, especially when you’re trying to do the best for people. My wife and I still have the “what do you want to do for dinner discussion”, followed by her telling me “you decide” to me having to educate guess what she actually wants. Fortunately after 20 something years you get good at it, “honey how about <type of salad> from <restaurant>”. Sometimes it takes a couple of tries but I usually get there . But this is one of many reasons an flr would never work for us. So using your terms I just like to sometimes bottom.

Follow up question as a fan of your posts, what came first the flr or the cuckolding, it seems from reading your stuff the flr enhances your freedom or at least makes it easier but curious if there was a specific order?

It is not for everyone. My husband enjoys being relieved of many of those decisions. Using the dinner example we both really appreciate not having the "I don't know.....what do you want?" discussion. And I know what he likes, so I use my authority to balance out indulging both of our preferences rather than to just pick one or the other all the time.

The cuckolding came before the FLR. For us it was a natural progression and it really helped balance things out. I needed to have the authority to pursue the sexual experiences that I want and expect him to be supportive. Having to negotiate those things or tip-toe around sensitivities just wasn't workable. But as it turned out the even bigger reason/benefit lies in the confidence it gave him. Adopting an FLR compelled me to take responsibility in a way that I had not previously. It isn't that I was careless or anything like that, but there was room for confusion and there aren't enough rules in the world to anticipate every situation so my husband had anxiety about the unknowns of cuckolding. Would I go too far - fall in love with another man or allow another man to disrespect him or any number of other things that could be damaging. When we adopted an FLR there was important responsibility that came with the authority. It is my responsibility to ensure my actions don't hurt him or betray the (albeit unconventional) terms of our relationship. There is no "I didn't mean to" or "I didn't think that would bother you" or "there is no rule against that". No excuses. It is on me to ensure I keep things in perspective and don't hurt him, period, without exception. That doesn't mean I never fail, but if I do I can't slough it off or make excuses and it is always on me to do better. It is that whole leadership mentality - if I am in charge it is on me to make sure things don't go off the rails and if they do it is my responsibility even if it was an honest mistake.

How I establish the right limits requires a lot of thought, frankly much more than we could ever put into rules. For instance, I am very particular about the behaviour of other men towards me and my husband and the things they say about me or him or our relationship. For me that means more than just a list of do's and don'ts. I must pay very close attention to what is said and how it is said and must not let my vision get clouded. You will notice that with many women in traditional monogamous relationships, if a man is flirting with her she will slough it off or deny that it is happening. Typically there is nothing nefarious in her actions. She is just trying to avoid confrontation and/or reassure her husband. But in most cases she isn't fooling anybody and her reaction may make her look naive or as if she does have something to hide. I can't afford myself that latitude. I have to face it, be honest about it and decide how I want to handle it - I may embrace the flirting but only within the boundaries I define and I won't deny it.

 

[Purple_Fronds]

I won’t quote large sections of this and just simply say this is why I and I’m sure tons of others like you so much, and of course crush on you too. Youre a remarkable person.

 

[Sweetestgirlem]

This will probably seem self serving and a bit of just venting but I would love to hear what others think. This will jump around a lot because it is mostly stream of consciousness I need to express.

I am a mid 50's married guy who was never really smart but I do try to work hard and I have embraced many responsibilities without reservation. I have worked from home since 2001. For the first 15 years, I travelled quite a bit but since 2016 I have not travelled so I am at home most days, all day isolated. I did pick up a second career in real estate in 2008 that I do concurrently with primary job. I mention this to try to show that I take my responsibility as provider seriously because there were times we were struggling and this was needed. I do not resent any decisions that have been made. My wife has worked off and on in the fitness industry, doing things she mostly loves. Her income is always good to have and not looked down on but she really works because she wants to, not needs to. I really cling to being a provider now as it seems my role in life is being diminished. With that said let me get to what I am wondering.

Since I work at home, I am the one who really does 80% of the household chores. From the outdoor work to cooking almost all meals and doing the laundry and cleaning, I do almost all. It just makes sense because I do have the time to do it and I don't believe in not doing something that I have time for. So what I have found myself imagining is that I am my wife's submissive househusband. She doesn't really know how often I imagine it but she does know some. She(maybe unwittingly) has said things about how she could never see herself with another man because it took so long to train me! I did try to open up about it a little a few years ago but I was told it creeped her out. That really caused me to lose a lot of confidence and the ability to feel safe to be open with her. I do not want to ever make anyone feel creeped out. I am very aware that my fantasies are not for everyone; maybe they really aren't for anyone....

So I guess I am asking, are there any women who would like a man like me? I can go into detail about what that househusband role means to me but I don't want to jump right into that. I am wondering what women here think and maybe what they would like. I will admit that I of course see this as transferring to the bedroom where I am submissive to her.

I will say I am glad there is an anonymous forum like this where I can type something out and see the response.

I think that's hot!!!! I love it!!! I wish more guys had that fetish <3

 

[karmadreamer52]

I think that's hot!!!! I love it!!! I wish more guys had that fetish <3

I wish there were more women like you!

 

[CEOescape]

This will probably seem self serving and a bit of just venting but I would love to hear what others think. This will jump around a lot because it is mostly stream of consciousness I need to express.

I am a mid 50's married guy who was never really smart but I do try to work hard and I have embraced many responsibilities without reservation. I have worked from home since 2001. For the first 15 years, I travelled quite a bit but since 2016 I have not travelled so I am at home most days, all day isolated. I did pick up a second career in real estate in 2008 that I do concurrently with primary job. I mention this to try to show that I take my responsibility as provider seriously because there were times we were struggling and this was needed. I do not resent any decisions that have been made. My wife has worked off and on in the fitness industry, doing things she mostly loves. Her income is always good to have and not looked down on but she really works because she wants to, not needs to. I really cling to being a provider now as it seems my role in life is being diminished. With that said let me get to what I am wondering.

Since I work at home, I am the one who really does 80% of the household chores. From the outdoor work to cooking almost all meals and doing the laundry and cleaning, I do almost all. It just makes sense because I do have the time to do it and I don't believe in not doing something that I have time for. So what I have found myself imagining is that I am my wife's submissive househusband. She doesn't really know how often I imagine it but she does know some. She(maybe unwittingly) has said things about how she could never see herself with another man because it took so long to train me! I did try to open up about it a little a few years ago but I was told it creeped her out. That really caused me to lose a lot of confidence and the ability to feel safe to be open with her. I do not want to ever make anyone feel creeped out. I am very aware that my fantasies are not for everyone; maybe they really aren't for anyone....

So I guess I am asking, are there any women who would like a man like me? I can go into detail about what that househusband role means to me but I don't want to jump right into that. I am wondering what women here think and maybe what they would like. I will admit that I of course see this as transferring to the bedroom where I am submissive to her.

I will say I am glad there is an anonymous forum like this where I can type something out and see the response.

MY FRIEND what you have explained is nothing new . The house husband as been growiing for years and is practiced in many form. So relax and make some quality time to ask he how she feels and is she comfortable. being the dominant person in your relationship in some or all area, Then agree to take baby steps in walking on lilly pads ofr a while to find each of your levers of comfort. Most ofvall enjoy it..