Will you marry me? (M4F)
Good day, lovely women of Lit!
This is a sincere personal ad from a very eligible, interesting, intelligent, fun, passionate man.
(By way of introduction - added later... This thread is different from most you'll find on Lit. It's more of a long, blog-style, personal ad and dialogue. Welcome! Please, read, enjoy, add your comments and your questions. Don't be shy about commenting on something said earlier in the thread, if that's what speaks to you. So far, it's been a very interesting experiment. I've met some very interesting and delicious women (online), most of whom live a fair distance away. I can't generalize about where those connections stand now, but I can say that I'm still available, and not otherwise committed at the present time. I welcome new inquiries, explorations and dialogues, and will continue to enjoy the quality exchanges with women I've met here, both within the thread and privately. We'll see where it leads.)
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The Short Version
I am seeking a very exceptional woman, for a very exceptional relationship. I’m not talking about perfection, lord knows I’m not perfect! I’m not talking about a fantasy, or an online roleplay. I am looking for a committed partner, for life.
Have you been enjoying reading and dreaming of the kind of sex that people write about in fantasy? Having a devoted husband who pleases you like no other... who also understands and supports the notion of you enjoying mind blowing sex with others as well? Perhaps you fantasize about trying those proverbial big black cocks. Perhaps you’re a submissive, or a sub-curious woman looking for an exceptional kind of dominant mate. Not one who dresses in leather, puts on airs, and is more interested in his body art than he is in building a life... but one who is a born leader, who works hard, plays hard, and accomplishes impressive things... is respected in the community, and is an amazing, creative lover. A man who can send tingles up your spine with a look in his eye. A man who can safely take you through the edge play and ravishment scenes that you long for.
I’m here for you.
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Curious to read more? Please do. Or... if you believe you're the exceptional woman I'm looking for, just contact me now.
No, I don't expect we'll get married today, but I liked the ridiculousness of the idea for such a headline on a personals board, especially on Lit. Ultimately, though, that is the level of commitment that I'm looking for... although the marriage I have in mind may go just a wee bit beyond the typical white picket fence fantasy. I do like white picket fences though, as well. I'm a complex guy, with a lot to offer... not easy to fit into some preconceived category. If you'd like to get to know me, please read on.
While I know this is long, and I don't wish to waste anyone's time by asking you to read a long post that may not apply to you... I also don't believe that I can adequately "list" a series of characteristics of the kind of woman I am looking for up front, without going into quite a bit of detail. If you really want to look at something of that description before reading further, please skip to where I have created the following divider and heading:
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Who is she?
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I anticipate that this "ad" will be ongoing for a short period of time. I'm a busy person, with a busy life, but also with a lot to say about the kind of a relationship I'm interested in, and the kind of woman I would like to meet. I'll write what I can now, and add more as I'm able. Your comments, questions, feedback, encouragement, and genuine reactions to what I write here are most welcome. Flaming, of course... is something else. Nuff said.
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Hi. I'm not sure quite where to start, so I'll just begin. By the way, if you're trying to figure out if you know me already from Lit., I HAVE created a new profile for this thread... just to maintain some semblance of privacy while I share some pretty personal thoughts and desires with you.
Why this ad? Good question
I do meet people in my daily life. I have had relationships of several years each that I consider to be good relationships in many ways, but I have not yet found the woman I'm seeking... for life. As many of you know, it's far from easy to meet people offline who share some of your/mine/our more *interesting* sexual interests. Heck, it's difficult enough just to find an amazing vanilla person to partner with... and there are a lot more of them to choose from!
I've been chatting online on and off for several years. For me, chatting online has been largely a very good experience of being able to share my more intimate fantasies and desires... to think about them, to come to accept them, to get to know them... and most of all, to get to know myself better. Of course, chatting online hasn't always been great fun. Ever met a nutcase? Me too.
As I was in the car yesterday, it occurred to me that Lit (which I've been more active on recently, but visited periodically for a few years) is in many ways a great online "home" for me. Why? Forgive my generalizations, but it's largely a group of pretty intelligent, literate, very sexual, open-minded and often kinky (in a broad sense) people from every walk of life. Until yesterday, I always thought the Lit personals were kind of a non-starter... not enough local people for any of us to have much of a shot of meeting someone. That may still be true, but I also thought... "heck, if I'm going to meet my match anywhere... I'm as likely to find her on Lit as anywhere else!" Sure, if you lived nearby, that would be ideal... but even if we're not close geographically today, I hope that you'll still consider what I'm saying and respond if you think we might be a match. [Disclaimer: Please, if you're just looking for a Green Card, don't respond. I'm interested in so much more in a relationship than that, I can't even begin to contemplate...]
Alright, so who is this guy?
By way of introduction, I'm a 43-year old man in California who is highly intelligent, very self-aware, mildly extroverted, creative, professional, middle class, athletic, outdoorsy, cultured, funny and fun! OK, but that doesn't get us very far, does it? Well, this IS a personal ad, so I had to try a list of adjectives, right? They're all true, by the way.
Education & Work
While I think there are a ton of problems with our education system in the U.S. (I know, pretty perceptive, aren't I?) I do value education a great deal. I've always basically found learning to be easy, and continue to have a hunger for learning, for new information, new perspectives and the like. I graduated summa cum laude in college and I followed that with a Master's degree of a professional nature. My professional career following that met with a series of accomplishments and successes, progressively better jobs with greater responsibility. I enjoyed it, but also found after a number of years that I was in need of a change, somewhat burnt out from the intensity of that career, and found myself with an inviting opportunity to start my own business. With the help of friends and family, I've taken the business beyond the 5-year mark that many do not survive, and am heading towards 10. It's been difficult, but rewarding, challenging and educational! Just to give you some idea, the company works in the world of communication... a rather broad term, I realize.
Communication, though, is also very important to me. Of course, most of us realize that communication is KEY to successful relationships. Between my personal experience and growth, my professional education and experience, and my current experience in business, I believe that the ability to communicate well, even through very challenging territory, is one of my key strengths.
Values
While I don't fit well into any confined box or category, I do have some very solid values that permeate what I do, the choices I make, and the relationships that I have. I have a deep respect for people. I use that as my starting point. I've gotten to dig deep with enough people to know that while we all have faults, we also all deserve a chance... and except for the few true lost souls whom we all need to be protected from, people generally do their best with what they have, and deserve our respect and appreciation. I also have a very positive outlook. I don't gloss over the negatives, the challenges, the threats that exist, but I do approach them with optimism, creativity, hope and a belief in people's intelligence and desire to do the right thing. Health, social justice, equal opportunity, compassion, open-mindedness and freedom are also key to my value system. If you have me "pegged" as a liberal, you are correct. Perhaps a bit left of liberal. It's not critical to me that we share the same political views, but sharing the same core values for the most part would give us the best chance for a successful relationship, I believe.
Friends, family and community are also of tremendous importance to me. I know, that's almost cliche too, however I have truly devoted myself to building a good many very strong relationships in various parts of my life -- purely social friendships of 20+ year durations, strong business relationships and collegial relationships, and strong relationships with my family.
As you might have already guessed by now, while my sexual interests go beyond pure vanilla, I am of a mind to keep my sexual life separate from my public/community life for the most part. I am the kind of person whom a fairly wide circle of people often turn to for advice, inspiration, encouragement and support. You might even say that to some I am known for my strength of character and ability to draw out the best in people. I value that part of my life, and while I don't believe there is a conflict between that and my sexuality, it is also obvious that not everyone in this world is open-minded about sexuality... or about sexuality that explores broader possibilities for pleasure than simply a sleepy conjugal screw.
Sexuality
This is Lit. You're probably wondering about my sexual interests.. They're not all that far from my mind, most of the time 
I AM a very sexual person. A sex addict? No, I don't think so. But maybe close. Sexual intimacy plays a big role in my life, in my vision of the life I want to lead, and in my happiness and satisfaction. That said, I'm also quite choosy about who I wish to be sexual with. The good news there for me is that I've chosen some great sexual partners. The other good news is that I've managed to stay healthy, HIV -, and steer clear of STDs. The bad news is that too many days and nights have been spent without that loving partner. Still, I will dependably turn down an opportunity to be with the wrong partner, even if it means another night with my favorite erotic inspirations.
I have often found myself in pretty vanilla relationships. I enjoy love... deep, passionate love. If it comes in a vanilla envelope, I have not been one to turn it away. But for me, as perhaps for many of you, it has also left me feeling that I am denying a part of myself, keeping it hidden, a secret. As with many kinds of secrets of that ilk, the problem is not with having a secret, it is with not having the opportunity to express my full self, and to have my full self engaged in the relationship, and appreciated by my partner.
I am looking for that whole, full interchange. I want that delicious love and passion, but I want it to include ALL of me. I want acceptance of all of my desires, thoughts, kinks, and emotions, and I want to offer that same divine acceptance and open-mindedness... open-heartedness... to my partner.
For me, a broader definition of love, sex and relationships is not about what kind of toys we choose to play with. For me, it is an expression of a deep love and passion... one that cannot be constrained by mindlessly following the socially accepted norms.
The relationship I seek will have a deep and abiding commitment between us, one to another. That commitment may go beyond monogamy to a commitment that welcomes and fosters explorations of broader avenues to pleasure. One of the things that I find to be profoundly erotic, is to encourage and support my beloved to sexually embrace other men. The voyeur in me finds the prospect of expanding the sexual pleasure for my beloved to include another man or men, woman or women, to be incredibly alluring. I know this is difficult to understand, accept, and explore for many people. For me, there is a deep generosity in this act. It is sharing and celebrating the woman I love so much. The woman whom I find more desirable than any other... wanting to give her all of the pleasure I can... and even more... the pleasure that others can give her also. Similarly, there is a pride in my beloved, wanting to scream from the mountaintop so that all the world can appreciate the magic of her love and affection. But I'm not a typical swinger.
One of the things I have come to realize and accept in more recent years is that I have a natural dominant side. I would also say, however, that I am not a typical dom. I very much enjoy women who tend toward the sexually submissive side, or wish to explore that realm. I am not sadistic, and do not relish inflicting pain. I am drawn, however, to the more psychological aspects of d/s play. I love the deep trust that is required and cultivated in a good d/s relationship, the playful quality, and the opportunity for fostering self-awareness and growth. No, it's not all pretty, but I take my responsibility as a dom quite seriously, and strive for a growthful, powerfully erotic, and deliciously fun experience for all... in the end. I am definitely not a "lifestyle dom," preferring again to keep my kinkier side private to a relatively small circle of people who understand and share these interests. It is always worth saying that I always play with safety firmly in mind, including the use of safe words and clear understandings about the limits and capacities of those involved.
One of the more difficult things for me to come to accept as I've explored d/s play is my own fascination with fantasies of rape or ravishment. Like most who are interested in this type of play, we find acts of true rape to be repugnant. There are, of course, also many survivors who enjoy this sort of fantasy play, and many who find it to be enormously empowering and transformative. If you are shocked by what you read here, please remember that rape fantasies are among the most common fantasies in many sexuality studies, and are often as common (or more common!) among women as among men. Disclaimer: I have never, would never, and have no desire to, engage in any act of real rape, and am fully committed to safe and sane, consensual exploration only with others who share this fantasy and interest.
While I am "baring all" here, I might as well add that some of the other kinks that turn me on include exhibitionism/voyeurism, interracial sex, age play, daddy/daughter and incest roleplays. If you're interested, I am happy to say more about those interests as well.
Please note again that I am not expecting that anyone will share all of my kinky interests, but would love to meet a kindred spirit who is interested in being a co-adventurer as we explore our wilder sides, one who will accept me deeply as the loving, generous and kinky person that I am, and who will in turn share all of herself with me, receiving that same profound love and acceptance.
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Who is she?
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Descriptions of what I'm looking for get a little tricky because, well... I'm turned on by MANY different kinds of things, and many different kinds of people! I don't want to leave anyone out as I describe my interests. I'll try to meet this challenge by telling you some of the things that I feel are "musts" in a partner at this point, while also noting some of my general preferences and interests that are, while desirable, not mandatory for someone to be a good fit for me. Of course, with the many diverse sexual interests I have, I don't expect anyone to match all of them! (although it might be fun to explore and see!)
I know it may be a bit cliche, but I believe that this is really true for me: the most important thing of all is who she is inside. I tend to be most strongly drawn to women who are self-aware, who've done some personal growth work of some sort or another (therapy, yoga, meditation, martial arts... you name it!), who are healthy physically and mentally, who genuinely like themselves (at least more than not), and who are pretty smart, passionate about something, curious, upbeat and fun to be around.
Let's hit some key words.
I am generally not turned on much by women who:
-smoke
-do drugs
-are BBWs*
-have almost no chin
-are missing teeth
-have poor hygiene
-are especially hirsute
-have an exceedingly oily complexion, prominent acne scars, many blemishes and (especially facial) moles
* While this is true, I'm also not a "weight nazi." I'm not perfect and not demanding that you be. If you've put on a few pounds and are generally physically active, healthy, and looking to get back into better shape, please don't rule yourself out due to this. Life is a dynamic, not a static, process.
Well, we're all entitled to our turnons and turnoffs, but still... that wasn't much fun! Let's flip it over and try the positive side!
I truly am attracted to many different types, but let me see if I can make some solid generalizations about women whom I tend to be more attracted to.
- a nice smile
- clear, sparkling or deep dark eyes
- clear skin
- builds that are fit or slender, perhaps athletic... or with a few extra pounds
- this is difficult to describe, but I tend to be attracted to women who have a delicate presence, who tread softly, who have a charm and beauty that is expressed in how their body moves, how they smile, and how they connect to others. They may be powerful actors in the world, but if so they likely do it with grace rather than with brute force.
- I think that intelligence and curiosity are sexy in a woman
- A touch of naivete is OK too
As far as age, I have a fairly open mind, limited more than anything else by a deep desire to have children. I have been involved previously with women who had children from prior relationships. While never marrying, I have been, for all intents and purposes, a stepdad to three children over the course of two relationships. While rewarding, it is also incredibly challenging. It is my strong preference not to do the step- thing again. If I were to make an exception to this, I would, as a practical consideration, be far more inclined to do so if it were with a woman who has one child under the age of 3, or with children who are nearly adults. My preference though, is to connect with someone who does not yet have children, but would very much like to have children in the next few years or so.
Given that, I am ideally looking for someone between 26 and 36, though am open to considering those who are older or younger than that. I also understand that my desire to have children does not necessarily mean that I will meet someone in the near future with whom to make that a reality. So please take these comments as a significant preference, but not a requirement. If you are otherwise very interested in connecting with me, please contact me, by all means.
Now we get into preferences, for which there are many exceptions!
For example, I could generalize that I am more often attracted to women with fair hair and fair skin... but it's also true that I have been very deeply attracted to women with dark or black hair, and olive or dark skin.
That said, I tend to be more attracted to women with the following physical characteristics:
- petite
- more straight than curly hair
- blonde or fair hair (including red)
- smaller breasts (OK, I love all breasts, but am especially fond of smaller ones... so you gals with small breasts, please don't hide and think you're not loved... come on out and show yourselves! )
- slender fingers
- a great smile
Unfortunately, I'm running out of time here for now, and I want to add some things about me physically... maybe they'll save you time from reading further.
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I'm 5'7" tall, with sparkling blue eyes, a nice smile, silver hair (I went "gray" prematurely, and although it's now not quite as premature as it once was, I'm still more silver than most my age), and a small, trimmed soft moustache and goatee (which are negotiable!). I have a slightly olive complexion, and a stocky and strong build. I have always been athletic, and have begun working out again 3-4 times a week and returned to my martial arts practice. I must confess, however, that with the demands of my business I have not been keeping in as good shape as I'd like recently, so I have a few pounds to shed as I get myself back into the kind of shape I'm accustomed to.
Well, I talked about breast size and some level of detail on what does and does not turn me on about women physically, so I suppose I should return the favor and tell you about my, er, organ. Even though this is the Internet, I'm not going to lie (what's the point?!) and tell you that it's 10" long. It's average in length, 6-7", but quite thick, over 5" around. Lovers in the past have expressed quite an appreciation of that. Works nicely too, very dependable... and long-lasting.
What am I looking for in a relationship? There is much to say about that, and I look forward to doing so, but have run out of time for right now. Please check back in later to find out more.
How am I doing so far? Thanks for reading - I know it's LONG!
CTG
Good day, lovely women of Lit!
This is a sincere personal ad from a very eligible, interesting, intelligent, fun, passionate man.
(By way of introduction - added later... This thread is different from most you'll find on Lit. It's more of a long, blog-style, personal ad and dialogue. Welcome! Please, read, enjoy, add your comments and your questions. Don't be shy about commenting on something said earlier in the thread, if that's what speaks to you. So far, it's been a very interesting experiment. I've met some very interesting and delicious women (online), most of whom live a fair distance away. I can't generalize about where those connections stand now, but I can say that I'm still available, and not otherwise committed at the present time. I welcome new inquiries, explorations and dialogues, and will continue to enjoy the quality exchanges with women I've met here, both within the thread and privately. We'll see where it leads.)
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The Short Version
I am seeking a very exceptional woman, for a very exceptional relationship. I’m not talking about perfection, lord knows I’m not perfect! I’m not talking about a fantasy, or an online roleplay. I am looking for a committed partner, for life.
Have you been enjoying reading and dreaming of the kind of sex that people write about in fantasy? Having a devoted husband who pleases you like no other... who also understands and supports the notion of you enjoying mind blowing sex with others as well? Perhaps you fantasize about trying those proverbial big black cocks. Perhaps you’re a submissive, or a sub-curious woman looking for an exceptional kind of dominant mate. Not one who dresses in leather, puts on airs, and is more interested in his body art than he is in building a life... but one who is a born leader, who works hard, plays hard, and accomplishes impressive things... is respected in the community, and is an amazing, creative lover. A man who can send tingles up your spine with a look in his eye. A man who can safely take you through the edge play and ravishment scenes that you long for.
I’m here for you.
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Curious to read more? Please do. Or... if you believe you're the exceptional woman I'm looking for, just contact me now.
No, I don't expect we'll get married today, but I liked the ridiculousness of the idea for such a headline on a personals board, especially on Lit. Ultimately, though, that is the level of commitment that I'm looking for... although the marriage I have in mind may go just a wee bit beyond the typical white picket fence fantasy. I do like white picket fences though, as well. I'm a complex guy, with a lot to offer... not easy to fit into some preconceived category. If you'd like to get to know me, please read on.
While I know this is long, and I don't wish to waste anyone's time by asking you to read a long post that may not apply to you... I also don't believe that I can adequately "list" a series of characteristics of the kind of woman I am looking for up front, without going into quite a bit of detail. If you really want to look at something of that description before reading further, please skip to where I have created the following divider and heading:
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Who is she?
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I anticipate that this "ad" will be ongoing for a short period of time. I'm a busy person, with a busy life, but also with a lot to say about the kind of a relationship I'm interested in, and the kind of woman I would like to meet. I'll write what I can now, and add more as I'm able. Your comments, questions, feedback, encouragement, and genuine reactions to what I write here are most welcome. Flaming, of course... is something else. Nuff said.
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Hi. I'm not sure quite where to start, so I'll just begin. By the way, if you're trying to figure out if you know me already from Lit., I HAVE created a new profile for this thread... just to maintain some semblance of privacy while I share some pretty personal thoughts and desires with you.
Why this ad? Good question
I do meet people in my daily life. I have had relationships of several years each that I consider to be good relationships in many ways, but I have not yet found the woman I'm seeking... for life. As many of you know, it's far from easy to meet people offline who share some of your/mine/our more *interesting* sexual interests. Heck, it's difficult enough just to find an amazing vanilla person to partner with... and there are a lot more of them to choose from!
I've been chatting online on and off for several years. For me, chatting online has been largely a very good experience of being able to share my more intimate fantasies and desires... to think about them, to come to accept them, to get to know them... and most of all, to get to know myself better. Of course, chatting online hasn't always been great fun. Ever met a nutcase? Me too
.As I was in the car yesterday, it occurred to me that Lit (which I've been more active on recently, but visited periodically for a few years) is in many ways a great online "home" for me. Why? Forgive my generalizations, but it's largely a group of pretty intelligent, literate, very sexual, open-minded and often kinky (in a broad sense) people from every walk of life. Until yesterday, I always thought the Lit personals were kind of a non-starter... not enough local people for any of us to have much of a shot of meeting someone. That may still be true, but I also thought... "heck, if I'm going to meet my match anywhere... I'm as likely to find her on Lit as anywhere else!" Sure, if you lived nearby, that would be ideal... but even if we're not close geographically today, I hope that you'll still consider what I'm saying and respond if you think we might be a match. [Disclaimer: Please, if you're just looking for a Green Card, don't respond. I'm interested in so much more in a relationship than that, I can't even begin to contemplate...]
Alright, so who is this guy?
By way of introduction, I'm a 43-year old man in California who is highly intelligent, very self-aware, mildly extroverted, creative, professional, middle class, athletic, outdoorsy, cultured, funny and fun! OK, but that doesn't get us very far, does it? Well, this IS a personal ad, so I had to try a list of adjectives, right? They're all true, by the way.
Education & Work
While I think there are a ton of problems with our education system in the U.S. (I know, pretty perceptive, aren't I?) I do value education a great deal. I've always basically found learning to be easy, and continue to have a hunger for learning, for new information, new perspectives and the like. I graduated summa cum laude in college and I followed that with a Master's degree of a professional nature. My professional career following that met with a series of accomplishments and successes, progressively better jobs with greater responsibility. I enjoyed it, but also found after a number of years that I was in need of a change, somewhat burnt out from the intensity of that career, and found myself with an inviting opportunity to start my own business. With the help of friends and family, I've taken the business beyond the 5-year mark that many do not survive, and am heading towards 10. It's been difficult, but rewarding, challenging and educational! Just to give you some idea, the company works in the world of communication... a rather broad term, I realize.
Communication, though, is also very important to me. Of course, most of us realize that communication is KEY to successful relationships. Between my personal experience and growth, my professional education and experience, and my current experience in business, I believe that the ability to communicate well, even through very challenging territory, is one of my key strengths.
Values
While I don't fit well into any confined box or category, I do have some very solid values that permeate what I do, the choices I make, and the relationships that I have. I have a deep respect for people. I use that as my starting point. I've gotten to dig deep with enough people to know that while we all have faults, we also all deserve a chance... and except for the few true lost souls whom we all need to be protected from, people generally do their best with what they have, and deserve our respect and appreciation. I also have a very positive outlook. I don't gloss over the negatives, the challenges, the threats that exist, but I do approach them with optimism, creativity, hope and a belief in people's intelligence and desire to do the right thing. Health, social justice, equal opportunity, compassion, open-mindedness and freedom are also key to my value system. If you have me "pegged" as a liberal, you are correct. Perhaps a bit left of liberal. It's not critical to me that we share the same political views, but sharing the same core values for the most part would give us the best chance for a successful relationship, I believe.
Friends, family and community are also of tremendous importance to me. I know, that's almost cliche too, however I have truly devoted myself to building a good many very strong relationships in various parts of my life -- purely social friendships of 20+ year durations, strong business relationships and collegial relationships, and strong relationships with my family.
As you might have already guessed by now, while my sexual interests go beyond pure vanilla, I am of a mind to keep my sexual life separate from my public/community life for the most part. I am the kind of person whom a fairly wide circle of people often turn to for advice, inspiration, encouragement and support. You might even say that to some I am known for my strength of character and ability to draw out the best in people. I value that part of my life, and while I don't believe there is a conflict between that and my sexuality, it is also obvious that not everyone in this world is open-minded about sexuality... or about sexuality that explores broader possibilities for pleasure than simply a sleepy conjugal screw.
Sexuality
This is Lit. You're probably wondering about my sexual interests.
. They're not all that far from my mind, most of the time I AM a very sexual person. A sex addict? No, I don't think so. But maybe close. Sexual intimacy plays a big role in my life, in my vision of the life I want to lead, and in my happiness and satisfaction. That said, I'm also quite choosy about who I wish to be sexual with. The good news there for me is that I've chosen some great sexual partners. The other good news is that I've managed to stay healthy, HIV -, and steer clear of STDs. The bad news is that too many days and nights have been spent without that loving partner. Still, I will dependably turn down an opportunity to be with the wrong partner, even if it means another night with my favorite erotic inspirations
.I have often found myself in pretty vanilla relationships. I enjoy love... deep, passionate love. If it comes in a vanilla envelope, I have not been one to turn it away. But for me, as perhaps for many of you, it has also left me feeling that I am denying a part of myself, keeping it hidden, a secret. As with many kinds of secrets of that ilk, the problem is not with having a secret, it is with not having the opportunity to express my full self, and to have my full self engaged in the relationship, and appreciated by my partner.
I am looking for that whole, full interchange. I want that delicious love and passion, but I want it to include ALL of me. I want acceptance of all of my desires, thoughts, kinks, and emotions, and I want to offer that same divine acceptance and open-mindedness... open-heartedness... to my partner.
For me, a broader definition of love, sex and relationships is not about what kind of toys we choose to play with. For me, it is an expression of a deep love and passion... one that cannot be constrained by mindlessly following the socially accepted norms.
The relationship I seek will have a deep and abiding commitment between us, one to another. That commitment may go beyond monogamy to a commitment that welcomes and fosters explorations of broader avenues to pleasure. One of the things that I find to be profoundly erotic, is to encourage and support my beloved to sexually embrace other men. The voyeur in me finds the prospect of expanding the sexual pleasure for my beloved to include another man or men, woman or women, to be incredibly alluring. I know this is difficult to understand, accept, and explore for many people. For me, there is a deep generosity in this act. It is sharing and celebrating the woman I love so much. The woman whom I find more desirable than any other... wanting to give her all of the pleasure I can... and even more... the pleasure that others can give her also. Similarly, there is a pride in my beloved, wanting to scream from the mountaintop so that all the world can appreciate the magic of her love and affection. But I'm not a typical swinger.
One of the things I have come to realize and accept in more recent years is that I have a natural dominant side. I would also say, however, that I am not a typical dom. I very much enjoy women who tend toward the sexually submissive side, or wish to explore that realm. I am not sadistic, and do not relish inflicting pain. I am drawn, however, to the more psychological aspects of d/s play. I love the deep trust that is required and cultivated in a good d/s relationship, the playful quality, and the opportunity for fostering self-awareness and growth. No, it's not all pretty, but I take my responsibility as a dom quite seriously, and strive for a growthful, powerfully erotic, and deliciously fun experience for all... in the end. I am definitely not a "lifestyle dom," preferring again to keep my kinkier side private to a relatively small circle of people who understand and share these interests. It is always worth saying that I always play with safety firmly in mind, including the use of safe words and clear understandings about the limits and capacities of those involved.
One of the more difficult things for me to come to accept as I've explored d/s play is my own fascination with fantasies of rape or ravishment. Like most who are interested in this type of play, we find acts of true rape to be repugnant. There are, of course, also many survivors who enjoy this sort of fantasy play, and many who find it to be enormously empowering and transformative. If you are shocked by what you read here, please remember that rape fantasies are among the most common fantasies in many sexuality studies, and are often as common (or more common!) among women as among men. Disclaimer: I have never, would never, and have no desire to, engage in any act of real rape, and am fully committed to safe and sane, consensual exploration only with others who share this fantasy and interest.
While I am "baring all" here, I might as well add that some of the other kinks that turn me on include exhibitionism/voyeurism, interracial sex, age play, daddy/daughter and incest roleplays. If you're interested, I am happy to say more about those interests as well.
Please note again that I am not expecting that anyone will share all of my kinky interests, but would love to meet a kindred spirit who is interested in being a co-adventurer as we explore our wilder sides, one who will accept me deeply as the loving, generous and kinky person that I am, and who will in turn share all of herself with me, receiving that same profound love and acceptance.
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Who is she?
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Descriptions of what I'm looking for get a little tricky because, well... I'm turned on by MANY different kinds of things, and many different kinds of people! I don't want to leave anyone out as I describe my interests. I'll try to meet this challenge by telling you some of the things that I feel are "musts" in a partner at this point, while also noting some of my general preferences and interests that are, while desirable, not mandatory for someone to be a good fit for me. Of course, with the many diverse sexual interests I have, I don't expect anyone to match all of them! (although it might be fun to explore and see!)
I know it may be a bit cliche, but I believe that this is really true for me: the most important thing of all is who she is inside. I tend to be most strongly drawn to women who are self-aware, who've done some personal growth work of some sort or another (therapy, yoga, meditation, martial arts... you name it!), who are healthy physically and mentally, who genuinely like themselves (at least more than not), and who are pretty smart, passionate about something, curious, upbeat and fun to be around.
Let's hit some key words.
I am generally not turned on much by women who:
-smoke
-do drugs
-are BBWs*
-have almost no chin
-are missing teeth
-have poor hygiene
-are especially hirsute
-have an exceedingly oily complexion, prominent acne scars, many blemishes and (especially facial) moles
* While this is true, I'm also not a "weight nazi." I'm not perfect and not demanding that you be. If you've put on a few pounds and are generally physically active, healthy, and looking to get back into better shape, please don't rule yourself out due to this. Life is a dynamic, not a static, process.
Well, we're all entitled to our turnons and turnoffs, but still... that wasn't much fun! Let's flip it over and try the positive side!
I truly am attracted to many different types, but let me see if I can make some solid generalizations about women whom I tend to be more attracted to.
- a nice smile
- clear, sparkling or deep dark eyes
- clear skin
- builds that are fit or slender, perhaps athletic... or with a few extra pounds
- this is difficult to describe, but I tend to be attracted to women who have a delicate presence, who tread softly, who have a charm and beauty that is expressed in how their body moves, how they smile, and how they connect to others. They may be powerful actors in the world, but if so they likely do it with grace rather than with brute force.
- I think that intelligence and curiosity are sexy in a woman
- A touch of naivete is OK too
As far as age, I have a fairly open mind, limited more than anything else by a deep desire to have children. I have been involved previously with women who had children from prior relationships. While never marrying, I have been, for all intents and purposes, a stepdad to three children over the course of two relationships. While rewarding, it is also incredibly challenging. It is my strong preference not to do the step- thing again. If I were to make an exception to this, I would, as a practical consideration, be far more inclined to do so if it were with a woman who has one child under the age of 3, or with children who are nearly adults. My preference though, is to connect with someone who does not yet have children, but would very much like to have children in the next few years or so.
Given that, I am ideally looking for someone between 26 and 36, though am open to considering those who are older or younger than that. I also understand that my desire to have children does not necessarily mean that I will meet someone in the near future with whom to make that a reality. So please take these comments as a significant preference, but not a requirement. If you are otherwise very interested in connecting with me, please contact me, by all means.
Now we get into preferences, for which there are many exceptions!
For example, I could generalize that I am more often attracted to women with fair hair and fair skin... but it's also true that I have been very deeply attracted to women with dark or black hair, and olive or dark skin.
That said, I tend to be more attracted to women with the following physical characteristics:
- petite
- more straight than curly hair
- blonde or fair hair (including red)
- smaller breasts (OK, I love all breasts, but am especially fond of smaller ones... so you gals with small breasts, please don't hide and think you're not loved... come on out and show yourselves!
)- slender fingers
- a great smile
Unfortunately, I'm running out of time here for now, and I want to add some things about me physically... maybe they'll save you time from reading further
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I'm 5'7" tall, with sparkling blue eyes, a nice smile, silver hair (I went "gray" prematurely, and although it's now not quite as premature as it once was, I'm still more silver than most my age), and a small, trimmed soft moustache and goatee (which are negotiable!). I have a slightly olive complexion, and a stocky and strong build. I have always been athletic, and have begun working out again 3-4 times a week and returned to my martial arts practice. I must confess, however, that with the demands of my business I have not been keeping in as good shape as I'd like recently, so I have a few pounds to shed as I get myself back into the kind of shape I'm accustomed to.
Well, I talked about breast size and some level of detail on what does and does not turn me on about women physically, so I suppose I should return the favor and tell you about my, er, organ. Even though this is the Internet, I'm not going to lie (what's the point?!) and tell you that it's 10" long. It's average in length, 6-7", but quite thick, over 5" around. Lovers in the past have expressed quite an appreciation of that
. Works nicely too, very dependable... and long-lasting.What am I looking for in a relationship? There is much to say about that, and I look forward to doing so, but have run out of time for right now. Please check back in later to find out more.
How am I doing so far? Thanks for reading - I know it's LONG!
CTG
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on the cheek.
