Vanilla partner

[Sincity09]

Hi new member here (“virgin” according to LitEr site LOL)

I’m looking for feedback from those of you with kinky appetites (whatever they may be), but with a essentially vanilla partner, and how you juggle that.

Do you come to sites like this to escape and live vicariously (as I do), do you indulge, do you just bury that side…?

This is not meant as a “judgie” post in any way. There is no right or wrong, everyone’s situation is different. I am simply genuinely curious.

I love my wife to pieces, and it’s not a reflection on anything. It’s simply a difference in sexual appetites at times (vanilla is great but I have a kinkier side that she does not, I broached the topic and it was firmly shot down).

I’d love to hear some views. And apologies if this has been discussed before, as I said, I’m new here and figuring out the mechanics of the site as I go

 

[Handeguy]

I enjoy Lit and have an active fantasy and self pleasure life. Real life remains very vanilla and conservative.

 

[GoodBoy4Ever]

Currently, I find it challenging to engage in discussions on the topic. I write a lot of the fantasies I want to experience or experiment with. I also love the audio artists on lit's audio. Sometimes I go to porn vids, but it really debates on how horny I am.

 

[MissMaidenMinx]

Hubby is quite Vanilla, but we have an otherwise great relationship. He has tried to play my way, but he just couldn't stick with it. Our relationship is open, but he doesn't have the confidence to seek anything out, poor guy. His only request is I keep things online and he gets the real world benefits.

 

[Jcam1980s]

I wouldn't describe my wife as absolutely vanilla but she definately isn't into a lot of things that turn me on (sharing her would be a dream, to watch another guy cum inside her!) But we have so much common ground that its not an issue at all as im happy for my other side to be discussed here and share via the written word. But thats not to say if she came home and had brought a guy with her for me to watch I'd say no because i absolutely wouldn't

 

[LoneMilf]

My husband grew up in a much more conservative culture than I when it comes to sex, so he started out very 'vanilla'. I found that talking directly about different kinds of sex would often trigger a kind of automatic rejection.

Instead, I took the patient approach and gently tried encouraging behaviour that I liked. For instance, when I wanted to encourage him to lick me, I would make sure that any kisses in the areas close to there would be met with more vocal responses than usual Non-verbal cues can be amazingly effective.

This worked for other activities too, although some things are obviously more difficult to 'ease' into..

 

[StrongMaster7]

I love my wife, but she really just doesn't care about sex. She enjoys it when we have it, but she only wants the basic, vanilla stuff maybe once a week for about 11 minutes.

I'd love to have some kind of sexual contact every day. I'd do anything she could ask of me. But she never asks. So, I watch online porn and masturbate to keep myself from going crazy. Been doing it for close to 40 years.

 

[jackthedriver]

much like the comment from Lonemilf above ... had a gf who was more or less very shy even in the dark .. but a few more comments of the right kind while making love increased her appetite ... plus when it was her birthday/ xmas etc ... gifts of clothing with maybe a slightly higher hemline , or heels a little more higher than she'd chose herself did not go unappreciated..she grew in confidence and her sexual hunger grew too

 

[waldo75]

I love my wife, but she really just doesn't care about sex. She enjoys it when we have it, but she only wants the basic, vanilla stuff maybe once a week for about 11 minutes.

I'd love to have some kind of sexual contact every day. I'd do anything she could ask of me. But she never asks. So, I watch online porn and masturbate to keep myself from going crazy. Been doing it for close to 40 years.

Wow this sounds exactly like my relationship. I've told my wife I would explore any fantasy, I am constantly asking what I can do to please her during sex, and would even be willing to open our bedroom if it would help her libido. But she claims she's happy with our sex life, which is basic missionary a couple times a month.

 

[Crownvic]

My husband grew up in a much more conservative culture than I when it comes to sex, so he started out very 'vanilla'. I found that talking directly about different kinds of sex would often trigger a kind of automatic rejection.

Instead, I took the patient approach and gently tried encouraging behaviour that I liked. For instance, when I wanted to encourage him to lick me, I would make sure that any kisses in the areas close to there would be met with more vocal responses than usual Non-verbal cues can be amazingly effective.

This worked for other activities too, although some things are obviously more difficult to 'ease' into..

I would love to be your man to satisfy you...

 

[Cardinal]

This is tough because if your wife is vanilla (like mine) and is unwilling to even discuss new ideas or your kinks then it is one person who is controlling the sexual side of your relationship.
What if you refused a part of your relationship that was important to her? How would she feel?
This of course excludes anything dangerous, immoral, or illegal, but things between two people in a committed relationship should be able to be discussed and tried because why not?
However, I’m in the same boat as others here where I’m forced to hide that part of me, which causes resentment unfortunately.

 

[Katch123]

My husband grew up in a much more conservative culture than I when it comes to sex, so he started out very 'vanilla'. I found that talking directly about different kinds of sex would often trigger a kind of automatic rejection.

Instead, I took the patient approach and gently tried encouraging behaviour that I liked. For instance, when I wanted to encourage him to lick me, I would make sure that any kisses in the areas close to there would be met with more vocal responses than usual Non-verbal cues can be amazingly effective.

This worked for other activities too, although some things are obviously more difficult to 'ease' into..

This is a really good point. Vanilla is the beginning, it's up to you to be creative if you want your partner to evolve.

 

[Crownvic]

Adding your own personal flavors...

 

[hulmule]

In same situation. I'm so sexual. Wife so vanilla. I've tried for years to teach, praise etc.But goes back to vanilla. To me its like anything in life. Some people are naturals at stuff. Some people can be taught , but their not natural at it... so it becomes a chore mechanical or not a pleasure to it .Sports, outdoors, careers and lastly- SEX . Just my 2 cents... Where's the picture with the person at the table and sign- PROVE ME WRONG

 

[Curiouscarli]

I'm single, and have been with women both more and less vanilla. My desires have increased in number over the years- I sometimes imagine how things would be different with my current mind in those past situations.
I do wonder if a person I connect with in other ways will match my sexual desires. And worry that it could lead to impasse down the road. But then I also think how accustomed I've gotten to satisfying myself through other means- so would it matter if I'm satisfied emotionally, intellectually, etc without that sexual gratification?
I really appreciate this topic. Good food for thought. Thank you!