Things you NEVER want to hear while having sex

[XShadynzX]

Oh damn,, I think I left the stove on....

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Not a sound, but I will offer it anyway.

The absolutely silent, damp, ice-cold nose of an inquisitive Labrador Retriever.

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

And of course, the classic from Animal House...

 

[AlinaX]

I thought you had the key.

 

[Tessinwales]

Back in a minute, just need to go and pee.

 

[Sgts19]

Are you in yet

 

[NewEng]

The Viagra's not working then....

 

[jehoram]

"You know I'm a guy, right?"

 

[samhasstories]

"It's Stan, right?"

 

[StillStunned]

"In the story I'm writing, the characters change position now."

 

[curioustxn]

The sound of a 9 millimeter being cocked

 

[RjThoughts]

Bones crunching!

 

[XShadynzX]

What's that?!

 

[EmilyMiller]

“You’re so fucking amazing, Elodie.”

“Um… it’s Emily.”

 

[EmilyMiller]

“Who’s your favorite character in Toy Story 3?”

 

[EmilyMiller]

“Have you ever considered breast augmentation?”

 

[EmilyMiller]

“The boys at school aren’t going to fucking believe this.”

 

[EmilyMiller]

“And now for the face hugger.”

 

[EmilyMiller]

“Can you cum again, it would have been perfect for TikTok, but you were slightly out of frame.”

 

[EmilyMiller]

“No, Mr Hyde, not now.”

 

[EmilyMiller]

“You’re not as tight as your little sister.”

 

[Bisexguy70]

If you didnt cum, and I didnt cum. Then who came???

 

[Bisexguy70]

“You’re not as tight as your little sister.”

“Your not as tight as your little brother.”

 

[EmilyMiller]

“Your not as tight as your little brother.”

Yeah - you win.

Emily

 

[EmilyMiller]

This is actually based on a friend of mine, who is a very pretty girl, but has lots of birthmarks all over.

“Such a good little Dalmatian bitch.”

The guy didn’t say exactly that, and it wasn’t during sex, but yeah. And the word Dalmatian was used.

I used the idea in a story once.

Emily