Things you NEVER want to hear while having sex

[SimonDoom]

"When are you going to put it in? You have? Oh . . . "

 

[loquere]

The enemy is near, to your battle stations.

 

[PoisonPen33]

"You must gather your party before venturing forth."

 

[loquere]

"The night is dark and full of terrors."

 

[jehoram]

"Are you finished?"

Even worse: "Have you started?"

 

[loquere]

Shhhh, you're gonna wake up whoever actually lives here.

 

[loquere]

Heil hitler.

 

[loquere]

The condom broke.

 

[XerXesXu]

'Darling, it's the man from the RSPCA.'

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Why aren't you wearing a mask!"

 

[Crownvic]

Oooohhh No!

 

[Kumquatqueen]

2am: THUMP THUMP THUMP Armed police!

 

[Zeb_Carter]

2am: THUMP THUMP THUMP Armed police!

Huh? Where do the police use that phraseology?

And at 2am I would ignore them unless they yelled out 'Search Warrant.'

 

[Rustyoznail]

Huh? Where do the police use that phraseology?

And at 2am I would ignore them unless they yelled out 'Search Warrant.'

"Warrants next door!"

I believe KQ is English. The normal Bobby would just hit you with their black pudding.

Back on track - "Mum, I'm home and horny!"

 

[Nylonian]

"There's a spider on the ceiling!"

(Australians will get this.)

 

[JaySecrets]

"No, really. I finished. Yes, it was nice. I do have to go to work in the morning though, soooo...... Hey, you ming handing that vibrator over there to me on your way out?"

 

[JaySecrets]

"You done? Yeah, great. NEXT!"

 

[EmilyMiller]

Woof!

 

[Helgamite]

"hey mama! when did you get home?"

 

[Fierywhore]

The line can’t being getting shorter so soon!

 

[TarnishedPenny]

“Your wallet? Why are you asking me?”

 

[TarnishedPenny]

“Oh, don’t worry about it, dear. Really. I’m told it happens to lots of men your age. We can just cuddle instead.”

 

[TarnishedPenny]

“You know the zoom meeting I was having? Looks like I forgot to turn it off when you showed up. Sorry. But, on the positive side, 76 percent of the comments on your butt are very positive.”

 

[TarnishedPenny]

“So, i’m only 13. Aren’t you a bit old to be superstitious?”

 

[Smuttyandfun]

"My Pitbull? He just likes to watch. But just to be on the safe side, I wouldn't make any sudden moves."