Texting in a fictional story.

[Kantarii]

Okay, up front, I’ve started work on a chapter of “Best Friends Forever” that is probably going to be both interesting and a headache to write. A majority of the chapter is a post sex scene conversation via texting. Honestly, I think it will be a lot of fun to write, giving me a lot of freedom to explore character thoughts as well as a different approach to writing dialogue. I do have a clear idea - that I would like to use this specific chapter to expand character development among other things.

I thought about this format
Excerpt:

“Wake up, sexy lady,” Jason’s missed text reads.

My thoughts begin to stir. I shouldn’t send a reply to Jason. I already know what’s on in his perverted mind. Despite my better judgement, I decide to send him a bullshit reply, hoping he’s not awake now to read it.

“Sorry, I was busy,” I text, taking a puff off my cigarette.

“What are you doing,” his text beams back.

“Fuck,” I blurt, mumbling to myself, “I knew I shouldn’t have sent that text.”

“Smoking,” I text, flicking the ashes from my cigarette out the back door.

“That’s a nasty habit for a pretty lady.”

I lean back up against the drier and roll my eyes.
**************

This probably isn’t the best example from what I have written so far, but it showcases a few things I’d like to refine my talents on to improve my writing, etc, blah-blah-blah
1. I started off with “I text” used in place of “I said” and shortened my dialogue/action considerably since I’m holding onto that crutch.
2. I noted the speedy response from Jason
3. It stirs my thoughts to speak audibly/ beyond the text conversation.
However, I went back to the formula “I said/I text. Which was great, but it got monotonous.
4.Since there is no way to convey audial sounds like on a phone call, Jason’s response looks better to me written as a pure dialogue quote with no tags, etc.
5.instead of a verbal outburst, I touched on a brief physical action before returning to more dialogue.

**************
So that’s the formula/ approach I settled in on to use in my next chapter I’m working on. Hopefully, I clarified my approach. But, I’d love to use this thread to share ideas on different ways to approach a chapter dealing with texting in stories. Hell, let’s not be restrictive, and include phone conversations as well.

Kant

 

[AwkwardMD]

https://www.literotica.com/s/orchid-ch-01-1?page=3

Formatting it is one way to go, but I can say from experience that it is not easy to get right, and frustrating when it fails for reasons beyond your control. I think I used this method in three different places within Orchid, and two of them have minor left-right alignment issues, or spacing issues, or something. It doesn't take much to make a formatting system stop reading like it should.

I think the way I did it in Orchid is fucking awesome, but it took a lot of work.

 

[AfterDusk]

I did use some texting dialogue in one of my stories; I chose to simply do it in italics because I felt like using quotes would be a bit confusing (the character was actually talking to someone else as well in the same scene).
I’m sure it’s just personal preference though, but it still gives you the option to insert the narrator’s thoughts and feelings.

Sorry, I was busy, I reply, taking a puff off my cigarette.

What are you doing? He beams back.

“Fuck,” I blurt, mumbling to myself, “I knew I shouldn’t have sent that text.”

 

[Kantarii]

https://www.literotica.com/s/orchid-ch-01-1?page=3

Formatting it is one way to go, but I can say from experience that it is not easy to get right, and frustrating when it fails for reasons beyond your control. I think I used this method in three different places within Orchid, and two of them have minor left-right alignment issues, or spacing issues, or something

I think the way I did it in Orchid is fucking awesome, but it took a lot of work.

Interesting. I’ll take a look at “Orchid” if you don’t mind me peeking at it. Also, something else I thought about using in the dialogue tags. “I fib”, not to say I’m lying, but to let the reader know my character isn’t being “honest” with the person on the other end of the phone whom might or might not know the speaker is lying per se.Kant

 

[Kantarii]

I did use some texting dialogue in one of my stories; I chose to simply do it in italics because I felt like using quotes would be a bit confusing (the character was actually talking to someone else as well in the same scene).
I’m sure it’s just personal preference though, but it still gives you the option to insert the narrator’s thoughts and feelings.

Sorry, I was busy, I reply, taking a puff off my cigarette.

What are you doing? He beams back.

“Fuck,” I blurt, mumbling to myself, “I knew I shouldn’t have sent that text.”

Interesting that you brought that upI had a chapter in “A Slut’s Triangle” where I was talking on the phone, not knowing the person was also knocking at my front door.

 

[AwkwardMD]

Weds. 4:50 pm<br>
Still with me?<br>
<div align="right">Weds. 4:50 pm<br>
Yes! Yes, I’m here<br>
Had to find a mirror to see if my skin was glowing<br></div>
Weds. 4:51 pm<br>
Are you radioactive? Should I be worried?<br>
<div align="right">Weds. 4:52 pm<br>
From blushing!<br>
Goober!<br></div>
Weds. 4:52 pm<br>
Oh!<br>
<div align="right">Weds. 4:52 pm<br>
I’m really sorry about that<br>
I was so turned on, which is really a compliment to you, that<br>
I just started talking without thinking, which is kind of a<br>
problem for me sometimes. Which, yanno, because: you<br>
Can I start over?<br></div>
Weds. 4:53 pm<br>
Sure<br>
<div align="right">Weds. 4:54 pm<br>
Hi!<br></div>
Weds. 4:54 pm<br>
Hi!<br>
<div align="right">Weds. 4:54 pm<br>
I had a really great time on Saturday<br>
Like a *really* great time<br></div>
Weds. 4:55 pm<br>
I did too!<br>
I’m so glad!<br>
Are you free this weekend? I would really like to see<br>
you again.<br>
<div align="right">Weds. 4:57 pm<br>
I thought you were never going to ask!<br>
Yes!<br></div>
Weds. 4:59 pm<br>
Ok great!<br>
I’ve got a class starting in a minute, but how about this<br>
Friday? Maybe 8?<br>
<div align="right">Weds. 5:02 pm<br>
Sounds great!<br>
Friday at 8!<br></div>

This is what the text looks like in the document.

 

[Kantarii]

https://www.literotica.com/s/orchid-ch-01-1?page=3

Formatting it is one way to go, but I can say from experience that it is not easy to get right, and frustrating when it fails for reasons beyond your control. I think I used this method in three different places within Orchid, and two of them have minor left-right alignment issues, or spacing issues, or something. It doesn't take much to make a formatting system stop reading like it should.

I think the way I did it in Orchid is fucking awesome, but it took a lot of work.

Okay, I took a peek at the link you included. The left/right offset format looks authentic as Hell, but after a while it was a bit hard on the eyes to read - probably because it was too authentic including the time/date stamps.

I text on my iPhone a lot - and I mean a fucking lot being a Mobile T-girl. I can honestly say this: I don’t pay any attention to time/date stamps. They serve very little purpose in the casual conversation to me between two people. Now, it might be useful if I were showing the text time/date stuff to a lawyer to reference frequency of texts, time of day, etc or prove other elements of harassment.
Kant

Oh, by the way, I’ve missed talking with you MD

 

[NotWise]

I use texting in my stories pretty frequently. It's occasionally treated--like in your OP--much like dialog, with different tags. More often only one respondent is present and they report the content of the incoming and outgoing texts in dialog with a third party.

This is from my most recent story

She picked up her phone and groaned at the flashing alert. “Oh Jesus. I have a text from my step-mom. She’s hardly ever awake during the day, and then she gets upset if she’s alone. Now she’s all alone, and it’s Christmas Eve.”

Steffi looked up from her phone and said, ”It’s Saturday, right? The markets aren’t even open. I don’t know where Dad is, but he isn’t taking care of his wife. I’ll call a ride, and I have to do something with my hair.”

 

[SimonDoom]

This is what the text looks like in the document.

I didn't even know you could do that at Literotica. That does look like a heck of a lot of work. But it worked nicely in your story. I can see why you chose to do it that way.

As for Kantarii's initial post, I think it's fine to use the word "text" in the dialogue tag, and that's what I do. I would recommend leaving the tag out of some lines, however, when it's not necessary to identify which person is texting.

 

[NotWise]

As for Kantarii's initial post, I think it's fine to use the word "text" in the dialogue tag, and that's what I do. I would recommend leaving the tag out of some lines, however, when it's not necessary to identify which person is texting.

Using text as a verb and especially the past tense, "texted," confused my spelling and grammar checker in major ways. I had to add text as a verb in order to avoid every instance being flagged as a mistake.

 

[AwkwardMD]

I didn't even know you could do that at Literotica. That does look like a heck of a lot of work. But it worked nicely in your story. I can see why you chose to do it that way.

If you dig deep into the AH, you might find me making a thread about 18 months ago asking for help in doing exactly this. Most thought it wouldn't work and was a waste of time. MindsMirror was, I think, the only contributor who thought it would work.

In the grand scheme of things it was probably a net loss of effort vs reward for me to do it, but anyone who follows in my shoes will have a lot of the guesswork taken out. They'd just need to copy the format.

Btw, it's really buried in there, but I tried to use the timestamps to tell their own story. Instead of explaining how statements caused the character to pause and think before responding, or adding a scene break and narrating "Two days later", I just added more time than usual to the timestamp. I even went so far as to time myself writing some of those things into my phone to get a baseline srnse for the amount of time reading and responding should take.

It's not perfect, but I'm proud of it.

 

[AwkwardMD]

Okay, I took a peek at the link you included. The left/right offset format looks authentic as Hell, but after a while it was a bit hard on the eyes to read - probably because it was too authentic including the time/date stamps.

I text on my iPhone a lot - and I mean a fucking lot being a Mobile T-girl. I can honestly say this: I don’t pay any attention to time/date stamps. They serve very little purpose in the casual conversation to me between two people. Now, it might be useful if I were showing the text time/date stuff to a lawyer to reference frequency of texts, time of day, etc or prove other elements of harassment.
Kant

Oh, by the way, I’ve missed talking with you MD

I alwaysalwaysalways end up with details in my work that fly under the radar and (as far as I know) never get noticed. If the readers aren't invested in the timestamp, I think it's pretty easy for them to glaze over it. That being said, there's supporting info there. I was able to justify them according to Chekhov's Gun, which is still my guiding star.

And I've missed talking to you too! I've been hard at work on my next big project, and it's been sucking up a lot of time in rewrites and edits.

 

[Kantarii]

I alwaysalwaysalways end up with details in my work that fly under the radar and (as far as I know) never get noticed. If the readers aren't invested in the timestamp, I think it's pretty easy for them to glaze over it. That being said, there's supporting info there. I was able to justify them according to Chekhov's Gun, which is still my guiding star.

And I've missed talking to you too! I've been hard at work on my next big project, and it's been sucking up a lot of time in rewrites and edits.

Another thing I’ve noticed working on my next chapter - I’s really easy to write. 10x quicker with it being mostly text dialogue with occasional thoughts. Even the opening narrative was a breeze to write compared to the elaborate sex scene I just finished up in chapter 8.

It scary at how useful the word “suck” is the way you use it sucking up a lot of time.

Anyway, I do admire the extra details and effort you put into your written work. I’m slowly but surely improving my writing skills. Chatting with you and a couple other authors here has been my biggest assets. Kant

 

[yukonnights]

https://www.literotica.com/s/orchid-ch-01-1?page=3

Formatting it is one way to go, but I can say from experience that it is not easy to get right, and frustrating when it fails for reasons beyond your control. I think I used this method in three different places within Orchid, and two of them have minor left-right alignment issues, or spacing issues, or something. It doesn't take much to make a formatting system stop reading like it should.

I think the way I did it in Orchid is fucking awesome, but it took a lot of work.

I agree, that is a very unique and "awesome" format. It makes my eyes hurt just thinking about trying to get it all spaced out properly

The only thing I could add to this conversation for Kant is; In lieu of the standard double quotation "dialouge", a single might indicate 'text' a little more clearly. I suspect, and think I've read it on the forums someplace, that special formatting <br> or <i> takes a little more time to get a work publish since it's done manually, etc. But, I think the texting is a good idea...and I like the way you're exploring the character's thoughts.

 

[SimonDoom]

If you dig deep into the AH, you might find me making a thread about 18 months ago asking for help in doing exactly this. Most thought it wouldn't work and was a waste of time. MindsMirror was, I think, the only contributor who thought it would work.

In the grand scheme of things it was probably a net loss of effort vs reward for me to do it, but anyone who follows in my shoes will have a lot of the guesswork taken out. They'd just need to copy the format.

Btw, it's really buried in there, but I tried to use the timestamps to tell their own story. Instead of explaining how statements caused the character to pause and think before responding, or adding a scene break and narrating "Two days later", I just added more time than usual to the timestamp. I even went so far as to time myself writing some of those things into my phone to get a baseline srnse for the amount of time reading and responding should take.

It's not perfect, but I'm proud of it.

I noticed that about the timestamps. The way you did it was impressive.

I remember that thread you are referring to, and I came away from thinking it couldn't be done because that's what some others said.

That's a lot of work but it turned out nicely.

 

[ElectricBlue]

The rare times that my characters would text or send an email, I show the message like this:

<Joe's cafe at nine?> he texted.

<How about ten?> she replied.

It's simple, you just need to explain what it is the first time in every story, then carry on like normal speech. Just don't describe every finger tap and thumb movement, Kant

Mind you, I'd stop reading after fifty words - texting isn't a communication technique for emotion, not for me. I cannot imagine trying to read a whole story based on texts.

 

[Kantarii]

The rare times that my characters would text or send an email, I show the message like this:

<Joe's cafe at nine?> he texted.

<How about ten?> she replied.

It's simple, you just need to explain what it is the first time in every story, then carry on like normal speech. Just don't describe every finger tap and thumb movement, Kant

Mind you, I'd stop reading after fifty words - texting isn't a communication technique for emotion, not for me. I cannot imagine trying to read a whole story based on texts.

EB, the idea for most of the chapter isn’t to convey emotion, mind you. Texts are emotionless and easy to misinterpret, plus neither side can verify if they are actually talking with the person they are texting. From a story perspective, it opens up a whole new world of ways to achieve elements of character development, and offers a unique way to get (<——Kant) over there to easy up on the Talk/Action stuff. Sorry, had to poke fun at myself here for a minute. It also allows me a way to change up what and how my character thinks by keeping the setting in a neutral, emotionless based text conversation. It’s complicated, I know, but it isn’t meant to be seen beyond maybe someone (texting/sexting) etc.
Kant
I’m going to disappear now. I just babbled about bullshit I have no idea yet how it will play out in my story. I just know I’m excited to bring that element into the story for specific reasons.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I’m going to disappear now. I just babbled about bullshit I have no idea yet how it will play out in my story. I just know I’m excited to bring that element into the story for specific reasons.

Hopefully it works, but I'm not sure I'd let it dominate a chapter. Runs the risk of being a gimmick, I reckon.

 

[Alice_Rosaleen]

I like the more emotional/less 'technical' approach you're trying to incorporate texts in your story. Texting is so ubiquitous and has changed the way so many of us communicate that it's worth rethinking how we, as writers, can illustrate its dynamic in a conversation beyond font and format changes.

 

[SimonDoom]

I like the more emotional/less 'technical' approach you're trying to incorporate texts in your story. Texting is so ubiquitous and has changed the way so many of us communicate that it's worth rethinking how we, as writers, can illustrate its dynamic in a conversation beyond font and format changes.

My method is basically just to substitute "text" for "said", but otherwise treat it like dialogue. I agree it's so ubiquitous that at this point readers will have no problem understanding this, and I personally see no reason to call attention to the distinctive technical aspects of texting in showing a conversation.

But I also think it's interesting to see how others do it. I thought AwkwardMD's example was interesting, and effective, though painstaking.

I'm also lazy, so the less effort I put into formatting in my writing the better. I don't even use italics for that reason.

 

[Kantarii]

I use texting in my stories pretty frequently. It's occasionally treated--like in your OP--much like dialog, with different tags. More often only one respondent is present and they report the content of the incoming and outgoing texts in dialog with a third party.

This is from my most recent story

I’ve done that type of format before as well. It has it’s usefulness when there’s someone in the room, talking with the person that’s texting.

 

[NotWise]

I’ve done that type of format before as well. It has it’s usefulness when there’s someone in the room, talking with the person that’s texting.

A third person narrator can also function as "someone in the room."

For me, that's more dynamic than trying to incorporate the messages verbatim, formatted or not. Others will do it differently, but I concentrate on the intent of the texts and the reaction to them.

 

[blozo]

I just identify the conversation as taking place via text and proceed as normal, sprinkling in a few commonly used texting abbreviations and acronyms.

 

[MaxSebastian]

I like AwkwardMD's solution, that does look good.

When I first started using texting in my stories, I always just wrote in prose that my character was texting another, and then the text line was in italics, starting with a greater-than symbol,

>Like this.

But the difficulty with that was when I needed to write a back and forth between characters via text, as it gets cumbersome writing 'he texted/shetexted' all the time. So my current style is to put character names in parentheses and then a colon before the text, and continue using italics.
(Bob): Hey Kate.
(Kate): Hey, Bob.
(Bob): Dang it, dropped my phone.

And that makes the formatting fairly simple, and keeps the reader's eye moving nicely because it's not too different from conventional dialog formatting.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

https://www.literotica.com/s/orchid-ch-01-1?page=3

Formatting it is one way to go, but I can say from experience that it is not easy to get right, and frustrating when it fails for reasons beyond your control. I think I used this method in three different places within Orchid, and two of them have minor left-right alignment issues, or spacing issues, or something. It doesn't take much to make a formatting system stop reading like it should.

I think the way I did it in Orchid is fucking awesome, but it took a lot of work.

Hmmm... although that looks good and just like it would on a phone, you might try putting a blockquote tag around the entire section, so as to bring the texts a little closer together. Just a thought. It might take two of the tags, that would give you 10 character of white space in front and behind the text. It might be a little easier to read that way, the eye wouldn't have to jump back and forth as far.