Story thoughts?

[TarnishedPenny]

I don’t normally ask for help developing a tale, but I’m unsure which way to go with this, so comments would be welcomed.

Working title: Schrödinger’s Flat

We are, I suspect, all familiar with the thought experiment proposed by the physicist Erwin Schrödinger in which a cat is placed in a box with an atomic clock which will eventually but unpredictably open a vial of poison, killing the cat. His point was that, given that one cannot actually see into the box at any time, the cat is in one sense both alive and dead at the same time.

So, an eccentric billionaire, utterly by coincidence named Schrödinger, is terrified by the possibility of the world coming to an end, perhaps by nuclear war, perhaps by plague. In any case, he (and this would work about as well if the character was female) builds a deep, well-protected, perfectly camouflaged bunker, stocked with food and booze and fine wines - every luxury one might conceive. He then locks himself inside with a staff of lovely young women and throws himself into a life of desperate end-of-the-world hedonism.

The problem slowly becomes apparent. He has been so convinced that The End was inevitable and so distraught by the thought, that he deliberately omitted any means of finding out what’s happening. (I did say he was eccentric, yes?)

He becomes increasingly driven to find out, but lacking both raven and dove, has no way of finding out, save the irrevocable step of opening The Portal (or some term equally pompous), which will of course expose him to… what? He’s in a private paradise, but is becoming frantic to escape from Eden to, quite possibly, Armageddon.

So, I see this primarily as a psychodrama, with the reader gradually watching Mr. X unravel, but it offers lots of scope for unnecessary and gratuitous sexuality. The point is, despite everything he could possibly want, is he (cue Twilight Zone theme) alive or dead?

Thoughts?

 

[Volunteer_]

I think this sounds absolutely excellent. I’d be happy to help however you need.

 

[MelissaBaby]

I'm not sure what you are asking. Obviously, from his point of view, he's alive. But to outside observers, the dilemma remains. Isn't the more important question whether or not the rest of the world is dead?

 

[AwkwardlySet]

I also think that since we are seeing things from the perspective of his bunker, the rest of the world is the cat who might or might not be dead as in the famous thought experiment. It's an interesting idea for sure.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

MB, I guess that’s what I was trying to say. Is there a difference? It’s like Zhuangzi recounting that he dreamt he was a butterfly. “Now I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly, dreaming I am a man."

In any case, he has built the perfect refuge but it’s increasingly feeling like a trap from which he wants to escape. Which is reality?

 

[TarnishedPenny]

since we are seeing things from the perspective of his bunker, the rest of the world is the cat who might or might not be dead as in the famous thought experiment.

Precisely.

 

[Carnevil9]

Sounds a lot like Masque of the Red Death. I would call it psycho-horror as much as psycho-drama.

 

[SimonDoom]

MB, I guess that’s what I was trying to say. Is there a difference? It’s like Zhuangzi recounting that he dreamt he was a butterfly. “Now I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly, dreaming I am a man."

In any case, he has built the perfect refuge but it’s increasingly feeling like a trap from which he wants to escape. Does survival lie inside or outside? Where is reality?

It is different, because Schrodinger is not in the position of the cat; he's the observer, and the planet is the cat. So I'd call it Schrodinger's Planet, although maybe not because it doesn't have quite the same word play appeal as "Flat."

It's an excellent idea, like an erotic Black Mirror or Twilight Zone episode.

The key is to make him intelligent enough that he would be the sort of person who would design such a place AND to be preoccupied with the S Cat problem, but foolish enough that he didn't give himself a way to find out.

You should come up with a world event, like imminent world conflict, that makes it more than just speculatively possible that there really has been a cat-aclysm (had to do that) and the planet might be dead. Perhaps he builds a viewing device, but it breaks some how, because of his error or an accident (maybe one of his companions does it) and he becomes obsessed, gradually, with his inability to find out.

To attempt, fruitlessly, to put off his madness, perhaps he becomes more and more nutty in his erotic needs with his companions.

Assuming at some point he gets out, you might come up with a twist ending, something surprising like 10 Cloverfield Lane.

 

[nice90sguy]

Agree it's a great idea. I can't see it ending with anything but a cliff-hanger though.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Neat idea.

You've got to decide, I reckon, whether he goes insane because he never opens the door to the outside; or whether he goes insane because he does, because of what he finds there.

Was he a fool all along, because nothing happened; or was he a fool for opening the door, because bad shit happened?

 

[AwkwardlySet]

Agree it's a great idea. I can't see it ending with anything but a cliff-hanger though.

My thoughts as well.

Taking a deep breath, his sweaty hand tightly gripping the handle, he opened the door...

The End.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Thank you all.

Simon - thank you. Yes, a broken ‘periscope’ is more likely.

EB - you have hit it precisely on the head.

 

[MelissaBaby]

MB, I guess that’s what I was trying to say. Is there a difference? It’s like Zhuangzi recounting that he dreamt he was a butterfly. “Now I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly, dreaming I am a man."

In any case, he has built the perfect refuge but it’s increasingly feeling like a trap from which he wants to escape. Which is reality?

Gotcha, and I think it's a terrific idea.

I'd present you with a cautionary example of a similar sort of story, though. If you have never seen it, I recommend you check out the movie, 10 Cloverfield Lane. (Spoilers follow)

In the movie, a young woman, Michelle, played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead, is knocked unconscious and slightly injured in an automobile accident. She comes to in an underground bunker with a controlling survivalist and another man who, like her, may or not be a prisoner, because the survivalist, (wonderfully played by John Goodman) tells them that there has been some great disaster that has poisoned the atmosphere and made the outside world uninhabitable.

Is he lying or telling the truth? Or so crazy that he believes he is telling the truth? As his behavior becomes more erratic, Michelle is faced with deciding if she should risk attempting to escape. She isn't safe with him, but what if he's right?

It's a terrific psychological thriller. Right up until the truth is revealed. The not-knowing was the heart of the story. Opinions vary widely on the ending, but almost everyone agrees that any conclusion that involved a clear resolution would have been a let down. Leaving it a mystery would have been the best choice.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Merçi, MB. Good advice.

 

[SimonDoom]

Agree it's a great idea. I can't see it ending with anything but a cliff-hanger though.

I like this idea a lot, better than my idea. Introduce a device, like the spinning top at the end of Inception. Maybe a Geiger counter, and he's watching it intently to see which way the needle will go (do they still have needles?) as he opens the door. The story ends with the needle quivering.

 

[Djmac1031]

Leaving it a mystery would have been the best choice.

I was thinking of that movie and also about to comment that the best ending to this story would be the main character finally opening the door and...

...fade to black.

 

[Jackie.Hikaru]

this is a wonderful idea, and reminds me a bit, thematically, of Wool and Silo by Hugh Howey (can't speak for the tv show because I haven't watched it).

 

[onehitwanda]

Ultimately, the outside world has both ended and not ended, and the act of opening the door is the filter that selects for the final state of the many Superpositions.

I'd have one of the girls do it with with a "Oh for fuck sakes, if you won't do it then I will." you could name her Pandora.

 

[StillStunned]

I'd have one of the girls do it with with a "Oh for fuck sakes, if you won't do it then I will." you could name her Pandora.

Pandora the Explorer

 

[onehitwanda]

Pandora the Explorer

Pandora, you'll 'explore' her box of tricks.

 

[StillStunned]

Pandora the Explorer,
She adores the cocks and dicks.
Pandora, you'll adore her,
You'll explore her box of tricks.

 

[Bamagan]

If you'd like a dark and perhaps ironic ending, make him crack the door open or whatever needs to be done to contact the outside world but dies instantly, before he can see what's happened. Did the anticipation give him a heart attack, or did the world really end? In that case I'd call it Schrödinger’s Catacomb, because he'll either die inside the box naturally or, if the world ended, he'll die when it opens.
Or perhaps, as he goes mad, his humanity recedes into his head, so to speak, leaving him kind of robotically eating and fucking and doing whatever else there is to do, but not really 'there' anymore. Then there are two boxes... one containing the world and whatever happened to it, and Schrödinger’s own head, where he may or may not still exist. In that case I'd call it Schrödinger’s Cathedral, perhaps.

 

[Jorunn]

It's a great idea, and there are plenty of 'survival bunker' articles and stories. There is a scene in Cormac McCarthy's book/movie "The Road", where in the apocalyptic world, Viggo discovers an underground bunker full of supplies and (now useless) gold coins. Something like this might make a nice opening or epilogue where years later someone discovers videos with his self-monologue of the events that took place inside).

 

[pink_silk_glove]

It is different, because Schrodinger is not in the position of the cat; he's the observer, and the planet is the cat. So I'd call it Schrodinger's Planet, although maybe not because it doesn't have quite the same word play appeal as "Flat."

Probably call it Schrodinger's Box.

I'd probably end it with him opening the door to some epic ambiguous metaphor for life and death or something equally big or terrifying.

How long does he stay below (weeks, months, years?) and did he bother to pack birth control for his harem? Perhaps his pullout game is just impeccable.

There is a definite 'gilded prison' theme going on here that I would play up to the max. How much do his ladies share his fears and do any of them likewise begin to deconstruct and/or go stir?

Perhaps he had a nemesis, or someone equally powerful as him that ridiculed him (publicly even) for his eccentric doomsaying, and it eats at Schrodie to know if this guy has avoided the apocalypse and is still alive and laughing at him or not.

 

[dadadadiox]

My mind doesn’t go to the wealthy eccentric’s dilemma but the damsels he’s trapped with him. Imagine the drama between the ladies duped into this bunker as they also unravel in various ways wondering if this was all futile and the world is perfectly fine. The possibilities are endless. Do they bond together to fight the man? Are there factions for and against escape?