LIDiver
Hub and Hot
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Your last sentence is very telling.
I feel everything must be agreed upon before anything happens.
So my wife may have a boyfriend
- Thread starter curiouschattycouple
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I feel everything must be agreed upon before anything happens.
curiouschattycouple
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I think this is definitely my cue to back off. This is all her at this point, and any encouragement is counter productive. It will happen when, where, and how she wants. We have made huge progress in our relationship, our sex life, and our communication just over the last couple months, and until now I thought we were already doing really well. I don't know if that means this is the end of this thread, but for now I think she has to play this over in her mind and analyze and reanalyze and overanalyze it as is her womanly right. She said herself maybe she needs to just get dressed up, go out, have a good amount of drinks, and get over that mental hump. However, that also needs to be on her terms - I can't just feed her drinks and spring it on her, although it does make a great fantasy.
We sometimes see threads here on Lit from guys who want to get their wives into the hot wife or cuck lifestyles. I am not suggesting that I am anywhere near an expert now as we haven't reached that point ourselves, but the two things I would say are be patient; with her and with your own desires, and communicate.
I want to also say thanks to a couple of Lit members who shared their stories, their advice, and an empathetic ear from time to time. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
We sometimes see threads here on Lit from guys who want to get their wives into the hot wife or cuck lifestyles. I am not suggesting that I am anywhere near an expert now as we haven't reached that point ourselves, but the two things I would say are be patient; with her and with your own desires, and communicate.
I want to also say thanks to a couple of Lit members who shared their stories, their advice, and an empathetic ear from time to time. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
curiouschattycouple
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I haven't been keeping this updated, but there have been some significant developments over the last month, good and less so, and other than a few confidants here, I haven't being doing updates.
We had made a great deal of progress on communicating our fears, concerns, and desires. We had a template for moving forward. The "boyfriend", the most likely candidate here for her first hotwife experience has been hot and cold, and maybe a bit intimidated by me as well, so we were talking of looking around for options, for a different guy. The boyfriend certainly had the chance several times in the last six months and each time balked a little or otherwise didn't come through. My wife had several opportunities with him but they never got farther than a caress, and he was seeming less and less confident, so she is actually becoming less attracted to him and she wants a more masculine and more dominant type.
So as we were talking about how do we find a more suitable candidate, checking SLS and AFF to see what was out there, she was invited to a party at a friend's. I don't recall what I posted earlier, but for background again, this is the friend who introduced my wife to this guy. The friend has been been the cuckoldress in her marriage for about 3 years, but that 10 year marriage has recently fallen apart, and she has been exclusively dating one of her bulls for some time and separated from her husband. My wife wasn't aware of this until the party, and she has gone into full moratorium on hotwifing for us for a year, five, maybe 10. She is concerned that what happened to them could happen to us. I can understand her panic, as this is striking close to home, and this friend was very influential to her and seemed to be hotwifing successfully.
We had been discussing guidelines and strategies to mitigate/prevent emotional attraction including limiting meetup lengths, sleepovers, using neutral territory only (hotels), using throwaway phone numbers and emails, and having a third who is enough of a distance away so that is too inconvenient for random or unplanned meets, as we were both concerned about this happening to us.
At this point it's all moot, as she is cutting ties with the boyfriend, we are going to abandon our newly created profiles, and we are going to take a step back. For her, she needs that to also include roleplay for a few months. We both had been getting our hopes up that this could actually work for us, and it's been pretty hot and heavy here with our dirty talk, simulated threesomes, and she has been really getting into making the leap, and surprising me at times.
I am going to stick around here. The fantasy isn't dead, but we are not going to actively pursue it again for some time. We have agreed to have a sober sitdown conversation about hotwifing again in the new year. The way she sees it is that her friend was playing with fire, taking trips with her bull, etc and she got burned, (although that was a response to the wife finding out the husband had been cheating, and they had other issues - not communicating about what he was doing and with whom, and STDs to boot, a real gong show of what not to do), so to me the husband made this mess, and the wife just reacted out of revenge.
My wife doesn't want to get burned and I agree the potential is there - when she was initially meeting up and chatting with the prospective boyfriend, she wasn't being honest with me, and she worries she might not always be, if she gets carried away. Since we see ourselves as more of a stag/vixen couple than a cuckold or hot wife couple, the rules would need to be somewhat more solid.
I know this is a bit of a jumbled narrative, as I have so many thoughts right now. I don't want to abandon the fantasy, but it's not the right time for us to push ahead either. I appreciate the advice, ideas, and empathetic ears here that have supported our little foray, and perhaps we will restart in the future.
Lessons I draw from this, YMMV:
Communicate. Like really talk, how do you feel, why? What are your best and worst case scenarios. Where is this going? What happens after, next, in 2 years, etc.
Set rules and keep them. If you break them or need to change them, see no 1 asap.
Don't be pressured by friends or spouses or lovers to break the rules, move too fast, or let your primary relationship suffer for the sake of the fling.
Take a breather once and while. Reassess everyone's wants and needs. It was easy to get caught up in the early days and forget #1, 2, and 3.
Hotwifing isn't the solution to marital problems. The friend started cucking her husband as a revenge response to him cheating. He liked it so they carried on. He continued cheating, justifying it with her affairs, but he knew and consented to hers, she didn't know about his.
Discuss.
We had made a great deal of progress on communicating our fears, concerns, and desires. We had a template for moving forward. The "boyfriend", the most likely candidate here for her first hotwife experience has been hot and cold, and maybe a bit intimidated by me as well, so we were talking of looking around for options, for a different guy. The boyfriend certainly had the chance several times in the last six months and each time balked a little or otherwise didn't come through. My wife had several opportunities with him but they never got farther than a caress, and he was seeming less and less confident, so she is actually becoming less attracted to him and she wants a more masculine and more dominant type.
So as we were talking about how do we find a more suitable candidate, checking SLS and AFF to see what was out there, she was invited to a party at a friend's. I don't recall what I posted earlier, but for background again, this is the friend who introduced my wife to this guy. The friend has been been the cuckoldress in her marriage for about 3 years, but that 10 year marriage has recently fallen apart, and she has been exclusively dating one of her bulls for some time and separated from her husband. My wife wasn't aware of this until the party, and she has gone into full moratorium on hotwifing for us for a year, five, maybe 10. She is concerned that what happened to them could happen to us. I can understand her panic, as this is striking close to home, and this friend was very influential to her and seemed to be hotwifing successfully.
We had been discussing guidelines and strategies to mitigate/prevent emotional attraction including limiting meetup lengths, sleepovers, using neutral territory only (hotels), using throwaway phone numbers and emails, and having a third who is enough of a distance away so that is too inconvenient for random or unplanned meets, as we were both concerned about this happening to us.
At this point it's all moot, as she is cutting ties with the boyfriend, we are going to abandon our newly created profiles, and we are going to take a step back. For her, she needs that to also include roleplay for a few months. We both had been getting our hopes up that this could actually work for us, and it's been pretty hot and heavy here with our dirty talk, simulated threesomes, and she has been really getting into making the leap, and surprising me at times.
I am going to stick around here. The fantasy isn't dead, but we are not going to actively pursue it again for some time. We have agreed to have a sober sitdown conversation about hotwifing again in the new year. The way she sees it is that her friend was playing with fire, taking trips with her bull, etc and she got burned, (although that was a response to the wife finding out the husband had been cheating, and they had other issues - not communicating about what he was doing and with whom, and STDs to boot, a real gong show of what not to do), so to me the husband made this mess, and the wife just reacted out of revenge.
My wife doesn't want to get burned and I agree the potential is there - when she was initially meeting up and chatting with the prospective boyfriend, she wasn't being honest with me, and she worries she might not always be, if she gets carried away. Since we see ourselves as more of a stag/vixen couple than a cuckold or hot wife couple, the rules would need to be somewhat more solid.
I know this is a bit of a jumbled narrative, as I have so many thoughts right now. I don't want to abandon the fantasy, but it's not the right time for us to push ahead either. I appreciate the advice, ideas, and empathetic ears here that have supported our little foray, and perhaps we will restart in the future.
Lessons I draw from this, YMMV:
Communicate. Like really talk, how do you feel, why? What are your best and worst case scenarios. Where is this going? What happens after, next, in 2 years, etc.
Set rules and keep them. If you break them or need to change them, see no 1 asap.
Don't be pressured by friends or spouses or lovers to break the rules, move too fast, or let your primary relationship suffer for the sake of the fling.
Take a breather once and while. Reassess everyone's wants and needs. It was easy to get caught up in the early days and forget #1, 2, and 3.
Hotwifing isn't the solution to marital problems. The friend started cucking her husband as a revenge response to him cheating. He liked it so they carried on. He continued cheating, justifying it with her affairs, but he knew and consented to hers, she didn't know about his.
Discuss.
curiouschattycouple
Expanded Horizons
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2017
- Posts
- 781
Update! We are going to a swinger club this weekend. First time for both of us, and no expectations either way, but if there are developments I will report in. This is a huge step for us. She was researching the adult resorts as an option for our next vacation and we thought it wouldn't really be for us, but thought we could dip our toes in at a swinger club first to see.
curiouschattycouple
Expanded Horizons
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2017
- Posts
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We went to the club and had an interesting time. No hookups, but several propositions we tactfully declined. There were a number of experienced couples and even more new couples too, so we had a great time socializing. Very encouraging to meet so many like-minded folks in a very relaxed and non-judgemental environment. It gave us a great deal to talk about afterward and we have had some very hot play for the days since! We would like to go again when the opportunity presents itself.
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