Altissimus
Irreverently Piquant
- Joined
- Oct 25, 2007
- Posts
- 782
(Before you start reading, probably worth knowing this post asks few questions and doesn't really go anywhere. You have been warned. Still, might be interesting... a coffee, and then we'll begin?)
I was doing some reading online in relation to researching a story I'm writing. Following all the wrong sorts of links, I ended up not on pornhub, as one might expect, but instead reading some 'sex therapist' articles about the impact of negative emotions on sex. I found myself thinking that the author had addressed about 5% of what mattered, so I expanded my search and found a whole bunch more stuff I didn't agree with. People on the internet are wrong? It cannot be!
Taking the active contributors on the AH as a sub-set of the population, I would argue that we have a more enlightened, more thoughtful, more experienced and more open attitude to sex - comparatively speaking, at least. So this should be interesting.
The majority of threads and articles I found emphasised the negative aspects of shame and/or humiliation (S&H) in sexual arousal. In other words, S&H are detractors, inhibitors, something to avoid:
I'd like to explore the concept that S&H can be a liberating force on sexual arousal. A facilitator, not a detractor.
Perhaps the answer lies in the escapism we, as erotica authors, know all about - fantasies that elicit intense emotions while allowing the harmless exploration of the unknown, the taboo, and the unobtainable.
Or perhaps the answer is emotional catharsis, the release of pent-up and repressed emotions in a fulfilling and rewarding way.
Taboo trends evoke strong emotions associated with S&H, but perhaps bucking (so to speak) those trends can lead to feelings of great liberation, facilitating and increasing arousal.
Then again, maybe S&H leads to a heightened state, increasing the impact of all emotions, and the consequential endorphins and dopamine are just that much more addictive in the S&H heightened state, ultimately even making S&H themselves the lure.
This is interesting to me personally, because much of what I write is D/s related. S&H often plays a large part in D/s dynamics, but what is rarely understood and often overlooked about D/s is that it can be incredibly liberating. Having no choice but to comply makes you a slave, yes (let's assume figuratively); but having no choice but to comply also saves you from having to make decisions. This has been the excuse used for decades by all those rich alpha-male board members who spend their Friday nights down at Mistress' Dungeon. Liberation. Handing over control. Freedom. If this is indeed true (and I see no reason to think it isn't) it applies equally to the D/s dynamic irrespective of the gender in each role: as liberating for the female submissive (few of whom, IME, are doormats) as it is for the supposedly alpha-male bankers. And all of a sudden we're back into the top-5 fantasies: power dynamics, male dominance, female submission. More outlets for facilitating arousal, stemming, ultimately, from S&H.
One might also ironically observe that given the prevalence amongst the 'sex therapist' articles to concentrate on the negative, perhaps these astute over-qualified folk might have more success if they tapped into the positives of their patients' S&H anxieties. But no, that would be taboo, wouldn't it? One can't go around suggesting that S&H could be positive! That's shameful! And possibly humiliating! Yet embracing S&H (in whatever context is applicable) might possibly solve (or, at least, help address) issues associated with point 4, above.
So ultimately the question becomes: can a submissive, or a cuck, or an exhibitionist, or a brother/sister/daddy/daughter/whatever achieve arousal merely because of the sudden introduction of S&H? I would think not... but combine it with the other aspect(s) of their particular kink - dominance for the submissive, for example - and I might change my answer to 'yes - and every time'.
Anyway, I just thought I'd put some extra thoughts around the criminally-inadequate discussions I found on the interwebnet, throw it out there for anyone who wishes to comment, and now buckle down and get back to my story.
</ramble>.
I was doing some reading online in relation to researching a story I'm writing. Following all the wrong sorts of links, I ended up not on pornhub, as one might expect, but instead reading some 'sex therapist' articles about the impact of negative emotions on sex. I found myself thinking that the author had addressed about 5% of what mattered, so I expanded my search and found a whole bunch more stuff I didn't agree with. People on the internet are wrong? It cannot be!
Taking the active contributors on the AH as a sub-set of the population, I would argue that we have a more enlightened, more thoughtful, more experienced and more open attitude to sex - comparatively speaking, at least. So this should be interesting.
The majority of threads and articles I found emphasised the negative aspects of shame and/or humiliation (S&H) in sexual arousal. In other words, S&H are detractors, inhibitors, something to avoid:
- S&H are often associated with feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, and self-consciousness, all of which are undesirable.
- S&H associated with one's own body image can severely curtail arousal, and lead to discomfort or inhibition during sex, even limiting the ability to fully engage.
- Cultural and sociological factors can also stigmatise certain sexual activities, repressing them or creating S&H when the acts continue anyway.
- S&H is often associated with erectile dysfunction, both directly and indirectly; an example of the latter is where S&H lead to heightened anxiety and tension, constricting blood flow to where it's needed for sex.
I'd like to explore the concept that S&H can be a liberating force on sexual arousal. A facilitator, not a detractor.
- Point 1 and 2 above - In the top-10 fantasies, cuckolding (a rarely mentioned topic on this forum...) also stem largely from S&H - the concept of the 'alpha male' (who, presumably, doesn't suffer any S&H hindrances) coming in to do the wifey instead. Quite often, the husband is forced to watch on (self-consciousness, point 1), is made to feel inadequate (1), it affects his self-esteem (1), not to mention frequent references to his inadequate size, comparatively (point 2).
- And still in the top-10, incest/taboo incorporates S&H. Clearly a point 3 above, it tends not to be a good idea to bang your brother/sister/father/mother, yet, by golly, isn't the internet full of it? What's all that about then? Why is incest so appealing to so many if not - at least in part - for the shame associated with social stigmatism? For the risk of being caught?
- Into the top-5 fantasies now: sex in a place where there's a real risk of being caught. And the S&H of being caught (or the risk thereof) is a primary driver in the arousal. Surely this is socially taboo - do exhibitionism and incest have something in common, perhaps: the S&H associated with something taboo, the risk of being caught?
Perhaps the answer lies in the escapism we, as erotica authors, know all about - fantasies that elicit intense emotions while allowing the harmless exploration of the unknown, the taboo, and the unobtainable.
Or perhaps the answer is emotional catharsis, the release of pent-up and repressed emotions in a fulfilling and rewarding way.
Taboo trends evoke strong emotions associated with S&H, but perhaps bucking (so to speak) those trends can lead to feelings of great liberation, facilitating and increasing arousal.
Then again, maybe S&H leads to a heightened state, increasing the impact of all emotions, and the consequential endorphins and dopamine are just that much more addictive in the S&H heightened state, ultimately even making S&H themselves the lure.
This is interesting to me personally, because much of what I write is D/s related. S&H often plays a large part in D/s dynamics, but what is rarely understood and often overlooked about D/s is that it can be incredibly liberating. Having no choice but to comply makes you a slave, yes (let's assume figuratively); but having no choice but to comply also saves you from having to make decisions. This has been the excuse used for decades by all those rich alpha-male board members who spend their Friday nights down at Mistress' Dungeon. Liberation. Handing over control. Freedom. If this is indeed true (and I see no reason to think it isn't) it applies equally to the D/s dynamic irrespective of the gender in each role: as liberating for the female submissive (few of whom, IME, are doormats) as it is for the supposedly alpha-male bankers. And all of a sudden we're back into the top-5 fantasies: power dynamics, male dominance, female submission. More outlets for facilitating arousal, stemming, ultimately, from S&H.
One might also ironically observe that given the prevalence amongst the 'sex therapist' articles to concentrate on the negative, perhaps these astute over-qualified folk might have more success if they tapped into the positives of their patients' S&H anxieties. But no, that would be taboo, wouldn't it? One can't go around suggesting that S&H could be positive! That's shameful! And possibly humiliating! Yet embracing S&H (in whatever context is applicable) might possibly solve (or, at least, help address) issues associated with point 4, above.
So ultimately the question becomes: can a submissive, or a cuck, or an exhibitionist, or a brother/sister/daddy/daughter/whatever achieve arousal merely because of the sudden introduction of S&H? I would think not... but combine it with the other aspect(s) of their particular kink - dominance for the submissive, for example - and I might change my answer to 'yes - and every time'.
Anyway, I just thought I'd put some extra thoughts around the criminally-inadequate discussions I found on the interwebnet, throw it out there for anyone who wishes to comment, and now buckle down and get back to my story.
</ramble>.
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