Sexual incompatibility

[sub2femdom]

Hi all,

I haven't posted in a long time, and have only rarely lurked over the last year. I was trying to re-invent myself, lay off the porn, masturbation, etc.. Which also meant avoiding sexual content sites like this.

I've had very mixed results, as it seems my cuckold/submissive desires just intensify the longer I go. I find myself dwelling on specific acts and desires.
My wife and I had a long LONG dry spell, mostly due to her being on meds that inhibited her sex drive. And now, after literally 6 years, she's back and wants to have sex again.

It's been an abysmal failure so far. She only wants vanilla sex. Kissing, humping, and that's it. Maybe a little oral foreplay, but pretty standard stuff. And it does nothing for me. I mean nothing. I can't even get it up for her anymore. She thinks I have ED, and I've allowed her to think that, but truth be told, I just have zero interest in vanilla sex to the point that I can't even fake it for her sake.

So we tried to talk it out, and she's not into any kink whatsoever, and she thinks it's sick and depraved so there's no meeting halfway. No middle ground.

Outside of the bedroom, our marriage and life is in a great place.

I've made mistakes. Not long ago, I suggested she find a man who will give her what she needs. She took that as my refusal to try to give her what she sees as normal, healthy sex and was a little offended that I would so easily let her sleep around. From my point of view, I was simply trying to give her what would make her happy. She did try, but the guy she had lined up was acting like a juvenile tool about it so she got frustrated and dropped the idea.

I changed my tact, and managed to get it up and "make love" to her once so far, but it was touch and go a few times during. I agreed to focus more on meeting her needs, but she refuses to even discuss mine. Neither of us want to divorce over it, but we are at an impasse.

I don't know how to make her understand that kinks aren't dirty, disgusting, etc.. She used to be kinky when we met, but after a kid and a long dry spell, she just decided that kink is depraved and lacks passion or love.

I don't know if I'm asking advice or just venting about an impossible situation, but that's where I'm at right now.

 

[Jada59]

I'm just curious why you would marry someone like that?

I will say... I had a pretty good sex life prior to marriage. Thing is... He never told me prior to marriage that he thought once married, sex was only for procreation. We had sex (if you could call it that), three times in 22 years. It was horrible, and he refused to let me out of the marriage. He finally divorced me when our daughter was 18.

So... In my case, it was a matter of him not being honest.

I'm not all that kinky. I can be with the right person, but it's not something I need.

 

[sub2femdom]

Well, she was a bit kinky before marriage. We shared many fantasies back then, but never really acted on them. Maybe she was all talk, but she did engage in some mild kinks back then. After marriage, everything changed, even before the kid.

 

[Jada59]

Well, she was a bit kinky before marriage. We shared many fantasies back then, but never really acted on them. Maybe she was all talk, but she did engage in some mild kinks back then. After marriage, everything changed, even before the kid.

Wow. Sorry.

 

[BBWSeekingSugarDaddy]

From my experience, and speaking to others, the "change after marriage" seems quite common. I think people get so desperately caught up in being right for someone that they stretch and bend what they're genuinely interested in.

For you, unfortunately, it sounds like there isn't much of a compromise. I hate that you're dealing with this, but please know that you are not alone.

 

[sub2femdom]

From my experience, and speaking to others, the "change after marriage" seems quite common. I think people get so desperately caught up in being right for someone that they stretch and bend what they're genuinely interested in.

For you, unfortunately, it sounds like there isn't much of a compromise. I hate that you're dealing with this, but please know that you are not alone.

You are right. I found out after we married that music she told me she liked, she really didn't. She listened to my interests while dating and then mirrored hers to make herself more compatible. I suppose I knew that all along, but the sex.. she really seemed into a lot of the same things, and not a little bit was her idea, so she either changed, or really really fooled me. I knew she lied about the music and other interests before I married her, but I figured everyone does that on some level.

Such a shame. Her misery is her own doing. Mine too I guess.

 

[AveryElle]

From my experience, and speaking to others, the "change after marriage" seems quite common. I think people get so desperately caught up in being right for someone that they stretch and bend what they're genuinely interested in.

For you, unfortunately, it sounds like there isn't much of a compromise. I hate that you're dealing with this, but please know that you are not alone.

I think peoples hormones and priorities also change.

You don’t mention if she’s been pregnant since you started your relationship - but that can really impact things.

If you’re not happy, don’t stay. But putting it out there that she may have some mental health and/or hormonal issues that need to be addressed (maybe you addressed this elsewhere?)

 

[Fermina_Daza]

It sounds like you two have grown in two separate directions since marriage. We all change with time. We can only hope to change together. I agree with the comment above that we often get so swept up in being "the one" for someone that we delude either ourselves or them. My ex-husband failed to mention prior to our marriage he was pretty much asexual. Instead, he kept it (pun intended) up until the ring went on the finger. Ultimately, his lack of sex drive, different parenting styles, and his refusal to even discuss counseling drove us apart.

I remember quite vividly though the counselor telling me I could either stay and lose pieces of myself over the years or leave, but that my ex-husband wasn't giving me any other options.

This is not an endorsement to leave. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone. Wishing you the best.

 

[sub2femdom]

I think peoples hormones and priorities also change.

You don’t mention if she’s been pregnant since you started your relationship - but that can really impact things.

If you’re not happy, don’t stay. But putting it out there that she may have some mental health and/or hormonal issues that need to be addressed (maybe you addressed this elsewhere?)

I agree that people do change over time. We got married years ago, then she got pregnant within the first year (we were trying to). Sex to get her pregnant was daunting.. every day, exact same start, middle, finish. It became very clinical for me, but I realized then that since we had moved in together that sex with her had slowly been moving in that direction and after the kid it stayed exactly that level of vanilla.

I realize now that this post doesn't really belong here - This is a sexy kink forum, not a marriage counseling site.. this topic.. it's a buzzkiller, so probably best to let it die on the vine.

 

[xtina83]

not letting this topic die.

i’ve been thinking about this topic. probably overthinking as usual. it does belong here,

last morning, washing breakfast dishes before work, who wants to come home to dirty dishes? looking out my nook window. spring around here is rainy and cool, perfect grass growing weather. my husy mowed the lawn maybe a week ago. this time of year the lawn gets mowed more than once a week the grass grows so fast. late summer, grass gets mowed maybe once every 3 weeks. the dandelions grow fast too and they are starting to sprout. i noticed a few rare ones have grown incredibly fast and fully matured / blossomed to seedlings, others have only opened and flowered, some have stems but the flowers have not opened, while the vast majority of dandelions do not even have stems. very rare for two dandelions to be the same state of development except if they haven’t sprouted a stem at all.

i think people get married for many reasons. while sex is probably most important to people on a sex / bdsm forum, the people around me married for many other reasons. a couple i knew from univ were research partners. another couple i know are teachers who have no kids but like to travel together. another couple are alpine skiers and they go on crazy ski adventures together. i feel when we get married, sexual compatibility is at par. it’s like two dandelions in my yard that have not sprouted yet. but as the marriage proceeds, what is the likelihood that sexual appetites mature at the exact same rate and direction? like the dandelions in my yard, very few of them are maturing at precisely the same time even when exposed to the exact same environment. you can add in to that a woman’s body is much more complex than a man’s body. not only are our bodies designed to reproduce, after we give birth we also have the ability to fully feed and nurture our children which is a silent expectation placed on us by society. when you add to a menstruation cycle and later menopause and the precise balancing act of hormones that makes everything run, there are so many more opportunities for a woman’s physiological health to falter compared to a man’s. unfortunately, this is our burden to bear. why do you think every major city has a women’s hospital? can you find me a men’s hospital?

when you add all of that together, as the years go on, then you run into sexual incompatibility and perhaps even a sexless marraige as you have experienced. i was thinking if our marriages depended only on sex then what is the likelyhood of two people sexually maturing at the exact same rate? the only dandelions in my yard that are at the same level of maturity are the ones that have not sprouted at all - totally vanilla. And keep in mind, they were all in the lawn before the winter and they all thawed at the same time this spring. they are exposed to the same rain, sun, wind and environment.

im not here to necessarily change this. but i’m having the opposite issue where my hubs is sexually vanilla. he has matured and advanced in every other way, finished his post sec. education, entered a good profession, a strong father figure to his children. but sexually, he is the same man i married almost 10 years ago. he refuses to talk to me about this, he thinks people who are involved in bdsm are losers who torture animals (this coming from a bow hunter who aims for neck shots) and women who want this are freaks and that includes me. i don’t know why, no explanation, but now in my 30’s, my sexual desires are changing - fast, i can’t ignore these new urges, they’re strong, it’s confusing and conflicting, they led me here. sexual incompatibility.

husy is a scoop of vanilla ice cream. but i want to experience all flavors of ice cream. even the ones i don’t really like or don’t dare to put in my mouth. but unless i want to cheat on him (which i won’t), i too have to be a scoop of vanilla ice cream. i have no choice. my huby and i are two scoops of vanilla ice cream. it’ll stay that way until he is ready to try new flavors. then, i hope there will be an explosion of new sexual experiences.

with love, understanding and nurturing, i hope he will turn into the man i want / need sexually. actually i hope he will turn into an older man i met online a couple of days ago. in the meantime, i can wait. forever if needed. i love him so much. i love him so much it scares me.

i have no answers except to love your wife truly and wholly. i’d like to point out that when you married her, you promised her for better or worse, in sickness and in health, rich or poor, in the light and dark. equality was never promised or even implied. love her with everything part of your mind soul and body without knowing or even expecting anything back. at least for me, it is one of most beautiful experiences is to give to someone in way that they cannot pay you back. it’s a complex feeling. maybe she will turn into the wife you need and want. maybe she wont. unfortunately as a man, it is your burden to bear. you see, we all have burdens to bear. be a man, be a good man, be her man. good luck on your journey.

 

[AveryElle]

Getting married FOR sex is probably a recipe for unhappiness. There’s so much more to marriage than sex and sex drives ebb and flow.

 

[sub2femdom]

not letting this topic die.

Thanks for taking the time to express your thoughts on this. I do see your perspective, and agreed with it 15 years ago. Time changes us.

 

[sub2femdom]

Getting married FOR sex is probably a recipe for unhappiness. There’s so much more to marriage than sex and sex drives ebb and flow.

I understand that, but I have an incredibly high libido, and we discussed it and sexual desires many times before marriage. She brought up half of the kinky ideas that came to the table. We talked about experimenting with others and even made plans to once (it fell through).

My point is that I made it clear to her my desires and she either pretended to be into it to ball and chain me, or she simply changed. Either way - I'm not the one who changed. My libido sure didn't. What did she expect was going to happen?

 

[xtina83]

Thanks for taking the time to express your thoughts on this. I do see your perspective, and agreed with it 15 years ago. Time changes us.

its funny that i don’t even know you yet i feel so sad reading the messages in this topic. i don’t even know why i keep coming back to read these messages but i do. the words you chose collectively seem so, sad in a melancholy-like way. it’s odd because they are just a bunch of computer words on a lifeless screen yet they paint such a living, vivid picture of, you and especially your pain. it must be terrible to have such a powerful libido to be held in check, or in bondage by your wife.

even when you admitted that she manipulated you to marry her, even after years of going sexless i noticed that nowhere in your posts did you bring up the possibility of divorce or separation. nowhere in your posts do i sense resentment or even anger at her. i feel a lesser man would have abandoned her long ago or at least blame and belittle her but you didn’t. i just wanted to let you know that i noticed and i admire you for that. in fact, i find it truly inspiring, and perhaps that is why i keep coming back to this topic thread. to be inspired in the midst of your, pain and suffering.

you may not feel it, you may not even realize it, you may not want it, perhaps i don’t have all the information to make this call, but from what i can see, i feel that you are her savior. you are what she needs, she is not what you need. that may never change. as i mentioned in my above post, it is so beautiful to give to someone knowing they will or cannot give back to you. well for me at least. i also noticed that despite all the misery that she has put you through, you protected her. in a chivalrous manner, you laid your jacket across a puddle for her to walk across. you did this by making excuses for your poor performance rather than blaming her. i seriously admire that, and i don’t care if you’re submissive, i consider you a strong and honourable man for doing that.

sorry, i’m overthinking things again. bad habit. i just wanted to let you know that through your despair, you have inspired me. thank you.

 

[PaxNurgle]

At some point, you try to evaluate what is important to you in a relationship. I identify as submissive male, kinky, desiring a lot of the "hot" things you read about in this forum and in the "Fetish and sexuality" forum. But it is also, for me, a lonely existence.

At this point in life, I would just as soon settle for a purely vanilla sexual relationship with a woman I feel an emotional and intellectual bond with. A best friend, companion, and romantic partner to share my life with- maybe the bedroom play or the dynamic won't be the white hot domme of my dreams scenario, but the thing is, I don't think anyone is perfect in all respects for any one's relationship. I would supress that part of myself; make a sacrifice of it, for the one I love.

 

[xtina83]

At some point, you try to evaluate what is important to you in a relationship. I identify as submissive male, kinky, desiring a lot of the "hot" things you read about in this forum and in the "Fetish and sexuality" forum. But it is also, for me, a lonely existence.

At this point in life, I would just as soon settle for a purely vanilla sexual relationship with a woman I feel an emotional and intellectual bond with. A best friend, companion, and romantic partner to share my life with- maybe the bedroom play or the dynamic won't be the white hot domme of my dreams scenario, but the thing is, I don't think anyone is perfect in all respects for any one's relationship. I would supress that part of myself; make a sacrifice of it, for the one I love.

this made me cry.

 

[woman_early20s]

its funny that i don’t even know you yet i feel so sad reading the messages in this topic. i don’t even know why i keep coming back to read these messages but i do. the words you chose collectively seem so, sad in a melancholy-like way. it’s odd because they are just a bunch of computer words on a lifeless screen yet they paint such a living, vivid picture of, you and especially your pain. it must be terrible to have such a powerful libido to be held in check, or in bondage by your wife.

even when you admitted that she manipulated you to marry her, even after years of going sexless i noticed that nowhere in your posts did you bring up the possibility of divorce or separation. nowhere in your posts do i sense resentment or even anger at her. i feel a lesser man would have abandoned her long ago or at least blame and belittle her but you didn’t. i just wanted to let you know that i noticed and i admire you for that. in fact, i find it truly inspiring, and perhaps that is why i keep coming back to this topic thread. to be inspired in the midst of your, pain and suffering.

you may not feel it, you may not even realize it, you may not want it, perhaps i don’t have all the information to make this call, but from what i can see, i feel that you are her savior. you are what she needs, she is not what you need. that may never change. as i mentioned in my above post, it is so beautiful to give to someone knowing they will or cannot give back to you. well for me at least. i also noticed that despite all the misery that she has put you through, you protected her. in a chivalrous manner, you laid your jacket across a puddle for her to walk across. you did this by making excuses for your poor performance rather than blaming her. i seriously admire that, and i don’t care if you’re submissive, i consider you a strong and honourable man for doing that.

sorry, i’m overthinking things again. bad habit. i just wanted to let you know that through your despair, you have inspired me. thank you.

+1

I resonate with your views. Seeing your post I knew that my feelings were already presented in a perfect manner.

 

[zen83]

my response

I will share my experience. I got married in my mid 20s. My wife was also the woman I lost my virginity to. We came from different countries, different views on things, despite that, our differences actually made our relationship more fun. It was like we had all this opportunity to learn new things about each other. But yeah, over time, the relationship becomes.....routine.
I will be online for awhile if you want to ask specific questions.

 

[sub2femdom]

its funny that i don’t even know you yet i feel so sad reading the messages in this topic. i don’t even know why i keep coming back to read these messages but i do. the words you chose collectively seem so, sad in a melancholy-like way. it’s odd because they are just a bunch of computer words on a lifeless screen yet they paint such a living, vivid picture of, you and especially your pain. it must be terrible to have such a powerful libido to be held in check, or in bondage by your wife.

even when you admitted that she manipulated you to marry her, even after years of going sexless i noticed that nowhere in your posts did you bring up the possibility of divorce or separation. nowhere in your posts do i sense resentment or even anger at her. i feel a lesser man would have abandoned her long ago or at least blame and belittle her but you didn’t. i just wanted to let you know that i noticed and i admire you for that. in fact, i find it truly inspiring, and perhaps that is why i keep coming back to this topic thread. to be inspired in the midst of your, pain and suffering.

you may not feel it, you may not even realize it, you may not want it, perhaps i don’t have all the information to make this call, but from what i can see, i feel that you are her savior. you are what she needs, she is not what you need. that may never change. as i mentioned in my above post, it is so beautiful to give to someone knowing they will or cannot give back to you. well for me at least. i also noticed that despite all the misery that she has put you through, you protected her. in a chivalrous manner, you laid your jacket across a puddle for her to walk across. you did this by making excuses for your poor performance rather than blaming her. i seriously admire that, and i don’t care if you’re submissive, i consider you a strong and honourable man for doing that.

sorry, i’m overthinking things again. bad habit. i just wanted to let you know that through your despair, you have inspired me. thank you.

I'm afraid that there are several pieces to this puzzle that you are missing. I can assure you that there were times of great frustration, resentment, and blaming, although silently to myself mostly. We did almost divorce seriously twice. At the last minute, she would finally break down and concede whatever the issue is, which ironically exchanged my resentment towards her into her newly found resentment towards me.

The reason I failed to mention it is simply that it's mostly in the past, and while important in understanding the present, it doesn't change it. I'm not a perfect soul, although I was brought up to understand that being a man meant laying down your coat in a puddle yes. For years I blamed people and circumstances for my shortcomings, and ultimately came to that realization and changed my views on life. I took control and made changes, personally, professionally, and profoundly. I found a place where I could co-exist with my wife in relative harmony. This is important to me to keep our family together, not because my wife is an important dynamic, but that a custody battle would harm my child.

Couples talk about "making it work", and that's what this boils down to. We've finally found a way to communicate about sex and we've agreed that we're not sexually compatible, and that our relationship will be open in areas that we aren't a fit. We will explore more areas that we are a fit, and have had more sex in the last few weeks (3 times so far) than we've had in the last 7 years (once in 2015). So things are looking more positive.

I do have a melancholy about me, I'm a musician and holy crap most of the music I write is exactly that. Like a hint of sad in every song. Sad, but beautiful.

 

[Wishingbox]

I feel somewhat similar. My wife seems to be a little more open to try some things but generally there is an sense of ill do it for you but it’s clear she’s not interested which is an instant mood killer. Which she for sure uses intentionally sometimes to not have sex. I’d rather she just come out and say no because sometimes when I’m hornet enough I’ll settle for begrudging sex which always ends up feeling the worse than not having any at all. We’ve talked through kink stuff even used the Kindu app to try and uncover anything for her. I’m grateful for her in a million ways and she is my best friend.

I would never want to leave her for this and I’ve accepted it as the part that isn’t perfect even if it is the biggest point of frustration or conflict for us. Part of me wishes she were just kinky enough to explore other people so she doesn’t have to pretend and I can explore. I’m not looking for a deep physical connect I just think about sex as deeply soothing and fun. People have friends outside their marriage for all kinds of hobbies why not sex

 

[woman_early20s]

I'm afraid that there are several pieces to this puzzle that you are missing. I can assure you that there were times of great frustration, resentment, and blaming, although silently to myself mostly. We did almost divorce seriously twice. At the last minute, she would finally break down and concede whatever the issue is, which ironically exchanged my resentment towards her into her newly found resentment towards me.

The reason I failed to mention it is simply that it's mostly in the past, and while important in understanding the present, it doesn't change it. I'm not a perfect soul, although I was brought up to understand that being a man meant laying down your coat in a puddle yes. For years I blamed people and circumstances for my shortcomings, and ultimately came to that realization and changed my views on life. I took control and made changes, personally, professionally, and profoundly. I found a place where I could co-exist with my wife in relative harmony. This is important to me to keep our family together, not because my wife is an important dynamic, but that a custody battle would harm my child.

Couples talk about "making it work", and that's what this boils down to. We've finally found a way to communicate about sex and we've agreed that we're not sexually compatible, and that our relationship will be open in areas that we aren't a fit. We will explore more areas that we are a fit, and have had more sex in the last few weeks (3 times so far) than we've had in the last 7 years (once in 2015). So things are looking more positive.

I do have a melancholy about me, I'm a musician and holy crap most of the music I write is exactly that. Like a hint of sad in every song. Sad, but beautiful.

I am glad that you guys managed to find an arrangement that works better for you,. especially for your family.

Good luck exploring. May your life be more fulfilling.

 

[xtina83]

I'm afraid that there are several pieces to this puzzle that you are missing. I can assure you that there were times of great frustration, resentment, and blaming, although silently to myself mostly. We did almost divorce seriously twice. At the last minute, she would finally break down and concede whatever the issue is, which ironically exchanged my resentment towards her into her newly found resentment towards me.

The reason I failed to mention it is simply that it's mostly in the past, and while important in understanding the present, it doesn't change it. I'm not a perfect soul, although I was brought up to understand that being a man meant laying down your coat in a puddle yes. For years I blamed people and circumstances for my shortcomings, and ultimately came to that realization and changed my views on life. I took control and made changes, personally, professionally, and profoundly. I found a place where I could co-exist with my wife in relative harmony. This is important to me to keep our family together, not because my wife is an important dynamic, but that a custody battle would harm my child.

Couples talk about "making it work", and that's what this boils down to. We've finally found a way to communicate about sex and we've agreed that we're not sexually compatible, and that our relationship will be open in areas that we aren't a fit. We will explore more areas that we are a fit, and have had more sex in the last few weeks (3 times so far) than we've had in the last 7 years (once in 2015). So things are looking more positive.

I do have a melancholy about me, I'm a musician and holy crap most of the music I write is exactly that. Like a hint of sad in every song. Sad, but beautiful.

thank you to everyone for giving us a glimpse of your stories! i read them all!

i’m so glad to see that this thread is starting to take off and more people are sharing their experiences.

i find you a strong man. your screen name suggests you are submissive to femdom. although i’m still forming an idea of exactly what submission really means (its new to me), i’m going to guess most people, especially other men, would consider a submissive man a weak one. i just want to let you know that i find you just the opposite. you are strong, honest and dare i say … honourable. it is clear to me now why you were pursued by your wife prior to marriage. for women, well i’m speaking mostly for myself, we’re the weaker of our species, i want to find a man who i’m attracted to of course, but deep down i also need a man who i feel safe to give him basically my entire body. i need to feel safe when i allow him to touch the most private places on my body. i feel women have a sixth sense for this but it isn’t something we consciously calculate. we just, know. your wife knew this when she met you. you displayed qualities to her that are subconsciously attractive to a woman seeking a long term relationship.

i come from a religious household and i too have a young family, my huss and i also run a religious household. that is why i’m here, hehe, to be a bit, well, naughty <3. i come from a highly patriarchal household. the men are in charge. i was always indirectly taught that it is shameful for a woman to pursue a man. i think in general, women are not used to being the pursuers. we’re used to being pursued by men. kind of like birds of paradise, swans, peacocks etc… it’s the male birds that have elaborate colors and mating rituals to attract the females. it’s the female’s choice as to which of the males she mates with. but for humans, women absolutely pursue men. when men pursue women, they can be aggressive, noisy, make a big manly show of it sometimes like how a male peacock pursues a female bird. men even physically fight other men over women.

but when a woman pursues a man, we just do it quietly and discreetly, almost cunningly. we lie in bed awake and scheme, plan it out, what we’re going to do / say, what we’re going to wear, practice it in front of a mirror. this is what your wife did to you before you were married. her womanly sixth sense detected desirable qualities in you that i mentioned above. she hatched a plan and it worked, you were trapped. i don’t think men are accustomed to overthinking things like women, or at least me. you were probably young and inexperienced yourself, you didn’t recognize what she was doing to you. in fact you probably didn’t know that this is how women do it.

i know you said that you’ve had hard times, even the threat of divorce. but as a married woman myself, of course we fight with our spouses. sometimes, it gets bad, we say things we don’t mean when we’re filled to the brim with emotions. yet years later, with such a powerful libido, going nearly sexless in 7 years (3 times?!?!?), you still treat her with respect and kindness. i really admire that.

i guess no one really knows me here and i don’t mind admitting this publicly. my overthinking brain was toying with the idea that perhaps in a different life, we could have been something, together. it’s funny that our winding paths converged on this website but i’m glad it did. i don’t mind admitting, even though i only know you through these messages, i find your demeanor, attractive. as a woman with a hussey and my own family, i respect what you said about molding yourself into a form that fits your wife’s needs for the sake of your children. what an honourable thing to do for your wife. i seriously respect and want that. i feel every woman wants and needs this in a man but perhaps it isn’t in the foreground of her desires as she is selecting a man. but deep inside, it is what we want and need, or me at least.

men will never understand, it’s hard to be a woman. in addition to all the stuff i said in a previous post in this thread, having to deal with a menstrual cycle from 11 - 55, yea we get a break for a year after we have a baby, but then, we have a baby to take care or, or several. men don’t know this but can you imagine an 11 year old girl having to deal with her first period? i assure you every woman had embarrassing “accidents”. use your imagination, it’s gross and embarrassing. also when a man sleeps around he’s a hero admired by all. when a woman does it she’s a slut. men can walk away without worrying about getting pregnant, i can’t. here’s one i know men don’t think about. for a guy, when other men start settling down and having families, i feel men are like “meh, whatever.” single men are heroes for being a lone-ranger, a desperado. as a woman, when your bff’s start having kids and you’re not even close it’s like “whats wrong with me?” or maybe thats just my overthinking brain. a woman in her 30’s, no married, no kids, it’s like, whats wrong with you? somehow the advantage of having multi-orgasmic fem parts doesn’t make up for all the crap we have to deal with.

again toying around with the interesting thought of the two of us together, if our relationship is strong, i don’t think i’m dominant or submissive (even tho i’m not 100% sure what that means, still learning), if i know that you love me - A LOT, i could play the part for you <3 i’d play it really well too! i would really make you feel it! i think you would be sorry that i’m dom’ing you heheee it would be fun, to do bdsm things to a guy, well fun for me! don’t worry, i’ll let you have some fun too, you can do something to me, f you’re a good boy, well maybe we’ll see heehee

here’s how i see it, i have a huss who isn’t willing to do these things to me. you have a wife who won’t do them to you. since we’re talking about puzzle pieces, we’re two puzzle pieces in a 1000 piece puzzle. each piece fits with only one other piece in the box. someone dumped the box on a coffee table, but our two pieces accidentally fell under the couch behind some old long-abandoned toddler toys. over time, the puzzle is completed - every piece found a mate. But two pieces are missing, in the completed puzzle, the two pieces that are missing belong side-by-side but they will never come together to complete the puzzle, forever separated and forgotten, under the couch.

anyways, i’m waaaaayyyy overthinking things, again. gonna go cry now, or maybe laugh, i don’t know. i enjoy our conversation.

btw, i play music too, viola. there is something filling about a sad song. glad to hear things are starting to turn around for you.