Sexless Marriages

[MsSuckMyLollipop]

I truly do not understand how women end up in a situation of sexlessness. No aspersions or anything, just that men fuck who they can, and women fuck who they want. Culturally, I know of an overwhelming amount of men dying for sex where most women (seemingly) are getting what they want.

I know there are medical issues to account for, I guess I'm just wistfully thinking how nice it would be to be wanted.

There are an astronomical number of men on Lit dying for sex...just IMO. As a female, I get propositioned constantly; some are looking to get cyber laid and nothing else, others want to actually meet up.

It's certainly easier to make contact here and, if in the same geographic area, suggest a meet up - but what would it take IRL for a guy?

Making conversation in the grocery store? I know there are apps like Fetlife or what have you (never been on one myself) so is that where a man in a sexless marriage would 'look'?

I've talked to guys who a) started fucking a woman at work and had trouble with that backfiring in a big way b) travel so they can utilize an escort without fear of being doxxed c) swing, so they can get fucked within the confines of that situation...or they tell me how awful it is to be without.

You sure don't want to hook up with your wife's best friend...or someone from 'your life together'...it just makes me wonder what the answer would/could be?

 

[Peppadance]

There are an astronomical number of men on Lit dying for sex...just IMO. As a female, I get propositioned constantly; some are looking to get cyber laid and nothing else, others want to actually meet up.

It's certainly easier to make contact here and, if in the same geographic area, suggest a meet up - but what would it take IRL for a guy?

Making conversation in the grocery store? I know there are apps like Fetlife or what have you (never been on one myself) so is that where a man in a sexless marriage would 'look'?

I've talked to guys who a) started fucking a woman at work and had trouble with that backfiring in a big way b) travel so they can utilize an escort without fear of being doxxed c) swing, so they can get fucked within the confines of that situation...or they tell me how awful it is to be without.

You sure don't want to hook up with your wife's best friend...or someone from 'your life together'...it just makes me wonder what the answer would/could be?

I’ve met ladies while traveling… it has not been very hard. I usually just chat and listen… they usually make a leading suggestion when they want to leave.

 

[LeeKee]

52 yr old white male in KCMO area. Agreed and feel for you. My wife claims to not need it as often as me….I dont think once a week is out of the question at all. It ends up being closer to every three weeks to a month. But i end up rubbing one out almost every day, most to great stories here on Lit. But i wish i could meet up with a F in a similar situation. Not trying to change the marriage but rather change my sex life frequency or find friends to rub things out with.

Try twice in 3 years. Now after this long ive lost hope, then lost interest. What a racket women can run and its lauded as somebpower of abilty. No, it easy to shut down and do nothing. Its not a skillnor power. Its bullshit. When to know its over is a lost concept. Roommates. More like cellmates.

 

[writerzblok92]

Try twice in 3 years. Now after this long ive lost hope, then lost interest. What a racket women can run and its lauded as somebpower of abilty. No, it easy to shut down and do nothing. Its not a skillnor power. Its bullshit. When to know its over is a lost concept. Roommates. More like cellmates.

Going on 12 years...I feel your pain. Definitely just roommates, and my bed has become a chair in the living room

 

[Lady2020]

Try twice in 3 years. Now after this long ive lost hope, then lost interest. What a racket women can run and its lauded as somebpower of abilty. No, it easy to shut down and do nothing. Its not a skillnor power. Its bullshit. When to know its over is a lost concept. Roommates. More like cellmates.

I don't get the racket comment. Is it better having a cell mate or just leave?

 

[MischiefMakerAlways]

There are an astronomical number of men on Lit dying for sex...just IMO. As a female, I get propositioned constantly; some are looking to get cyber laid and nothing else, others want to actually meet up.

It's certainly easier to make contact here and, if in the same geographic area, suggest a meet up - but what would it take IRL for a guy?

Making conversation in the grocery store? I know there are apps like Fetlife or what have you (never been on one myself) so is that where a man in a sexless marriage would 'look'?

I've talked to guys who a) started fucking a woman at work and had trouble with that backfiring in a big way b) travel so they can utilize an escort without fear of being doxxed c) swing, so they can get fucked within the confines of that situation...or they tell me how awful it is to be without.

I did find myself in category a - we both had big feelings for each other. She wouldn't leave her asshole husband and I ended up moving hours away. It wasn't just fucking, it was emotional and intimate. But there was big risk. Sparks and chemistry - it was how things should be.

You sure don't want to hook up with your wife's best friend...or someone from 'your life together'...it just makes me wonder what the answer would/could be?

That's the question I have - where do these missing connections happen?

 

[MischiefMakerAlways]

I don't get the racket comment. Is it better having a cell mate or just leave?

It's better to leave, at least to me. But it's more than not having sex in my situation, that just happens to also apply.

Once the kids are grown and can't be used as pawns, I'm done.

 

[Lady2020]

It's better to leave, at least to me. But it's more than not having sex in my situation, that just happens to also apply.

Once the kids are grown and can't be used as pawns, I'm done.

I left when my kids were young. Sure, I could have stayed for the financial security while living with his contempt. I think the question is how much contempt and financial security are we willing to accept before we hate our partner and ourselves.

 

[MischiefMakerAlways]

I left when my kids were young. Sure, I could have stayed for the financial security while living with his contempt. I think the question is how much contempt and financial security are we willing to accept before we hate our partner and ourselves.

I'm the sole provider, have been for 20 years. It's not about the money, it's about the threats she's made to try and ever prevent me from seeing my kids. She'll try and take every penny I've scraped together, but I don't care. I just want to be free and be myself, which she loathes and looks down on. Only a few more years.

 

[Lady2020]

I'm the sole provider, have been for 20 years. It's not about the money, it's about the threats she's made to try and ever prevent me from seeing my kids. She'll try and take every penny I've scraped together, but I don't care. I just want to be free and be myself, which she loathes and looks down on. Only a few more years.

It goes to show the the multiple circumstances involved in sexless marriages.

 

[MischiefMakerAlways]

It goes to show the the multiple circumstances involved in sexless marriages.

Exactly. There is a plethora of reasons for the situation, and not a one size fits all

 

[Vivacious_in_the_TxHills]

Try twice in 3 years. Now after this long ive lost hope, then lost interest. What a racket women can run and it’s lauded as somebpower of abilty. No, it easy to shut down and do nothing. It’s not a skillnor power. Its bullshit. When to know it’s over is a lost concept. Roommates. More like cellmates.

I’m curious, “what a racket women can run,” could you please give me some tips? I could use some extra money.

 

[Polranny]

It has bern sexless for so long i have forgotten the initial cause of her withdrawal of favours.

 

[Sweetdreams71]

Just gonna throw a few thoughts or things to ponder from my ( women's) perspective
* Menopause, women's hormones reduce to 1% of what we used to have (for the most part) Imagine cutting your testicles off. Men, testosterone, really doesn't change a whole bunch. A healthy male will produce testosterone and get wood, even into their 80's and 90's! Our vaginas dry up and turn to crepe paper.
* Once hormones are gone, our brains don't miss sex, it's awful
* I would think most women don't realize that when our sex drive disappears and when we turn down our men's sexual asks, that rejection REALLY hurts them mentally.
* I never realized or understood how important sex is to the husband and a marriage. Men and sex = feeling wanted, needed, intimacy, requirement to be happy.

My personal experience with menopause has been a fucking rollercoaster. My family and myself have suffered some tough times.

Communication and understanding is key. Just some thoughts from a random old lady. Please note this is not gospel...every situation is different.

 

[Lady2020]

IdK. I was 50 when menopause hit me. The idea that sex was no longer something that I shouldn't be interested in just never occurred to me.

 

[Noor]

Just gonna throw a few thoughts or things to ponder from my ( women's) perspective
* Menopause, women's hormones reduce to 1% of what we used to have (for the most part) Imagine cutting your testicles off. Men, testosterone, really doesn't change a whole bunch. A healthy male will produce testosterone and get wood, even into their 80's and 90's! Our vaginas dry up and turn to crepe paper.
* Once hormones are gone, our brains don't miss sex, it's awful
* I would think most women don't realize that when our sex drive disappears and when we turn down our men's sexual asks, that rejection REALLY hurts them mentally.
* I never realized or understood how important sex is to the husband and a marriage. Men and sex = feeling wanted, needed, intimacy, requirement to be happy.

My personal experience with menopause has been a fucking rollercoaster. My family and myself have suffered some tough times.

Communication and understanding is key. Just some thoughts from a random old lady. Please note this is not gospel...every situation is different.

Men don’t seem to realize how important sex is to women as well

Just gonna throw a few thoughts or things to ponder from my ( women's) perspective
* Menopause, women's hormones reduce to 1% of what we used to have (for the most part) Imagine cutting your testicles off. Men, testosterone, really doesn't change a whole bunch. A healthy male will produce testosterone and get wood, even into their 80's and 90's! Our vaginas dry up and turn to crepe paper.
* Once hormones are gone, our brains don't miss sex, it's awful
* I would think most women don't realize that when our sex drive disappears and when we turn down our men's sexual asks, that rejection REALLY hurts them mentally.
* I never realized or understood how important sex is to the husband and a marriage. Men and sex = feeling wanted, needed, intimacy, requirement to be happy.

My personal experience with menopause has been a fucking rollercoaster. My family and myself have suffered some tough times.

Communication and understanding is key. Just some thoughts from a random old lady. Please note this is not gospel...every situation is different.

as someone who had unexpected and unwanted surgical menopause before I was even perimenopausal, I can understand the drop in hormones.
My world went from full color to black and white. I didn’t realize until post surgery how big a part sexuality plays in my life.
Unless you absolutely can’t have hormones, I’d strongly recommend topical vaginal estrogen to get your vagina back in healthy form for your own comfort for your own comfort whether you’re sexual or not. This with also help your bladder.
Also an estrogen patch.
Plus a bidet or bidet spray. Getting cuts from toilet paper or having it stick to you is no fun.

I think women get intimacy from sex too, and wanted to be special. And while, I don’t think anyone would turn down mind blowing sex, companionable sex is ok too, those something in the middle is probably preferable.

 

[MrGoatee]

Menopause is a killer unfortunately, from a male perspective I totally agree with @Sweetdreams71 the problem is we men dont change! I include feelings in that, I am still in love and do not want to leave or stray. But I don't like myself without sex, I'm just not a nice person. We do talk and try but our needs and desires physically are so far apart its painful.

When penetration hurts that affects me too which really doesn't help. It's all round a shit situation.

Nobody wants to be there.

God I sound like a sad sap lol

 

[luckydino]

Just gonna throw a few thoughts or things to ponder from my ( women's) perspective
* Menopause, women's hormones reduce to 1% of what we used to have (for the most part) Imagine cutting your testicles off. Men, testosterone, really doesn't change a whole bunch. A healthy male will produce testosterone and get wood, even into their 80's and 90's! Our vaginas dry up and turn to crepe paper.
* Once hormones are gone, our brains don't miss sex, it's awful
* I would think most women don't realize that when our sex drive disappears and when we turn down our men's sexual asks, that rejection REALLY hurts them mentally.
* I never realized or understood how important sex is to the husband and a marriage. Men and sex = feeling wanted, needed, intimacy, requirement to be happy.

My personal experience with menopause has been a fucking rollercoaster. My family and myself have suffered some tough times.

Communication and understanding is key. Just some thoughts from a random old lady. Please note this is not gospel...every situation is different.

Great to have a woman's perspective on this subject. I've been following this group for a quite a few months & think your response covers one of the biggest problems in a sexless marriage. My wife has been to hell & back over the past 12 years & has had everything possible to try & help from medication/HRT, therapy, counselling etc, but to no avail. It has completely changed our lives, unfortunately in many ways for the worst. I have been wanting to try & put my experience into words but I think that your post explains many things to people who may not be aware of what the menopause does to a woman - the decimation of the hormones is such a devastating thing to have to deal with.
Thank you for posting this simple & descriptive response as it may help many start to understand why things change. xx

 

[TemptationTango]

Just gonna throw a few thoughts or things to ponder from my ( women's) perspective
* Menopause, women's hormones reduce to 1% of what we used to have (for the most part) Imagine cutting your testicles off. Men, testosterone, really doesn't change a whole bunch. A healthy male will produce testosterone and get wood, even into their 80's and 90's! Our vaginas dry up and turn to crepe paper.
* Once hormones are gone, our brains don't miss sex, it's awful
* I would think most women don't realize that when our sex drive disappears and when we turn down our men's sexual asks, that rejection REALLY hurts them mentally.
* I never realized or understood how important sex is to the husband and a marriage. Men and sex = feeling wanted, needed, intimacy, requirement to be happy.

My personal experience with menopause has been a fucking rollercoaster. My family and myself have suffered some tough times.

Communication and understanding is key. Just some thoughts from a random old lady. Please note this is not gospel...every situation is different.

Bingo

 

[TemptationTango]

Menopause is a killer unfortunately, from a male perspective I totally agree with @Sweetdreams71 the problem is we men dont change! I include feelings in that, I am still in love and do not want to leave or stray. But I don't like myself without sex, I'm just not a nice person. We do talk and try but our needs and desires physically are so far apart its painful.

When penetration hurts that affects me too which really doesn't help. It's all round a shit situation.

Nobody wants to be there.

God I sound like a sad sap lol

Yep

 

[Tweedledude]

IdK. I was 50 when menopause hit me. The idea that sex was no longer something that I shouldn't be interested in just never occurred to me.

You make a very insightful statement. The "idea".....
i understand illness or other physical factors affecting both sexes in regards to sex we forget that the brain in both sexes is the largest sex organ.
From being thoughtful and understanding in all situations hard as that may be at times to being able to see the importance is intimacy even when the desire isn't there.
Life can sure be a struggle at times.

 

[LeeKee]

I don't get the racket comment. Is it better having a cell mate or just leave?

Sadly, it not just that easy. Lifes pretty complicated. But im seeking to respark our marriage and its just difficult to navigate. Her attitude will not allow happiness. But what else than to try. Or quit. Dunno.

 

[Tweedledude]

Sadly, it not just that easy. Lifes pretty complicated. But im seeking to respark our marriage and its just difficult to navigate. Her attitude will not allow happiness. But what else than to try. Or quit. Dunno.

Would she be willing to do bioidentical hormone therapy? My Lady did it. Made a huge difference but then she quit not willing to put in the effort. It's difficult so I'll just understand

 

[LeeKee]

Would she be willing to do bioidentical hormone therapy? My Lady did it. Made a huge difference but then she quit not willing to put in the effort. It's difficult so I'll just understand

I do not k ow what that is, forgive me.

 

[Tweedledude]

I do not k ow what that is, forgive me.

Essentially is a MD manipulating hormone levels via medication. They work too find a combination that elevates mood, energy and desire. It worked but you have to be willing to do the work with the doctor.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bioidentical_hormone_replacement_therapy