She would probably not entertain it if it came from me. But thats not to say it might work. Its mostly her work and the way she seems to have 'out grown' us. It really is like alot of things, it come down to attitude.
Sexless Marriages
- Thread starter PornStache75
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Tweedledude
Senior 65+
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Yes that's the big factor in all of this i suspect
writerzblok92
Literotica Guru
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What valuable insight. I can understand much of that. Those last two items, though, they really struck home with me.Just gonna throw a few thoughts or things to ponder from my ( women's) perspective
* Menopause, women's hormones reduce to 1% of what we used to have (for the most part) Imagine cutting your testicles off. Men, testosterone, really doesn't change a whole bunch. A healthy male will produce testosterone and get wood, even into their 80's and 90's! Our vaginas dry up and turn to crepe paper.
* Once hormones are gone, our brains don't miss sex, it's awful
* I would think most women don't realize that when our sex drive disappears and when we turn down our men's sexual asks, that rejection REALLY hurts them mentally.
* I never realized or understood how important sex is to the husband and a marriage. Men and sex = feeling wanted, needed, intimacy, requirement to be happy.
My personal experience with menopause has been a fucking rollercoaster. My family and myself have suffered some tough times.
Communication and understanding is key. Just some thoughts from a random old lady. Please note this is not gospel...every situation is different.
My wife decided she didn't want to have sex anymore when she was in her late 30s so for her, it was a conscious decision and not one triggered by the hormonal changes from menopause.
MischiefMakerAlways
Frustrated
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This is true if someone is otherwise healthy. My body stopped producing almost all testosterone in my 30s and I rely solely on replacement therapy. The amount of men on testosterone therapy is much higher than you'd think.
Even with nearly 0 testosterone, I still missed sex, both for the physical and emotional/relational aspect of it.* Once hormones are gone, our brains don't miss sex, it's awful
This is 100% true. Most men have an unconscious need to feel wanted and desired which isn't dissimilar from women. It's just part of the human condition.
Much like any other situation we find ourselves in, the situation may be similar, but the conditions which caused it vary widely, person to person.
TemptationTango
Lost in space
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Mine did the same...I was stunned when she quit.
Bagpipefish46
Love reading and see
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I don’t mind the sexless part as much as I would her not loving me anymore, it took a while to understand that for me pretty happy now I have it alright in my head
Sweetdreams71
Older and wiser
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- Jun 5, 2023
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- 18
I think men tie sex and emotional needs together. I think we express it differently. I would give anything for more emotional touches all day long, hugs, kisses, hold hands, cuddles... Just many moments through out the day.
Agree, for men it's sex . Women I would think need more than sex for affirmation.
Purple_Fronds
Later Meiosis
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As depressing as the subject is, I’m enjoying this thread a lot. I think it epitomizes the coolness of the lit forums, it’s people, the general positivity, being open to other points of view and just a really wonderful feeling of support.
Since joining I’ve been lucky enough to have met a lot of good people and enjoy some nice chats and in some cases a little more. It’s an interesting sensation to feel connection to people while also being anonymous.
A lot of what has been said resonates, and I’m definitely more in the camp of my wife is the love of my life, my best friend etc. but….. and to that end as resentful as sometimes i get I remind myself that she hates the situation too. This is both because her sex drive is non existent, it’s often painful and much to her annoyance my sex drive, which I now realize was always very high, hasn’t changed at all. I don’t hide this from her, she knows I find her desirable and that I’m ready if she is but I also need to get release otherwise I don’t function, she’ll hold me sometimes as I lay there and it might seem weird but it’s actually comforting.
From my discussions here and with my friends in real life it’s clear that this is also the situation for a lot of women, maybe not the same number as men but still significant. I have a friend who likens the situation with her husband as being room mates, she has not been touched in years, there’s no love. In this regard I’m much better off, and like a lot of people she’s biding her time because she knows it will blow up her family.
For me personally I’m deeply aware the effect a separation or divorce will have on my kids, and the pain it will cause to my wife. I’m also not a fantasized where I think somehow this will lead to a bountiful of sex with a lot of super hot women, intimacy and not severely impact what by any measure (minus the sex problem) is a great life.
I have no desire to open the marriage, I take my wife at her word that she has no interest in sex and it’s not me. I have zero interest in having her meeting other guys, it’s one of the few fetishes I don’t have
. I’m also not naive enough to think she couldn’t or wouldn’t go out and meet somebody. I’d like her to be ok with me satisfying this need outside of the marriage but I think it’s a big step for her.
To further complicate things I would say I’m quite kinky, which my wife knew when we met, embraced and yet in retrospect was not really, and as time progressed this went away too.
I’ve considered taking pills to lower my drive but fundamentally I like how I am, my wife doesn’t want to do much about her situation and of course that’s her choice.
On the plus side, my wife and I are now able to talk about this much more easily, with less shouting and tears. For my part I have no compunction about seeing sex workers or establishing a friends with benefits situation, if that’s what it calls for. In the future i don’t think the status quo will last, it will likely lead me to giving her some alternatives of how I can address my needs and she will most likely choose separation.
Since joining I’ve been lucky enough to have met a lot of good people and enjoy some nice chats and in some cases a little more. It’s an interesting sensation to feel connection to people while also being anonymous.
A lot of what has been said resonates, and I’m definitely more in the camp of my wife is the love of my life, my best friend etc. but….. and to that end as resentful as sometimes i get I remind myself that she hates the situation too. This is both because her sex drive is non existent, it’s often painful and much to her annoyance my sex drive, which I now realize was always very high, hasn’t changed at all. I don’t hide this from her, she knows I find her desirable and that I’m ready if she is but I also need to get release otherwise I don’t function, she’ll hold me sometimes as I lay there and it might seem weird but it’s actually comforting.
From my discussions here and with my friends in real life it’s clear that this is also the situation for a lot of women, maybe not the same number as men but still significant. I have a friend who likens the situation with her husband as being room mates, she has not been touched in years, there’s no love. In this regard I’m much better off, and like a lot of people she’s biding her time because she knows it will blow up her family.
For me personally I’m deeply aware the effect a separation or divorce will have on my kids, and the pain it will cause to my wife. I’m also not a fantasized where I think somehow this will lead to a bountiful of sex with a lot of super hot women, intimacy and not severely impact what by any measure (minus the sex problem) is a great life.
I have no desire to open the marriage, I take my wife at her word that she has no interest in sex and it’s not me. I have zero interest in having her meeting other guys, it’s one of the few fetishes I don’t have
. I’m also not naive enough to think she couldn’t or wouldn’t go out and meet somebody. I’d like her to be ok with me satisfying this need outside of the marriage but I think it’s a big step for her. To further complicate things I would say I’m quite kinky, which my wife knew when we met, embraced and yet in retrospect was not really, and as time progressed this went away too.
I’ve considered taking pills to lower my drive but fundamentally I like how I am, my wife doesn’t want to do much about her situation and of course that’s her choice.
On the plus side, my wife and I are now able to talk about this much more easily, with less shouting and tears. For my part I have no compunction about seeing sex workers or establishing a friends with benefits situation, if that’s what it calls for. In the future i don’t think the status quo will last, it will likely lead me to giving her some alternatives of how I can address my needs and she will most likely choose separation.
bestkeptsecret678
Juxtaposed
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- Jun 5, 2022
- Posts
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A poster earlier asked the question, why stick around then. If there are no other meaningful gains from the relationship, then sure, stop wasting time and get about the business of making one's life better.
But, maybe I'm the lucky one on this thread, because my relationship is otherwise healthy, and the benefits derived outweigh the downsides of doing without intimacy, I'm not going anywhere.... It does mean finding ways, to include writing erotica, to fill that gap on my own. (footnote: affairs are no longer on the table)
But, maybe I'm the lucky one on this thread, because my relationship is otherwise healthy, and the benefits derived outweigh the downsides of doing without intimacy, I'm not going anywhere.... It does mean finding ways, to include writing erotica, to fill that gap on my own. (footnote: affairs are no longer on the table)
LL_RS
Sucking and Fucking
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2022
- Posts
- 257
So true. Experience is very much key. Also worth noting is that people also change. Bodies change, mentally and physically and both are connected. Health and wellbeing go hand in hand. You can have the perfect partner in your 30’s, beautiful mind and body but all it takes is a sudden illness and peoples mental health can be affected. An illness may not be instant just something that creeps into your life as you age.
MischiefMakerAlways
Frustrated
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- Mar 31, 2024
- Posts
- 1,532
After I posted and reread your previous comments, I realized I hadn't realized you were probably referring to just women and not everyone. So I see what you're saying now.
Probably true. Men want the actions to show they are desired and women want the verbal reaffirmation.
This is the exact situation I find myself in.
You are fortunate. Good for you.
This is so true. I acknowledge that there is change and growth in people as they age and it may pull on what was once good. For me, it was never a union of goodness, so it has only gone from bad to worse and my spouse is of the idea that divorce is one of the greatest sins a person can commit.
Erodicus
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jan 31, 2016
- Posts
- 1,410
My gf had this experience in her 40s. (Lucky me!) So did a couple of her friends.
Plenty of wanking then
Britva415
"Alabaster," my ass
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2022
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- 1,754
What does "open marriage" mean to you? Just asking because to some people your second statement would be the definition of "open marriage."
Speaking for myself, my wife is OK with this as long as it's not a relationship. Purely no-strings. But she refers to it as "open marriage" and that's not my favorite way to talk about it because I feel like it makes it sound like I have a regular relationship with someone else. I don't really have a better term that's as concise though.
Purple_Fronds
Later Meiosis
- Joined
- Nov 27, 2022
- Posts
- 299
Open marriage to me would by its very meaning have to be reciprocal. I.e, we would both be free to seek sex outside of the marriage. I think some men that bring up openIng the marriage with their wife do so purely from their own perspective that it’s a way for them to have sex with other women, but don’t think through the fact that she is just as free to seek the same. Then they’re shocked when she goes and does that and in most likelihood has an easier time in finding a willing participant. I have no interest in doing that or presenting it that way, or putting it plainly her having sex with other people, so it’s not open for her.
My predicament which I believe is similar to a number of other people’s on this thread is that my sex drive is very high and hers is non existent. She’s said that it isn’t related to me, she’s still attracted to me, and if she was interested in having sex she would want it with me. For the record this would be my preference too.
If her response to this is that actually it is me and she wants to go and meet other men then that would be incredibly frustrating that she wasn’t honest and dragged it on, but that’s her choice. I would most likely just look for us to get divorced.
We can argue about the regular fairness of the different arrangements but for me, if I was not providing her the intimacy and sexual connection that was at the cornerstone of our initial relationship, then a lot of that responsibility would fall to me and I would have to be aware of the consequences.
I understand words are important, but outside of the wording, her caveat seems reasonable on the face of it, of course if she and you feel that your relationship is otherwise good. It seems she cares about you having your needs met, even if she’s unable or unwilling to address it herself. As an aside I have the same problem with the word affair, I always think of affairs as being more than sexual.
Britva415
"Alabaster," my ass
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2022
- Posts
- 1,754
Yeah - these talking heads who keep talking about Trump's "affair" with Stormy Daniels drive me nuts.
Two-minute "affair," my ass.
TheEternalBeachBum
Sunburned
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2024
- Posts
- 19
Great insight, and well worded, my dear. You pretty much nailed it from both a man's and woman's perspective.Just gonna throw a few thoughts or things to ponder from my ( women's) perspective
* Menopause, women's hormones reduce to 1% of what we used to have (for the most part) Imagine cutting your testicles off. Men, testosterone, really doesn't change a whole bunch. A healthy male will produce testosterone and get wood, even into their 80's and 90's! Our vaginas dry up and turn to crepe paper.
* Once hormones are gone, our brains don't miss sex, it's awful
* I would think most women don't realize that when our sex drive disappears and when we turn down our men's sexual asks, that rejection REALLY hurts them mentally.
* I never realized or understood how important sex is to the husband and a marriage. Men and sex = feeling wanted, needed, intimacy, requirement to be happy.
My personal experience with menopause has been a fucking rollercoaster. My family and myself have suffered some tough times.
Communication and understanding is key. Just some thoughts from a random old lady. Please note this is not gospel...every situation is different.
TemptationTango
Lost in space
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2022
- Posts
- 124
I really does not help in the long run. Nothing replaces skin to skin contact, a deep passionate kiss, cunnilingus, fellatio and good old cock to vagina intercourse.
TemptationTango
Lost in space
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2022
- Posts
- 124
Oh please, no politics....we have our own problems to deal with here........
bestkeptsecret678
Juxtaposed
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- Jun 5, 2022
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- 322
Agreed. The term, and the activities and circumstances associated with it, in my view, are bigger and more emotional than just sex.
MischiefMakerAlways
Frustrated
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- Mar 31, 2024
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- 1,532
Affair, to me, has feelings.
Mistress is a long term hook-up without feelings.
Booty calls, those are obvious.
Lady2020
Sleeping Poet
- Joined
- May 17, 2020
- Posts
- 7,679
Before I left my husband, I had relatives who assured me it would be better if my husband and I had separate bedrooms instead of divorcing. For the kids. I chose to leave. Unfortunately, I thought telling my husband upfront about leaving was the honorable way to handle things. His response was to rape me. I know what it's like to be in a marriage where my partner has different ideas. I could have stayed for financial reasons. And sold my soul. Fucking make a decision or quit whining.
LustyScribe
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jun 24, 2019
- Posts
- 3,626
Proud of you for leaving! Those relatives should have their noses rubbed in their ignorance. For me, even accepting a reluctant "mercy fuck" from my wife would be the equivalent of forcing myself on her, and the idea of it sickens me. I'm not interested in anything less than a fully willing partner who WANTS to engage in sex with me. I have "creative" ideas of what should be done with rapists.
I truly hope you find some genuine, healthy love.
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