Putting people at ease

[NotHisLady]

To everyone else, I apologize for the hijack. This veered badly off the intended course of the conversation at hand.
While it does take quite a bit to get me 'het up' this is one of my buttons. I should have taken it private rather than continue it here however.
In any case it is obviously time to disengage and get back to the matter at hand.
To that end I would like to renew my previous question:

Around here people talk to each other as a matter of course. It isn't strange or off-putting but it doesn't necessarily mean anything either.
Honestly I've never been much good at turning those few friendly words into anything but a few friendly words. Having been married for ages I haven't needed to worry about it much but before that I was hopeless.
There is a possibility that in the not too distant future I'll be needing that skill again and I still don't believe that every guy who stops to say hi is making a move.

Guys--how do I tell the difference between just being nice and wanting to extend that short conversation?

 

[LadyVer]

A sense of humor always helps with putting people at ease--in real life, and on threads. I would guess that at least half of Litsters are medicated in some way. And the other half who aren't, need to be.

 

[Lord Pmann]

To everyone else, I apologize for the hijack. This veered badly off the intended course of the conversation at hand.
While it does take quite a bit to get me 'het up' this is one of my buttons. I should have taken it private rather than continue it here however.
In any case it is obviously time to disengage and get back to the matter at hand.
To that end I would like to renew my previous question:

Around here people talk to each other as a matter of course. It isn't strange or off-putting but it doesn't necessarily mean anything either.
Honestly I've never been much good at turning those few friendly words into anything but a few friendly words. Having been married for ages I haven't needed to worry about it much but before that I was hopeless.
There is a possibility that in the not too distant future I'll be needing that skill again and I still don't believe that every guy who stops to say hi is making a move.

Guys--how do I tell the difference between just being nice and wanting to extend that short conversation?

What do you mean? I don't agree with the KrazyWhiteBoy, but I do agree that this needs clarification. Do you want to know if the guy is flirting? Or how YOU flirt?

 

[NotHisLady]

What do you mean? I don't agree with the KrazyWhiteBoy, but I do agree that this needs clarification. Do you want to know if the guy is flirting? Or how YOU flirt?

I have no problem striking up conversations with strangers (or apparently being the sort of person who strangers feel OK about talking to) never have been. In any given situation I find myself talking sometimes for a couple of minutes and sometimes at length with someone I don't know.
Smile, laugh, very pleasant even a bit flirty.
Then we each wander off in different directions.
(Before anyone says it's because of the ring on my finger this was happening to me long before it was put there.)

Is there some way to figure out if any of those pleasant conversations were openings for something or if all of them were just pleasant conversations?
(Before anyone points out that I did in fact meet and marry someone I don't really think replicating that experiment (a couple of shots of tequila and attending a kegger) is such a good idea this time around.)

 

[KrazyWhiteBoy]

I have no problem striking up conversations with strangers (or apparently being the sort of person who strangers feel OK about talking to) never have been. In any given situation I find myself talking sometimes for a couple of minutes and sometimes at length with someone I don't know.
Smile, laugh, very pleasant even a bit flirty.
Then we each wander off in different directions.
(Before anyone says it's because of the ring on my finger this was happening to me long before it was put there.)

Is there some way to figure out if any of those pleasant conversations were openings for something or if all of them were just pleasant conversations?
(Before anyone points out that I did in fact meet and marry someone I don't really think replicating that experiment (a couple of shots of tequila and attending a kegger) is such a good idea this time around.)

Would you like it to be more? If yes, ask him out, ask for his phone number or email. If you're having a pleasant conversation, it would seem to me that he would, at the very least, enjoy talking with you more.

 

[Lord Pmann]

If you want to know how to know it a guy is going for more, I'll give you these two scenarios. This is assuming hell has frozen over and I was making random chitchat with and complimenting a stranger.

Scenario 1: Pmann is not interested in the girl

Me: I like those shoes. They're very nice.
Her: Thanks. Yours are great too.
Me: Why thank you. *looks away and sips coffee*

Scenario 2: Pmann is interested in the girl

Me: I like those shoes.
Christina Hendricks: Thanks. Yours are great too. So are your pants.
Me: Why yes indeed, they are. *smiles* I get all my clothes from (insert name of most stylish place ever)
Christina Hendricks: Do you wanna see my boobs?
Me: Yes.

See, scenario 1 and 2 are not all that different. However, scenario 2 is slightly different because I want to continue the conversation. My body language tells a story too. In scenario 2, you can't see this but, I'm engaging and charming. I lean in. I'm all around delightful.

What I'm trying to say is this: a big clue could be in how the conversation goes. By that I mean, is he doing things to keep the conversation alive? Or is he just making a comment for the same of the comment. Maybe pmann really liked her shoes and just wanted her to know that. But if he's continuing the conversation, perhaps he's more interested.

The above scenario would never happen because since before I was pmann, when I was a young pboy, I was told not to talk to strangers.

 

[unregistered]

 

[Lord Pmann]

Pmann, you crack me up.

Was that a compliment?!?!

 

[unregistered]

 

[Lord Pmann]

I don't know. Are you offended??

Terribly!!!

Hehe. I'm glad someone around here enjoys my posts.

 

[unregistered]

 

[Que]

There is a possibility that in the not too distant future I'll be needing that skill again and I still don't believe that every guy who stops to say hi is making a move.

Guys--how do I tell the difference between just being nice and wanting to extend that short conversation?

If you were a guy I'd warn you its a year after a divorce before you are at all effective socializing. Women tend to do a lot of the grieving in the marriage and rebound faster. Consider the early efforts practice.

Chemistry is just that- it is a chemical compatibility. If you find a guy attractive, more likely than not the initial attraction is mutual. You may end up being not a good fit for any number of reasons, but if you are interested risk nothing by assuming it is at least on a surface level mutual.

Every guy that stops to say hi, you should assume IS making a move. Even if he isn't when he realizes you thought so and were receptive at a minimum it is flattering. I consider all instances of mutual flirting worth doing.

People are social mammals. Some of us are better at social congress than others. Most people showing no signs of disinterest (thousand yard stare, glazed look, glancing at the time, fidgeting) are probably at a minimum interested in conversation.

 

[NotHisLady]

Every guy that stops to say hi, you should assume IS making a move.

Oh come on! That can't be right.

Also I'm not asking for the sake of 'closing the deal' it's more about general socializing I suppose. There seems to be a general consensus that having someone strike up a conversation is a sign of interest.
If that's true then I've gone through life hopelessly ignorant.
I can count on one hand the number of times some guy has overtly hit on me but there have been dozens of those 'stop and talk for a while' interactions just in the last year.

I realize I'm shifting the topic from the one the OP began but once everyone IS at ease--what about determining intentions?

 

[Dogma52]

You know what happens when one "assumes" anything!

Some guys love to talk to people, just like some women do. Flirting may even occur but the thought of sex doesn't always enter the picture. Now, if the flirting is returned with sexual overtones.... it's on! But I believe a man can talk to a woman without hitting on her or expecting sex as an outcome.

 

[Que]

Oh come on! That can't be right.

Also I'm not asking for the sake of 'closing the deal' it's more about general socializing I suppose. There seems to be a general consensus that having someone strike up a conversation is a sign of interest.
If that's true then I've gone through life hopelessly ignorant.
I can count on one hand the number of times some guy has overtly hit on me but there have been dozens of those 'stop and talk for a while' interactions just in the last year.

I realize I'm shifting the topic from the one the OP began but once everyone IS at ease--what about determining intentions?

I am not saying he IS necessarily making a move...I am saying YOU should assume he is.

There's no downside. If you are interested proceed as if he is...if you aren't interested enjoy the validation.