Puns

[OldUncleJack]

Apparently "The Tale of two Cities" by Charles Dickens was serialized in the 1800s in two English newspapers

Which ones?

It was the Bicester Times it was the Worcester Times


(this will only appeal to Brits!)

 

[mnbreastluver]

Surrogate mothers who get paid to give birth to other people’s kids are making a living by making the living.

 

[done_got_old]

I once got into so much debt that I couldn't even afford my electricity bills, they were the darkest times of my life.

 

[done_got_old]

Did you know that Raymond Burr had a brother? His name was Tim.

 

[greeneyedvirgin]

Imagine whirrled peas.

 

[done_got_old]

Serving yourself a complimentary soft drink is a way to get emotional support.

 

[porkyrocket69]

I'm only friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don't Y.

 

[done_got_old]

A career choice for kids who just like to sit around and make faces would be a watchmaker.

 

[mnbreastluver]

It’s weird that “you’re shit” and “you ain’t shit” are both insults, but “you’re the shit” is a complement.

 

[done_got_old]

It’s weird that “you’re shit” and “you ain’t shit” are both insults, but “you’re the shit” is a complement.

Good one, but I don't want my name and shit together!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Good one, but I don't want my name and shit together!

I wouldn’t either.

If poison expires, is it more poisonous or no longer poisonous

 

[done_got_old]

I had a joke about a cake, but it's stale.

 

[porkyrocket69]

Why doesn't anyone tell jokes about the Rev. Jim Jones?

The punch lines are too long.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If there is ever a famine in Hungary, our media is going to have an absolute blast with those headlines.

 

[done_got_old]

The flip side of contagious gum disease is an infectious smile.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Space heaters are the perfect housewarming gifts.

 

[done_got_old]

Does a coffee shop have the grounds to operate in the black?

 

[mnbreastluver]

What's a prisoner's favorite punctuation mark?
The period because it marks the end of a sentence.

 

[jeff_is_smiling]

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7-8-9

 

[done_got_old]

Two lambs are in a meadow. Which one frequents a casino? The one that's gambolling.

 

[mnbreastluver]

The inventor of sarcasm was greatly misunderstood.

 

[porkyrocket69]

Question put to me: "How is your project coming?"

Answer from me: "It's just breathing hard."

 

[mnbreastluver]

By using a lawnmower, you become a lawnmower.

 

[done_got_old]

No one knew she had a dental implant until it came out in a conversation.

 

[mnbreastluver]

A human came out of a human because a human came in a human.