Praise for some Halloween contest entries

[ChasPHX]

I wasn't sure if I should contribute this to the Halloween "hangout" thread over on AH, but since it's geared specifically to "story feedback," I figure maybe this is a better spot for it.

I got this idea after HeyAll pointed out in this post that the story The Halloween Skits was scoring well and could be a contender for a prize.

I realized how much weight that carried for me. Recognizing that it wasn't a recommendation per se, it did encourage me to pop over and read the story, given there's so little else to go on when viewing the Halloween story index page as far as how to choose what to read.

Anyway, point is, I wanted to share my own shortlist for favourite Halloween entries, in case anyone else might want a little direction.

First though, I'll be honest in saying I don't "read" very many. For every one I read to the end, I have probably started another half dozen but didn't get past the first few paragraphs, sometimes not even to the second, either because I find the writing too weak to continue or the erotic encounter isn't shaping up to be of interest (possibly based on category).

Also, there's new ones coming out still every day, so this is not exhaustive.

My favourites to date (in no particular order):
Four's the Charm - First Time - by TarnishedPenny
Blood Moon Frenzy - Group Sex - by narcotic
The Visit - NonCon/Reluctance - by gabthewriter
Locked In - Erotic Horror - by Krieger013
The Seahorse - NonCon/Reluctance - by V_Volt
Bad Clown - NonCon/Reluctance - by Chimney Sweep
Pussy Kandy - Erotic Horror - by PussyKandy

Hope that's helpful for someone out there.

 

[BelleCanzuto]

I find this helpful. Granted, people's tastes are different, but I get a little overwhelmed sometimes with the sheer volume of contest stories. A little narrowing down is useful to me.
Thx.

 

[MelissaBaby]

I find this helpful. Granted, people's tastes are different, but I get a little overwhelmed sometimes with the sheer volume of contest stories. A little narrowing down is useful to me.
Thx.

Oh, here, let me make it easy for you.

The Dancing Ghost of Webster's Gore

 

[ChasPHX]

Oh, here, let me make it easy for you.

The Dancing Ghost of Webster's Gore

Good enough for me! I'll read. Want public feedback (comment section) or stick to this board, or direct message?

 

[Voboy]

Bear in mind, too, that this contest has in the past been problematic for certain categories; my story could go in about three different categories, but it's in "Erotic Horror"despite the fact that it's not even remotely horrifying. It's in there because witches.

It's one of the perennial bugbears of this contest, the distinction between "scary" and merely "supernatural.".

 

[MelissaBaby]

Good enough for me! I'll read. Want public feedback (comment section) or stick to this board, or direct message?

I’m happy to discuss it here if you’d like. ( And it might encourage more discussion of other entry’s as well)

 

[ChasPHX]

I’m happy to discuss it here if you’d like. ( And it might encourage more discussion of other entry’s as well)

Here’s what I liked so much about your story: it was a real story.

A lot of Lit “stories” are memoir-ish, or slice-of-life-ish, or they have clever, punchy endings. And that’s all fine—no knock at all against that. In fact, the punchy ending is what I tend toward in my own stories. But it’s rare to find an effectively structured, traditional short story, where the main character has a goal, sets out to achieve that goal, hits an obstacle, overcomes that obstacle, and is somehow changed at the end. I thought your story did that very well. (None of my stories do it.)

I also liked the clarity, ease and pace of the opening setup. There’s nothing new about the struggling horror novelist who takes up residence in a spooky locale to get the juices flowing. But your treatment of the setup was highly efficient. It clipped right along without drowning in backstory or extraneous detail, and yet there was a tiny bit of history, just enough that we know what we need to know about the MC to understand his motives and put his action into context.

I thought the climax was very good. It was surprisingly intense. I had predicted early on that the “dancing” under the tree was the result of a hanging (um, spoiler), but I think that made it even more intense for me as the truth was revealed to our panicked hero. The quickened pace worked very well. It was actually hair-raising.

I agree with another commenter who pointed out on your story page that there were some copy errors that should have been easy to spot/fix. Definitely could have used a fresh set of eyes on the proofreading.

My substantive bit of feedback is around the “deal” between Jared and Annabelle. Jared’s goal at the beginning is really simple: Get story fodder so he can write a killer new novel. And Annabelle’s goal is also really simple: Get someone to tell her story so she can finally “find peace.”

But the terms of the deal get skewed in a weird way when the two of them meet. Annabelle comes to the deal table and asks Jared to write her story so that she can find peace. But Jared does not tell her that he’s in need of a story to produce his next book. Instead, Annabelle quickly offers her body up as payment for Jared writing the story. But we know that Jared doesn’t need that sort of payment for writing the story—he needs to write a story for his own purposes, just as badly as Annabelle needs it to be written.

In other words, the story exchange between them (she tells, he writes) is all that’s needed for both characters to achieve their respective goals. And yet, Jared also gets some hot ghost action! Even though it was Annabelle’s idea to offer sex, the fact that Jared didn’t come clean about how much he needed her story for his own career purposes made it feel like he was kind of cheating. Instead of him saying, “Oh, don’t feel like you need to fuck me; you wouldn’t believe how desperately I need this story to jumpstart my flagging career anyway,” it was, “Ooh, looks like I can keep it a secret from Annabelle that I need this story just as badly as she does—I’ll just pretend I’m doing her a favour so I can get in her pants.”

In another context, this might have been all fine and even appropriate to the character. But in this story, which has a gentle, romantic flavour to it, I found it turned me against Jared in a way that may not have been intended.

This next one is minor, but I think it’s worth pointing out just in case.

I have trouble with stories where a character is set up early on, as Jared was, as not believing in ghosts and so forth. Then when the real thing appears, it may as well be an everyday occurrence for them. Jared had explicitly stated that he didn’t believe in “any of that crap,” and yet there he was, not two days later(ish), boinking a ghost, with hardly any explicit mental transition.

My recommendation for that is, if you want a nice, tight, short story where you don’t have to worry about the MC overcoming disbelief in the events they’re facing (because it is obnoxious and hard to do well in a short amount of time), just make them a believer to begin with. Let’s say Jared is a famous horror author because he does believe—and he believes with a passion. He’s convinced he’s seen a real life vampire. A real life werewolf. A real life zombie. And he’s convinced there’s such a thing as ghosts, he just hasn’t seen one… yet.

With that, you get full buy-in right away and you don’t have to stumble through the MC’s transition from skeptic to believer. I’m not saying there was any stumbling in your story—it was more like a switch was thrown.

In the end, I enjoyed your story a lot. Most of my feedback (other than the punctuation) only came to me later, on reflection, so it certainly didn’t get in the way of my initial read.

Good luck in the contest.

 

[ChasPHX]

It's one of the perennial bugbears of this contest, the distinction between "scary" and merely "supernatural.".

Agree this makes category selection a bit weird. I think the "rule" on this could be really straightforward, but I don't see it ever being followed very well.

If your intent as an author is to instill fear in the reader (or perhaps revulsion, as I've been known to strive for), then it goes in erotic horror. That's when you're putting the horror before the erotic, essentially.

If your story is not intended to instill fear/revulsion, then it's not erotic horror, plain and simple, and it belongs in whatever category is appropriate to the controlling erotic encounter.

I've read a small handful of stories for this contest that prioritized horror over eroticism (including my own) and I can say that none of them were erotic in the least. It's just a difficult mix, if not impossible. And people don't come here for horror anyway, that I can see. Even those who frequent the EH category only want the superficial trappings of horror wrapped around the hot stuff. Because real scary just ain't real sexy.

 

[MelissaBaby]

Here’s what I liked so much about your story: it was a real story.

A lot of Lit “stories” are memoir-ish, or slice-of-life-ish, or they have clever, punchy endings. And that’s all fine—no knock at all against that. In fact, the punchy ending is what I tend toward in my own stories. But it’s rare to find an effectively structured, traditional short story, where the main character has a goal, sets out to achieve that goal, hits an obstacle, overcomes that obstacle, and is somehow changed at the end. I thought your story did that very well. (None of my stories do it.)

I also liked the clarity, ease and pace of the opening setup. There’s nothing new about the struggling horror novelist who takes up residence in a spooky locale to get the juices flowing. But your treatment of the setup was highly efficient. It clipped right along without drowning in backstory or extraneous detail, and yet there was a tiny bit of history, just enough that we know what we need to know about the MC to understand his motives and put his action into context.

I thought the climax was very good. It was surprisingly intense. I had predicted early on that the “dancing” under the tree was the result of a hanging (um, spoiler), but I think that made it even more intense for me as the truth was revealed to our panicked hero. The quickened pace worked very well. It was actually hair-raising.

I agree with another commenter who pointed out on your story page that there were some copy errors that should have been easy to spot/fix. Definitely could have used a fresh set of eyes on the proofreading.

My substantive bit of feedback is around the “deal” between Jared and Annabelle. Jared’s goal at the beginning is really simple: Get story fodder so he can write a killer new novel. And Annabelle’s goal is also really simple: Get someone to tell her story so she can finally “find peace.”

But the terms of the deal get skewed in a weird way when the two of them meet. Annabelle comes to the deal table and asks Jared to write her story so that she can find peace. But Jared does not tell her that he’s in need of a story to produce his next book. Instead, Annabelle quickly offers her body up as payment for Jared writing the story. But we know that Jared doesn’t need that sort of payment for writing the story—he needs to write a story for his own purposes, just as badly as Annabelle needs it to be written.

In other words, the story exchange between them (she tells, he writes) is all that’s needed for both characters to achieve their respective goals. And yet, Jared also gets some hot ghost action! Even though it was Annabelle’s idea to offer sex, the fact that Jared didn’t come clean about how much he needed her story for his own career purposes made it feel like he was kind of cheating. Instead of him saying, “Oh, don’t feel like you need to fuck me; you wouldn’t believe how desperately I need this story to jumpstart my flagging career anyway,” it was, “Ooh, looks like I can keep it a secret from Annabelle that I need this story just as badly as she does—I’ll just pretend I’m doing her a favour so I can get in her pants.”

In another context, this might have been all fine and even appropriate to the character. But in this story, which has a gentle, romantic flavour to it, I found it turned me against Jared in a way that may not have been intended.

This next one is minor, but I think it’s worth pointing out just in case.

I have trouble with stories where a character is set up early on, as Jared was, as not believing in ghosts and so forth. Then when the real thing appears, it may as well be an everyday occurrence for them. Jared had explicitly stated that he didn’t believe in “any of that crap,” and yet there he was, not two days later(ish), boinking a ghost, with hardly any explicit mental transition.

My recommendation for that is, if you want a nice, tight, short story where you don’t have to worry about the MC overcoming disbelief in the events they’re facing (because it is obnoxious and hard to do well in a short amount of time), just make them a believer to begin with. Let’s say Jared is a famous horror author because he does believe—and he believes with a passion. He’s convinced he’s seen a real life vampire. A real life werewolf. A real life zombie. And he’s convinced there’s such a thing as ghosts, he just hasn’t seen one… yet.

With that, you get full buy-in right away and you don’t have to stumble through the MC’s transition from skeptic to believer. I’m not saying there was any stumbling in your story—it was more like a switch was thrown.

In the end, I enjoyed your story a lot. Most of my feedback (other than the punctuation) only came to me later, on reflection, so it certainly didn’t get in the way of my initial read.

Good luck in the contest.

Thanks for the great feedback. I'm glad you enjoyed the story.

As for the deal, I'll just note that my thought was that, to Annabelle, offering herself to a man when she needed something was just automatically what she did, it was all she had known in life. And as for Jared, well, I didn't intend him to be particularly sympathetic.

I have not written anything like this before, so I appreciate your constructive criticism. And, I will confess that, as I was concerned I might not get it submitted in time, I probably did not go over the text as carefully as I should have.

I'm glad to see that I am getting a good score so far, though!

 

[SisterJezabel]

I find this helpful. Granted, people's tastes are different, but I get a little overwhelmed sometimes with the sheer volume of contest stories. A little narrowing down is useful to me.
Thx.

I'll help too...

Afraid of what exactly?

Also happy for people to discuss it here too. Halloween wasn't a thing when I was growing up in Australia- we knew about it, and I lived in a Christian household that observed All Saints and All Souls. I'm also a wimp when it comes to horror movies. That being said, I have loved reading a lot of the contributions in the horror section and it has opened my eyes a lot.

 

[BarracudaSwordfish]

Ok, I'll bite...

A bit of shameless pushing for my Halloween ramblings!

https://www.literotica.com/beta/s/heaven-up-here

 

[Seurat]

I'll be going back through the list of entries, for sure, to see if there is anything that strikes a chord. While I imagine that mine is one of those stories that doesn't make it past those 'first paragraphs read' categories (I hold no illusions about the quality or content of my stories), I often find that these contests bring some good but rarely-posting authors out of the woodwork.

Personally, I like a good LW story (hard to find any more because of trolls) or EH entry that separates itself from the trope crowd with originality. Self promotion here or in the support thread is fully encouraged, as it gives me (and others) exposure to something that we might not normally see.

 

[Emirus]

What a good idea!

I haven’t put an entry in Halloween and, in fact, the only competition entry I’ve ever submitted was the Summer Lovin’ but I really do think you’ve come up with something. Perhaps every time there’s a competition a thread could be started along these lines?

 

[ChasPHX]

I'll help too...

Afraid of what exactly?

Also happy for people to discuss it here too.

I thought your story was really, really special.

For some reason, after starting it very early on in the contest, I drifted away around page 2. I suspect it was just due to other life stuff (family, work, you know…) and not because of something I didn’t like about the story or its telling. Then, as other stories kept piling onto the index page, I didn’t go back to it. I’m so glad you promoted it here.

It has a very generous, warm-hearted vibe that shines right through. I liked the straight-talking, clear-eyed descriptions and dialogue. I felt like I was reading the work of someone who has a measure of personal experience in what’s being depicted (and if not, you are an exceptionally perceptive observer of people).

I’m looking around for something critical to say, and it’s not easy ; ). But, you know, reviews ain’t all that much use if it’s all just gushy-gushy…

It needed a proofread. I saw some copy errors that would have been easy to fix.

I’m on the fence about this next comment as to whether it’s a criticism or not. On the one hand, I felt like there was some needless complexity and back-and-forth about household arrangements and timing and which kids are going with which babysitters when. I wondered whether there was supposed to be some drama in that – Will they show up on time? Will someone forget they said they’d pick up Poppy?

On the other hand, that’s kind of what it’s like! I’ve got a few kids myself, and it does take some heavy coordination, and then if you’re a single parent… (I’m not). Plus, all that logistical-ness provided an opportunity for all characters involved to demonstrate their support for Sam. They were all game at one point or another to sacrifice their own time so that Sam could step out. It was a good way to make the point that “it takes a community to raise” etc.

Here’s a comment I feel leans a bit further into a criticism, but it’s really subjective I’m sure: Char and Jeff. I felt the addition of the deepening relationship between Char and Jeff toward the end was a bit forced/tacked on. Though even as I type this, I’m kind of second-guessing myself, because it really was in the spirit of the story for everything and every relationship to come to a happy, fruitful conclusion. It was like, here is a group of people that have suffered serious loss in their lives, and now, in this moment, everyone’s moving on and progressing to find renewed purpose and joy. So I don’t know, maybe I take it back that I’m critical of that part of the story. It felt forced as I was reading it, but on reflection, I'm liking it more.

I noted that there was a heavy use of exclamation marks in the dialogue, which is unusual. I kind of liked it, but there were a few strings of dialogue exchange where both speakers were basically yelling at each other (but happy yelling!) so maybe something to be mindful of.

I typically don’t like stories where the woman is depicted as super-easy to get off. But I really liked it here. It felt almost innocent, and like Sam had all this pent-up sexual energy, and she was supressing it and just waiting for the right guy to come along and flip her switch just by holding her hand. I also liked that the sex was short and tasteful and not overly descriptive. It felt quite appropriate to the tone of the story.

And a fun title too! Well done, thanks for pointing me to it.

 

[anonymouse333]

halloween story not there yet but submitted before deadline

hi i submitted a story to the halloween contest with one day to go. It was rejected for correction on the last day. I resubmitted it well before the midnight deadline however it is still not published. There are only a few days voting left.
What can I do?

thanks
anonymouse333

 

[ChasPHX]

I haven’t put an entry in Halloween and, in fact, the only competition entry I’ve ever submitted was the Summer Lovin’ but I really do think you’ve come up with something. Perhaps every time there’s a competition a thread could be started along these lines?

I'm not so sure. I mean, I like the idea, but I do get the vibe that authors are not so willing to promote other contest entrants. And I wonder if there's a hesitancy to really dive into a critique of another author's work? I can see why that may be the case. I also get that some writers have zero interest in providing feedback, it's not everyone's bag, I just happen to enjoy it.

I'm pretty new here, but I've been a bit surprised at the lack of authors sharing their best-of and favorites lists for this Halloween contest.

 

[ChasPHX]

As for the deal, I'll just note that my thought was that, to Annabelle, offering herself to a man when she needed something was just automatically what she did, it was all she had known in life.

Yep. I felt that. In fact, I thought Annabelle was well conceived and her actions and behaviour made total sense. My feedback may have been unclear about that, but I felt that only Jared's dealmaking was awkwardly characterized.

And as for Jared, well, I didn't intend him to be particularly sympathetic.

I think you're on to something there. I think that intention may have been too lightly played. If Jared had been just a little bit more clearly characterized as an opportunistic heel - perhaps in his first conversation with Charles about his divorce? - and if we'd gotten a hint of his underhandedness when he struck the deal with Annabelle, it all might have felt a little tighter. And, his final redemptive action may have been a bit more powerful. Only spitballing.

 

[KeithD]

I'm pretty new here, but I've been a bit surprised at the lack of authors sharing their best-of and favorites lists for this Halloween contest.

Authors who have stories in the contest themselves may just be trying to keep the playing field level in respect for others with contesting stories. That's what's expected in mainstream contests.

 

[Voboy]

Authors who have stories in the contest themselves may just be trying to keep the playing field level in respect for others with contesting stories. That's what's expected in mainstream contests.

This.

 

[HarryHill]

..
Wow Chas, do mine next.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I'm pretty new here, but I've been a bit surprised at the lack of authors sharing their best-of and favorites lists for this Halloween contest.

That rarely, if ever, happens.

Some of the old hands here on the AH stay away from overtly doing things like that, because there used to be some very ugly and aggressive writers' cliques (year's back) where contests brought out some truly appalling behaviour. That behaviour, thankfully, has gone - but selective lists can also become target lists, unfortunately.

 

[ChasPHX]

Authors who have stories in the contest themselves may just be trying to keep the playing field level in respect for others with contesting stories. That's what's expected in mainstream contests.

Really? I'm not sure I get it. I have a story in the contest; I don't see how it tilts the field if I share stories by other authors I like. I guess I can see how that would happen if I had an opinion that mattered. But self promotion doesn't count the same way? Should I shut up about which stories I like? I'm genuinely curious about this. I don't know anything about mainstream contests.

This is interesting you know; it makes me realize just how few readers (who are not also authors) are using these forums. If there were readers here with no skin in the contest game, I would expect to see vibrant discussions about people's favorite Halloween stories and which are most likely to win and so forth. Instead, it's crickets.

Maybe after the contest is over the forums will liven up with chatter about the stories?

 

[ChasPHX]

That rarely, if ever, happens.

Some of the old hands here on the AH stay away from overtly doing things like that, because there used to be some very ugly and aggressive writers' cliques (year's back) where contests brought out some truly appalling behaviour. That behaviour, thankfully, has gone - but selective lists can also become target lists, unfortunately.

Hmm, well, this certainly gives me pause, thanks for this added background. Now I'm surprised no one shut me up earlier ; )

Well, here's to some renewed discussion after the contest winners have been announced.

 

[MelissaBaby]

Yep. I felt that. In fact, I thought Annabelle was well conceived and her actions and behaviour made total sense. My feedback may have been unclear about that, but I felt that only Jared's dealmaking was awkwardly characterized.



I think you're on to something there. I think that intention may have been too lightly played. If Jared had been just a little bit more clearly characterized as an opportunistic heel - perhaps in his first conversation with Charles about his divorce? - and if we'd gotten a hint of his underhandedness when he struck the deal with Annabelle, it all might have felt a little tighter. And, his final redemptive action may have been a bit more powerful. Only spitballing.

I think you are right on the money.

 

[Voboy]

...it makes me realize just how few readers (who are not also authors) are using these forums. If there were readers here with no skin in the contest game, I would expect to see vibrant discussions about people's favorite Halloween stories and which are most likely to win and so forth. Instead, it's crickets.

Maybe after the contest is over the forums will liven up with chatter about the stories?

Doubtful. Lit can be two fairly separate realms.

I read here for over a decade without even being aware there was a forum of any kind, let alone one where the writers contributed. By contrast, some of the folks I know who post regularly on the boards have no interest at all in the stories.

If you stick around a bit, you'll discover another great truth: the number of writers who post in these forums, particularly prolific writers, is very very small. Speaking for myself, I avoid talking up my own works here. I personally feel, obscurely, as if it's a little rude... though it really isn't. Feel free to post about your own work. Plenty do.