Shankara20
Well, that is lovely
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Mine doesn’t always work….
- Thread starter Shankara20
- Start date
intothewoods
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*sounds of Shank paying attention*
*listening listening* ooh la la *listening*
Now I need some pictures...
Shankara20
Well, that is lovely
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alas - I have no new photos of my business, just some from over the years showing my stuff - and you do know what all that looks like... It would be just variations on a dicky...
Shankara20
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I wonder if my inability to be sexually functional and fulfilled with a partner, but functional and fulfilled with sex acts when alone has anything to do with a sexual addiction?
Some of the material below hits very close to home for me...
Understanding the Addictive Cycle
First - The Emotional Addiction
The person feels the need for emotional or social comfort or excitement, and uses something unhealthily to gain these needs. The person feels better for a time as this act has filled the need, but when the person gets in an uncomfortable situation or wants stimulation, they unthinkingly connects relief with the act.
Second – The Mental Addiction
Over a relatively short time, the act is equated with fulfillment of the need and the person becomes mentally hooked. They need to commit this act to cope with their emotions. Even the smallest visual, emotional, or olfactory cues associated with the act unconsciously remind the person of comfort or the needed excitement and they become uncomfortable because they are not getting that comfort or excitement.
In many addictions the person is hooked again, because they have collected people around them as friends who also like to participate in this act.(hmmmm, my Lit account?) Often, to fit in socially, they needs to commit the act, as it is what they do when they get together.
Third – The Physical Addiction
The act becomes a physical or mental necessity as the body or mind becomes addicted to the act. Overtime the body gains a tolerance to the act and need more stimulation. In such addiction where the act was originally used as a comfort or a coping tool to alleviate emotional or social discomfort, like in the addiction of drugs, alcohol, work, sex, people, or food, tolerance is overcome by performing the act more often.
To overcome tolerance in addictions where excitement is the stimulus, such as in pornography, acts of vandalism, gambling, exhibitionism, pyromania, or daredevil stunts, the person usually needs to perform a similar act that will provide a greater adrenaline rush, often with greater risk.
Tolerance happens because the body or mind becomes used to the smaller dosages or occurrences of the act and needs more to get the same relief or high.
The addict feels emotional pain and guilt because of the performance of the act because they cannot control the continual need to do the act. Plus, depending on the addiction, there is the physical and, or emotional pain that results from withdrawal symptoms, because of the lack of the act.
The whole process begins again because the person seeks relief from the pain and guilt by committing the act.
First Stage of Addiction
Change in the Thought Process
The individual finds that performing the act makes them feel good or excites them.
They do the act instead of dealing with their problems or finding a healthy way to gain the excitement they want.
The addictive cycle begins.
The addictive self takes over.
They substitutes addictive logic to explain illogical actions.
When the normal self tries to point out flaws in the addictive logic, the addictive self points out the pleasurable aspects of the addiction.
Second Stage of Addiction
Change in Dealing with Life and Others
Questions about the addict’s logic are perceived as an attack on the addict.
The addict practices objectification, they regard the usage of others as objects to get what they need, and can't understand why others get upset.
The addict feels righteous indignation and withdrawals further from others.
The normal self watches as loved ones are hurt and pushed away.
The normal self feels ashamed. To cope, he/she blames others.
The addicted person is labeled as a problem and becomes the scapegoat for most of the problems, which takes place.
The more the addict acts out, uses the behavior or substance, the more isolated they become.
The addict gains a tolerance to the chemicals or behavior now controlling mood or the adrenaline rush they get from performing the act. The person must perform the act more, or for adrenaline rush addictions a similar act must be performed to create more of a rush, to get the same high get or in chemical addictions; to be normal in mood, otherwise s/he is depressed.
The addict acts out more frequently and perhaps dangerously. Often the act leads the person in to illegal activities or taboo activities.
Due to shame and denial of one's loss of control, the addict's becomes more secretive.
The addictive self would rather tell a lie than the truth, even when there is no reason to lie.
Third and Final Stage of Addiction
Physical and Mental Breakdown
The pain from loneliness, shame, and anger are almost continual.
Performance of the act doesn't cover the pain, any more, it only adds more pain.
When the act no longer eases the pain, the addictive logic breaks down.
The pressure of stored feelings mounts up. It causes emotional and, or physical breakdown.
The normal self dreads each new day.
Stopping the addictive cycle causes physical withdrawal and a grieving process for the lost relationship with the act.
There are several ways out of this stage of the addiction, being sick and tired of being sick and tired, a rock bottom, intervention, mental institutions, or suicide.
Most addicts are stopped though intervention of help from friends or loved ones or by the legal system.
The chances of recovery are good if there is a total commitment by the addict and a complete lifestyle change.
Without intervention, the tormented normal self decides to put a stop to it all and commits suicide.
It is because of these cycles and stages a person can go from:
• Reading a Playboy to sexual assault and, or murder.
• Beating in stereos or TVs to blowing up office buildings.
• Working an 8 to 5 job to working constantly and losing all associations and ties to others.
As with most addictions it is placing the first bet, or taking the first drink or hit that leads to the loss of everything that was once important to the person. Everything, including family, home, and God.
THE ONLY PERMANENT WAY OUT OF AN ADDICTION IS TO:
Admit you need help.
Do your part to succeed.
Often this means you will need the advice or care of a professional.
You may need the help of a support group.
Realize changes take time to make.
Some of the material below hits very close to home for me...
Understanding the Addictive Cycle
First - The Emotional Addiction
The person feels the need for emotional or social comfort or excitement, and uses something unhealthily to gain these needs. The person feels better for a time as this act has filled the need, but when the person gets in an uncomfortable situation or wants stimulation, they unthinkingly connects relief with the act.
Second – The Mental Addiction
Over a relatively short time, the act is equated with fulfillment of the need and the person becomes mentally hooked. They need to commit this act to cope with their emotions. Even the smallest visual, emotional, or olfactory cues associated with the act unconsciously remind the person of comfort or the needed excitement and they become uncomfortable because they are not getting that comfort or excitement.
In many addictions the person is hooked again, because they have collected people around them as friends who also like to participate in this act.(hmmmm, my Lit account?) Often, to fit in socially, they needs to commit the act, as it is what they do when they get together.
Third – The Physical Addiction
The act becomes a physical or mental necessity as the body or mind becomes addicted to the act. Overtime the body gains a tolerance to the act and need more stimulation. In such addiction where the act was originally used as a comfort or a coping tool to alleviate emotional or social discomfort, like in the addiction of drugs, alcohol, work, sex, people, or food, tolerance is overcome by performing the act more often.
To overcome tolerance in addictions where excitement is the stimulus, such as in pornography, acts of vandalism, gambling, exhibitionism, pyromania, or daredevil stunts, the person usually needs to perform a similar act that will provide a greater adrenaline rush, often with greater risk.
Tolerance happens because the body or mind becomes used to the smaller dosages or occurrences of the act and needs more to get the same relief or high.
The addict feels emotional pain and guilt because of the performance of the act because they cannot control the continual need to do the act. Plus, depending on the addiction, there is the physical and, or emotional pain that results from withdrawal symptoms, because of the lack of the act.
The whole process begins again because the person seeks relief from the pain and guilt by committing the act.
First Stage of Addiction
Change in the Thought Process
The individual finds that performing the act makes them feel good or excites them.
They do the act instead of dealing with their problems or finding a healthy way to gain the excitement they want.
The addictive cycle begins.
The addictive self takes over.
They substitutes addictive logic to explain illogical actions.
When the normal self tries to point out flaws in the addictive logic, the addictive self points out the pleasurable aspects of the addiction.
Second Stage of Addiction
Change in Dealing with Life and Others
Questions about the addict’s logic are perceived as an attack on the addict.
The addict practices objectification, they regard the usage of others as objects to get what they need, and can't understand why others get upset.
The addict feels righteous indignation and withdrawals further from others.
The normal self watches as loved ones are hurt and pushed away.
The normal self feels ashamed. To cope, he/she blames others.
The addicted person is labeled as a problem and becomes the scapegoat for most of the problems, which takes place.
The more the addict acts out, uses the behavior or substance, the more isolated they become.
The addict gains a tolerance to the chemicals or behavior now controlling mood or the adrenaline rush they get from performing the act. The person must perform the act more, or for adrenaline rush addictions a similar act must be performed to create more of a rush, to get the same high get or in chemical addictions; to be normal in mood, otherwise s/he is depressed.
The addict acts out more frequently and perhaps dangerously. Often the act leads the person in to illegal activities or taboo activities.
Due to shame and denial of one's loss of control, the addict's becomes more secretive.
The addictive self would rather tell a lie than the truth, even when there is no reason to lie.
Third and Final Stage of Addiction
Physical and Mental Breakdown
The pain from loneliness, shame, and anger are almost continual.
Performance of the act doesn't cover the pain, any more, it only adds more pain.
When the act no longer eases the pain, the addictive logic breaks down.
The pressure of stored feelings mounts up. It causes emotional and, or physical breakdown.
The normal self dreads each new day.
Stopping the addictive cycle causes physical withdrawal and a grieving process for the lost relationship with the act.
There are several ways out of this stage of the addiction, being sick and tired of being sick and tired, a rock bottom, intervention, mental institutions, or suicide.
Most addicts are stopped though intervention of help from friends or loved ones or by the legal system.
The chances of recovery are good if there is a total commitment by the addict and a complete lifestyle change.
Without intervention, the tormented normal self decides to put a stop to it all and commits suicide.
It is because of these cycles and stages a person can go from:
• Reading a Playboy to sexual assault and, or murder.
• Beating in stereos or TVs to blowing up office buildings.
• Working an 8 to 5 job to working constantly and losing all associations and ties to others.
As with most addictions it is placing the first bet, or taking the first drink or hit that leads to the loss of everything that was once important to the person. Everything, including family, home, and God.
THE ONLY PERMANENT WAY OUT OF AN ADDICTION IS TO:
Admit you need help.
Do your part to succeed.
Often this means you will need the advice or care of a professional.
You may need the help of a support group.
Realize changes take time to make.
midwestyankee
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So, Shank, what are you thinking might be an appropriate response to this suggestion: "the person usually needs to perform a similar act that will provide a greater adrenaline rush, often with greater risk."?
I think I see skydiving in our Shank's future.
I think I see skydiving in our Shank's future.
Shankara20
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So, Shank, what are you thinking might be an appropriate response to this suggestion: "the person usually needs to perform a similar act that will provide a greater adrenaline rush, often with greater risk."?
I think I see skydiving in our Shank's future.
skydiving - been there, done that
skydiving naked
now we're talkin'... (wonder if I could get off at 2,000 ft?)
midwestyankee
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skydiving - been there, done that
skydiving naked
Wouldn't this be mildly counter-productive? Just sayin' of course.
satindesire
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(deleted)
Last edited:
Shankara20
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Wouldn't this be mildly counter-productive? Just sayin' of course.
counter-productive???? hell I bet I would have a full hard-on jumping out of an airplane naked
hold on - exactly how cold is it at 5,000 ft. over Kansas
midwestyankee
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counter-productive???? hell I bet I would have a full hard-on jumping out of an airplane naked
hold on - exactly how cold is it at 5,000 ft. over Kansas
Even Johnny Holmes wouldn't like it.
Shankara20
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Shankara20
Well, that is lovely
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Even Johnny Holmes wouldn't like it.
expect he would be about the size of the rest of us simple mortals
midwestyankee
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unpredictablebijou
Peril!
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LOOK OUT BELOW! HERE I CUM!
*on ground with mouth open*
Shankara20
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from post below about sex addiction:
In many addictions the person is hooked again, because they have collected people around them as friends who also like to participate in this act. Often, to fit in socially, they needs to commit the act, as it is what they do when they get together.
why did the above come to my mind as I read your post
Shankara20
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What's that line from Ron White: "I had no idea it was so cold that day. "
the concept of androgyny must have been developed on a very cold day - perhaps at a naked cold-plunge in Sweden in January...
unpredictablebijou
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from post below about sex addiction:
In many addictions the person is hooked again, because they have collected people around them as friends who also like to participate in this act. Often, to fit in socially, they needs to commit the act, as it is what they do when they get together.
why did the above come to my mind as I read your post
Y'know, I am going back and re-reading that post regularly, because the idea of sex "addiction" is one I deal with regularly, for various reasons. And although your question here may be just a fun lil' joke, I've been thinking a lot about this.
I have opinions, but I hesitate to really lay them out yet, here anyway, because I don't want to oversimplify anything that is this complex and, at least for some, such a problematic issue.
But it does seem to me (she said, oversimplifying and having opinions anyway even though she promised not to) that there can't be any particular standard that separates "addiction" to sex from what might just be a powerful, joyful and high sexual appetite. Perhaps the primary things to evaluate are compulsion and happiness. Am I happy with lots of alternatives, contented with the various things that are offered or that I can provide for myself? Or am I constantly unhappy, looking for a larger and larger 'fix'? Is there something I must have in order to be happy, or do I have a variety of choices and sources for my happiness and contentment? Does having this focus in my life make me more or less functional in other areas, more or less compassionate, affectionate, whole, or whatever?
I am the poster child for a preoccupation with the immense topic of Sex, in all its forms. Hell, I teach classes, and shit like that, and it also informs a lot of what I do in a day. The shop I run isn't a sex shop, but the one I'd like to own someday would be very much about sexuality. Not so much a dealer of Long Pink Objects, but a Store for the Happy Boudoir, with all the classy trimmings. I write porn. I talk to people about sex professionally. I have many friends and lovers who know it's one of my favorite topics and come to me when they want to talk about something wild or different. So yeah, occupied with the topic? Pre-occupied, even? Definitely.
But am I an Addict? I have to think about it in terms of whether it alienates me from the rest of life, or from other people who don't share my interest. If I only hung around with people who thought like I did; if I were unhappy without a source of a particular activity or idea, then yes, Sex would be destructive for me, and as such perhaps an addiction.
But if I allow that particular part of me and my profile to inform and energize my whole life, using my favorite subject to motivate, rather than distract me, then it seems like that would indicate a healthy way to address the issue. If one has a love for airplanes, one manifests that in many ways; building them, taking jobs working around them, collecting models, whatever. It's only an addiction to airplanes if it creates dysfunction in other non-airplane areas of one's life, or creates a compulsion to have airplanes that makes one unhappy when they're not around.
I dunno. Just some thoughts. I've read that set of criterion before, and have one or two people in my life who are recovering addicts to more conventional things, so it's something that I think about.
bj
Shankara20
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When I responded to your post I was playing a little fun.
I did post that sex addiction information because I am concerned about my own issues. Your full post has much material for comment, more then there is time for right now. I am not ready to embrace the term addiction for myself - yet. But there are patterns outlined in that material that I fear identifies how I approach my relationship with reaching my own sexual satisfaction.
More later....
Shankara20
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Shankara20
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more information
Lipitor related link
"While Golomb notes that some studies have shown that statins can improve sexual function, probably because they can boost blood flow to the genitals, in her study, the ability to achieve orgasm (as rated by the participants at the beginning of the study and then again at the end) dropped right along with their LDL levels. This was true particularly for the men, although both sexes were affected."
*sigh* that might be contributing to the issue...
Lipitor related link
"While Golomb notes that some studies have shown that statins can improve sexual function, probably because they can boost blood flow to the genitals, in her study, the ability to achieve orgasm (as rated by the participants at the beginning of the study and then again at the end) dropped right along with their LDL levels. This was true particularly for the men, although both sexes were affected."
*sigh* that might be contributing to the issue...
Shankara20
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FYI
Not much has happened for the better or worse in the topic area of this thread for me in the last couple of years.
Viagra helps for those times when Wife and I are committed to intercourse. The stuff works as advertised. I do get a little light headed and don't like that it takes 20 min or so to start working - so much for the quickies of one's youth.
Cialis gives me one hella' backache the next day, so I will not take it.
I do not seem to have much difficulty when self-pleasuring
How is everyone else doing these days?
Any dysfunction stories to share?
PS: Ladies, if your new lover ever tells you "Well THAT has never happened to me before", he is probably telling a bit-o fib
Not much has happened for the better or worse in the topic area of this thread for me in the last couple of years.
Viagra helps for those times when Wife and I are committed to intercourse. The stuff works as advertised. I do get a little light headed and don't like that it takes 20 min or so to start working - so much for the quickies of one's youth.
Cialis gives me one hella' backache the next day, so I will not take it.
I do not seem to have much difficulty when self-pleasuring
How is everyone else doing these days?
Any dysfunction stories to share?
PS: Ladies, if your new lover ever tells you "Well THAT has never happened to me before
", he is probably telling a bit-o fib
Shankara20
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My sex drive has all but gone off line with Peri-menopause. Happily since sex is such a huge part of me and always has been, I don't need the drive to keep up with the sex. LOL
The only real problem I have is getting the body to go places the mind wants to be when the mind wants to go...
FurryFury
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That I'm a champion at.
The only real problem I have is getting the body to go places the mind wants to be when the mind wants to go...
Shankara20
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That I'm a champion at.
Of course it might be helpful that you don't have something that you want to be up
