Looking for advice

[Justanaltquestion]

Sorry for the alt, but I wanted to ask this anonymously.

My girlfriend, who I met here, and I are starting to talk seriously about getting together irl. Though in her mid thirties, she is technically a virgin. She wants me to be her first. She pictures it as me just walking in and taking her. We have safety protocols in place, but I think the first time should be tender and affectionate. We can live out cnc fantasies after she gets to know her sexuality a little bit. Should I approach it the way she says she wants or should the first time be gentle and loving? I look forward to any advice.

 

[JerseyJade]

While typically I would suggest that a woman knows herself best I think in a situation when it is her first time….

You should absolutely not just walk in and take her.

This!

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I agree with Rainshine and Jade on this one. Please talk a lot more about this. She may be feeling some excitement and frenzy about the possibilities (sub frenzy is a thing), but this could go way wrong.

Make sure you have a safe word if you all go through with that. But starting slower is probably a much better plan for a long term relationship. Good luck!

 

[ydahecnot]

Drunkard’s best alt ever.

Sorry, couldn’t resist

 

[Justanaltquestion]

Drunkard’s best alt ever.

Sorry, couldn’t resist

Lol Y, but no. Swing and a miss. Thank you for your responses. We already do have a safe word, and it's worked flawlessly so far. Very sound advice.

 

[Mo_Bandy]

First of all dont overrhink pussy. And secondly, Cocaine makes these decisions easier.

 

[Mo_Bandy]

I’m surprised you dont have an advice column, Mo.

I’m the goddamn Ann Landers of this smut center.

 

[AngelWithAShotgun]

Sorry for the alt, but I wanted to ask this anonymously.

My girlfriend, who I met here, and I are starting to talk seriously about getting together irl. Though in her mid thirties, she is technically a virgin. She wants me to be her first. She pictures it as me just walking in and taking her. We have safety protocols in place, but I think the first time should be tender and affectionate. We can live out cnc fantasies after she gets to know her sexuality a little bit. Should I approach it the way she says she wants or should the first time be gentle and loving? I look forward to any advice.

Oooo who are you

Privacy invasion aside. If she's a virgin, there's a good huge chance she doesn't know what she's asking for. Think of those reality vs expectation memes.

Look at it from this perspective, years from now, how would you like to remember your first time together?

 

[Diosax]

Not kink shaming of course but there might be some underlying trauma there for her given that technically this would be her first time so I'd be careful (trauma or not)

Communication is very important and so are boundaries so you should keep talking to her about it and also be open about how you feel and what you'd want out of the first time with her as well. This will be an experience for both of you not just her.

 

[Mrtenant]

Dude, trust your gut on this. The fact that you came here and asked beforehand should already tell you what you need to do.

Online and offline are not the same. Trust is a two way street.

Imo, there is no way someone is gonna set me up for jail. Which is exactly what will happen if something goes sideways on the 'take me' scenario.

 

[jason28053]

I’m the goddamn Ann Landers of this smut center.

Lighten up Ann

 

[cascadiabound]

I'm gonna chime in on a presumption of some amount of sub frenzy. If either or both of you are not familiar with this concept, you have some homework to do.

The idea of meeting and immediately dropping your clothes and the reality of intimacy in a first in person encounter are really really different.

I recommend go slow. Treat a first in person encounter like a first date. A first date you really really don't want to fuck up.
I recommend against having an easy place to go and fuck. Plan to not get naked. Maybe even a bit of denial and making her wait is part of her submission? Part of the agreement between the two of you regarding power exchange and control.

Good luck and I hope it works out for you

 

[Justanaltquestion]

Thank you all. I truly appreciate all of your input. I agree that communication and trust are the most important things. We are pretty good at those.

 

[cascadiabound]

Thank you all. I truly appreciate all of your input. I agree that communication and trust are the most important things. We are pretty good at those.

That is genuinely a really good start.

 

[Sea_Panda]

Even if you know you want to go 180mph in a sports car with the top down and the music cranked, your first time behind the wheel is not the time for that.

This is no different. A person’s first time having sex should be special with a world of consideration and care paid to their needs, reactions, desires, and experience. There will be plenty of time to speed down the highway later once the person has experience with the basics and is ready to handle more.

 

[Justanaltquestion]

Unintended consequences. She saw this thread and we talked at length. We came to the understanding that our first meeting should be without expectations. Just get comfortable with each other and see where it leads. I think we are both feeling a lot less anxious.

This is such a great community. The advice and support you have given this "outsider" means more than you know.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Since it's a conversation I've had a lot lately, I think it's vital for people to remember the difference between fantasy and reality. Not that one is better than the other but fantasy is so much more predictable than reality. You just can't plan for the random leg cramp or awkward neck angle much less the huge emotions that can come from nowhere, when intimacy occurs.

Everyone should feel safe and heard and like that can make boundaries for themselves. Yes, even you Mr Alt, men can make boundaries too not just respect them. I'm so glad you guys talked and it sounds like there's a solid foundation to allow for lots of fun!!

 

[NotAFool]

Maybe it's just me but I see red flags flying all over the place.
You met online, you call her your girlfriend yet you've never met in person. She, you hope she is a she, or maybe you don't care, maybe you've seen pics that may or may not be her /him, have you video chatted? Supposedly this person in their 30s is a virgin, you say you already have safe word established, how and why if you've never met? This person wants you to travel however far to have you just walk in their apartment /house/hotel/motel and play out a rape fantasy?
Are you totally stupid? How desparate are you for sex? Enough to fall right into a trap with who knows what is waiting for you?
Hell, Stevie Wonder could see the red flags flapping all over this scenario.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Ugh. But I guess if you wanted something condescending and rude just for variety.

 

[NotAFool]

Truer words never spoken. There was a difficult situation on the GB where the po-po became involved. I’d be very careful playing in this space with a virgin. No matter how eager they may appear.

My post is basically the same but I wasn't so nice about it.

 

[NotAFool]

Ugh. But I guess if you wanted something condescending and rude just for variety.

Is your comment directed at me? I'll wait for a reply before I say anything else.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Is your comment directed at me? I'll wait for a reply before I say anything else.

It was absolutely directed at you. You don't have to waste your time replying.

 

[Justanaltquestion]

I left the door open for any perspective, and they are all welcomed. Yes we met online. Is there still a stigma about that? Yes she is my girlfriend. No, I'm not desperate for sex. I could find someone to sleep with within the hour, but she is the one I want to wake up with. There is a difference.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Maybe it's just me but I see red flags flying all over the place.
You met online, you call her your girlfriend yet you've never met in person. She, you hope she is a she, or maybe you don't care, maybe you've seen pics that may or may not be her /him, have you video chatted? Supposedly this person in their 30s is a virgin, you say you already have safe word established, how and why if you've never met? This person wants you to travel however far to have you just walk in their apartment /house/hotel/motel and play out a rape fantasy?
Are you totally stupid? How desparate are you for sex? Enough to fall right into a trap with who knows what is waiting for you?
Hell, Stevie Wonder could see the red flags flapping all over this scenario.

People meet online all the time. People form LDRs without yet meeting in-person all the time. This is pretty standard now.

Also, the OP sounds very reasonable and is thinking this through. They’ve posted an update that is reassuring.

 

[NotAFool]

Why would I? I only asked so if your comment wasn't directed at me I wouldn't have to. But, since it was absolutely directed at me, I should reply to set things right.
What I wrote may have come across as harsh to you and other people but I'm trying to keep another human being safe and out of jail or out of a casket. This is no silly little love game that you and some other people find romantic. I posed some very relative and serious questions that should be already addressed by this guy and if not he needs to do so immediately.
There are so many things that could make this the biggest mistake and bad decision he's ever made and maybe the last one he ever makes. The world isn't all rainbows and jellybeans and people online are not always who they say they are and some will go to long lengths to lure someone in to use as a victim just for the fun of it.
Wouldn't you want someone to tell you some real life advice that might save you from some pain and suffering or worse instead of everyone saying how sweet it is and how he should be more thoughtful of her first time when nobody knows what is really going on?
Wouldn't you want a clear logical person giving sound advice to make you take a second look before you make a decision that could ruin your life or possibly worse?
Good looking out for your fellow man or is that it? Men don't matter so don't bother giving any precautions because men are disposable and replaceable. If it was a woman would you be acting the same way?