Letters

[Nora]

Dearest Perky-pop,

Regarding your letter to Dr Drake, I would like to sarcastically thank you for getting a scene from General Hospital circa 1984 stuck in my head.

Amy Vining, the gossippy nurse, is teasing nurse Bobby Spencer about her (Bobby's) crush on the good Dr Noah Drake and saying that "even his name is fabulous! Perfect for hyphenating, as in Bobby Spencer-Drake?"

Please come shoot me at your earliest convenience. Or surgically remove that memory from my head to make room for fresh smut.

Desperately requiring a lobotomy,

Nora.

 

[amelia]

Noraloradingdong:

i had hopes of coming down there the week after xmas, but those plans have been delayed. If i knew i had a place to stay and maybe some good food to eat, i would calendar my trip soonish.

your girl of the panhandle,
amelia

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Job,

DO you have to start so damned early in the morning? Could you go away today? I'm really craving a day of futon-laying, and kitten cuddling.

I would appreciate your prompt attention in this matter.

Headachingly yours,
EmoodierthanIshouldbe.

 

[TWB]

Dear Sex counsellor:

I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body. Please help.

Sincerely,

TWB

 

[amelia]

Dear Employer:

Being extra bitchy to me will NOT make me accomplish more.

Eff you,
Amelia

 

[Bluesboy2]

Dear Amelia

Sorry for not writing before but I suck at writing letters of any kind. However you did go to the trouble of making this thread and you are a sweetie. Should you show up on my door with a bowl of white chili I shall know what to do.

Sincerely,
Bluesboy2

 

[perks]

Dearest borealis,

calling, Dr. Drake, Dr. Drake, reminds me of Joey from Friends.

he really is a PhD though, so it's extra cute.

I still heart you and don't want to take a scalpel to your frontal lobe a la Hannibal Lectore.

Please be advised that is icky.

wet thighs and white t shirts,

ruffles.

 

[Spinaroonie]

Dear yahoo:

Your messenger sux.

SPin

 

[Nora]

Noraloradingdong:

i had hopes of coming down there the week after xmas, but those plans have been delayed. If i knew i had a place to stay and maybe some good food to eat, i would calendar my trip soonish.

your girl of the panhandle,
amelia

Dearest Bedelia,

Mi futon es su futon, you silly widget. I thought you knew that?

With eternal lust and chocolate chip cookies,

Nora.

 

[lilminx]

Dear Bedilia,

I know that is Kate Blanchette<right?> in your avatar, and that she is blonde. However, in that light and that angle, she looks so much like lilminx, it is uncanny.

how art thou?

perks


Ps. Ume tried to get me to suck her nipples by losing at scrabble again.

Dear Perks,
Upon doing a search for my name to see if someone posted to me, I came across this post. While I am extremely flattered that you see me as so attractive as to compare me to Ms. Blanchett, I fail to see the resemblance in the avatar. I also apologize for the wordiness of the pervious sentence.

I miss you.

Minx

 

[theGatsby]

Dear Attendees to the January NYC get together,

Today I purchased a round trip ticket to NYC for the weekend of January 17, 18, and 19. I will actually arrive the evening of the 16! I am very excited about coming to the city and even more excited about getting to meet you each. I know we will all have a blast together.

Now if we can just settle on a place to stay it will all be up to the time to pass until we can all party together!

With anxious anticipation,
theGatsby

 

[TWB]

Dear Mr. Lott:

Please call Rush Limbaugh and tell him that you meant what everyone thinks you meant. He still doesn't seem to believe you.

Best Wishes,

Yankee

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Miss Snotty Pants,

No, your grade is not ready because you turned in two weeks worth of homework late. I would ask that you kindly take the crowbar that you've got up your ass out and see your own faults as clearly as you see mine.

Your Irreverent Teacher,

Ms. X

 

[TWB]

Dear Eumenides:

Your av has me humping my desk drawer. For some reason, those two women in that position turns me into a horny toad. I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body.

Please contact my therapist.

Sincerely,

TWB

 

[Eumenides]

Dear TWB,

I have conferred with the girls and we agreed to pay for your therapy if you do one lil ole thing for us. We would like to know what TWB stands for. Upon consensus that your answer is of a serious nature, and that you are not jerking our figurative chains, we will then put you in contact with Dr. Sappho Les Bean, and a bill will never come your way. Sex might be a negotiable issue, but I seem to have seen that you are on number two of four girls, so I hardly think you are hard up for action.

Yours Blackmailingly,

Eumenides

 

[TWB]

Dear Euphamism:

The food covered babe still has not come into my bedroom. She is whipping something up.

It is not all together clear whether I want help. Frankly, I might just want to wallow in my illness for a while, as it seems to serve me well. I don't know what my therapist would say about this, but I am certain there is something in the DSM IV about it, and I am certifiably what ever it is.

As to the TWB matter, it will have to wait for sex. After these four I am certain to hit a dry spell in which I might be more amenable to blackmail. Until such time, if you see me on the street you may want to break me by grabbing the nearest woman and kissing her deeply and running your hands over her ass.

Hard ly yours,

TWB

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Tantalizing Wild Bastard,

Feel free to pm me with the answer when you hit that dry spell. While Ms. Two is making a meal out of silicone and pasta, I have taken Ms. Four aside for some lessons in multiple-orasming. I hope you don't mind.

Oh, and BTW, I wouldn't mind rubbing one hand on her ass and the other on yours.

Euphemistically Yours,

Emooningyounow

 

[Eumenides]

Dear No Clue,

Get one. And fast.

Thanks,
Emeanie

 

[amelia]

Dear Emistress:

i know what TWB stands for. I will be happy to participate in your blackmailing scheme, if you would care to have me.

Evil Eyeiedly Yours,
Amelia

 

[Eumenides]

Amelia,

If you don't send me a pm with the info, I'm going to send you the worst porn tape ever.

Yours Blackmailingly,
Emeanie

 

[amelia]

Dear Cats Under My Window:

Go away, i do not want to hear you engaging in your hedonistic little lovefest. (it makes me a little jealous).

trying to find the bucket for the ice water,
amelia

 

[Guest]

Dearest Mellabar,

I can not wait to reach your gooey center. I plan on liking your outer shell of fine confection until I can nibble my way to your yumminess.

Sincerely,

Yellow Injun Grrl

 

[amelia]

Dear Raindancer:

i have to tell you, your hat is so cute that i was experiencing hat envy. i had to go get a super cute gray stocking cap today..i love it.

thanks for the inspiration,

melia

 

[Guest]

Dearest melia bo delia,

Hat envy can cause frigidity if not dealt with, immediately. You did the right thing!
Now, I must request that we see a shot of your bright, smiling face wearing said hat.

Sincerely,

Hat ho

 

[amelia]

Dear Hat Ho:

i will see what i can do. (good thing i got the hat..i had no idea about the consequences of hat envy! *sigh* )

with much hat love,

Amelia (the bediliscious)