Letters

[Darkthought]

Dear Tucker,

You're three months old tomorrow. It's time to stop crapping on the floor beside my bed. It's not fun to wake up to.


Thanks,

Your owner.

 

[Eumenides]

Perky

*Sob*

Please excuse the tear stains and rips in the paper as you read this. *sniffle* I was placating Nora, and I intercept a letter you write her and find that you are but a tease. *Sniffle* I see now that I will never be as good as a rain drop. See if I let you beat me in scrabble again! *Sobsobsnot*

EuBrokeMe

 

[Nora]

Dearest Eumenidesluvvybunnylambikins,

I'm so sorry. Can you ever forgive me my jealous rages? I thought...well, nevermind what I thought. I was stupid and wrong.

Will you meet me under the bleachers tonight to renew our vows? I have the pompoms tonight and I went out and got some candy canes hoping against hope that you would want MINE instead of that...that...PERKY woman's!!

With undying emoticons,

Nora.

 

[perks]

Dear Ume,

It is unfortunate that you intercepted that letter. You know I heart you, like a duck loves water.

We will always have the scrabble if nothing else. If I can mend your broken heart in any way, please allow me to do so.

I was just trying to do the right thing. I want you happy, and nora, even though she seems to be evil to some extent, seems to make you that way.

Please forgive me if I've hurt your feelings.

Forever caring for you,

ruffles.

 

[Rhys]

Dear Manager of Pottery Barn, Summerlin Nevada.

How hard would it be to train your people to know what CD was playing? I would surely think that instrumental jazz tracks are easy to discern from, oh, say, Bing Crosby. It would be a tad useful then, for them to know because a sale is a sale no matter how small.

PS. Williams Sonoma has better stuff. Thank you for playing.

 

[Nora]

Dear Borealis,

Your vitriole is unwarranted. Although I care for your beloved Ume, she is naught but a close friend. I tease her with my nipples and she placates me with stories of jello.

Alas, her heart is yours, and my heart belongs to the one called drip drop.

Please be advised, I can bite back. Don't make me steal your girl for the hell of it.

Sincerely,
ruffles.


PS. I hope that you let me suck on your skin a bit after the bite. It's what I do, and then I let my fingers...

hey look at the time.

Dearest Perky-Tease,

You can play with my toy to your heart's content. I just pretend to be outraged at her actions to get the begging make-up sex. Man, she's cute when she...uh. Anyway.

So, when are you and I going to get together for a little slap and tickle? I've heard you do that thing with the feather that is *so* intriguing!

Don't worry about the drip. I'm discreet.

With lust and pebble-like nipples,

Nora.

 

[calypso_21]

Dearest Summery,

My darling moonlight goddess, it is soon that time again where we will be dancing beneath the full moon. Shall we set a time now or shall we act spontaneously relishing the moment?

Please feel free to make note somewhere that salsa should not be downed at such a late hour again. Rather one should save it for a fabulous grilled cheese on wheat bread.

What would this holiday be without you and your mistletoe? Lawd but I hate to think of it void of all those kisses!

Your East Coast Darlin',

Caly

 

[amelia]

Dear Bedilia,

I know that is Kate Blanchette<right?> in your avatar, and that she is blonde. However, in that light and that angle, she looks so much like lilminx, it is uncanny.

how art thou?

perks


Ps. Ume tried to get me to suck her nipples by losing at scrabble again.

Dear Sarcasduck:

that is kate blanchette and since i've never seen Ms. Minx's face, i will have to take your word for it. If they do infact look similar Ms. Minx is one lucky woman.

Eumie will do most anything for a nipple suck. even throw games of scrabble. (did you know she has a doctorate in scrabble?)

I art well. Did i tell you i made all A's?!?! Including Art History. we will have to play scrabble sometime b/c i love to lose (and i'd love to have my nipple sucked by such a pro as you)

with lust,
Amelia

 

[teddybear4play]

Dear Mr TB4p,

I thoroughly enjoyed your letter to every other driver on the road. It made me laugh out loud and appreciate the fact that I am at home, reading your letter, instead of getting annoyed at the malls during this time of year.

Happy holidays,
SXCR

Dear Ms. SXCR,

Thank you for your wonderful letter of encouragement. I normally can't stand malls, but the only Sears in town is there and I never get sent bills anymore, evidently because Discover knows I always pay at Sears and want to save the cost of printing and sending me my bill.

I also appreciate your av. Midriffs turn me on.

Arousedly yours,
TB4p

 

[Eumenides]

Dearest lovers,

I am so happy to see that we have settled this nearly-nasty incident. I must admit that I find in you all a love like no other. It is hard to turn down such offers as nipple lickage, and slap and tickles. What can I say? I'm a horny fury.

To Nora~Thank you for teaching me how to make eggs and how to make snide remarks funny.

To Ruffles~Thanks for the scrabble and the evil lessons, not to mention the nipple licks.

To Amelia~Thanks for the hot wet kisses in the moonlight, and love letters scented with jasmine.

To Caly~Thanks for the tinsel and drinking.

To Summery~

There are so many others I should thank, but I am so emotionally overwrought that I cannot write any longer.

Though, perhaps this has to do with the fact that I am writing this in blood and am now feeling a bit dizzy.

Drowsily yours and yours and yours and yours and yours...

*passes out*

 

[Nora]

Dearest Sugamomma,

Truth be told She has been with me. We have been having extraMSN and yahoo affairs behind your back as you have full on neglected us for more that 25 seconds each. This being the holidays and all and the food you so lovingly create and us not being the recipients of such mouth watering delectables well, we have decided to go on a decorating spree.

We'll be back before midnight, Summery's time.

Please leave the plastic Santa and manger lit for us.

Caly

Dearest Sugah-ho,

You girls have a good time. While you're out get me some milk, flour, brown sugar, tin foil (the BIG roll), tortilla chips (not those cheap store brand ones you got me last time), a chunk of cave-aged gruyere, a pound of butter, a plump chicken (4-5 lbs), some rib eyes, 3 lemons, 2 yellow onions, 3 green bell peppers, a bag of carrots, a bunch of celery, toilet paper (again, the BIG roll...you know how Emoodie goes through it ) 3 boxes of Puff's plus WITHOUT the lotion, shave cream (the stuff in the pink can that starts as a gel, then goes to a foam), a package of razor blades (personal touch), a sack of cotton balls and a pack of trident in the green wrapper.

Thanks and the manger will be lit. Of course, I put groucho glasses on Mary. *shrug*

With love,

Nora.

 

[calypso_21]

Dearest lovers,


Drowsily yours and yours and yours and yours and yours...

*passes out*

Dearest Eu!

Aren't these my lines?

Sadly sobering,

Caly

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Licious,

Now that I have recovered, though my typing is slow from the bandages, I will apologize for stealing your lines. Who's line is it anyway?

Yours,
Me

 

[Summery]

Dearest Caly,

It is almost that time again, isn't it? I shall take your hand and dance with you my sweets to the shimmering silver moonlight. Acting spontaneous works fine for me. Perhaps, we will create a new chanting ritual to the Gods and Goddesses.

I am sorry to hear of your tummy troubles. Trust me, when I say I understand. Might I suggest some Tums or Rolaids. (Please remind me, next time, not to follow your suit in late night snacks.)

Thank you, for simply being you. You are the brighter part of my life. My day wouldn't be the same, without your daily dose of wit and humor.

's Your West Coast Honey

Summery

 

[Minkey Boodle]

Dearest Neighboral-type Person,

Your son has been crying non-stop, outside on the porch, for entirely too long now. I realize that at two years old, he is the man of the house, but I'd greatly appreciate it if you could take some control of that child. He cries 'momma' over and over again, and you do nothing. Take that litte brat inside and tell him to quit his bitchin'. Momma will be right back so chill out, little man. You are the parent; you are the boss. Don't let him be your boss anymore. It's not cool to be witness to, and I'm frightened to know that twins are on the way.

I beg of you, please get control of that child now, before it's too too late.

With Iron Fist Ready,
The Boodle

 

[amelia]

Dear Boodle:

I was ready to offer some of my Child Development expertise, but i am overly distracted by your avatar. I will try to get my wits about me and...man, what big lips you have!

amazed,
amelia

 

[Spinaroonie]

Dear Spinaroonie:

Now that we are both on Winter Break, i can not wait to continue our torrid forbidden love affair. I have just the thing to rekindle our eternal passion.

When you come over, please bring the canned air (oh yes, we're going to do THAT again!)

Waiting on Pins and Needles (as you requested),
Amelia

Dear Amelia

Now that I've finally healed from our last encounters, I feel that I'm ready to go at it again. Don't forget to return things on time, I kinda need the depost on some of those things back.

I have the canned air and this time I'm bringing firecrackers.... I'm going to expand your mind.

With a raging hard-on,
Spin.

 

[Minkey Boodle]

Dearest Amelita,

I think they need your child-like expertise, a lot.

The lady at the M.A.C. counter said the same thing about my lips. Then she put lipstick on them. You should see my teeth.

Smackin' and Clappin'
-Minkey Winkey

 

[amelia]

Dear Amelia

Now that I've finally healed from our last encounters, I feel that I'm ready to go at it again. Don't forget to return things on time, I kinda need the depost on some of those things back.

I have the canned air and this time I'm bringing firecrackers.... I'm going to expand your mind.

With a raging hard-on,
Spin.

Dear SD:

On my honor, i will return all items in a timely manner. Now, get over here already. i've got the candles, the wine, the dynamite. We will have a blast. (no pun intended)

ready to go,
amelia

 

[amelia]

Dearest Amelita,

I think they need your child-like expertise, a lot.

The lady at the M.A.C. counter said the same thing about my lips. Then she put lipstick on them. You should see my teeth.

Smackin' and Clappin'
-Minkey Winkey

Winkster:

M.A.C. is sooo 2001. Come with me, I will show you the good stuff.

Yours Stylisticaly,
Amelia

 

[Spinaroonie]

Dear SD:

On my honor, i will return all items in a timely manner. Now, get over here already. i've got the candles, the wine, the dynamite. We will have a blast. (no pun intended)

ready to go,
amelia

Dear 'melia

Excellent, I knew I could trust you. I'm still not so sure about your 'friend', but I'm sure that'll all work out in due time.

Heading out,
Spinner

P.S. Was it supposed to be waxed or unwaxed?

 

[amelia]

Dear 'melia

Excellent, I knew I could trust you. I'm still not so sure about your 'friend', but I'm sure that'll all work out in due time.

Heading out,
Spinner

P.S. Was it supposed to be waxed or unwaxed?

Spinner:

Totally unwaxed. what do you think we are....heathens??

love,
melia

 

[calypso_21]

Dearest Sugah-ho,

You girls have a good time. While you're out get me some milk, flour, brown sugar, tin foil (the BIG roll), tortilla chips (not those cheap store brand ones you got me last time), a chunk of cave-aged gruyere, a pound of butter, a plump chicken (4-5 lbs), some rib eyes, 3 lemons, 2 yellow onions, 3 green bell peppers, a bag of carrots, a bunch of celery, toilet paper (again, the BIG roll...you know how Emoodie goes through it ) 3 boxes of Puff's plus WITHOUT the lotion, shave cream (the stuff in the pink can that starts as a gel, then goes to a foam), a package of razor blades (personal touch), a sack of cotton balls and a pack of trident in the green wrapper.

Thanks and the manger will be lit. Of course, I put groucho glasses on Mary. *shrug*

With love,

Nora.

Dearest Nora,

They had everything at the store except the milk (Eume and I tipped a cow for you), the cotton balls (we flew South to get some fresh from Mississippi), and no trident, we stopped by Willie Wonka's and got you some of his newest candies but we have been sworn to secrecy as to the name of them. Let's just say they rock your world and don't drink soda with them.

Those aren't my groucho glasses from last New Year's are they? You didn't get those out of the top drawer of my dresser did you? You promised never to go threw that drawer!

(We don't have to shave your legs do we?)

Quizzical,

Caly

 

[Minkey Boodle]

Dear Amelielia,

While I'm honored that you'd be willing to show me anything, I like to keep it ol' school. Being one step behind in the style department is really where it's at.

Thoughtlessly yours,
Boodle Doodle

 

[calypso_21]

Dearest Caly,

It is almost that time again, isn't it? I shall take your hand and dance with you my sweets to the shimmering silver moonlight. Acting spontaneous works fine for me. Perhaps, we will create a new chanting ritual to the Gods and Goddesses.

I am sorry to hear of your tummy troubles. Trust me, when I say I understand. Might I suggest some Tums or Rolaids. (Please remind me, next time, not to follow your suit in late night snacks.)

Thank you, for simply being you. You are the brighter part of my life. My day wouldn't be the same, without your daily dose of wit and humor.

's Your West Coast Honey

Summery

Sweetest Summerylove,

Plan for Wednesday at midnight. I willl be waiting in the Oak Grove. Count on the chant to be done before then.

The tummy is fine. No problems that a full stomach can't handle. No Tums needed. Just lots of water!

I'm glad you are who you are! You have made my night darlin'. I can't even say what that phone call did for me. Hopefully I was mildly coherant for you!

Always,

Caly