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I tried to write something different, but...

JohnSm123 said:
As you know, a while ago, I tried to write a medieval-fantasy smut story. For about 10.000 words, everything was going well, until someone told me the names were not medieval enough. After days of futile attempts to find names that were medieval enough, I gave up that story.

Anyway, recently, I decided to try my luck with something without much smut. In fact, long ago, I did write a full urban-fantasy story (about 30.000 words), but I didn't publish it, because during the editing process, I couldn't figure out when to use contractions and when not to (e.g. She's or She is? It will or It'll? John is here or John's here?)

Recently, a professional, published author, unintentionally gave me the answer to that problem. Her name was Ursula Le Guin. When I came across one of her Earthsea books, I noticed she uses full forms (he is, did not etc.) in narration and contractions in dialogue. That pattern is simple and could rid me of that headache, so I decided to follow it. All I now needed to do was to go back to my urban-fantasy story, edit it according to that guideline regarding contractions/full forms, and it'd be ready to publish. Right?

Unfortunately, as it turned out, things were not so simple. My joy was short-lived. You see, this time, during the editing process, I realized there was another obstacle, which I hadn't noticed before: punctuation. When should I use semicolons? When should I use periods? When should I use em-dashes? It turns out I have three choices:

1. Keep it simple and use only periods. But I'm afraid this way some sentences will be unclear. For example: He won't be a problem to us. I took his gun. With a period, doesn't it sound as if the fact that I took his gun is something totally irrelevant to the fact that he's not a problem to us? I think it does. So if I use periods, the meaning will be unclear everywhere, and the readers will be confused and laugh at me.

2. Use semicolons whenever needed. However, I realized the cases like the example above are countless in my manuscript. Which means I'll have to use countless semicolons. And that will make my text look ludicrous. Besides, I have read in many articles that semicolons are ugly and confusing and draw the reader out of the story. Imagine how confused and drawn out the reader will be if I use countless of them.

3. Use semicolons sparingly. But in that case, how will I decide when to use them and when not to? I can't figure out any way to decide that. And what about colons? In many cases like the example above, I had originally used colons, because I had read in an article that they are a great way of putting more emphasis to what follows. Until someone told me it's wrong to use colons that way. And many people agreed, stressing I should use colons to introduce lists, so I went back and replaced all those colons.
Until a few minutes ago, someone told me, "Hey, by the way, you have another great option: colons." Which turns out that all the previous people were wrong and what I read in that article was right. Or not? I no longer know what to believe.

And so, seeing that I'll never be able to figure out how to use proper punctuation, I once again gave up. This time not just writing smut but writing any genre. I mean, if I can't punctuate properly, it doesn't matter what genre I write, so there's no point in keeping banging my head on that wall called "You'll never figure out how to punctuate." That wall will never break. Only my head will break if I keep banging it on there.

I have to accept I can't become an author no matter what I do.
Click to expand...


🥱🥱🥱
 
AwkwardlySet said:
Alas OP, you are the doomest among the most doomed writers who were ever doomed by any doom. Be patient and wait for the restart of the universe and everything will be fine... unless it all ends up in a doom, of course. 🫤
Click to expand...
The doomest, but not the Doomest. Let's just be clear about that. And I am definitely not a gloomy Doom.
 
JohnSm123 said:
Then they'll all be like, "You brought this to yourself."
No, my ban will happen in the same way it happened the previous 92957462967 times: One day, I'll try to log in and see a message that goes like, You have been banned from Literotica. Reason: unspecified. Date the bane will be lifted: never. Please contact the mods if you have any questions. Then I'll try to contact the mods for a few weeks, begging them to answer, asking them to at least tell me what I did wrong so I won't do it on other forums, but the mods will NEVER EVER EVER EVER answer.
But if I decide to be banned on purpose, I'll at least go down in a more graceful way than advertising sites. For example, I'll open a thread telling you all people what I really believe about you!
Click to expand...
That doesn't work. Such attempts so far didn't lead to any ban. But it would be undoubtedly entertaining ;)
 
Can we expect 3 more variations of this troll thread like last time?

At what point will I learn the true spirit of Christmas?
 
JohnSm123 said:
I don't know about the middle one, but having watched all older Disney movies, I'd say Eeyore. Kuzco at least used to be happy at some point in his life. I, on the other hand, have always been miserable.
Click to expand...
The middle one is Marvin from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Since apparently writing has defeated you, take solace from this quote of Marvin's in particular:

“Why should I want to make anything up? Life's bad enough as it is without wanting to invent any more of it.”
Click to expand...
😁
 
Bramblethorn said:
And yet thousands upon thousands of authors somehow manage it.
Click to expand...
That's what frustrates me more than anything else. That I can't figure out how they manage it. And I'll never know how they manage it. I'll spend the rest of my life wondering.
 
If you attempt to create period dialogue that sounds authentic, You may end up with something like the Conqueror

The worst dialogue ever:
 
JohnSm123 said:
As you know, a while ago, I tried to write a medieval-fantasy smut story. For about 10.000 words, everything was going well, until someone told me the names were not medieval enough. After days of futile attempts to find names that were medieval enough, I gave up that story.

Anyway, recently, I decided to try my luck with something without much smut. In fact, long ago, I did write a full urban-fantasy story (about 30.000 words), but I didn't publish it, because during the editing process, I couldn't figure out when to use contractions and when not to (e.g. She's or She is? It will or It'll? John is here or John's here?)

Recently, a professional, published author, unintentionally gave me the answer to that problem. Her name was Ursula Le Guin. When I came across one of her Earthsea books, I noticed she uses full forms (he is, did not etc.) in narration and contractions in dialogue. That pattern is simple and could rid me of that headache, so I decided to follow it. All I now needed to do was to go back to my urban-fantasy story, edit it according to that guideline regarding contractions/full forms, and it'd be ready to publish. Right?

Unfortunately, as it turned out, things were not so simple. My joy was short-lived. You see, this time, during the editing process, I realized there was another obstacle, which I hadn't noticed before: punctuation. When should I use semicolons? When should I use periods? When should I use em-dashes? It turns out I have three choices:

1. Keep it simple and use only periods. But I'm afraid this way some sentences will be unclear. For example: He won't be a problem to us. I took his gun. With a period, doesn't it sound as if the fact that I took his gun is something totally irrelevant to the fact that he's not a problem to us? I think it does. So if I use periods, the meaning will be unclear everywhere, and the readers will be confused and laugh at me.

2. Use semicolons whenever needed. However, I realized the cases like the example above are countless in my manuscript. Which means I'll have to use countless semicolons. And that will make my text look ludicrous. Besides, I have read in many articles that semicolons are ugly and confusing and draw the reader out of the story. Imagine how confused and drawn out the reader will be if I use countless of them.

3. Use semicolons sparingly. But in that case, how will I decide when to use them and when not to? I can't figure out any way to decide that. And what about colons? In many cases like the example above, I had originally used colons, because I had read in an article that they are a great way of putting more emphasis to what follows. Until someone told me it's wrong to use colons that way. And many people agreed, stressing I should use colons to introduce lists, so I went back and replaced all those colons.
Until a few minutes ago, someone told me, "Hey, by the way, you have another great option: colons." Which turns out that all the previous people were wrong and what I read in that article was right. Or not? I no longer know what to believe.

And so, seeing that I'll never be able to figure out how to use proper punctuation, I once again gave up. This time not just writing smut but writing any genre. I mean, if I can't punctuate properly, it doesn't matter what genre I write, so there's no point in keeping banging my head on that wall called "You'll never figure out how to punctuate." That wall will never break. Only my head will break if I keep banging it on there.

I have to accept I can't become an author no matter what I do.
Click to expand...
Advice: get an editor/author to write and edit it for you. That's what most authors who can't write and edit their own stories do(ie. get a rough draft going, then someone else cleans it up for them). The only thing is find an author that can fit the writing style you're going for.
 
JohnSm123 said:
That's what frustrates me more than anything else. That I can't figure out how they manage it. And I'll never know how they manage it. I'll spend the rest of my life wondering.
Click to expand...
I'll give you this one sincere response before I peace out.

There are more than a few books you can read that explain proper English grammar, and many others that give advice about writing.

"Dreyer's English" https://www.amazon.com/Dreyers-English-Utterly-Correct-Clarity/dp/0812995708 is a good one for grammar and punctuation. Though if you want really basic, find Funk and Wagnall's, or something like The Chicago Manual of Style.

"On Writing" by Stephen King is also often mentioned as helpful.

In other words, however obsessive your tendencies may be, there are ways to get actual advice.

And if you're making these threads as some kind of cry for attention, then I hope you realize that the shtick is played out, and all you'll get is scorn. Personally, I'm going to go back to ignoring you.

Oh, and word to the wise, if you decide to wait a few months and try this again: trying to explain your distaste for contractions by writing two short sentences containing three of them calls into question the whole premise of your thread.
 
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