How to know if you’re in the closet…

[Thwiq1]

I’m married, still find women attractive, but have always sexually desired men. It’s only increased over time, to the point where it’s all I fantasize about. But how do you know if you’re in the closet or it’s just a fetish? Is it just curiosity or something more? And can you truly be gay if you’ve never had any experience with a man? Would love to hear from other men who struggle with this or figured out later in life they were gay. Cheers

 

[CDsuzie69]

I’m married, still find women attractive, but have always sexually desired men. It’s only increased over time, to the point where it’s all I fantasize about. But how do you know if you’re in the closet or it’s just a fetish? Is it just curiosity or something more? And can you truly be gay if you’ve never had any experience with a man? Would love to hear from other men who struggle with this or figured out later in life they were gay. Cheers

The only way to find out is to try it. Be careful though because once you have there's no going back. What if you prefer dick? I love both but didn't know until I tried it.

 

[Tayloroc]

I’m married, still find women attractive, but have always sexually desired men. It’s only increased over time, to the point where it’s all I fantasize about. But how do you know if you’re in the closet or it’s just a fetish? Is it just curiosity or something more? And can you truly be gay if you’ve never had any experience with a man? Would love to hear from other men who struggle with this or figured out later in life they were gay. Cheers

I have the same question. But given how much time I spend texting men and thinking of cock, that closet door must have opened!

 

[Tayloroc]

 

[Thwiq1]

The only way to find out is to try it. Be careful though because once you have there's no going back. What if you prefer dick? I love both but didn't know until I tried it.

I doubt I’ll ever get the chance to try it. But you’re right, if it confirmed things then that would be quite a dilemma. I think I’d probably love both too, but I may get hooked on dick. What was your first time like?

 

[Thwiq1]

I have the same question. But given how much time I spend texting men and thinking of cock, that closet door must have opened!

That’s what I think too. The desire is so strong that I may be fooling myself into thinking it’s just curiosity. Really feels like my closet door is open too!

 

[widereceiver]

I pondered the same question for a few years. I had lost interest in sex with the wife, and that wasn’t replaced by a desire to be with other women. I still had a sex drive and I found myself becoming more and more interested in men. I started lurking on this forum after deliberately avoiding it for years. I read stuff on the internet about gay life. I also started watching porn more. At first, I watched mmf threesomes and also some porn involving transsexuals. (It didn’t seem quite as gay as two men getting it on.) Eventually, I thought I might as well just watch m2m gay porn because that’s what I was really interested in. It never failed to turn me on. I would think about how wonderful it would be to engage gay sex. For me, all these things just raised the question. Was I really gay? I wasn’t sure since I didn’t seem to be attracted to men in real life. As the saying goes, “that was true until it wasn’t.” What happened caught me by surprise. I was in a store and saw a guy that just threw a switch in me. I felt a sexual desire that I hadn’t felt in years. I became sexually aroused and basically started stalking him in the store. I finally went out to the parking lot and waited for him. He went out a different exit and got away. Since then I’ve considered myself gay. I’m a dedicated guy-watcher, and now I find a lot of men very attractive. And of course, I find myself wondering what’s under the clothes! The odd thing is that I’m now more obsessive about gay sex than I was when this was an unresolved issue. I think about it all the time. Although I’m not living a gay lifestyle, I believe it’s only a matter of time before I find someone. So my question for the OP is, do you find yourself attracted to and aroused by the men you see in real life?

 

[PFWilly]

I’m married, still find women attractive, but have always sexually desired men. It’s only increased over time, to the point where it’s all I fantasize about. But how do you know if you’re in the closet or it’s just a fetish? Is it just curiosity or something more? And can you truly be gay if you’ve never had any experience with a man? Would love to hear from other men who struggle with this or figured out later in life they were gay. Cheers

Maybe you should consider that you are bisexual? I’ve been married a long time, and frankly prefer sex with women. But have been bisexual for most of my life, and had some truly wonderful sex with guys.

And yes, my wife knows about my bisexual side, and has enjoyed hearing about the details of some of my experiences. I don’t think I’m alone in this aspect.

 

[Britva415]

how do you know if you’re in the closet or it’s just a fetish?

OK well...

You're in the closet if you don't want people to know about this and you hide it from others. You're in the closet if you "pass" for straight and don't want to be identified by other people as gay or bi. That's what the closet is. It isn't an either-or with regard to same-sex desire.

I guess there's such a thing as "self closet," where someone denies their same-sex tendencies to themselves. You aren't doing that.

I don't even understand the part about fetish. You like dick or you don't. If you do, you're not completely straight. Same-sex attraction is just attraction, it's not a fetish.

Now, maybe if you were only attracted to men with a bowler hat and a caged cockatiel who said "Eat my Yorkshire dick," and it was just about the only way you could get aroused and satisfied, that would be a fetish.

can you truly be gay if you’ve never had any experience with a man?

Well, you can be bi.

Of course you can have a sexual orientation without sexual experience. Don't all virgins have a sexual orientation?

 

[CDsuzie69]

I doubt I’ll ever get the chance to try it. But you’re right, if it confirmed things then that would be quite a dilemma. I think I’d probably love both too, but I may get hooked on dick. What was your first time like?

May I suggest you read my exploits on here to find out? Look for stories by me, CDsuzie69 titled "Cross dressing, Why me?". They will give you more than an insight. Please get back to me when you've read them all xx

 

[Thwiq1]

I pondered the same question for a few years. I had lost interest in sex with the wife, and that wasn’t replaced by a desire to be with other women. I still had a sex drive and I found myself becoming more and more interested in men. I started lurking on this forum after deliberately avoiding it for years. I read stuff on the internet about gay life. I also started watching porn more. At first, I watched mmf threesomes and also some porn involving transsexuals. (It didn’t seem quite as gay as two men getting it on.) Eventually, I thought I might as well just watch m2m gay porn because that’s what I was really interested in. It never failed to turn me on. I would think about how wonderful it would be to engage gay sex. For me, all these things just raised the question. Was I really gay? I wasn’t sure since I didn’t seem to be attracted to men in real life. As the saying goes, “that was true until it wasn’t.” What happened caught me by surprise. I was in a store and saw a guy that just threw a switch in me. I felt a sexual desire that I hadn’t felt in years. I became sexually aroused and basically started stalking him in the store. I finally went out to the parking lot and waited for him. He went out a different exit and got away. Since then I’ve considered myself gay. I’m a dedicated guy-watcher, and now I find a lot of men very attractive. And of course, I find myself wondering what’s under the clothes! The odd thing is that I’m now more obsessive about gay sex than I was when this was an unresolved issue. I think about it all the time. Although I’m not living a gay lifestyle, I believe it’s only a matter of time before I find someone. So my question for the OP is, do you find yourself attracted to and aroused by the men you see in real life?

Thank you for this very thoughtful and personal response. I can relate to just about everything you said. I haven’t really been attracted to men in real life in the past. But I have slowly started noticing guys in real life in the past couple of years. I haven’t had that “switch” moment yet but I feel like that could happen, I feel like I’m one guy or one moment away from confirming how I feel. I’ve always been curious, but it has only increased with time, and lately it’s all I think about.

I pondered the same question for a few years. I had lost interest in sex with the wife, and that wasn’t replaced by a desire to be with other women. I still had a sex drive and I found myself becoming more and more interested in men. I started lurking on this forum after deliberately avoiding it for years. I read stuff on the internet about gay life. I also started watching porn more. At first, I watched mmf threesomes and also some porn involving transsexuals. (It didn’t seem quite as gay as two men getting it on.) Eventually, I thought I might as well just watch m2m gay porn because that’s what I was really interested in. It never failed to turn me on. I would think about how wonderful it would be to engage gay sex. For me, all these things just raised the question. Was I really gay? I wasn’t sure since I didn’t seem to be attracted to men in real life. As the saying goes, “that was true until it wasn’t.” What happened caught me by surprise. I was in a store and saw a guy that just threw a switch in me. I felt a sexual desire that I hadn’t felt in years. I became sexually aroused and basically started stalking him in the store. I finally went out to the parking lot and waited for him. He went out a different exit and got away. Since then I’ve considered myself gay. I’m a dedicated guy-watcher, and now I find a lot of men very attractive. And of course, I find myself wondering what’s under the clothes! The odd thing is that I’m now more obsessive about gay sex than I was when this was an unresolved issue. I think about it all the time. Although I’m not living a gay lifestyle, I believe it’s only a matter of time before I find someone. So my question for the OP is, do you find yourself attracted to and aroused by the men you see in real life?

Thank you for your thoughtful and personal response. I can relate to just about everything you wrote. I haven’t really been attracted to men in real life in the past, only through porn or fantasies. But in the past few years, I’ve slowly begun noticing guys. I haven’t had that “switch” moment yet like you had, but it feels like I’m the right guy or the right moment away from confirming how I feel. I’ve always been curious, but my feelings have only grown stronger over the years, to the point where it’s become obsessive. It just seems that given how strong these feelings are in me, both emotionally and physically, and how good it feels to embrace these feelings, that I’ve finally turned a corner. I think I’ve know for a while that I’m gay, but it’s been hard to fully believe it. It finally feels true to admit it to myself. I can’t deny it anymore. I really appreciate your what you wrote. I’d love to continue chatting with you if you’d like. Feel free to pm me if you’d like.

 

[widereceiver]

I remember at first having a certain amount of mild disbelief coexisting with the knowledge that I was gay. I knew I was gay but at the same time I found myself asking how this could be? It faded and now I don’t get those feelings. I consider myself gay because I think it’s an accurate description and I’m comfortable with the label. I’m sure you will figure it out sooner or later. There probably isn’t any point in getting hung up on labels. (There’s so many labels these days I doubt that I’m even aware of most of them.) This forum is a great place to hang out. It’s fun plus there are guys here with a lot of experience, knowledge, and insight. I’ve benefited from getting to know some of them, and I see some of them as friends. I enjoy my time here too because I feel I’m with my peers and I can safely express myself as a homosexual. You can post or not post depending on what’s on your mind and how you feel. Finally, I would be happy to exchange a few PM’s if you like.

 

[2tallpaul]

Just asking that question is a strong sign. In there by yourself, alone and poorly lit. Coming out is tough not knowing what's on the other side of the door. In my case, I was the last one to find out. My girlfriend knew I was in the first five minutes of meeting me. Don't worry about it and enjoy life.

 

[Tayloroc]

Just asking that question is a strong sign. In there by yourself, alone and poorly lit. Coming out is tough not knowing what's on the other side of the door. In my case, I was the last one to find out. My girlfriend knew I was in the first five minutes of meeting me. Don't worry about it and enjoy life.

Great advice. My gf told me that I was gay too!

 

[2tallpaul]

Great advice. My gf told me that I was gay too!

I should have known sooner. I had three different women that loved to peg me starting with a college relationship. All three ended up in the medical profession by chance.

 

[Tayloroc]

That must have felt great!!

 

[load69]

I am very bicurious and nobody but all of you guys know it. I would love to get a cock in my mouth so that I can stop just being curious and really find out if I love sucking cock as much as I think I will.

 

[dodgeboy2]

I’m married, still find women attractive, but have always sexually desired men. It’s only increased over time, to the point where it’s all I fantasize about. But how do you know if you’re in the closet or it’s just a fetish? Is it just curiosity or something more? And can you truly be gay if you’ve never had any experience with a man? Would love to hear from other men who struggle with this or figured out later in life they were gay. Cheers

I will say this you may or may not be bi, but until you try you probably would be considered closeted!

 

[SouthCoast2]

I’m married, still find women attractive, but have always sexually desired men. It’s only increased over time, to the point where it’s all I fantasize about. But how do you know if you’re in the closet or it’s just a fetish? Is it just curiosity or something more? And can you truly be gay if you’ve never had any experience with a man? Would love to hear from other men who struggle with this or figured out later in life they were gay. Cheers

Enjoy the dream & the wanking. I would suggest though, checking in your head if you think all is OK "at home" though...are you taking care of all your partners needs...if no, then sort that out first. Can't be many straight men who wouldn't love the taste of their partners pussy more often...that in itself can be the cause of some serious hard on inducing action!!!

 

[Intrepid25]

I have similar thoughts as the OP. I’ve been questioning my sexuality for a long time now. I am gay or bisexual. I’ve dated women in the past but it’s been a long time since I did last. My attraction to men is mainly sexual. I watch gay and bi porn when I want to get off. When I masturbate to gay porn, I often experience clarity with no hesitation that I’m gay – in that moment. But after I finish, I return to being uncertain of my sexuality which might indicate that I am in denial.

I’m a believer in sexual fluidity. I may have started out in life as straight but I have shifted to the gay or bi side of the spectrum over time. Overall, I am emotionally and physically more attracted to women while my fantasy life is completely about having sex with men. Right now, if someone were to ask me, I would tell them that I’m gay, even as I’m still debating inside about being gay or bi.

 

[Britva415]

I will say this you may or may not be bi, but until you try you probably would be considered closeted!

Probably afterwards, too, unless they "come out" to other people.

I don't consider someone who's simply unaware to be closeted, I consider closeted to mean actively concealing or denying.

 

[Thwiq1]

I have similar thoughts as the OP. I’ve been questioning my sexuality for a long time now. I am gay or bisexual. I’ve dated women in the past but it’s been a long time since I did last. My attraction to men is mainly sexual. I watch gay and bi porn when I want to get off. When I masturbate to gay porn, I often experience clarity with no hesitation that I’m gay – in that moment. But after I finish, I return to being uncertain of my sexuality which might indicate that I am in denial.

I’m a believer in sexual fluidity. I may have started out in life as straight but I have shifted to the gay or bi side of the spectrum over time. Overall, I am emotionally and physically more attracted to women while my fantasy life is completely about having sex with men. Right now, if someone were to ask me, I would tell them that I’m gay, even as I’m still debating inside about being gay or bi.

Wow, you pretty much summed things up for me. That’s how I feel in a nutshell. I can get that same clarity when I masturbate as well, and it’s always to gay porn. Then afterwards I’ll question myself, which, as you said, may be a sign of denial. Deep down, I feel I’m gay. I know that at this point in my life, if I were single, I would seek out a relationship with a man. I still find women attractive. But for so many years my sexuality has only been based around men and cock. I can’t deny how good it makes me feel inside. Thanks for sharing, and please send me a private message if you’d like to chat further.

 

[ChrissyCD64]

The only way to find out is to try it. Be careful though because once you have there's no going back. What if you prefer dick? I love both but didn't know until I tried it.

I'd say once you try you won't want to go back. Most guys I've met fell in love with cock as soon as they sucked their first one and don't want to stop.

 

[comegently]

I’m married, still find women attractive, but have always sexually desired men. It’s only increased over time, to the point where it’s all I fantasize about. But how do you know if you’re in the closet or it’s just a fetish? Is it just curiosity or something more? And can you truly be gay if you’ve never had any experience with a man? Would love to hear from other men who struggle with this or figured out later in life they were gay. Cheers

When you imagine sex with a man, how do you imagine yourself to be?
Do you see yourself as feminine, in maybe a nightdress or skirt, or do you see the encounter as being man-to-man?

 

[Tayloroc]

Definitely in a skirt..