How is it that abuse is now king?

[Bramblethorn]

It isn't sudden. The popular "mainstream" romance genre pioneered more NC/R filth in the last half-century than the dirtiest minds of Literotica could dream of. I ascribe my own fondness for that kink to a novel from 1987, and it should not be news to anyone, ever, that many romance novels revolve around women falling in love with abusive douches (it's been a core part of the milieu for fucking ever, and to whatever degree Colleen Hoover continues that trend, she's part of a well-worn tradition). What I suspect we're witnessing to the extent (and granting) that there's any change at all is that writers and their audiences are more willing to be frank about these kinks. If in fact that's a thing, I think it is probably a healthier thing than the (always-failed and disastrous) prior attempts to conceal them.

Kink aside, I feel like there are also more stories now that are willing to deal with abuse honestly from the survivor's perspective, rather than just using it as a kick the puppy/fridging device to make the villains bad and give the hero somebody to rescue.

At the moment I'm re-reading a romance where the heroine is somebody who's recently escaped an abusive marriage to the guy who "rescued" her from an abusive apprenticeship to the guy who "rescued" her from an orphanage. The male interest is the archetypal white knight, somebody whose holy calling is rescuing and protecting people, and at first he doesn't understand why she hates being rescued, and can't see how much it meant to her when he knitted her a pair of socks. Part of their romance is figuring out a dynamic that's not "rescuer/damsel in distress".

I'd also say that it's not just intimate-partner abuse where this trope exists. I know several people who've gone no-contact with toxic parents, siblings, and friends - usually after years of trying to stick it out - and most of them seem better off for it. But it's so rare to see that reflected in fiction. Overwhelmingly the message is that you have to hang on to those relationships, no matter how abusive and unequal they might be. A couple of years back I read a Courtney Milan where one of the protagonists eventually realises they're not obliged to reconcile with their abusive family, that it's healthier to let go of somebody who's done them great harm and is unwilling or unable to understand that, and that's not something I'm used to seeing.

There's still plenty of stalking-is-love crap out there, but there's good stuff too.

 

[TadOverdon]

None of this is new or remarkable and Meyer had nothing to do with it.

 

[OverconfidentSarcasm]

Hmm... I'd like to try another take on this question. Because I honestly doubt your premise is even correct and Non-Con is NOT, in fact, "king".

Your examples started with Twilight. An almost twenty-year-old book series from an author who hasn't published anything in close to a decade, that, after being adapted into movies, became a meme for bad romances ("Still a better love story than Twilight", if anyone cares to remember).
Then you move on to "50 Shades of gray". Another book that got popular for reasons unknown, since everybody seemed to have way more fun taking that story apart than actually reading it.
Next, you name "365 days". A movie that so few people watched, it didn't even warrant a Nielsen rating until, about a month after release on US Netflix, somebody must have started a Twitter outrage or something. Now, it sits at a meta-score of 1.2, telling you that everybody and their grandmother HATE that movie.

And, finally, you name two novel authors whom I have honestly never heard of before. Which brings me to my first theory:
People find what they're looking for. And you, dear OP, are a self-proclaimed NC/R author. So...

That's why Lovecraft keeps screaming about LW being "an entire cesspool of misogynistic hate", even though the last time I took a look at the actual stories posted in LW during the preceding seven days, I found five BTB stories to 56 stories that ranged from consensual hotwifing and cuckolding to downright torture, rape, and murder... of the MALE MCs.

Now, here's another theory. I don't know how much merit it actually holds, but I think it's worth thinking about:

The times where Women were confined to the kitchen and weren't allowed to get a driver's license without their husband's permission are not as far in the past as we would like. But it's also not so long ago as many like to think. This puts us in a situation where, today, the vast majority of men below forty have not grown up in abusive homes, and therefore have never actually witnessed all the horrible things they are held accountable for.
And yet, they see themselves disregarded as "CIS Males", told to speak about their feelings while simultaneously being mocked for it, and called incels when attending an MRA meeting (which I did once, and, believe it or not, 60% of that meeting was a bunch of dudes trying to talk each other out of their suicidal thoughts).

So, maybe, it's not that surprising when some of them engage in escapism and power fantasies?

 

[AchtungNight]

I just want to make a statement on behalf of all good men here. I am way more attracted to a woman who can and will capably fight back against poor treatment physically and psychologically than a woman who would put up with it. My stories are full of such women and others whom I have cast as their supporters of various stripes. I hope my readers will be the same. And if anyone ever accused me of such treatment I would hope for a chance to improve my behavior or receive just retribution as applicable to the situation. I also hope I’m not the only lover of women like me.

 

[madelinemasoch]

I am way more attracted to a woman who can and will capably fight back against poor treatment physically and psychologically than a woman who would put up with it.

This.

 

[MajorRewrite]

And, finally, you name two novel authors whom I have honestly never heard of before.

Colleen Hoover‘s books held 6 of the top 10 spots on the NYT fiction bestseller list for 2022. If you’ve been to a bookstore in the last 5 years, she’s pretty impossible to miss.

 

[OverconfidentSarcasm]

Colleen Hoover‘s books held 6 of the top 10 spots on the NYT fiction bestseller list for 2022. If you’ve been to a bookstore in the last 5 years, she’s pretty impossible to miss.

Oh, she's that woman who wrote Slammed!

I tried it but found it to be complete BS, so her name never stuck in my head...

 

[FelHarper]

why the heck did the Dresden Files have to ruin Murphy’s character and then kill her off? Were she and Harry doomed from the beginning? And what sort of crap will they put the hero through next?

Harry Dresden was cursed by Quintus Cassius to “die alone”. I have always taken it that he is doomed to have his interpersonal relationships fray and dissolve, with the people he loves most being killed. After what happened to Murphy, I expect Dresden to further distance himself from his loved ones. Or maybe I’m wrong and the curse is nothing so heinous, but it seems like Harry at least thinks it is.

Also, Jim Butcher is a stone genius. Don’t question the master, lest he inflict another writing hiatus on us.

 

[JaxRhapsody]

Some RomComs entertain me, bad standards or no. Depends on the skill of the writers, actors, and other people involved.

What I mean with RomComs is that most of those things the guy does, does not work in the real world. Running up in your soulmates wedding screaming I object is gonna get you a bad time, not them.

 

[AchtungNight]

Harry Dresden was cursed by Quintus Cassius to “die alone”. I have always taken it that he is doomed to have his interpersonal relationships fray and dissolve, with the people he loves most being killed. After what happened to Murphy, I expect Dresden to further distance himself from his loved ones. Or maybe I’m wrong and the curse is nothing so heinous, but it seems like Harry at least thinks it is.

Also, Jim Butcher is a stone genius. Don’t question the master, lest he inflict another writing hiatus on us.

I’ll question the “master” if I so desire. I do it in hopes he can take my constructive criticism with his thick skin and improve accordingly. There is always room for improvement. If he’s going to inflict hiatus on fans deliberately to punish them for expressing their opinions… I have lost much respect for him as an artist. I honestly did not know he was like that and hope you’re just pulling my chain.

Regarding Quintus, he was a lesser wizard and a bad guy. He should not triumph in the end. I don’t care how much anyone thinks he should. Harry should find a way to overcome his curse. I want to see that happen. I also want to see him get a worthy lasting lover. Do you know how much I wanted Murphy to be that woman? Butcher and certain other authors may praise this “kill your darlings” stuff. I don’t. I dislike it. I understand if you have a problem with me expressing my opinion, but let me stress- it is YOUR problem. Thank you.

Ok, more pleasant topics now.

What I mean with RomComs is that most of those things the guy does, does not work in the real world. Running up in your soulmates wedding screaming I object is gonna get you a bad time, not them.

Yeah, I get that. And I agree that sort of thing does not work in the real world. I appreciate intelligent rom coms that acknowledge that. Something like Meg Ryan’s work, or Julia Roberts’, or Alicia Witt’s, or Erika Christensen’s, to name a few actresses. These people work with scripts that are believable and entertaining- to me anyway. You may disagree if you like, I hope you don’t. If you’re not familiar with the artists in question, I encourage you to become so.

Speaking only for myself because I'm the only one I have any authority to speak on behalf of: I've been both.

Some people are easier to stand up to than others. Some abuses are easier to fight back against than others.

Nothing worth doing is ever easy. And you shouldn’t let challenge scare you or fear control you. Fight back against abuse no matter the cost. If you do otherwise you are contributing to the problem instead of the solution. That is never a good idea.

Oh, and don’t forget, when you fight monsters, do your best not to become a monster. Always keep a seed of peace growing a tree in your abyss of rage. Keep your monster ready to fight other monsters, but never let it take charge. If you can do that, and I know it’s not easy, you will survive.

 

[JaxRhapsody]

I’ll question the “master” if I so desire. I do it in hopes he can take my constructive criticism with his thick skin and improve accordingly. There is always room for improvement. If he’s going to inflict hiatus on fans deliberately to punish them for expressing their opinions… I have lost much respect for him as an artist. I honestly did not know he was like that and hope you’re just pulling my chain.

Regarding Quintus, he was a lesser wizard and a bad guy. He should not triumph in the end. I don’t care how much anyone thinks he should. Harry should find a way to overcome his curse. I want to see that happen. I also want to see him get a worthy lasting lover. Do you know how much I wanted Murphy to be that woman? Butcher and certain other authors may praise this “kill your darlings” stuff. I don’t. I dislike it. I understand if you have a problem with me expressing my opinion, but let me stress- it is YOUR problem. Thank you.

Ok, more pleasant topics now.


Yeah, I get that. And I agree that sort of thing does not work in the real world. I appreciate intelligent rom coms that acknowledge that. Something like Meg Ryan’s work, or Julia Roberts’, or Alicia Witt’s, or Erika Christensen’s, to name a few actresses. These people work with scripts that are believable and entertaining- to me anyway. You may disagree if you like, I hope you don’t. If you’re not familiar with the artists in question, I encourage you to become so.


Nothing worth doing is ever easy. And you shouldn’t let challenge scare you or fear control you. Fight back against abuse no matter the cost. If you do otherwise you are contributing to the problem instead of the solution. That is never a good idea.

Oh, and don’t forget, when you fight monsters, do your best not to become a monster. Always keep a seed of peace growing a tree in your abyss of rage. Keep your monster ready to fight other monsters, but never let it take charge. If you can do that, and I know it’s not easy, you will survive.

You mean people other than Jennifer Aniston does RomComs‽ I do like RomComs, though.

 

[FelHarper]

I’ll question the “master” if I so desire. I do it in hopes he can take my constructive criticism with his thick skin and improve accordingly. There is always room for improvement. If he’s going to inflict hiatus on fans deliberately to punish them for expressing their opinions… I have lost much respect for him as an artist. I honestly did not know he was like that and hope you’re just pulling my chain.

Yes, that was meant to be humorous. The guy went through a really rough divorce, hence the large gap between books.

All joking aside, I don’t agree with your criticisms of Butcher. Murphy’s death hurt, so did Susan’s, but that is what gives the story a sense of real stakes. If the antagonists have no hope of winning, if plot armor cloaks not just the hero, but everyone he cares about, your audience will start to lose their investment in the story. “Killing your darlings” does not mean abusing the characters without cause. It means being true to the world you have created and the rules that govern it. It means being faithful to the building narrative, even if it takes you places you would rather not go.

 

[MrHereWriting]

“Killing your darlings” does not mean abusing the characters without cause. It means being true to the world you have created and the rules that govern it. It means being faithful to the building narrative, even if it takes you places you would rather not go.

No it doesn't.

Here's one of a thousand articles that explains what it means.

 

[FelHarper]

No it doesn't.

Here's one of a thousand articles that explains what it means.

You are correct. However, the phrase also works in the context Achtung used, in the sense that it means not to indulge yourself and put something into the story just because it pleases you. It could quite literally mean killing off a character if that better serves the story.

 

[MrHereWriting]

You are correct. However, the phrase also works in the context Achtung used, in the sense that it means not to indulge yourself and put something into the story just because it pleases you. It could quite literally mean killing off a character if that better serves the story.

I'm talking about your definition, not Achtung's.

 

[FelHarper]

I'm talking about your definition, not Achtung's.

Okay.

 

[AchtungNight]

“Kill your darlings”- I get how you are supposed to remain true to a world and give stories high stakes, etc. I just hope things work out for Harry and the survivors in the end, if not the immediate future. I guess the three major couples working out in Codex Alera set a high bar of expectations for me, not to mention Butters & Andi, and Michael & Charity (if Butcher starts messing with them next… I’ll just hope it doesn’t happen). The bitter divorce he went through irl… let’s just say I’ve seen some of that myself and I get how it can affect writers. Hopefully it will not ruin his creative process in the end. Chalk the rest up to differing opinions and articles I may not have time to read. Let’s leave it at that.

You don’t have to tell me about celebrities with shitty public opinions. I just sat through Jim Gaffigan casually joking about misogyny, murder, child abuse, and other uncomfortable topics at a stand up show last night. His warm up act was similar. I expected so much better from them both. And while much of the crowd laughed at it all… I shouted honest heckler opinions from the far back expressing my disappointment. Don’t think the performers or the majority of the crowd heard me or cared. My immediate neighbors did and they appreciated it. No one asked me to shut up or leave- believe it because it’s true. Maybe there’s hope for us as a species. I’ll pray for it.

Erozetta- I get your fear. People in my family and I myself have lived with abuse. And we’ve struggled against it. We don’t put up with it- we fight back, call it out once it’s clearly perceived, and if we’re concerned but someone says it’s not what it looks like… for a while, we give you hopes and optimism as we remain concerned. But we are always ready for action and to give that person aid should it turn out we are correct. I say this as a fan of Evan Rachel Wood, Charisma Carpenter, and other celebrities who have put up with abuse and more recently stepped forward against it. And yes, I’m aware of the irony of building a fanfic universe where these celebrities get into explicit consensual casual sexual shenanigans and then saying something like what I just said. You need not bother pointing it out. I also say it as a nephew, son, & brother of people who have put up with abuse and then rose up against it and refused to accept any more of it, in most cases building great relationships with better people in the aftermath. That is possible and preferable. I am not naive regarding this. Nor am I wrong. I’ll leave it up to you whether to believe me. You can also start a private Conversation with me if you need advice or a sympathetic ear. Same goes for anyone. I don’t consider myself a white knight or a sympathy troll or anything stupid like that… I’m just here for people. Even those I only know online.

 

[AchtungNight]

I wasn't gonna respond, but I just want to say that you read an awful lot into three smiley faces. None of it accurate, but still a lot.

Those faces didn’t look like smiles to me at the time. They still don’t. And everything I said was accurate from my perspective. Glad it wasn’t on your end.

 

[RainyDayPen]

I write and enjoy N/C spanking stories because I didn't get this fetish from consensual sex. Pretty much anyone who is into spanking ended up with the fetish after abuse. I can either accept that part of me and allow myself the fantasy, or I can hate that part of me even though it was inflicted on me by another person/people.

My wires are crossed but I'm still allowed to love myself and engage in FICTIONAL pleasure involving FICTIONAL people.

 

[CyranoJ]

In twenty years time a broadcaster will run a documentary about the slew of bdsm films and novels and cluck away, asking ‘how people at the time never saw it’ and ‘how could it have been tolerated?’

I'm sorry, no. Comparing films about BDSM to actual abuse by people like Savile or Brand is way over the top. This is like saying "one day people will ask how 9 1/2 Weeks was 'tolerated'"? Since that was a movie about fictional characters in a BDSM relationship, the only way people will ever come to ask that is if society becomes ludicrously and dangerously censorious.

What enables predators like Savile and Brand isn't the making of movies or fiction. It's the cultures of "open secrets" and whisper networks that surround them, because the people who are actually in a position to put all the pieces together and do something either lack the courage to do so, or want to keep reaping profits from them despite the knowledge of what they are.

As for what creates people who genuinely believe that it's okay to be an abuser, it ain't BDSM fiction. Housewives rubbing one out to Fifty Shades of Grey is the least of society's worries by comparison with, say, the media empire of Andrew Tate or the overall impact of the Boy Scouts of America (whose sexual abuse scandals dwarf those of the Catholic Church).

 

[CyranoJ]

Yes, there's always someone worse, something worse.

There are also categorical differences between publishing a BDSM story and going out and raping someone. And the people in question weren't being "hidden" in some abstract sense by "BDSM culture." They were actively hidden by the communities they participated in directly, because it was profitable to do so.

Attempting to blame this on "BDSM culture" misses the actual problem entirely, or even outright obscures it. Many of the worst abusers, for example, come from falsely-"wholesome" milieus that would aggressively tut-tut BDSM culture as "degenerate." American evangelical "purity culture" is absolutely filthy with abusers, to the point where it seems a new one is outed every other week. It promotes child beauty pageants and child marriage while accusing gay people of "sexualizing children," it makes a show of banning books for having "sexual" content and crusades against porn, and its own problems with abuse only get worse because it's a subculture that refuses to look its actual problems in the face. This is in many ways the inverse of BDSM culture: the "safe, sane and consensual" mandate (or similar mottos like "risk-aware consensual kink") has gained central importance in the actual practicing BDSM community in the past four decades precisely in an attempt to flush out the kind of predators whose existence supposedly "pure" communities will not admit.

So, yeah. I mistrust attempts to throw kink (in fiction or in life) under the bus in the name of fighting abuse. They solve nothing and generally make the problems worse.

 

[MillieDynamite]

As an aside, somewhat off the question, both the Fifty Shades and Twilight Series aren't well-written tales. And yet, they are wildly popular. We all should be such poor writers.

It may seem odd coming from a member who mostly posts nonconsent stories but why is abuse suddenly king? It may have started with Stephanie Meyer's Twilight series where a century-plus immortal vampire goes from a creepy stalker who does stuff like sneak into Bella Swan's room while she is sleeping so that he can gaze upon her enchanting visage while she is dead to the world to an ideal romantic object of love. Despite the fact that Edward has seen every president since Teddy Roosevelt, he seeks intercourse with a woman young enough to be his great-great-grandaughter! Ick! Ick! Ick! Many commentators have pointed out that Bella is in a controlling abusive relationship. This may reflect the real-world situation of Meyer. A conservative Mormon, she is a woman very much without agency. Her brother controls all the profits that come from the Twilight franchise. It is also quite clear that despite having multiple kids Meyer hates sex and intimacy and likens even consensual sex in the bounds of matrimony as violent and life-threatening. For unknown reasons, the novels sold phenomenally well and inspired "Fifty Shades of Grey" Christian Grey is a manipulative jerk who abuses Anastasia and she comes to revel in it. Fifty Shades is NOTHING like an actual consensual BDSM relationship. Fifty Shades inspired "365 Days" where a mafioso kidnaps and abuses an innocent woman in an effort to make her fall in love with him over the course of a year.
Now we have Coleen Hoover who romanticizes abuse and manipulation in her novels. The plot of "September 9th" is so disgusting it makes me, a writer who regularly puts innocent women into collars, nauseous! If you don't believe me check out any synopsis or review on Youtube.
How did we get to this point where nonconsent stories on this site are gentler and more believable and give women more agency and affection than huge best-selling authors?
I could not live with myself if I put a character like that in one of my stories and tried to pass him off as the "good guy."
Most perplexing, these stories come from women. Are all men so bad that jerks, creeps, and manipulators are the only experience they know? If men wrote these books, angry feminists would be burning the bookstores that dared sell them. How did this perplexing and disgusting trend come to be? As a man I am often ashamed of my gender, but if these works of fiction are the result of reflecting modern manhood's reality our race may in fact be doomed.
Any ideas on where this school of literature is coming from? I am beyond perplexed.

 

[SimonDoom]

In twenty years time a broadcaster will run a documentary about the slew of bdsm films and novels and cluck away, asking ‘how people at the time never saw it’ and ‘how could it have been tolerated?’

Human nature will always be flawed. Abuse of women and children will never be eradicated but eats away like a cancer. All society has to offer is palliative care.

I predict the opposite, although I concede at the outset that predictions are ridiculous and usually wrong.

I think in the future we will have a better understanding of the difference between what people think/fantasize about/write about/read about on the one hand and what they do on the other. I predict we will be more tolerant than ever of the former, and less tolerant than ever of bad acts. I think we will better appreciate that there's no causal connection whatsoever between the freedom a society gives to people to express themselves in art as they wish and the incidence in that society of bad acts.

Look at the world today. The countries in which women are treated worst are also the countries that try hardest to regulate things like pornography and erotica. The countries with the freest expression are those in which people are generally treated in the kindest and most civilized manner.

 

[SimonDoom]

So, yeah. I mistrust attempts to throw kink (in fiction or in life) under the bus in the name of fighting abuse. They solve nothing and generally make the problems worse.

There you go, being reality-based again.

 

[gunhilltrain]

No it doesn't.

Here's one of a thousand articles that explains what it means.

Are you talking past each other, or you missed something? Maybe I missed something. It says, "You kill your darlings when you decide to get rid of an unnecessary storyline, character, or sentences in a piece of creative writing—elements you may have worked hard to create but that must be removed for the sake of your overall story." It doesn't say anything specifically about harming a character.