greenmountaineer's thread

[greenmountaineer]

Yazdegerd's Nightmare

Yazdegerd, your enemy rots
today on the fields of Vartanantz,
but be not salacious with your spoils,
washed, perfumed, and stripped at your feet
as they weep defeat in your tent.

Fear the drone of Ahriman’s demons
that chant a dirge in Drûgâskan,
the deepest pit of hell.

Your wife awaits you at the gate.
Arise! Away! Release your chattel!
Else there be nursed from eggs that you stain
souls of their fathers in those of your sons!

 

[legerdemer]

Brilliant and still laughing. You captured the feel perfectly and I was there.
I'm printing this one out and keeping it.

Just saw it - I'm with Honey.

 

[greenmountaineer]

The Human Mind Has its Dark Corners

as when the Southern Baptist belle
who owns her dead daddy's farm
beseeches the representative from
Winn Dixie to buy her truckload of peaches.

Deal's a deal but thirteen cents
a pound is liver to stomach
bile that reminds Susanna how
low the Suwannee's become

and how it was peachy long ago
when her great great granddaddy dug
Okefenokee topsoil from
earthworms and graves without caskets.

 

[Trixareforkids]

as when the Southern Baptist belle
who owns her dead daddy's farm
beseeches the representative from
Winn Dixie to buy her truckload of peaches.

Deal's a deal but thirteen cents
a pound is liver to stomach
bile that reminds Susanna how
low the Suwannee's become

and how it was peachy long ago
when her great great granddaddy dug
Okefenokee topsoil from
earthworms and graves without caskets.

Oh, I like this! I know this, hell, I mighta been this.

 

[greenmountaineer]

The Trogloraptors

After Manhattan showed no interest,
a scholar from San Francisco came
to study one of our samples.

He called himself Kenning, "a sea-farer,
if you will, in the halls of academe"
and said in spite of its ejectives

he like the way its feet toed the line,
using a figure of speech, of course,
but he designated what he found as

Trogloraptor Juvenilia
inasmuch as it needed
a lot more growth and development.

"Yours is alike but different from
Gradungulidae," he said.
"Grand dung diddly Dada," we chortled,
thinking we coined a neologism.

He assured us we didn't,
other scholars had said much the same
of the "Grads" as they're known disparagingly
in the halls of academe,

and "Don't be such worry-warts," Kenning said,
"although still growing in Australia,
they wouldn't be popular here."

Indeed, not to worry, he repeated
"Les professeurs will soon take note
and theses will fill up campuses,
metaphorically speaking, of course,

in order to master the fine art of
the dark and deeper environs
of the mysterious Trogloraptors."

 

[greenmountaineer]

The Sin Eater

Gwyneth was his goat from Leviticus
she thought as she laundered Father’s sheets
who wanted no peace at that stage of grief.

"Why hast Thou forsaken me?"
he would scream each night in his sleep,
more to a dead wife than God who had died

or daughter who never could carve right
his initials when she baked bara brith
for old friends who said his spirit won't rise
until they drank his ale with his bread

she says each week at assisted with living
to a man in a full-length dress,
the name of whom she always forgets,
who gives her a little something to eat.

It must be a round piece of bara brith
baked at assisted with living, she thinks,
after she's aired her dirty little linen

to a man in a full-length dress
as in the time she pissed on the brith
during a night of Guinness in the kitchen.

 

[greenmountaineer]

Doctor Visit

Say hey Różycki, look at this
"Polish Furniture For Less"

in "Reader's Digest" no less!
Jesus Christ!, 'scuze my French, Mrs. C."

I come for a simple flu shot, Róż,
and I have to put up with the likes of this?

Ours is as good as anyone else's.
Jesus Christ!, 'scuze my French.

Uncle Stan's furniture, as I recall,
had nice beveled edges, mahogany,

and he got a decent price for it, too.
Poor Aunt Cecylia, God rest her soul.

This's the stuff Lec had to put up with
when the goddam Ruskies ran Gdansk.

What would His Holiness John Paul say?
"Polish Furniture for Less" my ass!

What's that? Two parts olive oil,
one part lemon, and a dry flannel cloth?

How was I s'pose to know?
Gimmee a break, Mrs. C.

 

[greenmountaineer]

Bob and God

Why is life so lousy, God?

You have rheumatoid arthritis, Bob.​

Life's full of pain and suffering, God.

You have rheumatoid arthritis, Bob.​

And why is there war, thieving, and shame?

You don't know why? You're kidding me, right?​

Prayer to you is just wasting my time.

Smart men and women say the same.​

You're just a figment inside my mind.

Smart men and women say the same.​

There's so much suffering, turmoil, and pain.

Goddam it, Bob! Take aspirin!​

 

[HarryHill]

Why is life so lousy, God?

You have rheumatoid arthritis, Bob.​

Life's full of pain and suffering, God.

You have rheumatoid arthritis, Bob.​

And why is there war, thieving, and shame?

You don't know why? You're kidding me, right?​

Prayer to you is just wasting my time.

Smart men and women say the same.​

You're just a figment inside my mind.

Smart men and women say the same.​

There's so much suffering, turmoil, and pain.

Goddam it, Bob! Take aspirin!​

.. Ah hahaha

 

[Lyricalli]

Why is life so lousy, God?

You have rheumatoid arthritis, Bob.​

Life's full of pain and suffering, God.

You have rheumatoid arthritis, Bob.​

And why is there war, thieving, and shame?

You don't know why? You're kidding me, right?​

Prayer to you is just wasting my time.

Smart men and women say the same.​

You're just a figment inside my mind.

Smart men and women say the same.​

There's so much suffering, turmoil, and pain.

Goddam it, Bob! Take aspirin!​

Hehehehe... now, this would be a fun read for the vocal challenge thread.

 

[HarryHill]

Hehehehe... now, this would be a fun read for the vocal challenge thread.

I'm hearing Eddie Murphy doing the jewish man in 'Coming to America', strange that , I might take a crack at it if offered n I can remember how to open voocaroo

 

[greenmountaineer]

I'm hearing Eddie Murphy doing the jewish man in 'Coming to America', strange that , I might take a crack at it if offered n I can remember how to open voocaroo

Go for it, Harry.

 

[greenmountaineer]

Converting Feet to Centimeters

Reading a tattered Beijing Times
Huilang discovers a certain McQueen
who during Paris' Fashion Week
surprises the world of haute couture,
except that his platform boots
are hooves on a water buffalo
in a Chongzuo rice field, she thinks,

reminding her of sister and niece,
one who's dead with lotus feet,
the other in sneakers colored pink,
wheeling Huilang like a pinwheel in
her room in the belly of Beijing
to eat tonight more government rice
before she crawls up to bed

where Huilang will dream of Father again,
dead thirty years as a three year old
nine-headed bird,* the necks of whom grow
unless she breaks and bandages them.


*"Jiufeng:" nine-headed bird in Chinese mythology that scares children

 

[greenmountaineer]

Thank You

You won some contest in Houston
run by a widow whose money was used
until the money ran out.

Yankee frugal I am not,
but still I leafed a poem or two,
before I paid my dollar,

marked down from five,
down from three,
at Messrs. Barnes & Noble.

And I’m glad I found you, Nolan,
whatever the few pennies you got,
so here’s a little ditty

to thank you for a little vers libre,
a curtal sonnet, two ballads,
and a triolet, rather tidy,

and for saying something about
the price we pay for poetry
is much more than three cents a pop.

 

[greenmountaineer]

Sue's Recipe for Rendering Lard

After you disembowel the pig
left hanging overnight:

1. Pre-heat the oven to four twenty-five.

2. Put the entrails in Pyrex.

3. Roast slowly, at least one hour.

4. Skim the protein particles.

5. Pour it through a colander.

6. "Barbie," his secretary, likes french fries.

7. Tell her it's better than Crisco.

8. Leave the rest for maggots and flies.

 

[greenmountaineer]

We Work. We Play. We Come and Go with Dick & Jane.

See Dick run for corporate power before the sun up becomes the rush hour.

The white picket fence and garden look dour with dog pies from Spot

tied up by the hour.


See Dick run when business is done to give it a whirl with Pop the Fly Girl.


A little Dick fun never hurt anyone.


Jane's having fun, funny funny Jane. See Jane having her fourth whiskey sour.


See Dick scrub the red from his collar. See Jane come undone with a gun.


Do run run, Dick, do run run.

 

[JanneE]

After Manhattan showed no interest,
a scholar from San Francisco came
to study one of our samples.

He called himself Kenning, "a sea-farer,
if you will, in the halls of academe"
and said in spite of its ejectives

he like the way its feet toed the line,
using a figure of speech, of course,
but he designated what he found as

Trogloraptor Juvenilia
inasmuch as it needed
a lot more growth and development.

"Yours is alike but different from
Gradungulidae," he said.
"Grand dung diddly Dada," we chortled,
thinking we coined a neologism.

He assured us we didn't,
other scholars had said much the same
of the "Grads" as they're known disparagingly
in the halls of academe,

and "Don't be such worry-warts," Kenning said,
"although still growing in Australia,
they wouldn't be popular here."

Indeed, not to worry, he repeated
"Les professeurs will soon take note
and theses will fill up campuses,
metaphorically speaking, of course,

in order to master the fine art of
the dark and deeper environs
of the mysterious Trogloraptors."

This makes a lot of sense after you get home from the gym.

 

[greenmountaineer]

This makes a lot of sense after you get home from the gym.

or after a day of spelunking

 

[Piscator]

After Manhattan showed no interest,
a scholar from San Francisco came
to study one of our samples.

He called himself Kenning, "a sea-farer,
if you will, in the halls of academe"
and said in spite of its ejectives

he like the way its feet toed the line,
using a figure of speech, of course,
but he designated what he found as

Trogloraptor Juvenilia
inasmuch as it needed
a lot more growth and development.

"Yours is alike but different from
Gradungulidae," he said.
"Grand dung diddly Dada," we chortled,
thinking we coined a neologism.

He assured us we didn't,
other scholars had said much the same
of the "Grads" as they're known disparagingly
in the halls of academe,

and "Don't be such worry-warts," Kenning said,
"although still growing in Australia,
they wouldn't be popular here."

Indeed, not to worry, he repeated
"Les professeurs will soon take note
and theses will fill up campuses,
metaphorically speaking, of course,

in order to master the fine art of
the dark and deeper environs
of the mysterious Trogloraptors."

Hey I'm going to see them beat Miami tonight!

 

[HarryHill]

Hey I'm going to see them beat Miami tonight!

:facepalm:

 

[greenmountaineer]

In the Duat

"You must go to the Hall of the Dead
that Ma'at may weigh your heart"
Anibus said to me.

With a feather strapped to her head,
the Goddess of Justice sits
and summons my trial to begin.

I shudder "Am I dead?"
to the jackal-headed Anibus
who has my heart in his hands:

"If your plucked heart is light
like a feather, it shall live forever,
but if your heart is heavier,

the demon, Ammit, whose bite
is that of a ravenous crocodile
surely will devour it."

The duat's come to light.
Anibus readies the scales.
Ma'at removes her feather.

 

[JanneE]

Barbie-Sue Crisco deliciousness

After you disembowel the pig
left hanging overnight:

1. Pre-heat the oven to four twenty-five.

2. Put the entrails in Pyrex.

3. Roast slowly, at least one hour.

4. Skim the protein particles.

5. Pour it through a colander.

6. "Barbie," his secretary, likes french fries.

7. Tell her it's better than Crisco.

8. Leave the rest for maggots and flies.

Is that for sale?

 

[greenmountaineer]

"Barbie-Sue Crisco Delicious"

Is that for sale?

You have a way with words, Jan

 

[greenmountaineer]

Quan Found his Daddy in Frisco

The nuns in Baltimore taught me to read
their catechism english god made me,
but alone in their office at midnight,
I couldn't find any god in my file.

Later with nothing but holes in my pockets
to play with I hitched to the Tenderloin
where I found Daddy with Wild Irish Rosie,
all dressed up in a brown paper skirt.

I called out his dog tag name and number
and stared at him like a katydid would
if a tree ever grew in a back alley,
eyes on the aphid of Edward Magee

as I pretended to sip from his bag,
and he pretended I was his son
when I split his nose for my tutelary
spirit of Tuye^'n down on her knees.

 

[JanneE]

Get A Good Look

Roses are red, violence is too.
You're sweet when you choke and warm when you're blue.
When my temperature rises, I want you to know...
you're the white in my sky and the black on my snow.