Feedback please: Paradise part 2 posted

[RachelPost]

https://literotica.com/s/paradise-02-the-senators-revelation

This is part 2 of a series called Paradise. Part 1 was Paradise: This story continues where the first one ended.

Feedback and comments would be appreciated. Please and thank you.

 

[dmallord]

I read Paradise: The Candidate Surrenders and found it well told. I enjoyed the conversational dialogue; it seemed so natural. It did seem a bit rushed in getting to know one another in the car ride, though. The splash about the sex club seemed a bit disjointed, sort of an afterthought. Still, it was a good read.

 

[RachelPost]

I read Paradise: The Candidate Surrenders and found it well told. I enjoyed the conversational dialogue; it seemed so natural. It did seem a bit rushed in getting to know one another in the car ride, though. The splash about the sex club seemed a bit disjointed, sort of an afterthought. Still, it was a good read.

Thank you for your critique. I have taken the feedback on that story and tried to make part 2 better. I hope part 3 reads even better. The sex club was troublesome. It came as a suggestion from a beta reader, and I took their suggestion. It added an anchor to the series, but should have been expanded upon.

As far as getting to know each other, I thought that Kelly working with the campaign would explain how they knew each other. I could have done a better job on that as well.

 

[Mastered_again]

Part 2 us a definite improvement. There's more depth to the characters. Although it still seems a bit rushed occasionally, particularly their love making. Personally, I have no problem with their falling in love so quickly. It happens in my current series as well.

Keep honing your craft, the improvements are obvious.

 

[dmallord]

Thank you for your critique. I have taken the feedback on that story and tried to make part 2 better. I hope part 3 reads even better. The sex club was troublesome. It came as a suggestion from a beta reader, and I took their suggestion. It added an anchor to the series, but should have been expanded upon.

As far as getting to know each other, I thought that Kelly working with the campaign would explain how they knew each other. I could have done a better job on that as well.

As I recall from the first car ride, it seemed the candidate didn't really remember Kelly as a notable member of her staff during that part of the campaign. I could be wrong about that...

I read the second, follow up story, a few minutes ago. It was a good one. I left you 'some food for thought' notes on the mechanics of writing in the comments there. Good job! You are off to a good start!