StageMomCarolAnn
Virgin
- Joined
- Nov 4, 2019
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- 12
DIARY OF A STAGE MOM - PART 1
Hi everyone,
Due to the overwhelming amount of PMs in chat rooms and Private Messages asking what I look like (or who) or how I dress in regards to a certain moments we may be chatting about, someone suggested I try this, I hope it's in the right section.
I feel I can share that will hopefully give an intelligent, thoughtful person here enough backstory to form a view of his own or able to put himself in the shoes of others I will have spoken about and offer honest insight from a male point of view that maybe - i hope - will benefit in nipping this moody, smart alecky, and as of recently a rudeness that I am certain where he's getting it from. I hope it all flows in a easy to follow "backstory" about the photo(s) I'll share. There is a lot to read - but it covers what I feel might be the type of questions asked if I wrote just one paragraph. If reading isn't your thing..... I'm not sure why a site with "literature" would be your thing?
This is about the photo 2224
From March, Thomas had just started his Senior year here in a magnet arts high school. A circular lesson approach from views historical, political, philosophical and art. Not just any student gets enrolled. I earned my Realtor license and i've always had passion for interior design. A quick look in the prime market areas including Pacific Palisades, Malibu, and the Westside, there were no Realtor's that helped clients find their dream home, but one who could also lend her talent as as interior designer and make suggestions they would just love.
The first months were obviously slow as I networked the area, taking lunches with potential clients or someone I knew had connections he could pass my name with his word, I accepted the dinner invitations from the ones who obviously still believed if a man buys a beautiful woman dinner, he's entitled to her in his bed, or more accurately a bed in a room at the Viceroy (maybe I should share a pic from the one most...)
I felt it was necessary to explain this because the photo taken of me wearing my green Givenchy dress was taken on campus during St. Patrick's Day. Days leading up to it, I had green flyers put everywhere, included myself in the morning announcements given by either Vice Principal Maddox or Principal Platt. And I felt I should lead by example and a few days before, went shopping for a green dress (not a color i wear almost at all, nor red, or yellow)) And on the day of, I wore it and even though there wasn't a PTA meeting scheduled, I went to the school and went by the administrators' office about 15 mins before 4th class bell rang for lunch. So the offices were quiet..until my beige T-strap Blahnik heels and I walked into the hallway.
All of the extra days and time I had been going to in a robotic mode and not following my results were very obvious if I can say so without sounding conceited? The stretchy material of the dress hugged my figure and hips and even with the hem above the knee, the material restricted my usual purposeful stride to half steps, which meant my heels on the linoleum floor echoed down the hallway. Despite the the dress being just as tight around the neckline and even with a VS bra I wore, having to take half steps in 4" heels was causing a bit of a bounce to my cleavage, that became much more self aware of the moment I walked through the admin. offices. I suddenly felt a bit self conscious and almost turned right around and left... it hadn't been for Vice Principal Maddox striding from his office to see what the noise was being made in the hall that had all the volunteer students looking up from the front desk and other areas.
I obviously couldn't put my hands on the front of my cleavage and honestly I even felt the dress was sexier on me than I expected to feel in the environment...and I had paused and trying to remember if I left one of my cute cardigan sweaters in my car I could put on and button up...and that's when VP Maddox, was out of his office with a bewildered look in his face...until he saw me. His eyes seemed to double in size and his jaw dropped open so far I thought he may have dislocated it. Some of the volunteer students tried to cover the giggles at the cartoonish site of Mr. Maddox. Upon hearing the giggles, he very quickly and impressively put on his professional demeanor which is mix of friendly disarming charm, then when a student admits wrong doing, he's not the charming "buddy" he's back to being VP and sending that student to detention or worse.
His rush of compliments was just what I needed to hear to forget worrying about feeling too sexy (or too something else after sexy) VP Maddox and I had maybe passed one another and said “hi” three or four times in this hallway (and I was dressed casually (now I wonder if I should find an example of my campus casual look?) He began insisting I call him Drew. And together we walked further into the office and with Drew at my side (and thankful he is very tall, ex-basketball player, so even in my heels, my eyeliner was at his shoulder and his tall lanky figure in the loose suits he wore were keeping the open area administrative bullpen of desks, volunteer students and clerical staff from seeing my cleavage bounce a bit in rhythm you might say with the sound of my heels. When we initially began walking I overcompensated to his side and the outer side of my left breast brushed his arm, on his bicep.
I adjusted my short tiny step just slightly, in a way to suggest I hadn’t noticed. I was half listening to the steam of compliments. But I had to say, “Drew, as much as I love these heels…” And thankfully he understood. Almost too well I realized as slowed his pace to mine, (halfway down the hall or so) and over sold his “accidental” brush the length of his forearm along the the left side of my breast and it had to obvious to him I had a bra on and as he did this, he lowered his voice as we neared the other end of the administration hall where Principal Hanson’s office was. and Drew’s voice had a low growling grumble I’d never heard him use or students speak of, he said, “There’d been some Senior debate about if PTA President counts as a teacher, earning you a spot in the top three sexiest teacher.. I guarantee you by the time we get to ‘Judge’ Janie Hanson’s office door, the pics those kids already took of you on their phones - so fast you didn’t see it and no way heard their phones popping off over the sound of those classy come fuck me heels,” (when i gasped in surprise, at his comment about my heels… i had never heard that expression until then…go ahead and laugh, Drew did, then continued, his low growl speeding up as we were almost at Principal Hansen’s closed office door, “those pics of you will have spread to every student who has one and you can forget about that nomination, CarolAnn, because you and that dress are in the bag.” He chuckled and as he switched to VP Maddox mode, his voice back to his calm, friendly voice of reason tone known for, which made his comment just…
He said, “I’m chaperoning prom this year. And I nominate you for one of the two coveted parent chaperone position.”
He finished as we passed the little wild west swinging doors that our legs pushed open and he side stepped away from me a safe distance. He had such a self satisfied smile so wide, I found myself staring at it, how it looked like the smile on the stupid cat in Alice In Wonderland… and we heard Principal Hanson’s voice before her her shape was seen behind the frosted glass of her door, she was in a conversation, as if on a cell phone.
And faster the a flipped switch, i regained my composure. My hands brushing down my thighs, smoothing the material the material from mid thigh where it had been scooting higher as we had been walking down the hall. The hem back to above the knee, I turned and tried to hurry out of the bullpen as fast as taking tiny steps could take me. I suddenly felt less sexy and double suddenly self aware of how the hurried pace turned to teetering … just how I must have looked …and Drew’s guffaws were just as assuring of how ridiculous I must have looked as it had been when his wide eyed jaw drop and initial rush of compliments.
I managed not to completely humiliate myself but putting both hands on the the railing of bullpen separating it from a waiting, retaining if not complete composure, enough to act so. Principal Hanson’s voice shouted from her office as the door opened “Do not tell me the Seniors led a hor -“
Drew immediately barked out a shriek at how the comment sounded while at the same time swallow hysterical laughter bubbling up his throat while at the same time looked like he was having a seizure….or.. and I have no idea why this thought went to the “or” of Drew’s convulsive twitch…eyes almost rolling back, mouth open and gasping, the twitch leaving his face slack and mouth open and the twitch had reached his hips…and I realized it wasn’t a laugh Drew was trying to stop…
I looked directly at the front of his slacks, slightly aware of Principal Hanson turning her head to see what I had turned my head to look at…
Drew’s hands flew to his lap and his basketball star energy turned him into a lanky blur as he rushed past me and was practically out of the office with his words trailing behind, “CarolAnn needs second approval for prom chaperone.”
And he was gone and when I turned to face Janice to deny this, she had begun a look at me from heels until her eyes met mine…and the quizzical bemused smile she slowly gave me was done in a way that she was enjoying the moment that I knew what she was projecting for me to know…
I have to pause this moment to explain something important to this and promise to keep it short considering the topic. Janice Hanson and I met months before this after Thomas and I moved into the community. Janice and her husband Roy also live in the community, one of the first couples, as she loves to add. We had three encounters at three different parties. Not any of the big ones and which ones were at who’s home except the third. That was at Janice and Roy’s.
The first two were cordial introductions, her sincere welcome. She looks a lot like the actress/comedian Melissa McCarthy, the thinner look, but she apparently before we arrived, looked more like the heavier and had lost weight.
(and yes by now it should be obvious how I am always describing someone in the community by the actor or actress they resemble most - they were doing the same about me behind my back - so to be perfectly honest, if you’re someone who doesn’t follow celebrities or refuse to use Google to look things up, we won’t click)
Anyhow, after she asked me what I did (as in did I work or was I rich from my settlement: yes and yes) I told her I - and I have no idea where it came from - I was an event planner. She made a joke about how I should let Helen hire me to redo her annual Spring White party - where everyone wears white (Helen and her husband Theodore have the biggest home in the community and she apparently designated her home/her party designated for all of the big holiday parties and her White Party.
I laughed to be polite, but Janice turned her head and I followed her direction and kept the smile on my face (which I only realized later made her assume I was mocking this White party that I missed by mere months and by the next one was announced… Janice and Helen had practically all the wives in our social circle disliking me for reasons completely untrue…and fine, yes some true. That will get explained eventually.
Again, I didn’t play much mind to Helen’s dirty look and if asked, I would have said it had to be aimed at Janice not me. When Janice asked what my profession was now and I told her I was networking, building a client base for my Realtor/Interior Design. And she called her husband Roy over. They were a very opposites attract couple: she, short and still a little plump, cute clothes and Roy is as tall as Drew (VP Maddox) but while Drew was lanky, Roy had muscles, unruly hair, always a shadow of beard. And while almost all the husbands casual clothes consisted of golf shirts and slacks, Roy was always in flannel shirts and jeans
Janice left Roy and I to stand in the middle of the party. It was super awkward at first. One, because Roy just towered over me despite my Blank wedges. Two, he didn’t say a word, just stared down at me and at my cleavage. And three, I was a bit taken aback by his blue eyes. Roy may have had the least in common with the other husbands, but he had those blue eyes and after I did a mental “makeover” imagining him clean shaven, an executive haircut, nicer clothes, he could be the handsomest man in the community.
By then maybe a full minute had gone by with him not saying a word (and I was more and more convinced the way his gaze drifted from my face, then my hair and then his eyes flickered lower and lingered longer on my cleavage as if…. evaluating or perhaps trying to determine if they were real or not (like practically all men do) I started to feel silly and certainly did not want to give this man the impression I felt intimidated, so I said, “Hi.” And he said “Hi.” I took a bigger sip from my Cosmo and asked him what gym he went to and ok yes it was a little flirty to say “It can’t be mine or we would’ve noticed one another” (if I’m continuing to be this honest and a touch tipsy now and maybe not have poured this third glass)
He made an amused sound as if I had said something childish and told me about how construction was his workout. I honestly found him so interesting and different than most of the other husbands who wore suits to offices. We did talk about how he would introduce me to the person who designs the homes Roy and his “gang” are hired to build here in the Palisades and Malibu. Roy said the designer had a regular Realtor, but said he would ask if he’d like to give the next house being built to sell to “a friend of the wifey”, or he suggested I could “shadow” the other Realtor (“a real bro” he said and I had look away and sip my Cosmo so as not to see me cringe at the “bro” talk) We kept chatting, me mostly asking about his work. I honestly didn’t feel nearly two hours we spent standing in the middle of the party….and I didn’t think or consider how it must have looked to others. Or how comments were being made about… apparently Roy had cheated on Janice - twice - but whatever they had between them let her forgive him when he returned with his tail between his legs after rumored alcohol and other rumored drugs like pot and coke fueled weekends in Mexico (which sounds scary) when she “kicked him” out. This of course, I learned later as well as a little too late in some circumstances.
During our conversation, he would mumble a response and with the general din of the party around us, I would take a tiny half step closer and turn myself three- quarters away, almost in profile and tilt my head up and just use my fingertips to brush my hair over my ear and say, “Excuse me?” And I was not at at leaning toward him, which I know some men are told every time a woman leans closer its a “sign” she is interested in him. I certainly did not want to give him or anyone to think at the very first party to be meeting everyone that “the single mom with the ‘younger’ style” was flirting already. I wasn’t sure how casual the party was and didn’t feel I was over dressed in my simple, long sleeve black, scoop neckline BCBG top with my high waisted Lucy jeans (the closest pair of designer jeans that weren’t low on my hips, and were told looked like “mom jeans” by my son when I asked how I looked before leaving the house and black flats with my lowest heel of 2” It’s the other photo I’ve attached that actually a few moments later when Joyce approached to get a pic on her phone of “this cute couple” in a big cheery tone that I just knew was masking what sounded like jealously but not knowing her and Roy’s marital issues, I laughed a bit louder than necessary (which I when I do, it’s almost my own way of telling myself I feel I’m missing something about something directly or indirectly about me others are laughing being my back over…which is something I honestly cannot stand… being laughed at over something I have no idea has happened or is happening and I haven’t control over)
For maybe another half hour or so I was asking Roy different things, just small talk because his responses were less full sentences and a mumbled one or two word response. And during that 30 or so mins, I couldn’t help noticing he would take a slight half step back from me and I was not in his “personal space” and each time he’d step back, I had to step closer to hear him and this went on until his back was to their brick fire place and and under a skylight and I asked if he did the fireplace or the skylight, which I felt maybe was his whole intention so I’d ask and he could talk more, but I was wrong on both accounts when, after Joyce took the pic, I gave her my phone and asked for her to take one more, “My first pic at my first party” is how I said it. And I still being aware of not getting in Roy’s personal space because by then it seemed like a social phobia, but when I said that, Joyce smiled and waved at us like a parent does to two awkward teens posing for a pic and was saying, “Ok, you two stand closer to each other like you’re having fun.” I didn’t move and when Joyce said, “Roy” and made another gesture, he visibly relaxed in such a way I hadn’t realized how tense he’d been, but upon Joyce’s approval or insistence, I felt his muscular arm suddenly behind me and just before he pulled me toward him with such strength I gasped, his large arm was encircling me in a way that I felt his rough hand for the briefest moment on the firmly on the outer curve of the side of my breast - or rather of my satin underwire VS bra which I heard my voice pitch with surprise “OHHhh!” and it just as instantly his hand pulled me toward him at the same time his palm slide of my side and in the middle of my back, now on the back of my bra with the thin material of my BCBG top . and for a moment I thought he doesn’t know his own strength and never have I ever been manhandled like.. honestly for a dizzy moment I thought he was going to rip my top and i had to lean against him to keep find my balance and I could feel others looking over at us while now my outer curve of my right bra was against him and I was too busy getting my feet proper and didn’t realize how this jostling was pulling my top nearly taunt across my chest… and just as I realized between my gasp and trying to stand steady, I must have seemed tipsy to anyone looking, Joyce said in what I became familiar was her condescending tone, “Uh oh, someone is tipsy.” And when I heard the chuckling from the guests closest around us, it just made me think Joyce was attempting to cast me as a a ditzy tipsy bimbo and I just reacted by doing a cute sexy laugh a touch louder so more guests were turning to hear this new laugh and as they did and I knew in another half beat we’d be the center of attention and I just arched my back a bit to let my cleavage slightly thrust forward but was so determined to be the one who would decide this first impression moment, I’d forgot how Roy’s hand went sliding behind my back was already pulling the material of my BCBG top to stretch taut across my cleavage already so even just the little thrust arching my back stretched the black material even more, causing the modest scoop neckline pull lower while at the same time tighter across and I saw Joyce big fake smile pucker sourly and Roy’s pulling my right side to him with such strength I couldn’t pull away with any hope and when my upper thigh was touching his left, he turned himself to me that was unmistakably deliberate because when he did, my thigh was flush against the front of his jeans and I felt his arousal swell so suddenly so strongly I would of if I could have pulled away as if just a mutual accident but because it happened all almost at once over a 2 second span that felt like 5, I don’t Joyce or anyone could see his arousal with my right thigh in front of his pelvic area or his arousal against the back of my thigh..and that is Roy and I just then and I looked into my phone lens like I was looking Joyce in her eyes and I gave her a smile that I often men say how sexy it is but I just feel it says how confident I feel which most men see a woman’s confidence as sexy and she was not taking the pic or saying anything and almost instantly I made my first “frenemy” and she seemed to be waiting for me to stop smiling so I smiled more and - this wasn’t me thinking half the party was looking over whom hadn’t met me and how the common thought among them has to something like “Who is that with Roy smiling like she just took her from Joyce?” - and I sing-songed through my teeth clenched “Say SEXY-YYYY” and had no idea how being under the skylight combined with my top pulled so tight that … well Won’t say unless someone can say what they see/notice but how it may have made me look a little too...
Joyce slapped my phone into my hand without a word and walked away. And I felt Roy’s arm let me go and I casually took a step to my right without looking as if I was leaping away. Roy mentioned he “had to see a man about a horse” which I had no idea what he meant, so the first thing I thought to say was, “I love horses. I would love to see yours sometime.” He grunted and actually chuckled loudly which I swear for a moment silenced all other conversations around us it seems and as I looked left and right, it seemed as if everyone at the party was staring at us, at me really, with the same baffled, expression. Even Janice and Helen, standing next to one another seemed surprised. Janice less so, her expression, which I didn’t realize was a sort of seething jealousy until the next day when I learned their history. But I sensed a general group awe at how I made Roy chuckle and still was chuckling. So I gave the room one of my perfectly practiced pouts and in a coy manner said, “I may be going for a ride on Roy’s horse this week.”
I can only imagine the guys/men reading this who know what Roy’s expression about “seeing a man about a horse” really means. And just how I must’ve sounded saying what I did with such self satisfaction. When I did, I heard a laugh from somewhere in the room and almost instantly everyone resumed their conversations. I turned back to Roy, my eyes searching his, expecting him to explain some inside joke I was unaware of about he and his “horse” His chuckles were slowly dwindling, but not slow enough, and feeling as if there was an inside joke I wasn’t privy to, I raised my voice a bit and had meant to just be a bit bitchy, but I cannot stand the idea of being laughed at by others. It really bothers me more than anything. So when I said, “Never mind. I’m sure I can find a horse to ride perfectly fine on my own.” (Again, I felt I was delivering a perfectly bitchy line to walk away with, but hadn’t any clue at how what I said sounded when finding out the next day what horse was a euphemism for. After saying my line to him, I expected to hurt Roy’s feelings just a teensy bit, as I started to turn away, but instead to hear him say, “Hmmmnn,” with this mixture of amusement and… it was clearly unbridled lust and I was halfway turned away, my profile to him and for a man his size, he moved fast, his face darting down close enough to my left cheek, I felt the bristles of his beard on my skin, his breath in my ear and grunted, “Not like mine.”
And when I turned back to insist he explain himself, his back was to me and he walked away. I wanted to be the one leaving him standing in the middle of the party by himself for everyone to see, but I found myself the one. I calmly finished my Cosmo, and when I glanced over at Helen and Janice, they were speaking to each other closely while both looking at me. I just thought, Fine. Whatever. And left.
Hi everyone,
Due to the overwhelming amount of PMs in chat rooms and Private Messages asking what I look like (or who) or how I dress in regards to a certain moments we may be chatting about, someone suggested I try this, I hope it's in the right section.
I feel I can share that will hopefully give an intelligent, thoughtful person here enough backstory to form a view of his own or able to put himself in the shoes of others I will have spoken about and offer honest insight from a male point of view that maybe - i hope - will benefit in nipping this moody, smart alecky, and as of recently a rudeness that I am certain where he's getting it from. I hope it all flows in a easy to follow "backstory" about the photo(s) I'll share. There is a lot to read - but it covers what I feel might be the type of questions asked if I wrote just one paragraph. If reading isn't your thing..... I'm not sure why a site with "literature" would be your thing?
This is about the photo 2224
From March, Thomas had just started his Senior year here in a magnet arts high school. A circular lesson approach from views historical, political, philosophical and art. Not just any student gets enrolled. I earned my Realtor license and i've always had passion for interior design. A quick look in the prime market areas including Pacific Palisades, Malibu, and the Westside, there were no Realtor's that helped clients find their dream home, but one who could also lend her talent as as interior designer and make suggestions they would just love.
The first months were obviously slow as I networked the area, taking lunches with potential clients or someone I knew had connections he could pass my name with his word, I accepted the dinner invitations from the ones who obviously still believed if a man buys a beautiful woman dinner, he's entitled to her in his bed, or more accurately a bed in a room at the Viceroy (maybe I should share a pic from the one most...)
I felt it was necessary to explain this because the photo taken of me wearing my green Givenchy dress was taken on campus during St. Patrick's Day. Days leading up to it, I had green flyers put everywhere, included myself in the morning announcements given by either Vice Principal Maddox or Principal Platt. And I felt I should lead by example and a few days before, went shopping for a green dress (not a color i wear almost at all, nor red, or yellow)) And on the day of, I wore it and even though there wasn't a PTA meeting scheduled, I went to the school and went by the administrators' office about 15 mins before 4th class bell rang for lunch. So the offices were quiet..until my beige T-strap Blahnik heels and I walked into the hallway.
All of the extra days and time I had been going to in a robotic mode and not following my results were very obvious if I can say so without sounding conceited? The stretchy material of the dress hugged my figure and hips and even with the hem above the knee, the material restricted my usual purposeful stride to half steps, which meant my heels on the linoleum floor echoed down the hallway. Despite the the dress being just as tight around the neckline and even with a VS bra I wore, having to take half steps in 4" heels was causing a bit of a bounce to my cleavage, that became much more self aware of the moment I walked through the admin. offices. I suddenly felt a bit self conscious and almost turned right around and left... it hadn't been for Vice Principal Maddox striding from his office to see what the noise was being made in the hall that had all the volunteer students looking up from the front desk and other areas.
I obviously couldn't put my hands on the front of my cleavage and honestly I even felt the dress was sexier on me than I expected to feel in the environment...and I had paused and trying to remember if I left one of my cute cardigan sweaters in my car I could put on and button up...and that's when VP Maddox, was out of his office with a bewildered look in his face...until he saw me. His eyes seemed to double in size and his jaw dropped open so far I thought he may have dislocated it. Some of the volunteer students tried to cover the giggles at the cartoonish site of Mr. Maddox. Upon hearing the giggles, he very quickly and impressively put on his professional demeanor which is mix of friendly disarming charm, then when a student admits wrong doing, he's not the charming "buddy" he's back to being VP and sending that student to detention or worse.
His rush of compliments was just what I needed to hear to forget worrying about feeling too sexy (or too something else after sexy) VP Maddox and I had maybe passed one another and said “hi” three or four times in this hallway (and I was dressed casually (now I wonder if I should find an example of my campus casual look?) He began insisting I call him Drew. And together we walked further into the office and with Drew at my side (and thankful he is very tall, ex-basketball player, so even in my heels, my eyeliner was at his shoulder and his tall lanky figure in the loose suits he wore were keeping the open area administrative bullpen of desks, volunteer students and clerical staff from seeing my cleavage bounce a bit in rhythm you might say with the sound of my heels. When we initially began walking I overcompensated to his side and the outer side of my left breast brushed his arm, on his bicep.
I adjusted my short tiny step just slightly, in a way to suggest I hadn’t noticed. I was half listening to the steam of compliments. But I had to say, “Drew, as much as I love these heels…” And thankfully he understood. Almost too well I realized as slowed his pace to mine, (halfway down the hall or so) and over sold his “accidental” brush the length of his forearm along the the left side of my breast and it had to obvious to him I had a bra on and as he did this, he lowered his voice as we neared the other end of the administration hall where Principal Hanson’s office was. and Drew’s voice had a low growling grumble I’d never heard him use or students speak of, he said, “There’d been some Senior debate about if PTA President counts as a teacher, earning you a spot in the top three sexiest teacher.. I guarantee you by the time we get to ‘Judge’ Janie Hanson’s office door, the pics those kids already took of you on their phones - so fast you didn’t see it and no way heard their phones popping off over the sound of those classy come fuck me heels,” (when i gasped in surprise, at his comment about my heels… i had never heard that expression until then…go ahead and laugh, Drew did, then continued, his low growl speeding up as we were almost at Principal Hansen’s closed office door, “those pics of you will have spread to every student who has one and you can forget about that nomination, CarolAnn, because you and that dress are in the bag.” He chuckled and as he switched to VP Maddox mode, his voice back to his calm, friendly voice of reason tone known for, which made his comment just…
He said, “I’m chaperoning prom this year. And I nominate you for one of the two coveted parent chaperone position.”
He finished as we passed the little wild west swinging doors that our legs pushed open and he side stepped away from me a safe distance. He had such a self satisfied smile so wide, I found myself staring at it, how it looked like the smile on the stupid cat in Alice In Wonderland… and we heard Principal Hanson’s voice before her her shape was seen behind the frosted glass of her door, she was in a conversation, as if on a cell phone.
And faster the a flipped switch, i regained my composure. My hands brushing down my thighs, smoothing the material the material from mid thigh where it had been scooting higher as we had been walking down the hall. The hem back to above the knee, I turned and tried to hurry out of the bullpen as fast as taking tiny steps could take me. I suddenly felt less sexy and double suddenly self aware of how the hurried pace turned to teetering … just how I must have looked …and Drew’s guffaws were just as assuring of how ridiculous I must have looked as it had been when his wide eyed jaw drop and initial rush of compliments.
I managed not to completely humiliate myself but putting both hands on the the railing of bullpen separating it from a waiting, retaining if not complete composure, enough to act so. Principal Hanson’s voice shouted from her office as the door opened “Do not tell me the Seniors led a hor -“
Drew immediately barked out a shriek at how the comment sounded while at the same time swallow hysterical laughter bubbling up his throat while at the same time looked like he was having a seizure….or.. and I have no idea why this thought went to the “or” of Drew’s convulsive twitch…eyes almost rolling back, mouth open and gasping, the twitch leaving his face slack and mouth open and the twitch had reached his hips…and I realized it wasn’t a laugh Drew was trying to stop…
I looked directly at the front of his slacks, slightly aware of Principal Hanson turning her head to see what I had turned my head to look at…
Drew’s hands flew to his lap and his basketball star energy turned him into a lanky blur as he rushed past me and was practically out of the office with his words trailing behind, “CarolAnn needs second approval for prom chaperone.”
And he was gone and when I turned to face Janice to deny this, she had begun a look at me from heels until her eyes met mine…and the quizzical bemused smile she slowly gave me was done in a way that she was enjoying the moment that I knew what she was projecting for me to know…
I have to pause this moment to explain something important to this and promise to keep it short considering the topic. Janice Hanson and I met months before this after Thomas and I moved into the community. Janice and her husband Roy also live in the community, one of the first couples, as she loves to add. We had three encounters at three different parties. Not any of the big ones and which ones were at who’s home except the third. That was at Janice and Roy’s.
The first two were cordial introductions, her sincere welcome. She looks a lot like the actress/comedian Melissa McCarthy, the thinner look, but she apparently before we arrived, looked more like the heavier and had lost weight.
(and yes by now it should be obvious how I am always describing someone in the community by the actor or actress they resemble most - they were doing the same about me behind my back - so to be perfectly honest, if you’re someone who doesn’t follow celebrities or refuse to use Google to look things up, we won’t click)
Anyhow, after she asked me what I did (as in did I work or was I rich from my settlement: yes and yes) I told her I - and I have no idea where it came from - I was an event planner. She made a joke about how I should let Helen hire me to redo her annual Spring White party - where everyone wears white (Helen and her husband Theodore have the biggest home in the community and she apparently designated her home/her party designated for all of the big holiday parties and her White Party.
I laughed to be polite, but Janice turned her head and I followed her direction and kept the smile on my face (which I only realized later made her assume I was mocking this White party that I missed by mere months and by the next one was announced… Janice and Helen had practically all the wives in our social circle disliking me for reasons completely untrue…and fine, yes some true. That will get explained eventually.
Again, I didn’t play much mind to Helen’s dirty look and if asked, I would have said it had to be aimed at Janice not me. When Janice asked what my profession was now and I told her I was networking, building a client base for my Realtor/Interior Design. And she called her husband Roy over. They were a very opposites attract couple: she, short and still a little plump, cute clothes and Roy is as tall as Drew (VP Maddox) but while Drew was lanky, Roy had muscles, unruly hair, always a shadow of beard. And while almost all the husbands casual clothes consisted of golf shirts and slacks, Roy was always in flannel shirts and jeans
Janice left Roy and I to stand in the middle of the party. It was super awkward at first. One, because Roy just towered over me despite my Blank wedges. Two, he didn’t say a word, just stared down at me and at my cleavage. And three, I was a bit taken aback by his blue eyes. Roy may have had the least in common with the other husbands, but he had those blue eyes and after I did a mental “makeover” imagining him clean shaven, an executive haircut, nicer clothes, he could be the handsomest man in the community.
By then maybe a full minute had gone by with him not saying a word (and I was more and more convinced the way his gaze drifted from my face, then my hair and then his eyes flickered lower and lingered longer on my cleavage as if…. evaluating or perhaps trying to determine if they were real or not (like practically all men do) I started to feel silly and certainly did not want to give this man the impression I felt intimidated, so I said, “Hi.” And he said “Hi.” I took a bigger sip from my Cosmo and asked him what gym he went to and ok yes it was a little flirty to say “It can’t be mine or we would’ve noticed one another” (if I’m continuing to be this honest and a touch tipsy now and maybe not have poured this third glass)
He made an amused sound as if I had said something childish and told me about how construction was his workout. I honestly found him so interesting and different than most of the other husbands who wore suits to offices. We did talk about how he would introduce me to the person who designs the homes Roy and his “gang” are hired to build here in the Palisades and Malibu. Roy said the designer had a regular Realtor, but said he would ask if he’d like to give the next house being built to sell to “a friend of the wifey”, or he suggested I could “shadow” the other Realtor (“a real bro” he said and I had look away and sip my Cosmo so as not to see me cringe at the “bro” talk) We kept chatting, me mostly asking about his work. I honestly didn’t feel nearly two hours we spent standing in the middle of the party….and I didn’t think or consider how it must have looked to others. Or how comments were being made about… apparently Roy had cheated on Janice - twice - but whatever they had between them let her forgive him when he returned with his tail between his legs after rumored alcohol and other rumored drugs like pot and coke fueled weekends in Mexico (which sounds scary) when she “kicked him” out. This of course, I learned later as well as a little too late in some circumstances.
During our conversation, he would mumble a response and with the general din of the party around us, I would take a tiny half step closer and turn myself three- quarters away, almost in profile and tilt my head up and just use my fingertips to brush my hair over my ear and say, “Excuse me?” And I was not at at leaning toward him, which I know some men are told every time a woman leans closer its a “sign” she is interested in him. I certainly did not want to give him or anyone to think at the very first party to be meeting everyone that “the single mom with the ‘younger’ style” was flirting already. I wasn’t sure how casual the party was and didn’t feel I was over dressed in my simple, long sleeve black, scoop neckline BCBG top with my high waisted Lucy jeans (the closest pair of designer jeans that weren’t low on my hips, and were told looked like “mom jeans” by my son when I asked how I looked before leaving the house and black flats with my lowest heel of 2” It’s the other photo I’ve attached that actually a few moments later when Joyce approached to get a pic on her phone of “this cute couple” in a big cheery tone that I just knew was masking what sounded like jealously but not knowing her and Roy’s marital issues, I laughed a bit louder than necessary (which I when I do, it’s almost my own way of telling myself I feel I’m missing something about something directly or indirectly about me others are laughing being my back over…which is something I honestly cannot stand… being laughed at over something I have no idea has happened or is happening and I haven’t control over)
For maybe another half hour or so I was asking Roy different things, just small talk because his responses were less full sentences and a mumbled one or two word response. And during that 30 or so mins, I couldn’t help noticing he would take a slight half step back from me and I was not in his “personal space” and each time he’d step back, I had to step closer to hear him and this went on until his back was to their brick fire place and and under a skylight and I asked if he did the fireplace or the skylight, which I felt maybe was his whole intention so I’d ask and he could talk more, but I was wrong on both accounts when, after Joyce took the pic, I gave her my phone and asked for her to take one more, “My first pic at my first party” is how I said it. And I still being aware of not getting in Roy’s personal space because by then it seemed like a social phobia, but when I said that, Joyce smiled and waved at us like a parent does to two awkward teens posing for a pic and was saying, “Ok, you two stand closer to each other like you’re having fun.” I didn’t move and when Joyce said, “Roy” and made another gesture, he visibly relaxed in such a way I hadn’t realized how tense he’d been, but upon Joyce’s approval or insistence, I felt his muscular arm suddenly behind me and just before he pulled me toward him with such strength I gasped, his large arm was encircling me in a way that I felt his rough hand for the briefest moment on the firmly on the outer curve of the side of my breast - or rather of my satin underwire VS bra which I heard my voice pitch with surprise “OHHhh!” and it just as instantly his hand pulled me toward him at the same time his palm slide of my side and in the middle of my back, now on the back of my bra with the thin material of my BCBG top . and for a moment I thought he doesn’t know his own strength and never have I ever been manhandled like.. honestly for a dizzy moment I thought he was going to rip my top and i had to lean against him to keep find my balance and I could feel others looking over at us while now my outer curve of my right bra was against him and I was too busy getting my feet proper and didn’t realize how this jostling was pulling my top nearly taunt across my chest… and just as I realized between my gasp and trying to stand steady, I must have seemed tipsy to anyone looking, Joyce said in what I became familiar was her condescending tone, “Uh oh, someone is tipsy.” And when I heard the chuckling from the guests closest around us, it just made me think Joyce was attempting to cast me as a a ditzy tipsy bimbo and I just reacted by doing a cute sexy laugh a touch louder so more guests were turning to hear this new laugh and as they did and I knew in another half beat we’d be the center of attention and I just arched my back a bit to let my cleavage slightly thrust forward but was so determined to be the one who would decide this first impression moment, I’d forgot how Roy’s hand went sliding behind my back was already pulling the material of my BCBG top to stretch taut across my cleavage already so even just the little thrust arching my back stretched the black material even more, causing the modest scoop neckline pull lower while at the same time tighter across and I saw Joyce big fake smile pucker sourly and Roy’s pulling my right side to him with such strength I couldn’t pull away with any hope and when my upper thigh was touching his left, he turned himself to me that was unmistakably deliberate because when he did, my thigh was flush against the front of his jeans and I felt his arousal swell so suddenly so strongly I would of if I could have pulled away as if just a mutual accident but because it happened all almost at once over a 2 second span that felt like 5, I don’t Joyce or anyone could see his arousal with my right thigh in front of his pelvic area or his arousal against the back of my thigh..and that is Roy and I just then and I looked into my phone lens like I was looking Joyce in her eyes and I gave her a smile that I often men say how sexy it is but I just feel it says how confident I feel which most men see a woman’s confidence as sexy and she was not taking the pic or saying anything and almost instantly I made my first “frenemy” and she seemed to be waiting for me to stop smiling so I smiled more and - this wasn’t me thinking half the party was looking over whom hadn’t met me and how the common thought among them has to something like “Who is that with Roy smiling like she just took her from Joyce?” - and I sing-songed through my teeth clenched “Say SEXY-YYYY” and had no idea how being under the skylight combined with my top pulled so tight that … well Won’t say unless someone can say what they see/notice but how it may have made me look a little too...
Joyce slapped my phone into my hand without a word and walked away. And I felt Roy’s arm let me go and I casually took a step to my right without looking as if I was leaping away. Roy mentioned he “had to see a man about a horse” which I had no idea what he meant, so the first thing I thought to say was, “I love horses. I would love to see yours sometime.” He grunted and actually chuckled loudly which I swear for a moment silenced all other conversations around us it seems and as I looked left and right, it seemed as if everyone at the party was staring at us, at me really, with the same baffled, expression. Even Janice and Helen, standing next to one another seemed surprised. Janice less so, her expression, which I didn’t realize was a sort of seething jealousy until the next day when I learned their history. But I sensed a general group awe at how I made Roy chuckle and still was chuckling. So I gave the room one of my perfectly practiced pouts and in a coy manner said, “I may be going for a ride on Roy’s horse this week.”
I can only imagine the guys/men reading this who know what Roy’s expression about “seeing a man about a horse” really means. And just how I must’ve sounded saying what I did with such self satisfaction. When I did, I heard a laugh from somewhere in the room and almost instantly everyone resumed their conversations. I turned back to Roy, my eyes searching his, expecting him to explain some inside joke I was unaware of about he and his “horse” His chuckles were slowly dwindling, but not slow enough, and feeling as if there was an inside joke I wasn’t privy to, I raised my voice a bit and had meant to just be a bit bitchy, but I cannot stand the idea of being laughed at by others. It really bothers me more than anything. So when I said, “Never mind. I’m sure I can find a horse to ride perfectly fine on my own.” (Again, I felt I was delivering a perfectly bitchy line to walk away with, but hadn’t any clue at how what I said sounded when finding out the next day what horse was a euphemism for. After saying my line to him, I expected to hurt Roy’s feelings just a teensy bit, as I started to turn away, but instead to hear him say, “Hmmmnn,” with this mixture of amusement and… it was clearly unbridled lust and I was halfway turned away, my profile to him and for a man his size, he moved fast, his face darting down close enough to my left cheek, I felt the bristles of his beard on my skin, his breath in my ear and grunted, “Not like mine.”
And when I turned back to insist he explain himself, his back was to me and he walked away. I wanted to be the one leaving him standing in the middle of the party by himself for everyone to see, but I found myself the one. I calmly finished my Cosmo, and when I glanced over at Helen and Janice, they were speaking to each other closely while both looking at me. I just thought, Fine. Whatever. And left.
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