Wow! What an excellent take on the cues in this one, todski. Love this poem, it really captures the emotions and yes, you show and avoid 'tell' in the vignette. Bravo!
Thank you.
ummm Vignette???
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Wow! What an excellent take on the cues in this one, todski. Love this poem, it really captures the emotions and yes, you show and avoid 'tell' in the vignette. Bravo!
The picture you paint...Thank you.
ummm Vignette???
vi·gnette ( /vinˈyet/) n.
A brief evocative description, account, or episode.
..And I thought you were swearing at me
I need to buy a dictionary
..
everybody needs at least one and a thesaurus. just copy the word in question and paste it into bing or google.
Well, lookit your handle over there below your name. You don't become "Really Experienced" overnight ya know.Are you saying I can't get away with my roguish charm and hide behind the pleas of "I'm new" any more
..Are you saying I can't get away with my roguish charm and hide behind the pleas of "I'm new" any more
And I am playing fair!Butters your subject is describing something very unfair that happened to you or someone you know
Don't you have a poem to write?
And I am playing fair!
@ gm, that's how it goes sometimes. Been there, frustrating as hell too. Ange's word list was fantastic. I took awhile writing mine and was hoping I wasn't too late when I hit submit. I really like adding lyrics to a poem. I often listen to the song I want to use while writing the poem.
Your thread just keeps on giving. I am so impressed by what I read in there.
And speaking of giving, isn't that nice you have a Christmas present for us on your avatar. So festive! I think there is a song about it, too.
I know, right? Some awesome poems that totally suck you in. Five senses words works for story writing as well. I use it in every scene to immerse a reader in the story and keep them there to the end.
Last year it was mistletoe!
eta: thanks for not adding the cabbage smell!
Remec: I love fruitcake. Exactly the kind you described. I was hoping you would be the one to follow up!
Stolen From a Hoarder
The man bent over showing
his fat can like two honey-baked hams,
wheezed as he dug through boxes
of his treasures.
"It's just the thing you gotta see"
is really nothing to me.
Bristles of a broom never touched
a corner, nor soap and water.
Items stacked to the ceiling,
best served in a landfill are pawed
with sticky strawberry soda fingers.
He inspects and admires it all,
places them with care into
cockroach and spider infested cartons.
Then he does find it and he is right,
it is the thing I gotta see, need,
hunger. I fake boredom,
let the fizz die on my tongue
as the bottle of Fanta Orange
did in my hand ages ago.
He believes, turns and moves
on to the next carton of jewels.
Stealth flicks a spider away,
finds a way into a pocket,
making the thing, my thing.
sight: a cat
sounds: birds on telephone wire
scent: smoke
taste: hope
touch: coins in a pocket
I like todski's opening in his poem today:
the pride in his eyes died
at my dishonourable discharge
unfit to sit in any pit lest it
be filled with manure stench
It grabbed my attention and set an expectation. Assuming the eyes were those of his father, I was curious to know where he might go with it.
I might have left out "stench" because I thinks it's redundant with "manure" but that may be a quibble.