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Come take a peek inside Aussie's marriage

aussiegeekygal said:
Another interesting thing I picked up today;

He asked me if it was okay if Mrs. Montessori came over tonight. Normally I'll answer "sure" but tonight I realized that there's an inherent power imbalance there and made it a point to tell him that he doesn't need to ask to have her over. I do appreciate being told she's staying but don't need to give permission.
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Why is that an inherent power imbalance, it seems asking for approval would be the respectful thing to do?
 
Purple_Fronds said:
Why is that an inherent power imbalance, it seems asking for approval would be the respectful thing to do?
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It seems that way on the surface, yes.

However, it puts the burden on me to gatekeep the comings and goings of a house that I don't want to manage. It's a subtle and yet destructive form of emotional labor. There's a hierarchy that forces me into a position of control/dominance.

We share this house. We're both adults. We can have people over whenever we like. He has space to host friends and sleepovers in a way that doesn't impact me at all. Knowing she's coming is enough. I can still say something if there's an exceptional circumstance that result in my objection, but by default I'm on board and don't want to have to approve it each and every time. It's honestly exhausting.

Plus, it makes me feel like I'm his mum, which is gross
 
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aussiegeekygal said:
I've recently found a graduate program would get me back into a field I know I would do really well in and would need to commit to full time school again for 2.5 years. That would mean a shift in responsibilities within my marriage where Mr. Aussie would have to work and financially support the household whilst I go through school. Totally doable.

Mr. Aussie also wants to go back to graduate school and I would love to support him in that.
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Glad things are moving along in fashion that pleases.

It sounds like you've decide to continue living together, in spite of the romantic uncoupling? Which is fantastic for the kids, and not something most people could manage.
 
Endless_Night said:
Glad things are moving along in fashion that pleases.

It sounds like you've decide to continue living together, in spite of the romantic uncoupling? Which is fantastic for the kids, and not something most people could manage.
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Yes.
We're really lucky because our house is set up to be dual living. He's got one space and I've got the other. The kids exist in both and it's going okay right now.
The biggest key to our success is me getting an office and leaving the house during the day. I think that space has done wonders for us as we aren't around to trigger each other and it's kind of hard to blame someone for something when they're not around.
 
I’m so excited for you! And curious how it all happened because it’s a big deal.

There’s been a ton of changes in your life recently, so I’d be more surprised if there weren’t mixed feelings about going alone. Personally, I think it’s a great example to set for your kids that both parents need to do things for themselves. They’re people as well as parents and have to take care of their needs to be the best parents possible.

I love that my niece and nephew think it’s totally normal for adults to travel without them - alone, as part of a couple, or with friends. It’s also opened the door to taking them on trips individually and carving out time for just them separate from their siblings.
 
I could write a novel as to why you should go and stop feeling guilty after a few seconds of it, but since I had to hear you sob... 🫂 😘
 
This is spectacular, Aussie. I'm the caretaker in my family and it becomes such an engrained habit to put oneself on the back burner. At some point you realized no-one is taking care of you, not even yourself. 🤷‍♀️

I agree with @LadyLascivious1. This is a great example to set for your children. The best example.

Have a spectacular trip!
 
There's a sweetness in parting that I've not recognized before. Especially when there's a ritual around it. Spending time with someone I love brings me intense joy and I try to be as completely in the moment as I can. I'm also very intentional about leaving things with love, knowing that if this was the last time we've spent together it was left in a way that honors what we share.

I'm still learning to hold the joy and grief that comes with love. It breaks my heart to say "goodbye", so instead I take a page from my daughter's preschool teacher and say "good morning", "good afternoon" or "good evening". A salutation with a dash of hope that there will be a next time.

I don't take for granted that there will be a next time. I make this time count.

And I love that much harder because of it.

🧡
 
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