Come take a peek inside Aussie's marriage

[aussiegeekygal]

Hey pervs,

I'm back.

I didn't really leave, I just didn't really feel the need to write for a while there. And in a delightful turn of life events, that motivation has returned and I've needed some friends to talk to...

So come on in, let's chat. Because I've got a lot to tell you.

I've been married to Mr. Aussie for fifteen years (holy shit) and I've been here on lit for a decent amount of my marriage. Lit has helped me find the language and support to go have the hard conversations and ask for things I want to try. I've had a pervy army support me through some of the lowest moments of my life and y'all have contributed to the success of my marriage.

This week I had one of the hardest conversations of my life. Through sobbing tears, I told Mr. Aussie how scared I was to fall in love with another man. We both could feel it happening and although he'd already come to accept it, I very much hadn't. Things get very complicated because he's married to my husband's girlfriend.

I did not expect for any of this to happen.

Recently I softened to the idea of exploring a sexual relationship with Mr. Montessori. We'd become good friends over the summer and watched our relative spouses start to build a relationship. He's one cool dude who is so fun to hang with and I loved chatting about almost anything with him (including you guys. He's seen Chucks and Fucks). I just hadn't considered me also starting to see other guys. It has been seven years since Don Draper and I was humming along...

Well one day I was in a "why the fuck not?" mood and so I laid some thirst traps. Turns out that boy plays selfie chicken better than me and oof, I liked what I saw.
Damn it. It's the kind of game that can cause pregnancies in this place

So...
All that to say.

I'm going to be in here from time to time dropping my thoughts, sorting out what's going on and if anyone wants, asking questions about what it's like to be in an ENM relationship.

 

[Nevyn_Black]

As someone who hasn't really ever had the opportunity to even be involved in monogamous relationships, I've no wisdom to bring. But I know that you are very smart and have a basically good heart. I trust you to make your own good choices.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Thanks, Nev.

I don't know what I'm doing half the time and try to act with the best intentions at all times.

 

[NRJLIVES4ever]

Ahhh cool thread idea.

The older I get the more I get the appeal of ENM. I'm not 100% sure it would really be for me ultimately but I easily see what people like about it.

I guess what I'm curious about is what makes one comfortable with their long term partner dating someone else on a serious level? Is that just a communication thing? The mechanics of making it work I imagine are interesting.

It feels like overall communication is the main aspect of making it all work. Which is true of any kind of relationship really.

 

[Nevyn_Black]

Thanks, Nev.

I don't know what I'm doing half the time and try to act with the best intentions at all times.

That is the Code.

 

[hotwords229_A]

ENM= Ethical Non-Monogamy, for those of us who didn’t know (like me) and had to look it up.

So two married couples, both in love with the other spouse. Doesn’t that kind of work? It would seem more complicated if it wasn’t two already together couples. It seems like this could work beautifully assuming everyone is onboard.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Ahhh cool thread idea.

The older I get the more I get the appeal of ENM. I'm not 100% sure it would really be for me ultimately but I easily see what people like about it.

I guess what I'm curious about is what makes one comfortable with their long term partner dating someone else on a serious level? Is that just a communication thing? The mechanics of making it work I imagine are interesting.

It feels like overall communication is the main aspect of making it all work. Which is true of any kind of relationship really.

Communication is definitely key.
As is having self regulation skills to navigate the harder emotions that come up.

For me, I wasn't quite sure how I felt about Mr. Aussie dating. I had to be brave and just agree to try. It's a massive shift to move from casual sex to meaningful connections. I've struggled at times with feeling left out and lonely. I've learnt to still talk it through, even when it's bullshit and hard.

The mechanics are interesting. He is way more comfortable with just rocking up and hanging with her. I've only hooked up with Mr. Montessori when he's home alone, so there's that...

ENM= Ethical Non-Monogamy, for those of us who didn’t know (like me) and had to look it up.
So two married couples, both in love with the other spouse. Doesn’t that kind of work? It would seem more complicated if it wasn’t two already together couples. It seems like this could work beautifully assuming everyone is onboard.

The dynamics of two spouses dating is WAY harder.

I didn't realize I'd be posting this today, but here we are.
When one coupling ends, it really strains the other couple. And that's where I'm at. Mr. Montessori broke things off with me earlier today.

I'm pretty fucking sad about it, too.
I thought it was going to play out differently...

Don't mind me, I'm gonna go have another cry.

 

[NRJLIVES4ever]

Awww fuck, I'm sorry, @aussiegeekygal

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Awww fuck, I'm sorry, @aussiegeekygal

Thanks, mate.

I love that for a brief moment you got to enjoy the high with me. Thanks for being the person I could tell

I'll be okay. Truly.

 

[sallysparrow23]

Communication is definitely key.
As is having self regulation skills to navigate the harder emotions that come up.

For me, I wasn't quite sure how I felt about Mr. Aussie dating. I had to be brave and just agree to try. It's a massive shift to move from casual sex to meaningful connections. I've struggled at times with feeling left out and lonely. I've learnt to still talk it through, even when it's bullshit and hard.

The mechanics are interesting. He is way more comfortable with just rocking up and hanging with her. I've only hooked up with Mr. Montessori when he's home alone, so there's that...

The dynamics of two spouses dating is WAY harder.

I didn't realize I'd be posting this today, but here we are.
When one coupling ends, it really strains the other couple. And that's where I'm at. Mr. Montessori broke things off with me earlier today.

I'm pretty fucking sad about it, too.
I thought it was going to play out differently...

Don't mind me, I'm gonna go have another cry.

I'm so sorry to be hear this aussie. I hope you and Mr. Aussie are able to navigate this change together with compassion and understanding.

 

[Dribble]

I don't have anything to say that makes anything better. Tomorrow maybe. Isn't that the key? To live in the moment appreciating that? So that the possibilities of tomorrow can support us when today struggles?

 

[SassySheDevil]

ENM= Ethical Non-Monogamy, for those of us who didn’t know (like me) and had to look it up.

So two married couples, both in love with the other spouse. Doesn’t that kind of work? It would seem more complicated if it wasn’t two already together couples. It seems like this could work beautifully assuming everyone is onboard.

I just looked it up too. Was not aware of this. I look forward to hearing more.

 

[SassySheDevil]

Communication is definitely key.
As is having self regulation skills to navigate the harder emotions that come up.

For me, I wasn't quite sure how I felt about Mr. Aussie dating. I had to be brave and just agree to try. It's a massive shift to move from casual sex to meaningful connections. I've struggled at times with feeling left out and lonely. I've learnt to still talk it through, even when it's bullshit and hard.

The mechanics are interesting. He is way more comfortable with just rocking up and hanging with her. I've only hooked up with Mr. Montessori when he's home alone, so there's that...

The dynamics of two spouses dating is WAY harder.

I didn't realize I'd be posting this today, but here we are.
When one coupling ends, it really strains the other couple. And that's where I'm at. Mr. Montessori broke things off with me earlier today.

I'm pretty fucking sad about it, too.
I thought it was going to play out differently...

Don't mind me, I'm gonna go have another cry.

Oh no. I'm so sorry Aussie. I just posted without reading this first. *hugs*

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Thanks y'all

I'll still be here and sharing. I thought you were going to get hot sex. Hell, I thought I was going to get more hot sex.

Alas.

I'm so thankful I've been able to talk with radical transparency with my husband. He's pretty incredible.

 

[hotwords229_A]

I'm so thankful I've been able to talk with radical transparency with my husband. He's pretty incredible.

And this is the part that really matters. Hot sex is fun, but having someone to truly trust, love and experience life with is way more important than hot sex, right?

 

[aussiegeekygal]

And this is the part that really matters. Hot sex is fun, but having someone to truly trust, love and experience life with is way more important than hot sex, right?

Absolutely.
And he's completely capable of providing the hot sex, too. Mr. Aussie is the studios type. And a subject matter expert.

And, as for Mr. Montessori...

He may have mis-read some things with his wife and assumed she was not cool with us when in actual fact she's absolutely thrilled about it. They've talked and have a lot more talking to do, but I think he overreacted and broke things off because he thought that's what she wanted.

So- things are a little in flux and I'm having to deal with not only the communication misfires within my marriage. I'm also having to navigate the misfires within theirs.

(Still think it's simple to have a couple date another couple, HW? )

 

[NRJLIVES4ever]

I'm glad hope may be on the horizon, @aussiegeekygal I'm rooting for you with whatever happens.

 

[hotwords229_A]

(Still think it's simple to have a couple date another couple, HW? )

According to all the documentaries I’ve watched on Pornhub, it’s just a matter of two couples getting together, turning the TV on and then fucking like animals for the next ten minutes.

I don’t know why you’re making this so difficult on yourself.

 

[Wand3rlust]

Yeah, what @NRJLIVES4ever said. Keep smiling and talking. You'll find your route through.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

According to all the documentaries I’ve watched on Pornhub, it’s just a matter of two couples getting together, turning the TV on and then fucking like animals for the next ten minutes.

I don’t know why you’re making this so difficult on yourself.

I sent this to him, btw

You make a very solid point.

With one exception... When we make time for sex, we make time for sex. It's a marathon, not a sprint

 

[hotwords229_A]

I sent this to him, btw

You make a very solid point.

With one exception... When we make time for sex, we make time for sex. It's a marathon, not a sprint

I don’t even make it through the 10 minute video.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

I don’t even make it through the 10 minute video.

Have you tried lidocaine?

 

[deft]

This looks like the kind of situation that needs patience, intelligence, communication and sensititvity to navigate... so I know for sure you'll be able to work it out. Hugs, my friend

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Things are back on.

Last night was a milestone in the fact that we had sleepovers. We had everyone over for dinner at ours and Mr. Montessori spent the night at mine whilst Mr. Aussie went back to hers. It's the first time we've ever blatantly spent the night together with kids around. Thankfully my kids decided to go to sleep without too much fuss and only a few questions They've been getting curious about the changing dynamics and we're still feeling out how to appropriately explain what's happening.

Last week was a colossal misunderstanding of Shakespearean proportions. Some poorly timed text messages led to everyone thinking there was drama that did not exist and I'm glad that's behind us. I started a group chat to make sure we can all communicate to hopefully avoid more misfires down the road.

I'm happy to report that orgasms did happen. I'm feeling particularly relaxed this morning even though I got less sleep than usual. We also are at the point where we are foregoing condoms which has helped with, well, everything. Condoms were really getting in the way of us having great sex and I'm so glad they're gone

It's been a wild week and I'm so freaking grateful to y'all for being my people. When I'm less tired I'll share some more of the spicy details.

 

[Wand3rlust]

Really glad it's working out for you!

Communication is so important xx