Beta reader(s) for a shifting/overlapping POV? Female adrenaline junkie a plus.

[ZfrkS62]

This is one I've been tweaking for a bit. It's much more about the situation the nameless characters are in rather than the sexy side of it, mainly because I feel like the story momentum centers more around the setting than her actions. The POV shifts between the two characters, overlapping near the beginning of a sequence.

What I could use some input on is:

Do I need to do something else with the mechanics of the story? Does the average reader that knows nothing about performance driving understand the set up?

Does the reader get the sense that she's really turned on by what is going on around her? Or is this just too ridiculous?

I'm lacking in how to write her arousal and actions, so I haven't focused on it too much. I'm struggling to find a point where I can focus on what she's doing and dive into it. ATM this story is leaning more towards non-erotic with exception of a couple of sentences.

I'll figure out proofreads/edits once the story itself is polished.

This is currently a WordPad RTF document. I don't know how many words are in it, but it's not long.

 

[AchtungNight]

One of my go-to tactics for a character’s sexual personality is often what’s important to them. Their hobbies, religious and cultural backgrounds, personal opinions, etc. You can write these things into their aroused minds. There’s an Australian character in Counseling 3 who flashes back to her time in an opal mine in the Outback while diving into her new female lover’s pussy for example. In another story (Rendezvous 4) a religious swinger gets her two new lovers into a sapphic triangle (triangles are important in her religion) and takes them to a higher plane. No conversion, just parody. Cheesy, yes, but it can get you through a pinch.

I haven’t read your story, conversation me if you want me to. But if it’s about performance driving, use that imagery. The lover’s body is the track or perhaps the vehicle. The main character must coax that vehicle to the finish line. Various obstacles are in play. A referee demands slow down or speed up, pause for refueling, get me over that hill of your raised knees and into that garage between your legs, etc. This technique is called metaphor or analogy. It has worked for me quite often and might for you as well.

If we can get into the character’s mind enough we can be aroused along with them. It doesn’t matter what imagery they use. Passion 4 in my work has the same swinger from Rendezvous 4 use her avid swimming experience to make love in a swimming pool. She flashes back to various nautical imagery. I’ve never gotten mocked for cheesy imagery in this or any other story. It makes the reader interested in the characters and occasionally creates a laugh. Atheist character gets upset when someone thanks Jesus during an orgasm and then we later learn she got rejected by a past lover for screaming a boyfriend’s name at the wrong time. The same character is named Scarlett, so we can put in some Gone With The Wind references. That’s how I see this stuff.

 

[ZfrkS62]

I didn't see this reply for some reason. I can copy/paste the story into a conversation in a bit so you can get a better sense as to what I'm trying to build up. I've been tweaking it since posting but the pacing still isn't right, imo.

 

[ZfrkS62]

And, apparently i'm over the 10k character limit for a conversation....balls. I'll figure out another way.

 

[AchtungNight]

And, apparently i'm over the 10k character limit for a conversation....balls. I'll figure out another way.

Send me a conversation when you’re ready and I’ll give you my email address.