Being autistic and random stuff

[LittleLilyCanWrite]

I have complicated feelings about the "D".

Meow.

But all winking aside, I do actually agree. Fuck the "D" in ASD. I do not consider my autism the least bit disorderly. If anything, my diagnosis only helped make things that much less disorderly for me.

Anjali's Red Scarf is so fucking lovely. Your depiction of autism is refreshing. I would almost call it 'subtle' but that isn't quite what I mean. It's just normal. Meaningful to the telling, but just as meaningfully unremarkable. That story has my highest recommendation. (I confess I need to get back to finishing it. Sorry Bramble!)

 

[stickygirl]

Sticky, it sounds like your therapist went with the "blindside" option. Bold move. Glad to hear it didn't completely thwart your trust in her.

To put her decision in context, I didn't go to her to find out if I was autistic, so by declaring it at the outset, she might have affected the consultations. It wouldn't have mattered to me that she was autistic when I was there for more general anxiety.
Perhaps your consultations are specifically for autism or for people previously diagnosed?

 

[LittleLilyCanWrite]

Perhaps your consultations are specifically for autism or for people previously diagnosed?

They aren't, actually. The clinic I work out of treats a wide range of clients. I see just about everything and everyone, except children (12 and under). I have one client who identifies as ASD, and a couple of others who might reasonably qualify but who have no interest in the diagnosis (and I'm not about to push it on them).

In another noteworthy instance, I tried to treat a couple whose teenaged daughter was likely ASD but undiagnosed. She was at odds with her parents, however, and refused to engage in family therapy. I tried so hard to convince her I meant well. I was able to coax her into my office for a one-on-one, but after just two sessions it felt like I was trying to counsel a sphinx. None of my training prepared me for the impregnable wall that is a teen girl in full-blown shrug mode. There may also have been some latent issues of my own that her angsty coldness triggered in me, too. Brought back some old bullying issues I'd thought were behind me. Ultimately, I was unable to make an ounce of progress with her, so I took the L and excused her from treatment. It hurt then, and still does. I have never felt so bad at my job. To this day, I sort of worry that she felt trapped in that office with me. Unsafe. Unhelpable.

 

[stickygirl]

I've often seen people who've listened into a discussion about asd who may exclaim "Hey, I do that" to conclude "Maybe I'm autistic too?"
Maybe you are, maybe not. The odds are you're not, because the stats still say 1:100. You can certainly share the feelings and processes that might be expressed in autistic individuals, because they are human too - it's not like they come from a different planet!

Diagnosis comes from observation and consultation over a period of time in order to tick a variety of boxes. In the same way you can see a person on the street at a distance and conclude they have two working legs and a red coat. You need to get closer to glean more information: to discover if they are right-handed, speak English, or like impressionist painters ... ( I'd love a red coat btw - I've got a sailing jacket but not a nice winter coat to wear out casually... only saying).
My counsellor concluded after about five hours of meetings that I had autistic traits. So I'm not pure-breed autie, but those traits were enough to cause me a good deal of anxiety. I didn't need a label or badge to prove anything to anyone and happily, I can cope with most social and work situations and know what to do if things get difficult for me. Understanding how I tend to react meant I understood 'me' better instead of comparing 'me' to NT folks and then trying to match their way of doing things.

As I've mentioned before, if you're anxious or depressed or suffering mental health issues, then it really is worth taking the time to find the cause. When you in the storm you can imagine the sun will never shine and, besides, you wouldn't give a shit if it did! That's not a healthy attitude by anyone's standards, so go get some help with things.

 

[stickygirl]

I chanced upon this snippet from the 2011 movie, Hanna. It ends with her first experience of electricity, which reminded me of being overloaded and close to meltdown.
It would be wrong to compare the fictional character played by Saoirse Ronan as an aspie. It is fiction but there are naturally some parallels.

 

[Dogma52]

My granddaughter was diagnosed at 15 months. She is 8 now. One of her stims is to lay on the floor and rub her genitals (dry hump). Not wanting to stigmatize her, we just tell her that she needs to do that in her room or a private place. She seems fine with that.

 

[stickygirl]

My granddaughter was diagnosed at 15 months. She is 8 now. One of her stims is to lay on the floor and rub her genitals (dry hump). Not wanting to stigmatize her, we just tell her that she needs to do that in her room or a private place. She seems fine with that.

That type of innocent behaviour must be pretty shocking to a parent or other adult. Yup - that's the right thing to tell her: no fuss, no shock but a firm rule.
All kids need boundaries and they need to be observed by both sides. Temple Grandin points out that she was given strict rules that were tough on her as a child because they didn't make sense at the time. Reflecting on them as an adult she acknowledges that was the best course of action and benefit lifelong.
'Rules are rules' simple. 'Okay I'll work within them...'

 

[Escierto]

My granddaughter was diagnosed at 15 months. She is 8 now. One of her stims is to lay on the floor and rub her genitals (dry hump). Not wanting to stigmatize her, we just tell her that she needs to do that in her room or a private place. She seems fine with that.

That was the same with one of my daughters. She was the one who called me Mommy when she was a toddler. We have remained very close and her siblings always claim that she is my favorite. I always say, well, I am her Mommy!

 

[stickygirl]

A bit of a brag here - bigging it up for the aspies.

I think autistic people make the best drivers: when we're at the wheel, we're doing one job - driving. We don't get distracted by random conversation ( I have told him 'Quiet, I'm driving' ) and generally we abide by the rules... okay maybe a little over the limit on motorways.

I've snuck glances at other road users who seem to be making cakes, doing their make-up or talking on the damned phone, quite apart from sitting on your tail in a 30 limit. Take today - it was -5C, 50m fog and the surface may have been grit treated, maybe not. We don't get icy conditions often, so 'no, mate pushing me to go faster won't work and yes, having your headlights on is a sensible idea'.

I'm not saying we have gained as much experience as a rally driver, but we are doing one job - driving.

 

[Smal3hard5cfnm]

A bit of a brag here - bigging it up for the aspies.

I think autistic people make the best drivers: when we're at the wheel, we're doing one job - driving. We don't get distracted by random conversation ( I have told him 'Quiet, I'm driving' ) and generally we abide by the rules... okay maybe a little over the limit on motorways.

I've snuck glances at other road users who seem to be making cakes, doing their make-up or talking on the damned phone, quite apart from sitting on your tail in a 30 limit. Take today - it was -5C, 50m fog and the surface may have been grit treated, maybe not. We don't get icy conditions often, so 'no, mate pushing me to go faster won't work and yes, having your headlights on is a sensible idea'.

I'm not saying we have gained as much experience as a rally driver, but we are doing one job - driving.

I see tale gating as intimidation, I can look after other things in the car because I naturally prioritise the driving so a quick glance at a map is no problem. Well done for standing up to others, per pressure can be difficult to deal with.

 

[stickygirl]

Can I put a question out there - specifically to autistic people?
I've made a point of saying that i don't struggle too much with my autism, particularly post diagnosis. So I've seen people have meltdowns, but I can't remember ever having one, but I do have shutdowns.

I remember having a really intense argument with a gf at home to the point where I just stopped talking or reacting. It was like a bubble had come between me and the world. I'm on the inside, aware that I'm locked into something, but also thinking 'This is weird. I can hear my gf talking' . Then heard her saying my name because I'd gone unresponsive ( still sitting up, swinging my legs ) and she thought I was messing around. I guess it went on a minute or two or three and then I came back. I was fully conscious and I knew I could talk if I wanted to, but I was too intrigued by the experience to bother.

Sorry, long question. Anyone?
These have only happened a few times that I recall and always as a reaction to stress. I used to cut to distract myself from stress and those moments felt like I was in a dreamlike trance too.

Again, I'm not hanging out my dirty laundry to illicit sympathy. Fuck that. It's just sharing stuff, saying it out loud and hearing other people share their experiences helps the next person, who may be lurking but too embarrassed to say anything.
Lit is pretty much anonymous and I am of course a gorgeous golden retriever who types shit.

 

[stickygirl]

I thought I'd check YT for some examples of how autistic people can experience street sounds and become overwhelmed by it. Fucking emergency services and their sirens - JFC they're gonna explode my brain. I still pull a face and have to plug my ears ( I don't use noise cancellers ).
Here's a video that caught me out. I thought it would be a straightforward sound-experience. I didn't expect the thing at 0.44s. I actually threw myself back in my chair here and gasped. Fucking hate that. How can that be legal?

Try it You've been warned

 

[Paradox]

I thought I'd check YT for some examples of how autistic people can experience street sounds and become overwhelmed by it. Fucking emergency services and their sirens - JFC they're gonna explode my brain. I still pull a face and have to plug my ears ( I don't use noise cancellers ).
Here's a video that caught me out. I thought it would be a straightforward sound-experience. I didn't expect the thing at 0.44s. I actually threw myself back in my chair here and gasped. Fucking hate that. How can that be legal?

Try it You've been warned

Oh, man, can I ever relate! Small town Fourth of July parades in the U.S. seem to feature a never ending barrage of emergency vehicles blasting their sirens, leaving me in agony.

 

[stickygirl]

Oh, man, can I ever relate! Small town Fourth of July parades in the U.S. seem to feature a never ending barrage of emergency vehicles blasting their sirens, leaving me in agony.

But have you ever screamed back at them? An urge I find it hard to resist... maybe I should just do it?

 

[thør]

But have you ever screamed back at them? An urge I find it hard to resist... maybe I should just do it?

My daughter has.....


Screamed back.......

 

[Smal3hard5cfnm]

I thought I'd check YT for some examples of how autistic people can experience street sounds and become overwhelmed by it. Fucking emergency services and their sirens - JFC they're gonna explode my brain. I still pull a face and have to plug my ears ( I don't use noise cancellers ).
Here's a video that caught me out. I thought it would be a straightforward sound-experience. I didn't expect the thing at 0.44s. I actually threw myself back in my chair here and gasped. Fucking hate that. How can that be legal?

Try it You've been warned

Some people are starting to use noise cancelling headphones.

 

[coati]

Can I put a question out there - specifically to autistic people?
I've made a point of saying that i don't struggle too much with my autism, particularly post diagnosis. So I've seen people have meltdowns, but I can't remember ever having one, but I do have shutdowns.

I remember having a really intense argument with a gf at home to the point where I just stopped talking or reacting. It was like a bubble had come between me and the world. I'm on the inside, aware that I'm locked into something, but also thinking 'This is weird. I can hear my gf talking' . Then heard her saying my name because I'd gone unresponsive ( still sitting up, swinging my legs ) and she thought I was messing around. I guess it went on a minute or two or three and then I came back. I was fully conscious and I knew I could talk if I wanted to, but I was too intrigued by the experience to bother.

This account ^^^, and this thread in general, is helping me to understand a former lover. We broke up following an incident similar to this, but that incident fit into a bigger pattern.

Looking now at the whole context of what happened in our situation, I think she had a profound reaction to stimuli overload, and I wonder if her doctor had her on a medication that made her feel worse (Atavan). This was 22 years ago, when perhaps more autistic people were getting misdiagnosed. One thing she said that still haunts me was, "I don't care about being 'loved'-- I want to be understood".

 

[stickygirl]

This account ^^^, and this thread in general, is helping me to understand a former lover. We broke up following an incident similar to this, but that incident fit into a bigger pattern.

Looking now at the whole context of what happened in our situation, I think she had a profound reaction to stimuli overload, and I wonder if her doctor had her on a medication that made her feel worse (Atavan). This was 22 years ago, when perhaps more autistic people were getting misdiagnosed. One thing she said that still haunts me was, "I don't care about being 'loved'-- I want to be understood".

That kind of misdiagnosis is unfortunately still common today. I heard in a lecture a while ago, that the people best qualified to help autistic people are autistic people. Not only are there some extremely clever practitioners and scientists, but they have far more insight than most NT doctors.

When the mask slips in front of your partner and they've never seen that side of you before, it must be pretty disconcerting.

Maybe I'm too young to call it, but I think a couple of my relationships ( that one ^^ included ) failed because of my stubborness and their frustration.

 

[coati]

That kind of misdiagnosis is unfortunately still common today. I heard in a lecture a while ago, that the people best qualified to help autistic people are autistic people. Not only are there some extremely clever practitioners and scientists, but they have far more insight than most NT doctors.

When the mask slips in front of your partner and they've never seen that side of you before, it must be pretty disconcerting.

Maybe I'm too young to call it, but I think a couple of my relationships ( that one ^^ included ) failed because of my stubborness and their frustration.

You, and others on this thread, have given me a lot to think about.

 

[BrightShinyGirl]

Can I put a question out there - specifically to autistic people?
I've made a point of saying that i don't struggle too much with my autism, particularly post diagnosis. So I've seen people have meltdowns, but I can't remember ever having one, but I do have shutdowns.

I remember having a really intense argument with a gf at home to the point where I just stopped talking or reacting. It was like a bubble had come between me and the world. I'm on the inside, aware that I'm locked into something, but also thinking 'This is weird. I can hear my gf talking' . Then heard her saying my name because I'd gone unresponsive ( still sitting up, swinging my legs ) and she thought I was messing around. I guess it went on a minute or two or three and then I came back. I was fully conscious and I knew I could talk if I wanted to, but I was too intrigued by the experience to bother.

Sorry, long question. Anyone?
These have only happened a few times that I recall and always as a reaction to stress. I used to cut to distract myself from stress and those moments felt like I was in a dreamlike trance too.

Again, I'm not hanging out my dirty laundry to illicit sympathy. Fuck that. It's just sharing stuff, saying it out loud and hearing other people share their experiences helps the next person, who may be lurking but too embarrassed to say anything.
Lit is pretty much anonymous and I am of course a gorgeous golden retriever who types shit.

I’ve never had a diagnosis but I’m pretty sure I’m on the spectrum. (There’s not much point now. After decades of being like this, I have all my coping mechanisms firmly in place.)

When I get overwhelmed, I go into lockdown mode. The shields go up and I get very cold and distant. My affect goes totally flat. Sometimes I start doing busywork, like washing the dishes or sweeping the floor—which I realize now—is a form of socially-acceptable stimming.

Lately however, I’ve experimented with letting myself break down around my husband. It’s hard to do though, because years of experience have taught me that showing my real emotions always goes badly.

 

[stickygirl]

I’ve never had a diagnosis but I’m pretty sure I’m on the spectrum. (There’s not much point now. After decades of being like this, I have all my coping mechanisms firmly in place.)

If it's not causing you a problem, then it's not a problem. In the past I'd soak up the blows coming at me, whether that was people standing too close, talking over each other, bright lights, bad lights, loud noise. I thought it was just me being cranky. Now I'll leave the party or avoid it altogether to be more forgiving of myself.

When I get overwhelmed, I go into lockdown mode. The shields go up and I get very cold and distant. My affect goes totally flat. Sometimes I start doing busywork, like washing the dishes or sweeping the floor—which I realize now—is a form of socially-acceptable stimming.

Engaging in any activity that you find adsorbing can be useful.

Lately however, I’ve experimented with letting myself break down around my husband. It’s hard to do though, because years of experience have taught me that showing my real emotions always goes badly.

Yeah... but you need to explain that when you're venting built up emotions, it doesn't (necessarily) mean he is the cause. People interpret a meltdown as anger, which it isn't. Sometimes the pressure has to pop and it's best for them to simply move the valuables out of the way and let you get on with it. Reasoning with a person mid-meltdown is not helpful or productive.

 

[mpeters]

So some things I’ve been realizing about my own brand of ASD:

I notice sirens much earlier than anyone else around me, to the point when I’m driving l will be looking for the emergency vehicles and everyone else doesn’t understand why. They don’t bother me, though.

I take a lot of care in choosing my words when speaking so that I’m saying exactly what I mean to say, and I get physically agitated when someone tries to read something into what I’ve said that isn’t what I said. The same goes for what I write (and it’s happened here more than a few times).

I also can physically feel my blood pressure rise when someone uses the wrong word in conversation and can’t help but correct them (which I know bothers people and I’m trying not to do that but it is fucking hard to do).

I prefer things be a certain way, too… it bugs me when things are in the wrong place in the refrigerator or pantry, or dishes in the wrong place…

I also suspect that not having been diagnosed with it earlier in life has caused me to get worse in some areas.

 

[stickygirl]

So some things I’ve been realizing about my own brand of ASD:

I notice sirens much earlier than anyone else around me, to the point when I’m driving l will be looking for the emergency vehicles and everyone else doesn’t understand why. They don’t bother me, though.

I take a lot of care in choosing my words when speaking so that I’m saying exactly what I mean to say, and I get physically agitated when someone tries to read something into what I’ve said that isn’t what I said. The same goes for what I write (and it’s happened here more than a few times).

I also can physically feel my blood pressure rise when someone uses the wrong word in conversation and can’t help but correct them (which I know bothers people and I’m trying not to do that but it is fucking hard to do).

I prefer things be a certain way, too… it bugs me when things are in the wrong place in the refrigerator or pantry, or dishes in the wrong place…

I also suspect that not having been diagnosed with it earlier in life has caused me to get worse in some areas.

I watched this interview today, with nature expert and presenter Chris Packham. He once did a program about his autism that was excellent. There were numerous things he described in this podcast that had me nodding 'yup. yup, me too' I found it quite affirming. In the UK pretty much everyone knows of him and recognise his enthusiasm.
You might enjoy it too but it is an hour.

 

[mpeters]

I watched this interview today, with nature expert and presenter Chris Packham. He once did a program about his autism that was excellent. There were numerous things he described in this podcast that had me nodding 'yup. yup, me too' I found it quite affirming. In the UK pretty much everyone knows of him and recognise his enthusiasm.
You might enjoy it too but it is an hour.

I will have to find time to watch that, thanks!

 

[stickygirl]

So Auties - did you survive Christmas? It can be a difficult time.
I managed to avoid hugging till the end of Boxing Day and had seen other people hugging all day, so when it came to my turn I'd gotten used to the idea again. So that was a win. I'll always hug my Mum though - of course.
Driving home my bf assured me we had said 'thank you' to everyone we should have said thank you to, though I'm still worried I might have missed someone.
I didn't say anything embarrassing, so far as I can recall.
I may have spoken too loud at times, but tried really hard to avoid monologuing, apart from that one story so I feel bad about that.
I'm not bothered by foods touching each other on a plate. Some people struggle with that.
I still feel guilty I didn't drop a card through one neighbour's door, but I really don't like her. Hypocrisy is a sin.

I've got a headache and sore neck and shoulders. A good night's sleep should fix it.