Art Immitates Life and Life Immitates Art - Musée d'Orsay

[PBAnnie]

Art Imitates Life and Life Imitates Art - Musée d'Orsay

Most of the time art imitates life. Occasionaly, life imitates art. I wonder how often art and life walk down the same path, each completely oblivious to the other.

I wrote the poem (shared below) and read it to the person who shares my bed. They were curious about the title and googled it, only to find news reports describing situations similar to that described in the poem. Look for yourself, google "musee d'orsay indecent exposure" after reading the following verses.
__________

Musée d'Orsay
by PBAnnie

"A young lady visits the museum and is exposed to great art."


High upon a public stair
I tilt my dress, enough to bare
My freckled little derrierre
And show it to the sunshine fair.

These skylights clear, with leaded glass,
Allow warm beams of light to pass
On marbled step and railings brass
And fall upon my naked ass.

I like the way the sun does feel
And how my fanny must appeal
To all these men, who in their zeal,
Do trip and fall o'er head and heal.

The moral women look askance
While next to them their husbands dance;
This morning I did take a chance
To leave my house sans underpants.

The constable is not amused
"The patrons" he, says I abused
Their lusty stares on me are fused
And I am left a bit bemused.

Great kings and queens, in halls quite old,
Display their art, or so I'm told,
The naked forms of maidens bold
With ruby lips and tresses gold.

But here among objects of heart
Where I am posed with legs apart
The lawman yells "You must depart
And not defile our works of art!"

I did it once, perchance to learn,
The accolades that I might earn
For showing off my freckled stern
To people who great art discern.

But from now on I must adhere
To proper laws and not besmear
These templed halls where I appear
With tilted dress and sunburned rear.

 

[29wordsforsnow]

One high-class exhibit..ion!
Excellent flow and rhymes, and it's quite naughty too

P.S.: that comma in the 5th stanza looks like it's in the wrong place, maybe?

 

[PBAnnie]

One high-class exhibit..ion!
Excellent flow and rhymes, and it's quite naughty too

P.S.: that comma in the 5th stanza looks like it's in the wrong place, maybe?

Thank you. The flow came together fairly easily once I got my mind stuck in iambic tetrameter. I'm starting to figure out that once you get the meter/rhythm established it's easier to find words to fit.

I went back and forth several times on that comma. In normal speech we would say "He said I abused the patrons," but that doesn't rhyme nor follow the meter. There probably should be two commas, "'The patrons,' he said, I abused," but then the implied pauses at the commas break up the iambic tetrameter. The same happens if there are no commas, so I settled for a single comma after "he" to help emphasize the stressed syllable, even though it's grammatically incorrect.

The English language lends itself well for writing poetry, since it borrows so heavily from both Germanic and Romance languages, as well as others, but it's become a very imprecise language by dropping noun genders and proper case structure.

 

[29wordsforsnow]

Apologies for not forgetting the often confusing set of rules for punctuation, especially with all their exceptions and loopholes and people of big media outlets that say 'half of those aren't nedded anyway'.

To be honest, I would opt to either omit that comma completely, since the reader most probably has become aware of the rhythm throughout the first stanzas, or maybe change the whole line to reported speech

The patrons that I had abused

I know there certainly more sexy things to discuss, but a question I always wanted to adress is 'When to use commas at the end of the line?' Here the lines seem to carry an idea each, would we 'need' all of them? How to decide where to put one and where not, even though grammar-wise there should be one?

 

[PBAnnie]

Apologies for not forgetting the often confusing set of rules for punctuation, especially with all their exceptions and loopholes and people of big media outlets that say 'half of those aren't nedded anyway'.

To be honest, I would opt to either omit that comma completely, since the reader most probably has become aware of the rhythm throughout the first stanzas, or maybe change the whole line to reported speech

The patrons that I had abused

I know there certainly more sexy things to discuss, but a question I always wanted to adress is 'When to use commas at the end of the line?' Here the lines seem to carry an idea each, would we 'need' all of them? How to decide where to put one and where not, even though grammar-wise there should be one?

Thank you, again, for your constructive feedback. Let me know if the line and stave sound better this way.

The constable is not amused
He says the patrons I abused
Their lusty stares on me are fused
And I am left a bit bemused.

The "backwards" speech is archaic for English, but it should be obvious, even to an American ear, that "I" am the subject, "the patrons" are the object, and the perceived abuse was directed from me to them. In modern English it's customary to place the subject before the object in a sentence with the verb between the two; it's also customary to place adjectives before the noun being modified. I've broken these norms quite a bit in the last few poems I've written. To my ear, it feels like reversing the order of the subject and object within the sentence and occasionally placing adjectives after the noun adds a bit of jocularity to the piece and reminds the reader that it's not to be taken too seriously. I don't think it's doggerel, exactly, but if it is, I'm ok with that.

 

[29wordsforsnow]

Thank you a lot for the open-minded discussion and more so for the insights on the English language, as a non-native speaker I highly appreciate the advanced details.

He says the patrons I abused

very well done alternative, and if we agree that this is a kind of incomplete sentence a la 'The patrons [that] I abused [are speechless]', I think it really honors poetry in a way of hinting on things in a short manner, not necessarily demanding grammatically complete sentences. Just think about the myriad of poems using one-word gerunds lines.

sitting
waiting
thinking
and one idle hand​

 

[Tzara]

Let me compliment you, PBAnnie, on your prosody. Your meter is bang on true, as I read your poem, which is quite an accomplishment, given that many of the poets here struggle with meter. That clearly isn't going to be your problem.

I agree with 29words that this line, "'The patrons' he, says I abused" is perhaps mispunctuated, separating the noun (he) from the subject (says). "'The patrons," he says I abused" would be my edit.

In general, the poem is kind of amusing, and the consistent metrical form serves that well. But I'd like to think I sense a poet who can do more than simply amuse us. I'd like to see something more serious from you.

You do get major props from me finding out that the artist Paul McCarthy placed a butt plug in the Place Vendôme.

I mean, right in front of the Ritz.

Awesome.

 

[29wordsforsnow]

... given that many of the poets here struggle with meter.

May I use this opportunity for a question? I've often found myself ending up with lines that break the meter as, for instance, instead of iambic pentameter I have nine or eleven syllables. Is that 'allowed' or is there even a term for? Lately, I don't feel I want to add 'Oh's or 'Well's to make the meter whole again.

You do get major props from me finding out that the artist Paul McCarthy placed a butt plug in the Place Vendôme.

I mean, right in front of the Ritz.

Awesome.

Nothing better than British Humour!

 

[Piscator]

One small quibble - last word in this verse shoudl be heel not heal.

I like the way the sun does feel
And how my fanny must appeal
To all these men, who in their zeal,
Do trip and fall o'er head and heal.

 

[PBAnnie]

One small quibble - last word in this verse shoudl be heel not heal.

I like the way the sun does feel
And how my fanny must appeal
To all these men, who in their zeal,
Do trip and fall o'er head and heal.

Thank you for pointing that out. I'll make the correction right away.

 

[PBAnnie]

Let me compliment you, PBAnnie, on your prosody. Your meter is bang on true, as I read your poem, which is quite an accomplishment, given that many of the poets here struggle with meter. That clearly isn't going to be your problem.

I agree with 29words that this line, "'The patrons' he, says I abused" is perhaps mispunctuated, separating the noun (he) from the subject (says). "'The patrons," he says I abused" would be my edit.

In general, the poem is kind of amusing, and the consistent metrical form serves that well. But I'd like to think I sense a poet who can do more than simply amuse us. I'd like to see something more serious from you.

Thank you for the kind words.

When first written, I did have the punctuation after "The patrons" the same way you suggested but to me it felt like the comma took away the stress from the word "me," which broke the meter. Per 29words' suggestion about the comma placement I did make the change mentioned in an earlier post on this thread. I think it works a little better than what I had in the original post despite the backwards order of object and subject.

Every time I write erotic poetry with a more serious tone it sounds pretentious to me. Maybe I'll submit some more serious non-erotic stuff first then move to the more serious erotica later.

Thanks, again, for the encouragement.

 

[PBAnnie]

The poem went live today with some minor changes based on your collective feedback. Thanks, again, for the constructive criticism.

https://www.literotica.com/p/musee-dorsay