I'm asking this here because I truly don't know where else to go and I have no-one I can talk to about this (for a variety of reasons).
I'm married and have been for 20 years - we have no kids, no financial worries and would, I'd say, get on together very well - except in the bedroom.
This has been an ongoing issue for us for most of our marriage. When we were dating and engaged, sex was frequent and plentiful but it quickly (or should that be slowly) changed over the first 3 years of marriage until it ceased completely.
We have spoken about it many times, she later told me she took herself to a counsellor in that early period because of the way things were with us. However, she felt it didn't help and isn't of a mind to try that again.
She tells me she no longer masturbates (and hasn't for years) as she doesn't really "see the point" and feels its "not worth the effort". Those are direct quotes.
Our marriage is celibate and has been for several years. Most of the time, I seem to have been able to desensitise myself to the lack of love making. I have tried explaining that I see the sex more as a way of being close with her than just fucking. However, on a cyclical basis, my hormones, or something bring this subject to the surface again and I go through a period of feeling completely rejected as any sexual approach is completely rebuffed.
Last year, about this time, I initiated a discussion about this and eventually asked if she ever thought of making love or ever envisaged us actually having sex at all at any point in the future.
When her reply was no, I have to admit to being surprised that I felt so surprised. As I explained to her, I knew that we hadn't made love in years, and yet I had always clung onto the, obviously overly optimistic, hope that one day, she'd want me. I don't know why I was so shocked by that admission, but I was.
However, something must have rung a chord with her, because over the next few weeks, we did make love 4 times ( you know how bad it must be when I can recall exactly how many times). Since then, our life has returned to its usual celibate state.
I have several issues.
One, - I know she doesn't like sex so I don't feel I can push the subject.
Two, - not having had sex in 10 years rather caused a PE issue when we did actually get down to it.
Three - if i cum too quickly because of the PE (and we are talking very quickly) then she has no orgasm - my thoughts are such that I think she is thinking "why do you make such a fuss about making love if that's how quick it is"
Four - she doesn't want me to bring her to orgasm (or allow me to even try) orally or with my hands
I love her, I find her genuinely attractive, I tell her so. I kiss and cuddle her at every opportunity. I can tell the instant that she thinks the kissing has gone on long enough or she thinks maybe I'm thinking this will lead to something. Her mouth goes from soft and partly open to closed and hard.
I'm not even sure I actually have a question...............
I think I maybe just wanted to unload.
Maybe the question for any woman reading this, is - can you envisage yourself in my wife's position and if so, do you think "you" would change or should I learn to accept the fact that my wife doesn't desire me.
I'm married and have been for 20 years - we have no kids, no financial worries and would, I'd say, get on together very well - except in the bedroom.
This has been an ongoing issue for us for most of our marriage. When we were dating and engaged, sex was frequent and plentiful but it quickly (or should that be slowly) changed over the first 3 years of marriage until it ceased completely.
We have spoken about it many times, she later told me she took herself to a counsellor in that early period because of the way things were with us. However, she felt it didn't help and isn't of a mind to try that again.
She tells me she no longer masturbates (and hasn't for years) as she doesn't really "see the point" and feels its "not worth the effort". Those are direct quotes.
Our marriage is celibate and has been for several years. Most of the time, I seem to have been able to desensitise myself to the lack of love making. I have tried explaining that I see the sex more as a way of being close with her than just fucking. However, on a cyclical basis, my hormones, or something bring this subject to the surface again and I go through a period of feeling completely rejected as any sexual approach is completely rebuffed.
Last year, about this time, I initiated a discussion about this and eventually asked if she ever thought of making love or ever envisaged us actually having sex at all at any point in the future.
When her reply was no, I have to admit to being surprised that I felt so surprised. As I explained to her, I knew that we hadn't made love in years, and yet I had always clung onto the, obviously overly optimistic, hope that one day, she'd want me. I don't know why I was so shocked by that admission, but I was.
However, something must have rung a chord with her, because over the next few weeks, we did make love 4 times ( you know how bad it must be when I can recall exactly how many times). Since then, our life has returned to its usual celibate state.
I have several issues.
One, - I know she doesn't like sex so I don't feel I can push the subject.
Two, - not having had sex in 10 years rather caused a PE issue when we did actually get down to it.
Three - if i cum too quickly because of the PE (and we are talking very quickly) then she has no orgasm - my thoughts are such that I think she is thinking "why do you make such a fuss about making love if that's how quick it is"
Four - she doesn't want me to bring her to orgasm (or allow me to even try) orally or with my hands
I love her, I find her genuinely attractive, I tell her so. I kiss and cuddle her at every opportunity. I can tell the instant that she thinks the kissing has gone on long enough or she thinks maybe I'm thinking this will lead to something. Her mouth goes from soft and partly open to closed and hard.
I'm not even sure I actually have a question...............
I think I maybe just wanted to unload.
Maybe the question for any woman reading this, is - can you envisage yourself in my wife's position and if so, do you think "you" would change or should I learn to accept the fact that my wife doesn't desire me.