A Celebration of Life

[Eilan]

My grandmother and I were always close. From the time I was a little girl, into my adult life, we shared a special bond; a closeness I'm not sure I can even explain.

She had the most beautiful tea set and once a week we would have a tea party. We would sip our tea out of these beautiful cups and she would tell me a story about her younger years, how she met my grandpa or other events in her life. Sometimes I was so caught up in her stories, I'd forget to drink and then she'd fuss at me for letting my tea cool. Even as I got older, we'd get together and have our tea. It was a special moment together, where my grandma, with her and her never ending wisdom helped me make sense of my crazy life.

She continued on with these parties when I had my girls. I would drop them off for the afternoon and this became their special event. They were always excited to go and hated to leave. It warmed my heart knowing that they were able to experience this closeness with their great grandma.

At the end, her decline became rapid, but before it got too bad I wanted one last party. So, with my sister, my niece and my girls, we had a farewell tea party. We all gathered around her bed and shared one last cup. She passed away two days after.

I have the tea set now. When life gets tough and I need to remember better days, I take it off the shelf and enjoy a cup.

I never thought it possible to miss someone so much but I do. I always keep her close in thought.

Such a wonderful story.

I'm close to my maternal grandmother. She's 84 and she's had some recent health issues. Things seem to be relatively stable for now, but I know that she won't be around forever.

It's wonderful that your daughters were able to know their great-grantmother. Until about a year or so ago, my grandmother was able to keep my two oldest daughters overnight; she and my girls both hate that she can't do it anymore.

 

[Avery_Chisholm]

I often think about my great grandma who only lived 2 months after my son was born she was the first person who seen my son went straight there from the hospital how her face lit up when we walked through the door how she stuck a $100.00 dollar bill into my hand as we were leaving i said noooo gran that's too much but she wouldn't hear of it and then hearing from my cousin at her funeral how some of her last thoughts were of me and my son choking back tears

 

[wicked woman]

As is the Mother, so is the Daughter.

Knowing you now as I do, I can only say, your mom must have been one hell of a woman.

Now woman don't go making me blush! *thanks hon*

Agree with BG though I do not know you, wicked woman, but the eulogy says a lot about who you are.

So very kind of you privjo. It wasn't really my intent though. Welcome to Lit. See you're fitting in just fine.

 

[wicked woman]

What wonderful memories people are sharing. Thanks so much.

oh and you too Scaly. Job well done.

 

[someplace]

What wonderful stories to share here.

One branch of my family has its own cemetery in the Texas Hill Country. You have to go down a road off a road, over the creek (the creek flows over the road at one place) then up the hill and around the bend to find it. It's out of the way and on the small side, but every year, descendants gather there for a Sunday picnic in the Spring. We bring lawn chairs and picnic baskets and sit under the oaks to visit, hear the old stories and remember those long gone. Some of the oldest gravestones have all but crumbled away and there is a legend that an Indian is buried under the largest oak tree. My great grandfather is buried there, with his siblings and parents. The history of my family is told throughout the markers of that quiet place.

People think its strange when I tell them we party at the cemetery, but for that very reason, I'd really like to call it my final resting place too. I love the idea of people still coming to visit and connect. Its very comforting.

 

[NaughtyLil1]

How special that your daughters got the benefit and love of a great-grandma! Your story makes me smile.

Such a wonderful story.

I'm close to my maternal grandmother. She's 84 and she's had some recent health issues. Things seem to be relatively stable for now, but I know that she won't be around forever.

It's wonderful that your daughters were able to know their great-grantmother. Until about a year or so ago, my grandmother was able to keep my two oldest daughters overnight; she and my girls both hate that she can't do it anymore.

My daughters were 11 and 13 when grandma passed away. They were able to share some great times; from the tea parties to afternoons playing dressup. They carry fond memories that I know will serve them well at some point in their lives.

In the end, the greatest lesson my daughters learned from grandma was that family is where it's at. When others have left, gone on their way, your family is still there for you and taking care of each other is important.

I still feel guilty at times. There were days when I had a hard time juggling my obligation to my children and to my grandmother, who, at that point, required 24/7 care. I really didn't have backup help, so there were many times when I had to tell the girls no and I missed some important functions. I know they understand but I still feel bad.

 

[bobsgirl]

What wonderful stories to share here.

One branch of my family has its own cemetery in the Texas Hill Country. You have to go down a road off a road, over the creek (the creek flows over the road at one place) then up the hill and around the bend to find it. It's out of the way and on the small side, but every year, descendants gather there for a Sunday picnic in the Spring. We bring lawn chairs and picnic baskets and sit under the oaks to visit, hear the old stories and remember those long gone. Some of the oldest gravestones have all but crumbled away and there is a legend that an Indian is buried under the largest oak tree. My great grandfather is buried there, with his siblings and parents. The history of my family is told throughout the markers of that quiet place.

People think its strange when I tell them we party at the cemetery, but for that very reason, I'd really like to call it my final resting place too. I love the idea of people still coming to visit and connect. Its very comforting.

I had forgotten until I read your post that my mother's family has their own cemetery in the hills of North Carolina. My great-grandfather's siblings are buried there, along with others who had gone on before. I haven't been there in years and years. Maybe a trip to Carolina is in my future.

 

[AppleBiter]

Thank you for starting this thread.

My older brother, 30 years old, died suddenly on June 8, 2006. Since this is a thread about celebrating life, I want to tell you about my brother's.

If there were ever anyone more popular that wasn't a movie star, I never knew about it. He always had a charisma with people that transcended age, social status, education, etc. He had what I liked to call the "silver tongue." He could talk his way into or out of just about anything.

When it came to sports, that was where he really shined. He loved to play football, baseball, basketball, tennis, racquetball . . . just about any kind of sport you can imagine. When he wasn't playing sports, he liked to be a part of the cheering crowd. His favorite teams were the Rams and the Sooners. I remember, when we were little, he liked to play tackle football with the family dog. Not exactly a fair sport, but then, the dog was fast.

He was always known as the "ornery" kid, in our family of three children. He loved to play pranks on people and I can still hear that ornery laugh echoing in my ears. (I hope that's a sound that I never forget.) He had a great sense of humor, and always seemed to find the humor in almost every situation.

One thing that he and I had in common was our love for shoes. He had more shoes than even I did. He was always into the latest fashion, too, and was a total label whore. LOL If it was trendy, he was into it, owned it, and wore it.

Music was one of his greatest passions in life. He was always very much into rock-n-roll. His CD collection, at one time, was quite impressive. He learned to play guitar in high school and absolutely fell in love with it. He and his friends formed a metal band that our grandma actually went and listened to, when they had a concert in a local park. Of course, the band fell through, but his love for playing guitar never did. When he died, he still had the callouses on his finger tips from playing, and his guitar had a fresh set of strings on it.

He was unique and wonderful and every other word that seems overused or not good enough to describe him. He was full of life, energy, and love. He smelled of Nautica and Camel Special Lights and he sounded like an angel when he sang. Losing him was, and is, my greatest tragedy . . . but, I know that if anyone lived well, it was him. He lived life to the fullest. He bravely faced the world and took out of it all that he wanted. His shining star burned out much too soon, but his light continues to shine.

 

[Guest]

 

[bobsgirl]

AppleBiter, I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing a bit of what made your brother special.

And MrWag, thank you too for what you shared. Your children are blessed to have you for a dad.

 

[Cathleen]

What a beautiful thread this is. Thanks Scaly for taking your thoughts and creating this sweet oasis.

AppleBiter, I'm sorry for your loss. Indeed it was a huge loss. Peace to you and your family.

WW, I loved reading your eulogy for your mom. It was touching and fun too. There is no doubt about "so it is with the daughter."

Naughty1, I wish I had known my grandparents, those are sweet memories and thinking of the years those memories have and will live on is super.

Someplace, I love the directions to the cemetary! It sounds like a beautiful place -- for a party or just a quiet visit.

Avery, I think sharing those moments and feelings are so bonding, even if the feelings are the more difficult ones. I bet your son will remember the way you expressed your sadness, as if it's a tribute to you and your great-grandma.

E's Toy, I had those moments of silence sometimes (amid the laughter and bickering) and those moments were full of communication. I'm sorry for your loss.

Eilan, again, I didn't know any of my grandparents and it's bittersweet yes, but I wonder if I would have understood their impact on me and my parents. It's so great you know their imprint on you and your kids...how cool.

Scaly, even this doesn't convey how much this thread has touched me.

 

[E's Toy]

What a beautiful thread this is. Thanks Scaly for taking your thoughts and creating this sweet oasis.

AppleBiter, I'm sorry for your loss. Indeed it was a huge loss. Peace to you and your family.

WW, I loved reading your eulogy for your mom. It was touching and fun too. There is no doubt about "so it is with the daughter."

Naughty1, I wish I had known my grandparents, those are sweet memories and thinking of the years those memories have and will live on is super.

Someplace, I love the directions to the cemetary! It sounds like a beautiful place -- for a party or just a quiet visit.

Avery, I think sharing those moments and feelings are so bonding, even if the feelings are the more difficult ones. I bet your son will remember the way you expressed your sadness, as if it's a tribute to you and your great-grandma.

E's Toy, I had those moments of silence sometimes (amid the laughter and bickering) and those moments were full of communication. I'm sorry for your loss.

Eilan, again, I didn't know any of my grandparents and it's bittersweet yes, but I wonder if I would have understood their impact on me and my parents. It's so great you know their imprint on you and your kids...how cool.

Scaly, even this doesn't convey how much this thread has touched me.

Thank you Cathleen

 

[NaughtyLil1]

Indeed, a beautiful thread. It was nice to take a moment to reflect.

 

[Eilan]

The elderly couple who has lived next to my grandma for 50+ years lost one of their daughters in a car accident a couple of years ago. Definitely reinforces the fact that losing a child is devastating, even when that child is in her 50's.

What's really sad is that whenever the neighbor talks to her friends and her daughter's name comes up, the friends will abruptly change the subject. It's upsetting to her, because she feels like other people are acting like her daughter never existed.

My grandma lets this woman talk about her daughter as much as she wants.

 

[bobsgirl]

The elderly couple who has lived next to my grandma for 50+ years lost one of their daughters in a car accident a couple of years ago. Definitely reinforces the fact that losing a child is devastating, even when that child is in her 50's.

What's really sad is that whenever the neighbor talks to her friends and her daughter's name comes up, the friends will abruptly change the subject. It's upsetting to her, because she feels like other people are acting like her daughter never existed.

My grandma lets this woman talk about her daughter as much as she wants.

I've heard the same thing from a friend of mine who lost her 20-year-old son a few years ago. She mentions him all the time. At first it was a little uncomfortable, but that's my discomfort, not hers. I think we feel uncomfortable sometimes because we want to make it all better with just the right words. And the sad fact is, there are no words that will make it all better.

 

[midwestyankee]

I've heard the same thing from a friend of mine who lost her 20-year-old son a few years ago. She mentions him all the time. At first it was a little uncomfortable, but that's my discomfort, not hers. I think we feel uncomfortable sometimes because we want to make it all better with just the right words. And the sad fact is, there are no words that will make it all better.

How true. In our hearts we yearn for repairs that cannot be made. We are truly friends when those who grieve around us know that we grieve with them.

 

[wicked woman]

The elderly couple who has lived next to my grandma for 50+ years lost one of their daughters in a car accident a couple of years ago. Definitely reinforces the fact that losing a child is devastating, even when that child is in her 50's.

What's really sad is that whenever the neighbor talks to her friends and her daughter's name comes up, the friends will abruptly change the subject. It's upsetting to her, because she feels like other people are acting like her daughter never existed.

My grandma lets this woman talk about her daughter as much as she wants.

Eilan...you reminded me of my cousin's daughter. She was killed at 16, a number of years ago, in a car accident returning from a Hallowe'en party. On the anniversary of her death, my Mom called my cousin's wife...the Mom of the girl. Mom just wanted to let her know Mom was thinking of her on the anniversary of her child's death. Mom said she hoped calling didn't make it worse. My cousin's wife thanked her...saying she couldn't feel any worse...but appreciated that my Mom thought of her daughter.

Mom called every anniversary. The odd time she was out of the country for October 31, she'd delegated the call to me. In fact, one of my inheritances from Mom was making that call every year.

Trust me she wants her daughter remembered.

 

[Eilan]

Eilan...you reminded me of my cousin's daughter. She was killed at 16, a number of years ago, in a car accident returning from a Hallowe'en party. On the anniversary of her death, my Mom called my cousin's wife...the Mom of the girl. Mom just wanted to let her know Mom was thinking of her on the anniversary of her child's death. Mom said she hoped calling didn't make it worse. My cousin's wife thanked her...saying she couldn't feel any worse...but appreciated that my Mom thought of her daughter.

Mom called every anniversary. The odd time she was out of the country for October 31, she'd delegated the call to me. In fact, one of my inheritances from Mom was making that call every year.

Trust me she wants her daughter remembered.

What a nice story.

People grieve differently, and maybe some people wouldn't want to be reminded, but other people appreciate such a gesture. I always make a point of calling my grandma (or visiting if I can arrange it) on the anniversary of my grandpa's death. It's a tough time of year for her, even after almost nine years.

 

[Quoll]

Awesome thread Waggles, it's opened up an area for me that I haven't gone near for nearly 30 yrs, but I think soon I just might.



If they ever turn ratings on in this forum you'll get mine.

 

[E's Toy]

In the beginning I was visiting the cemetery, almost every week. Now sometimes when I feel sad about my mom, I go there and smoke a sigaret. No talking or thinking, just a sigaret, like the old days I did with her

 

[Guest]

 

[privyjo]

Keep coming back to this thread to read the new posts - and reread the old posts. Always learn something new and reading the stories shared here help me to stay aware and conscious of what's happening in the lives of my family members and friends. So easy to get caught up in the daily grind and appreciate those around me.

 

[bobsgirl]

I was listening to the radio this morning and Bohemian Rhapsody came on. It started me thinking about a good friend of mine from college. (He absolutely loved Queen.) He was a big bear of a guy who was one of the funniest people I've ever met. His wit was rivaled by the size of his heart. He was a terrible driver. I always wanted to hide under the seat when he was behind the wheel. I can still remember so clearly riding in his periwinkle blue AMC Gremlin during a snowstorm. We ended up in the median facing the wrong way. He's also the guy with whom I played Scrabble--the catch was you could only play words you made up, and not only did you have to spell them, you had to give the definition. It's best played after consuming several large rum and Cokes.

He was my daughter's godfather, and he was my friend. He died from AIDS in the late 80's. He still makes me laugh.

 

[NaughtyLil1]

I've been down visiting my parents this week. My sister and brothers are all here as well. The last time we were all together was for my younger brother's funeral.

My brother was only 23 when he was killed by a driver who was under the influence. Even though we have come to terms with his death, none of us can get over the hate we feel towards the girl that caused this accident.

We, as a group, decided we needed to get past this and soon. Our family dynamics have changed and there's nothing we can do, but we can start remembering without all the anger. We want happy memories and I think we finally are at the point where we can let go and have them.

Having a large family definitely has its advantages. It was like a big group therapy session.

 

[bobsgirl]

I've been down visiting my parents this week. My sister and brothers are all here as well. The last time we were all together was for my younger brother's funeral.

My brother was only 23 when he was killed by a driver who was under the influence. Even though we have come to terms with his death, none of us can get over the hate we feel towards the girl that caused this accident.

We, as a group, decided we needed to get past this and soon. Our family dynamics have changed and there's nothing we can do, but we can start remembering without all the anger. We want happy memories and I think we finally are at the point where we can let go and have them.

Having a large family definitely has its advantages. It was like a big group therapy session.

I'm so happy to hear this. Not because it will make any difference to this girl, but because it will make a difference for you all. Living with hate takes such a toll, both physically and mentally. I wish you all well.