8 things America gets terribly wrong about sex

KingOrfeo

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AlterNet / By Anna Pulley

8 Things America Gets Terribly Wrong About Sex

America does many things well. Sex is not on the list.


June 5, 2014
| We get many things right here in the good ol’ U.S. of A. We were the first to put a man on the moon (Neil Armstrong), the first to achieve flight (the Wright brothers), and we came up with the greatest television phenomenon ever: Shark Week. But when it comes to sex, we are all mixed up. For all of America's cultural pornification—we can’t even sell a router or a chicken sandwich without a bikini-clad model dry-humping it—we still haven’t let go of a lot of the puritanical values our country was founded on. Here are a few of the things our otherwise great nation gets wrong about sex and sexuality.

1. Sexual healthcare is not a priority.

Unless we get pregnant, a raging case of crabs, or need erection pills, it’s pretty rare for Americans to schedule an appointment with a doctor for sexual health reasons, even though the World Health Organization tells us that sexual health is “a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality; it is not merely the absence of disease, dysfunction or infirmity.” Since Americans barely get any kind of health care at all, and the tiniest amount of sex education in school, it’s not surprising that people only visit doctors for sexual reasons under the most dire of circumstances, and not equally important concerns such as sexual ethics, consent, gender identity, trauma care, and desire. It’s also not surprising that we have the highest STD rates in the industrialized world. A recent report called our rates an “epidemic.” We’re number one!

2. Billions of dollars wasted on abstinence education.

Abstinence-only education—that is, teaching children, primarily girls, that the only way they can preserve their self-worth is to wait until they are married to have sex—has been a popular pastime in the U.S. for roughly the last 20 years, despite the fact that it’s been repeatedly proven not to do a damn thing to prevent teenagers from having sex. In fact, it does the exact opposite by negatively impacting condom use and sexual health.

Some lawmakers are still trying to pass legislation to end federal funding for abstinence-only programs, which mushroomed under George W. Bush, and which Obama later eliminated, only to have Republicans restore them as a concession to social conservatives under Obamacare. Thus far, however, lawmakers have been unsuccessful at ending the insanity. If only conservatives practiced abstinence as much as they preached it....

3. Discrimination against LGBT people is rampant.

In 2014, you can still get fired for being gay, lesbian, or bisexual in 29 states. The number increases to 33 states if you include transgender people. The stigmatization of sexual minorities also leads them not to seek sexual healthcare (and general healthcare) as often as their straight counterparts, leading to poorer health overall, mental health issues and long-term problems. Many don’t even feel comfortable coming out to their doctors, potentially putting them at higher risk for more serious illnesses.

And don’t even get us started on how many Americans believe bisexuality doesn’t exist.

4. We have seriously warped body images.

The only naked bodies we see (unless you are one of the rare breeds who come from a nudist household) are found in porn, and hence, we think of the porn body as the “ideal,” even though very few people’s bodies and genitals look like that without severe modification. A few brave souls are attempting to normalize the diversity of genitalia, Betty Dodson, for instance, but by and large Americans have a lot of shame surrounding their bodies and private parts, leading to such horrors as anal bleaching, labiaplasty, vaginal rejuvenation, and vajazzling, also known as turning one’s vagina into a glittery disco.

5. We’re obsessed with penis size.

We recently watched Unhung Hero on Netflix (it’s not bad!) about our cultural obsession with penis size, and one man’s hilarious and at times depressing attempts to increase his schlong’s length and girth. What with the countless pills, penis pumps, surgical enhancement opportunities, and porn-penis obsessions, it’s obvious that America is hung up (sorry) on the idea that having a monster penis is the only way to be a fully actualized human man. This obsession is generating a lot of money for penis-enhancement companies, but in terms of effectiveness, the “gains” such enhancements produce are often in the realms of insecurity, doubt, loss of sensation, and discomfort.

6. Our popular magazines offer the most bizarre sex advice.

What country besides ours would suggest women fellate a pastry in order to be more sexually satisfied? Thanks to the likes of popular magazines like Cosmopolitan and Men’s Health, Americans are taught the most absurd things about sex, such as the notion that snorting pepper to increase orgasm intensity is a fine idea, presenting your lady with a dick dipped in Nutella will get you an “enthusiastic blow job,” and the smell of toast is an incredible aphrodisiac.

7. Rape culture and the sexual double standard.

Ugh, the fact that we even have a term for it is depressing, but if anything can be gleaned from the recent atrocities of the Santa Barbara massacre and the #yesallwomen campaign, it’s that the way our country views women, sexual violence and female sexuality is seriously skewed. Women are routinely blamed, stigmatized and called names for the sexual harassment and assault they experience.

In addition to the fact that rape culture attempts to normalize sexual violence, the virgin-whore dichotomy also contributes to our warped views on female sexuality. As Ally Sheedy’s character in The Breakfast Club noted about America’s views on female sexuality almost 30 years ago, “If you haven’t, you’re a prude. If you have, you’re a slut. It’s a trap.” Sadly, America's views haven't changed much.

8. Ridiculous anti-sex laws still on the books.

It’s illegal to sell sex toys, a.k.a. “obscene devices” in states such as Alabama, Georgia, Virginia, and Louisiana. If you’re busted for promoting a dildo in Louisiana, you face a fine of up to $5,000. In Alabama, it comes with a fine of $10,000 and a year of “hard labor”!

Lest you think this is just the wacky South, Cleveland has a law against showing underboob, defining “nudity” as a “female breast with less than a full, opaque covering of any portion thereof below the top of the nipple.” Having premarital sex is still considered a “crime” in Massachusetts (comes with a $30 fine and up to a three-month imprisonment), Idaho ($300 fine and up to six months jail time), and Utah (class B misdemeanor). And of course the South doesn’t smile upon unmarried sex either: Mississippi promises a fine up to $500 and six months jail time, North Carolina law says you can’t “cohabit together,” and South Carolina sex packs a whopping fine of up to $500 and up to a year in jail.

Uh-merica!
 
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I read somewhere a while back that the driving force behind the sale of bath puffs, body scrubbers and loofahs is that North American women don't want to have to soap up and touch their own bodies with their hands, actually touch their own flesh.

Now, I don't know if it's true or not, but I do think overall North American's are much more sexually uptight than, say, Europeans, about things like sex and nudity.

I just read an article about a young woman who shared a photo of herself breastfeeding her young baby at her college graduation. She showed *gasp!* the top of her boob, the lower part obscured by the baby, and she is dealing with having the photo shared around the twittersphere and being called a "hoe" for feeding her child at her grad. That's pretty damn sad...instead she deserves kudos for both graduating AND continuing to breastfeed her child. It's okay to sell everything from cars to booze with boobs, they are in our face everywhere, but don't get them out and use them for nature's intended purpose. Seriously, WTF?
 
I read somewhere a while back that the driving force behind the sale of bath puffs, body scrubbers and loofahs is that North American women don't want to have to soap up and touch their own bodies with their hands, actually touch their own flesh.

Now, I don't know if it's true or not, but I do think overall North American's are much more sexually uptight than, say, Europeans, about things like sex and nudity.

I just read an article about a young woman who shared a photo of herself breastfeeding her young baby at her college graduation. She showed *gasp!* the top of her boob, the lower part obscured by the baby, and she is dealing with having the photo shared around the twittersphere and being called a "hoe" for feeding her child at her grad. That's pretty damn sad...instead she deserves kudos for both graduating AND continuing to breastfeed her child. It's okay to sell everything from cars to booze with boobs, they are in our face everywhere, but don't get them out and use them for nature's intended purpose. Seriously, WTF?

The world is weary of every attention whore who comes down the pike with exposed tits.
 
The world is weary of every attention whore who comes down the pike with exposed tits.

Apparently not, when they are pretty much EVERYWHERE on the T.V., movies and magazines. Marketing companies are getting it all wrong, then?
 
My original country (Croatia) is much more prudish than where I live at the moment (Germany). What is no wonder since we have rampant Roman Catholic church sticking its nose everywhere :rolleyes:
We dont have legalized prostitution and porn business, our body image is much more self conscious than in Germany.

Still, I was breastfeeding my children everywhere, I traveled with them a lot, and none ever made any comments. Nudist beaches are everywhere and my entire family is topless on our half public beach in the summer, including my 70 yo mother and my daughters. None seems to see that as something unusual.

I was amazed when I found out that my UK copy of MMO game called Age of Conan got censored not to show gore by German laws. Then I heard that USA copy of that same game has no nipples showing :D
Most Americans I talk to sound pretty prudish too and things like open marriage, swinging, 3-somes+++, bisexuality, dont seem to be something an average American does regularly. In Germany they are almost a normal thing, in Croatia they go under the radar but we still do them a lot.
 
In this country, I believe there are more women that are more concerned with the size of a man's wallet than in his penis. :eek:
 
It’s illegal to sell sex toys, a.k.a. “obscene devices” in states such as Alabama and Louisiana. If you’re busted for promoting a dildo in Louisiana, you face a fine of up to $5,000. In Alabama, it comes with a fine of $10,000 and a year of “hard labor”!


This is not true. Other than that I agree with you. Sex toys and videos are openly for sale in both Alabama and Louisiana.
 
It’s illegal to sell sex toys, a.k.a. “obscene devices” in states such as Alabama and Louisiana. If you’re busted for promoting a dildo in Louisiana, you face a fine of up to $5,000. In Alabama, it comes with a fine of $10,000 and a year of “hard labor”!


This is not true. Other than that I agree with you. Sex toys and videos are openly for sale in both Alabama and Louisiana.

That doesn't mean that the laws still aren't on the books - they just aren't being enforced.
 
That doesn't mean that the laws still aren't on the books - they just aren't being enforced.

If it is not enforced then it is not a law. It is called selective prosecution and would never be upheld and the state can be held liable.
 
If it is not enforced then it is not a law. It is called selective prosecution and would never be upheld and the state can be held liable.

I wonder if it works similar to smoke shops. They can't sell drug paraphernalia, but they sell bongs. Those are strictly for tobacco use, though. ;)

I wonder if the personal massagers are for all those aches and pains in your back?
 
If it is not enforced then it is not a law. It is called selective prosecution and would never be upheld and the state can be held liable.

Many small towns, villages, and even cities have laws and ordinances on the books that aren't enforced. One small resort town north of my had an ordinance where it was an offense to hold hands, even for married couples.
 
Many small towns, villages, and even cities have laws and ordinances on the books that aren't enforced. One small resort town north of my had an ordinance where it was an offense to hold hands, even for married couples.

I understand what the two of you are saying. My point is that if there is a law and it is openly unenforced then it is a law in name only. To just decide to enforce it in an arbitrary way would be selective prosecution and will be overturned if the people are even convicted and get the state sued. By the way in one town in Alabama it is still on the books that it is legal to beat your wife with a stick as long as the stick falls within certain parameters LOL.
 
I understand what the two of you are saying. My point is that if there is a law and it is openly unenforced then it is a law in name only. To just decide to enforce it in an arbitrary way would be selective prosecution and will be overturned if the people are even convicted and get the state sued. By the way in one town in Alabama it is still on the books that it is legal to beat your wife with a stick as long as the stick falls within certain parameters LOL.

Read the laws and ordinances of your own town/village/city. I bet there are some that aren't enforced. Most of the ones we're talking about were set up in the 1800s.
 
Fucking Puritans! We're still carrying that burden. Didn't those clowns outlaw Christmas, too?
 
Read the laws and ordinances of your own town/village/city. I bet there are some that aren't enforced. Most of the ones we're talking about were set up in the 1800s.

Being an ex LEO I am fairly well versed, though it is impossible to know them all. The laws on sex toys in Alabama was passed about 12-15 years ago and is not worth the paper it is written on. It was just politics. It would be considered unconstitutional and the description of a sex toy would cover 45 pages because anything can be a sex toy.
 
Being an ex LEO I am fairly well versed, though it is impossible to know them all. The laws on sex toys in Alabama was passed about 12-15 years ago and is not worth the paper it is written on. It was just politics. It would be considered unconstitutional and the description of a sex toy would cover 45 pages because anything can be a sex toy.

Then you should know a few laws and ordinances that aren't enforced. My city does engage in "selective prosecution" when it comes to two specific laws: open container and bicycle helmets. The cops won't ticket children or even teens for having "open" bottles, cans, even cups of soft drinks, but will do so in the park if an adult has a beer AND is loud or obviously drunk. Police won't ticket kids under 14 without helmets when they're riding bikes on the sidewalk, but if they're caught on the road, the parents will receive one.
 
Being an ex LEO I am fairly well versed, though it is impossible to know them all. The laws on sex toys in Alabama was passed about 12-15 years ago and is not worth the paper it is written on. It was just politics. It would be considered unconstitutional and the description of a sex toy would cover 45 pages because anything can be a sex toy.

Born a scorpio, always a scorpio, but apparently being a leo is a temporary thing.
 
The thing most people get wrong about sex, is thinking that people don't do it.

And let's not go near the fact that it's ok for kids to play games where people get their heads blown off and blood 'n' brains get splattered all over the place...... and then go crazy when those same kids see some nudity on tv :rolleyes:
 
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