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From online to R/L. Has it happened to you?

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AimeeLamis

Experienced
Joined
Nov 7, 2009
Posts
52
I'm new to the forum so forgive me if this had already been discussed.

I've been reading the post in the Distance-Domination Support thread. It seems that some Lits feel that online sub/DOM relationships don't last long, if there is no hope for it transitioning into R/L.

I'm just curious, does any one have a story of their online relationship becoming a R/L one? This is not something I'm considering at the moment, but I would enjoy reading the stories. I also welcome stories by any one who occasionally gets together with their long-distance Master or Mistress.
 
I met my first boyfriend online. We were friends online for years before meeting in RL, and then we were together for about 4 years. Wasn't anything but 'nilla, though.

I've met a couple of other guys in real life who I initially met online, but none of them were anything lasting.
 
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I had a brief online relationship (of sorts) with a Dom, who I then flew to meet up with. It didn't end up lasting, but that was because of RL circumstances that were independant of what happened when we were together.

We had been emailing and talking on the phone for about 2 months I think, before I flew over to be with him. He was the perfect introduction to the lifestyle, and I have nothing but praise for the experiance. I'm happy to share more via PM if you're interested.
 
Well, I don't know about D/s relationships going from online to RL and lasting but I do know that vanilla relationships can and do so i guess it would be the same for D/s.

I met my husband playing EQ and we were friends and then he came to visit and it became more and we have been happily married for 6 years as of last Thursday so I wouldn't give up hope that it can't happen. The key in my experience though is that you both have to be extremely honest and one of you has to give up their life where they are for the other. My husband moved from his family and school in Ohio down to Oklahoma to marry me and he was ok with that.

Abi
 
Sir and I met here on Lit in 2002 - He was in Australia and I was in New Zealand. In January of 2004, after a 3 week visit in Nov 03, I moved to be with Him. We married on 9 Dec 2006 and still going strong :)
 
AimeeLamis said:
I'm just curious, does any one have a story of their online relationship becoming a R/L one?
Click to expand...

http://www.jlplanner.com/html/stddev.gif

This is the Gaussian standard deviation. The left most point is the online relationship that lasts one posting and then ends. The right most point is the online relationship that lasts until one partner died, so the "forever".

Somewhere along the X-axis is your relationship, the probability that you hit this point is the Y-axis.

No matter how many stories you read, nobody will tell you where your relationship will be. Your question will result in a few "very short", a few "very long" and mostly "somewhere in the middle" answers.

You can stop reading this thread now.
 
Is there any other way to meet pervs? It's not like I'm about to go to a fucking munch or anything like that.
 
There are a number of success stories that range from casual encounters, friendships, and even to marriage. Myself included. (Friendships and relationships... past relationships).

The problem is... if you're not likely to meet many happily involved people from the personals forum.

If you venture to other parts of the board, you'll find many happy couples that met, flirted, and developed right here on Lit.
 
i've met a few IRL that i didn't necessarily plan on ever doing so. None of them worked out but they weren't going to keep working out online either.

Daddy doesn't count i think even though we didn't meet IRL for a couple of months after we met online because we met online with the intention of meeting IRL from the outset. Daddy's not very good at the whole online thing. It used to make me crazy but now i'm just used to it. It does mean i have probably too much time on my hands to wreak havoc in the internet.

i tend to agree that lasting online-only relationships are extremely rare. Some people seem to manage them. i never did. It just got too frustrating after a few months.
 
I met my boyfriend online about three years ago. We never really planned to meet, especially since we live at opposite ends of the country, but we became really good friends and finally met about five months ago. We had a great week together, and been together ever since. He's planning to move up here hopefully next year!

Before that, I never thought online relationships would work. I never thought I'd meet the man I want to spend the rest of my life with in a chatroom! So it really changed my mind on that.

Online and long distance relationships can work. :)
 
We met online, he came 16,000kms to meet, and we were married a couple of weeks later...that is just over 7 years ago now. Since then, we have converted a few to considering online (vanila though) relationships as the way to go and so far it has resulted in a friend's marriage (4 1/2 years married now), and another couple living together now for a couple of years and still going strong. Like most things, it is more about those involved and what they make it than the form of relationship or where you met.

Catalina:rose:
 
I really believe most people are scared that their beliefs and feelings will not be found in the real world, trying to find a significant other via normal methods. I also really believe that they are wrong. I believe a huge percentage of people have a good amount of kink in them (whether they have yet "come out" or not). Thus, you have all of these kinky people out there who are afraid of communication with a so called normal person and then try to find a compatible partner by other methods because they don't think they can find them by normal methods. Would you scare some normal people away if you tried finding someone by regular means? If you did find a relationship by normal methods could it wind up being short term only? OF COURSE! But, I don't believe the odds of finding and having a long term BDSM relationship are actually any different whether you try versus a normal meeting method or if you confine your search only to a kink community forum. I believe you are limiting your search too much by ignoring regular meeting methods. You don't have to start a new relationship by being tied up on your first date. The fact is women are hard wired from their cave person genes to be submissive and men are hard wired to be dominant from their caveman genes so I don't believe it is really all that hard to find what you are looking for in the real world. My two cents.
 
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The last two and the girl I talk to now I met here. If I am destined to meet someone I know it. It quickly blooms into a relationship.
 
subwannabe said:
The fact is women are hard wired from their cave person genes to be submissive and men are hard wired to be dominant from their caveman genes so I don't believe it is really all that hard to find what you are looking for in the real world. My two cents.
Click to expand...

LOL, have to disagree. Gender does not necessarily define the type of relationship we want, nor can it guarantee a person will fit the role you assume they should be due to their gender status. I just think, speaking from experience also, that if you want to have a kink related relationship, the odds are much greater you will find a like minded and compatible person if you are open about who and what you are and seek a mate to compliment that in a playing field where most are there for the same reason. Going for vanilla in the hope you might meet someone who can be persuaded or is also into kink, is IMO, limiting your chances significantly and hoping for some very good luck. If you want to buy vegetables, though you may find some in the rare butcher shop, you are far more likely to find them in a greengrocers.Time is precious, so why waste it looking for a needle in a haystack?:)

Catalina:D
 
catalina_francisco said:
LOL, have to disagree. Gender does not necessarily define the type of relationship we want, nor can it guarantee a person will fit the role you assume they should be due to their gender status. I just think, speaking from experience also, that if you want to have a kink related relationship, the odds are much greater you will find a like minded and compatible person if you are open about who and what you are and seek a mate to compliment that in a playing field where most are there for the same reason. Going for vanilla in the hope you might meet someone who can be persuaded or is also into kink, is IMO, limiting your chances significantly and hoping for some very good luck. If you want to buy vegetables, though you may find some in the rare butcher shop, you are far more likely to find them in a greengrocers.Time is precious, so why waste it looking for a needle in a haystack?:)

Catalina:D
Click to expand...


I think there is a grain of truth that the majority of women enjoy the submissive role. In my vanilla life I took any sexual favors I wanted and was never told "no." Honestly I can't ever remember a woman not being up for anything I wanted. Going all the way back to high school.
 
catalina_francisco said:
LOL, have to disagree. Gender does not necessarily define the type of relationship we want, nor can it guarantee a person will fit the role you assume they should be due to their gender status. I just think, speaking from experience also, that if you want to have a kink related relationship, the odds are much greater you will find a like minded and compatible person if you are open about who and what you are and seek a mate to compliment that in a playing field where most are there for the same reason. Going for vanilla in the hope you might meet someone who can be persuaded or is also into kink, is IMO, limiting your chances significantly and hoping for some very good luck. If you want to buy vegetables, though you may find some in the rare butcher shop, you are far more likely to find them in a greengrocers.Time is precious, so why waste it looking for a needle in a haystack?:)

Catalina:D
Click to expand...

I agree with this Cat.

How are you btw?

I miss the voice of reason around here :cool::rose:
 
subwannabe said:
I really believe most people are scared that their beliefs and feelings will not be found in the real world, trying to find a significant other via normal methods. I also really believe that they are wrong. I believe a huge percentage of people have a good amount of kink in them (whether they have yet "come out" or not). Thus, you have all of these kinky people out there who are afraid of communication with a so called normal person and then try to find a compatible partner by other methods because they don't think they can find them by normal methods. Would you scare some normal people away if you tried finding someone by regular means? If you did find a relationship by normal methods could it wind up being short term only? OF COURSE! But, I don't believe the odds of finding and having a long term BDSM relationship are actually any different whether you try versus a normal meeting method or if you confine your search only to a kink community forum. I believe you are limiting your search too much by ignoring regular meeting methods. You don't have to start a new relationship by being tied up on your first date. The fact is women are hard wired from their cave person genes to be submissive and men are hard wired to be dominant from their caveman genes so I don't believe it is really all that hard to find what you are looking for in the real world. My two cents.
Click to expand...

What the hell are "regular methods?"

I met my husband at a munch. It was determined that we looked good to one another smelled good to one another, both liked The Pixies and had lived in the same city at the same time and didn't know it, and liked the same movies, so we decided to have coffee. I realized that by the time I'd left, we'd entirely forgotten to try and determine if he was a bottom or not, and I figured if he wasn't I'd be in one of those relationships where you look for a submissive together or something or whatever.


Munches aren't necessarily "we all do this round the clock and can't function otherwise" though there are some people there in that camp, and that's fine for them - munches are also a good number of people who are in the "I don't want to waste time on total sexual incompatibility anymore" camp.

Attraction in SM circles isn't some weird ur-attraction that doesn't make sense in the outside world. But considering the things you've decided have to be factual I don't know why I'm bothering.
 
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WriterDom said:
I think there is a grain of truth that the majority of women enjoy the submissive role. In my vanilla life I took any sexual favors I wanted and was never told "no." Honestly I can't ever remember a woman not being up for anything I wanted. Going all the way back to high school.
Click to expand...

Do you think this is some great insight into "women" so much as "women compatible with you?"

I agree that most women DO enjoy sexual submission or postures we consider sexually submissive. However if I used the logic that what I find is most prevalent, about 99 percent of men want to suck cock and take it up the ass from women, not about 20 or 10 or even 2, which is more likely.
 
Cat: It's just my opinion that there are a lot of needles and the haystack is a lot smaller than some people realize. I obviously believe the exact opposite - that people who are looking for kink in only kink places are actually limiting their playing field. I'm also not saying that you shouldn't look in kink places, merely saying you shouldn't ignore looking for "love" using the normal methods the average person does. I truly believe that almost everyone is kinky to a degree and would probably be open to more given the opportunity.

There is also that pesky definition of what is kink. I actually met my wife via fairly normal means. We get "kinky". Some vanilla people would be disgusted at what we do and then some seriously into BDSM I'm sure would just laugh at what we call kinky.
 
Netzach said:
Do you think this is some great insight into "women" so much as "women compatible with you?"

I agree that most women DO enjoy sexual submission or postures we consider sexually submissive. However if I used the logic that what I find is most prevalent, about 99 percent of men want to suck cock and take it up the ass from women, not about 20 or 10 or even 2, which is more likely.
Click to expand...

I don't know it has just been my experience. I was with one women who became a Domme and later a lesbian after I stopped seeing her. She definitely had a different mind set. A very wealthy and well connected lady in the Atlanta area. Fascinating person. She did some work on the guy's house in "the garden of good and evil" movie in Savannah. And went to his parties. She spent months at a time in Europe. Once I heard she was with a 35 year old woman made me wish I stayed with her. She was about 10 years older than me but a very good cock sucker. After ten years we still email some.
 
subwannabe said:
Cat: It's just my opinion that there are a lot of needles and the haystack is a lot smaller than some people realize. I obviously believe the exact opposite - that people who are looking for kink in only kink places are actually limiting their playing field. I'm also not saying that you shouldn't look in kink places, merely saying you shouldn't ignore looking for "love" using the normal methods the average person does. I truly believe that almost everyone is kinky to a degree and would probably be open to more given the opportunity.

There is also that pesky definition of what is kink. I actually met my wife via fairly normal means. We get "kinky". Some vanilla people would be disgusted at what we do and then some seriously into BDSM I'm sure would just laugh at what we call kinky.
Click to expand...

I think it depends on what kind of "kinky" you're looking for. If you want someone to tie you up and spank your ass and call you a little slut, yes, most vanilla people who aren't really uptight will try that. But if you're like me, you know better than to try to introduce a vanilla person to your kinks because they're out there even for a lot of so-called kinky people.

"I want to pretend to be seven years old, while you tie to me to your ceiling and use me for your own personal punching bag" doesn't always go over that well at munches. It damn sure won't at more vanilla establishments.
 
minx1 said:
I agree with this Cat.

How are you btw?

I miss the voice of reason around here :cool::rose:
Click to expand...

LOL, busy. I am studying, sick again, trying to keep everything running smoothly for everyone here, and at times going slightly mad...well maybe more than slightly.:D

Cat:cattail:
 
subwannabe said:
Cat: It's just my opinion that there are a lot of needles and the haystack is a lot smaller than some people realize. I obviously believe the exact opposite - that people who are looking for kink in only kink places are actually limiting their playing field. I'm also not saying that you shouldn't look in kink places, merely saying you shouldn't ignore looking for "love" using the normal methods the average person does. I truly believe that almost everyone is kinky to a degree and would probably be open to more given the opportunity.

There is also that pesky definition of what is kink. I actually met my wife via fairly normal means. We get "kinky". Some vanilla people would be disgusted at what we do and then some seriously into BDSM I'm sure would just laugh at what we call kinky.
Click to expand...

Each to their own. I was open to the idea of finding someone kinky in a vanilla pod, but though I always had been lucky in having lovers who were open to being creative and experimenting, my experience was they were not seriously into going any further, and often felt it their place to try and make me see the error of my ways then get upset when I didn't change to suit them. Apart from the time I was wasting, I also live by a philosophy of live and let live and felt it a bit dishonest, predatroy, and arrogant of me to think they should or would want to change their style to suit mine. I guess age can have a lot to do with it. Once you begin getting up in years, your time becomes more precious and it doesn't make sense to me to waste it hoping you'll find what you're looking for when you know there are places you can look which seriously increase the odds and are more upfront about what and who you are and who they are and what both are expecting and hoping for. I only like playing games when they are fun, and hoping fate would stumble across my path didn't seem too much fun.


Catalina:rose:
 
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