Feeders - a new form of 24/7 bondage?

OK, we have watched a documentary tonight on women who are BBW, and I mean in the 821 lb category of big. A guy in the doco who photographs these ladies for modeling and porn spoke about their partners, or the type who consciously fed them, (even pure fat}, to make them gain more and more weight, he himself having 12 lovers in these weight categories. He equated 'feeders' as these men are known as with creating a new form of 24/7 bondage in that the women eventually are unable to move or function alone. While I can appreciate the reason he would equate it with bondage, I have a problem really including it under that umbrella instead preferring abuse. Anyone else share my reluctance or am I off base?

Catalina

I've been aware of this phenomenon for a few years now. I do see it as abuse. These women have a significantly shortened life expectancy and an incredibly poor quality of life as a result of this particular kink. I see them coming into the hospital where I work. It's heartbreaking.

In my long experience of examining human strangeness, this ranks among the strangest.
Is this an actual phenomenon?

Forced weight gain of that amount is bondage, but not the kinky sort. IMHO the men are insecure and fear their partners will leave. So, they feed to make them unattractive to other possible suitors. Of course, the extra weight leads to a diminished self-worth and the feeling that no one else could possibly love them.

(I just want to point out that this is different from guys who genuinely prefer BBW or guys who simply enable unhealthy eating behavior rather then force it.)

Bikewer said:

In my long experience of examining human strangeness, this ranks among the strangest.
Is this an actual phenomenon?

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Oh yeah, just do a web search.

http://www.bbwfa.com/links/Feeders/

redelicious said:

Forced weight gain of that amount is bondage, but not the kinky sort. IMHO the men are insecure and fear their partners will leave. So, they feed to make them unattractive to other possible suitors. Of course, the extra weight leads to a diminished self-worth and the feeling that no one else could possibly love them.

(I just want to point out that this is different from guys who genuinely prefer BBW or guys who simply enable unhealthy eating behavior rather then force it.)

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Insecurity and fear they will leave may be part of it, but there are guys who genuinely get off on women this size. It's also a power trip for some to modify a woman's eating habits and body in this way.

Desdemona said:

Insecurity and fear they will leave may be part of it, but there are guys who genuinely get off on women this size. It's also a power trip for some to modify a woman's eating habits and body in this way.

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Right, but again you are talking about two different types of fetishes.

For example, my husband has expressed interest in me being larger. MUCH larger. He has a BBW fetish and has at times encouraged me to eat (ok, enabled) thinking I would get bigger. But, when it comes right down to it he has no interest in the extent of control you are speaking of.

Now with hubby, I do think at times the insecurity I wrote about is a factor, though it's not the reason for his preference.

redelicious said:

Right, but again you are talking about two different types of fetishes.

For example, my husband has expressed interest in me being larger. MUCH larger. He has a BBW fetish and has at times encouraged me to eat (ok, enabled) thinking I would get bigger. But, when it comes right down to it he has no interest in the extent of control you are speaking of.

Now with hubby, I do think at times the insecurity I wrote about is a factor, though it's not the reason for his preference.

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Well I think there is probably a continuum for this fetish with your hubby being on one end and the real control freaks being on the other end. Lots of people are in the middle.

Here's another link. http://www.deviantdesires.com/map/fas.html

Desdemona said:

Well I think there is probably a continuum for this fetish with your hubby being on one end and the real control freaks being on the other end. Lots of people are in the middle.

Here's another link. http://www.deviantdesires.com/map/fas.html

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That's as it is with most things.

Funny there was a link to Dimensions on that page. Long before I came to Lit I caught Hubby surfing there. I think he had a subscription or something.

Quicker just to let them suck a 12 gauge. 3.5 inch turkey shot. But messy.

And much less expensive !

Seriously, there are many extremes in the world. I'm not going to waste my time worrying about these types, be it abuse or domination I just don't care, they can live their lives free from comment from me.

Goodness me!

I don't think something as risky as causing a submissive to develop health problems and early death qualifies as SSC. This is abuse and not BDSM, IMO.

To me it went beyond the men being concerned other men would find their women attractive as first, the women were confined to their beds unable to walk or fit through the door to get out, and secondly, they were earning money from having them photographed naked for a variety of net sites and magazines. They could not even take care of themselves anymore as it was physically impossible.

It was sad to hear how Gina, the main woman in the doco continued because she was aware he left his first wife because she lost weight. He to me looked like someone with a serious mental disorder. Stupid as it sounds, when he spoke he had a fanatical look in his eyes and was excited aboiut the fact that portions of her skin on her legs was darkened and up to an inch thick 'like elephant hide' as he pointed out. Eventually she realised she was not living and would not be around to see her daughter grow up and sought an operation which he was far from happy with.

Another woman spoke of how her former man used to lock her in the house for days on end with nothing to eat but chocolate, pastries, pies, and candy......her mother ended up calling emergency services to break in if necessary to rescue her. That is where I saw the abusiveness of it......feeding them to a point where they had no way to get away, mix with others.....forcing them through necessity to eat what was brought to them as their only option.

Catalina

As an afterthought, though we seem to be discounting this as part of the BDSM world, I have noticed on most checklists there is a question about forced weight gain or loss. So does this mean we just never really thought about that question deeply as we skimmed past onto the next one that related more closely to our reality, and failed to see it had become a lifestyle choice/kink?

Catalina

catalina_francisco said:

As an afterthought, though we seem to be discounting this as part of the BDSM world, I have noticed on most checklists there is a question about forced weight gain or loss. So does this mean we just never really thought about that question deeply as we skimmed past onto the next one that related more closely to our reality, and failed to see it had become a lifestyle choice/kink?

Catalina

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That's why I referred to it as a kink. I think in a mild form, it may be simply that. But, the extremes to which these people go qualify as abuse in my mind.

Well, I had a 5'2" 95 lb submissive and I had her put on 20 lbs over the course of two months. She had felt weak and was a much livelier and energetic person at a normal weight.

I also helped an overweight submissive lose 30-40 lbs. She was still "heavy" but at least her body mass index was down below 30. I think 25-30 BMI is still considered overweight.

And next time circumstances permit, I want to explore the idea of a submissive wearing a corset.

But these comments are not even in the same league as a woman who cannot physically leave the house or people who weigh 800 lbs. Even a 400-500 lb person can still get around and do basic care for themselves.

Keep in mind that there are Gainers out there as well as Feeders. There are people who want to gain weight. Hanne Blank addressed the Feeder/Gainer perspective in her book Big Big Love, which I recommend to anyone with a BBW fetish.

It is a tragic mental sickness on both the part of the giver and the receiver. I may catch flack for this but I see both participants as being equally responsible here.

Without question the giver is just a twisted individual.

But the receiver still has the power to say no. Does not even the most submissive of slaves engaged in a proper relationship have a safeword? And even if not, for some reason, have they not willingly crossed that line into complete surrender?

Do not both the submissive and the dominant carry responsibility for themselves and each other?

To me, the true secret of D/s doesn't lie in the physical pain inflicted or received. It doesn't rest within the humilation imposed or accepted. It doesn't hide inside the control taken or given. It exists in that wonderfully blurred swell of colors that in the end brushes out a portrait of a better person. Both for the painter and for the canvas.

Limbhugger said:

But the receiver still has the power to say no. Does not even the most submissive of slaves engaged in a proper relationship have a safeword? And even if not, for some reason, have they not willingly crossed that line into complete surrender?

Do not both the submissive and the dominant carry responsibility for themselves and each other?

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True in normal circumstances, but not only did these people not identify as D/s, but in some instances the women were locked away with no option but to eat the foods given them as there were no other choices of healthy food in the house. Thta is why the mother of one eventually called the police and told them they may need to break into the house as the woman was not able to get to the door, and her partner would not be too willing to allow any help to reach her. Sad circumstances where vulnerabilities in one are used to feed what I think has to be insecurity in another.

Catalina

catalina_francisco said:

True in normal circumstances, but not only did these people not identify as D/s, but in some instances the women were locked away with no option but to eat the foods given them as there were no other choices of healthy food in the house. Thta is why the mother of one eventually called the police and told them they may need to break into the house as the woman was not able to get to the door, and her partner would not be too willing to allow any help to reach her. Sad circumstances where vulnerabilities in one are used to feed what I think has to be insecurity in another.

Catalina

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Agreed. But they didn't get to be 821lbs overnight.

I find this to be an abusive form of bdsm. Forcing someone to gain that much weight, which will eventually kill them is murder. Slow murder, but murder none the less. I realise that some feedees don't fight this, but being complicit in your own demise does not negate the crime.

For instance, D hangs out on the alt.torture usenet group. At least once a week, they get someone who wants to be tortured to death. In one case, someone did torture another to death. In his defense he had; the initial email exchanges, the initial written exchanges, the video tapes that his victim made with and without him showing consent, and a copy of the will, as well as evidence that this lady was planning on dying. She had done things like gotten her utilities turned off and arranged for long term pet care.
Even though the woman was functioning in a diminished capacity, i.e., she was depressed and somewhat suicidal, he STILL recieved a life sentence, though he will be eligable for parole at some point. HER diminished capacity did not negate HIS crime.

Also, being a feeders is not a loving relationship. It seems to me that if you are in love with someone you want them to be as happy and healthy as possible.

Wow that is amazing -- never really knew of this before -- thank you Catalina for bringing this up. It is amazing to me what kinds of things please people. It is hard not to judge, and say, what can possibly turn them on about that, but that would be bringing in my own personal prejudices and opinions. Is it abuse if the person is consenting? Not sure. Is it abusive of their bodies? For sure! As someone that has spent the last 3 years shedding unwanted pounds, this practice seems cruel and horrible. Catalina do you have any more info on the subject or non-porn type sites where one can read more about it?

Thanks!

Sometimes I don't know whether to be amused or angried by the topics & posts in this forum.

We are a group of people brought together by an interest & desire for what the rest of the world would believe to be abusive behaviour. OK, we don't feel that way about it. Mostly, we believe that we understand & accept our desires and consider ourselves to be quite normal really.

Yet, over & over there are topics brought up in which the writer attempts to label & condemn the lifestyles of others & this is one of them.

How dare we presume to judge the mental stability of those who choose another way to gratify their needs. Though we can't see it, these strange relationships probably have an element of consent & mutual benefit, just the same as ours do.

Most of us view the morbidly obese with great distaste. Many would view our marks with great distaste also. Do we wish to be labelled (any more than we already seem to be) as mentally unstable? Would we wish our neighbours, police, health care workers etc etc to interfere because they believe our lifestyles are dangerous to our lives & minds. I don't think so.

incubus'_sub said:

Yet, over & over there are topics brought up in which the writer attempts to label & condemn the lifestyles of others & this is one of them.

How dare we presume to judge the mental stability of those who choose another way to gratify their needs. Though we can't see it, these strange relationships probably have an element of consent & mutual benefit, just the same as ours do.

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I think you've maybe taken what people have said too an extreme. As I read through this thread I haven't found anyone who expressed distress or negative judgements on people who participate in body modification through food. What I have seen is people who express concern and distaste for those people who FORCE those modifications on unwilling partners or insecure partners. There has to be a line drawn where it is okay to make judgements and form opinions - if we went around all the time saying, "What you're doing is your decision and if it works for you, then it works for you and I'm not one to judge." Well fine. That's good. TOLERANCE IS GOOD. But, there is a line, where you have to be allowed to say, hey - he's beating her and she's taking it but she isn't enjoying it, she lets him do it but he's taking advantage of her and destroying her ego and self-esteem and that's WRONG. We need to help her.


I want to thank catalina for bringing up this subject. As a bbw, I spent 20 years of my life hating myself. Thinking I was ugly, that no man would want to touch me. It makes me feel very good when I see things like what red has written - that some men find it beautiful. That I am beautiful. And I also find what Mr.Blonde has said to be very supportive and a hope to my own future. I need to lose weight, I want to be healthy. I'm not saying I want to be a size 8 or size 0, but a size 14 would be lovely. If I could be a size 8 - I'm sure I would be insecure in the other way, that people liked me only because I was thin and cute. That I might find a dominant that would find me beautiful the way I am yet also want to help me achieve my goals - life would be wonderful.

No, you've missed my point which was that this bunch of pots has a habit of calling kettles black.

Of all groups, this one should have a better understanding of unusual relationships & needs. Almost everyone on the planet has some self esteem issues & insecurities. Many could be seen & judged by others as being exploited & abused in their choice of lifestyle, including myself as a sub. This particular subject was just an example.