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Old 11-19-2003, 10:29 PM   #1
MathGirl
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DG's Dubious Dictionary

As secretary to the DurtGurl Group, I have been instructed to present a running series of little-known words and the definitions thereof. This is intended for the edification, elucidation, enlightenment, and embrouchment of the readers at the AH. In DG's words, "Em assholes needta be tole whazzup."

Using words from DG's own vast fund of knowledge, several words will be posted each day. In addition, a blue-ribbon panel of editors has been selected, including [insert names here] to add their lexicographical expertise to the venture. I am sure as the readers note the names, hoarse cries of delight will issue from even the most jaded throats.

Please note: We at the Group are certain that most readers will wish to print hard copies of the posts and preserve them in binders with secure page protectors. Permission is granted to do so for personal use only. Dissemination of this material for monetary gain is specifically prohibited and most surely will result in a visit from Vito the Viper and Big Tyrone.

And, without further adieu, the premier edition of DurtGurl's Dubious Dictionary.

MathGirl,
Amanuensis for the DG Group

-------------------------------------------------------

ABACINATE: The achievement of sexual gratification by sitting in a red-hot copper basin. From the Yiddish; "Ab"-To fry crisply while leaving the center tender, and "Cinat"-To have it off whilst screaming.

ABARUNCULARITY: The feeling when, upon completion of a bowel movement, one finds that the previous occupant of the privy has used the last of the paper. E.g. "Whoooeee! That musta been a four footer. Now I jist need about fifteen feeta pap... Oh, shit!"

ABASCULATE: To experience sexual arousal by plucking of nose hairs. From the Greek; "Abascul"-Rhinal depilation by use of needle-nose pliers.

YES, I KNOW THERE IS A TYPO IN THE TITLE OF THE GODDAMN THREAD. I CAN'T FIND ANY WAY TO FIX IT. THE "C" KEY ON MY FUCKING KEYBOARD TENDS TO REPEAT. GET USED TO IT. IT APPARENTLY AIN'T GOING AWAY. THANK YOU. MG

* = Real word, real definition, no shit.

Last edited by MathGirl : 11-25-2003 at 08:29 PM.
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Old 11-20-2003, 12:05 AM   #2
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ABELE: A Papal dispensation allowing Austrialian Catholic men to marry sheep.

ABERDEVINE: The hole cut in a chair seat for use following hemorrhoid surgey.

ABNOSQUATULA: The inability to masturbate when not alone. From the Latin "Abnosqua"-Failure of Boy Scout entrance examination.

ABNANTICULUM: A tool for the emasculation of giraffes.

ACNABALLISTACISM: The art of squeezing the content of pimples onto mirrors from a distance. Commonly practiced in high school restrooms.

ABROZZO: A device used in Latin America for removal of encrusted semen deposits from the headliners of elderly Buicks.

Last edited by MathGirl : 11-20-2003 at 12:54 AM.
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Old 11-20-2003, 04:36 AM   #3
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Re: DG's Dubious Dictionary

Quote:
Originally posted by MathGirl
YES, I KNOW THERE IS A TYPO IN THE TITLE OF THE GODDAMN THREAD.
Yes, we all noticed that you only put one "B" in "dubbious", but what does the "C" key have to do with it?
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Old 11-20-2003, 11:19 AM   #4
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Dubious dictionary

ABIECTICATION: A highly effective method of birth control used amongst the high mountain people of Ireland. A braided goathair strap is fastened tightly around the testicles before intercourse. The resultant discomfort immediately removes all desire for sexual activity.

ABNONACIA: The practice of disguising the noise of passing flatus by coughing. Usually ineffective.

ABIOTROPHY: A Jew's loss of sexual desire and inability to attain an erection due to a grossly obese wife. From the Hebrew; "Abie"-soft on, and "Tropie"-spousal blimpertrophy in excess of 150 kilograms.

ABIOTRIPHINA: A Jewish woman's loss of sexual desire due to a grossly obese husband. Female equivalent of abiotrophy (qv)

ABOMISM: The presence of three buttocks. Triglutism(qv)
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Old 11-20-2003, 12:15 PM   #5
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Dear Maths

Love the new hair style

Will's
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Old 11-20-2003, 03:50 PM   #6
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ABA: General term for a wellington wearer, Australian, or person of Welsh ancestry. From the Greek "Abar"-the sound of sheep in distress.

ABACTOR: Thespian who uses musculature as substitute for ability. Common Abactors: The Governator, Sly, The Melgium from Belgium, Julie Andrews.

ABACULUS: (Greek aba (see aba) and culu; count) An ovine phlebotomist.

ABHAFT: Common upper-class mispronunciation of 'bath': "Jeeves draw me abhaft" from 'Bertie gets his commupance (and he likes it)'

ABAMPERE: 1. Franco-Australian forebear. 2. A ritual dance performed at meetings of termite inspectors.

ABAPHICAL: Of or pertaining to sheep-shagging.
GC

Last edited by MathGirl : 11-20-2003 at 10:22 PM.
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Old 11-20-2003, 11:56 PM   #7
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ABARTICULAR: Preference for Swedish pop bands who aren't Aha.

ABASSIA: 1.Sudden inability to remember how to walk. 2. Sudden loss of low-pitched voice. 3. Sudden loss of a hooked fish.

ABASK: Type of undergarment worn by middle-aged wives on spouse's birthdays.

ABATIS: Latin; conjugation of the verb 'abat' (to strike about the head with fliedermaus)

ABIRUTIENT: A leather pouch used to support prolapsed hemorrhoids.

ABLIPESIA: Blindness caused by excessive masturbation
GC MG

Last edited by MathGirl : 11-21-2003 at 11:38 AM.
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Old 11-21-2003, 11:31 AM   #8
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ABESSIVE: Nonspecific term indicating either the presence or absence of something

ABIECTIC: A goat fucker. From the Latin "Abi"-Nanny and "Ectica"-To have carnal knowledge of an uddered ungulant

ABIRRITUATION: Scottish practice of smoking meat over a goat dung fire

ABNASCAR: The practice of grown men playing "stock car race" when their mufflers go out

ABLACTATION: The difficult process of weaning a new father off his wife's milk

ABLUTOGENITOPHOBIA: Fear of bathing the genitalia. Leads to hypersmegmatosis and its tragic consequences
MG
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Old 11-21-2003, 03:59 PM   #9
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ABSTALADOR: Sp. One who washes excrement through a metal collander to recover undigested kernels of corn. "Panning for gold"

ABSTALATA: A delicate Mexican tortilla made with used corn. Usually served "con sombrero" (qv)

ABSTALOMIA: The loss of the ability to lose things

ABOMASUM: The musical rumblings from the fourth stomach of ungulate ruminants. From the Latin"Abom"-Horizontal intestinal tract and "Talomus"-A fortissimo toccatta from the bass clef
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Old 11-22-2003, 12:30 AM   #10
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ABITURIENT: Having an anus of extraordinary beauty. From the Greek "Abita"-puckered brown eye, and "Turieos"-Comely one.

ABREUVOIR: Fr. Lit: "Bye until next Tuesday when I can have another go at that strapping johnson of yours."

ABSENTAMIOUS: Lacking the sense of smell. A condition frequently found in hog farmers.

ABSELL: A book of rules and regulations by which members of the Brotherhood of Termite Inspectors conduct themselves.

ABTHANE: A sheep sheared to resemble a bonsai plant.
MG
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Old 11-22-2003, 10:55 AM   #11
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ABRA: The traditional black, lace-trimmed veil affixed to the ears of the bride at Welsh sheep weddings.

ABSTINISISM: The Druidic doctrine that abstinence from sex is preferable to taking the skin boat to tuna town. A draconian method of population control.

ABUNA: A blow job given as full or partial payment of a monetary debt. Brit: A present to the vicar in lieu of quarterly tithing.

ABYSSOPLEGIC: One who experiences total paralysis of the anal sphincter. Considered a social handicap, making the sufferer eligible for disabilty payments. From the Latin: "Abyssa"-Down there, and "Oplea"-It's gone all limp.

ACANACEOUS: Organisms lacking an anus. Such species are generally considered a dead end on the evolutionary tree.
MG
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Old 11-22-2003, 01:58 PM   #12
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ACATALECTIGNOSTIC: One who understands the subtle differences between shit and Shinola. An Arkansas intellectual. From the Cherokee: "Acatalos"-Round eye who knows Jack shit.

ACATAMATHESIA: Loss of sensation in the male genitalia. From the Latin "Acatamus"-Numb nuts.

ACCEPTILIATION: Grudging admission of the reality that one's teenage son will never be toilet trained.

ACRAPOPHOBIA: Irrational fear of being flushed down a toilet. Sufferers of acrapophobia usually reside in rural areas and are devotees of the outdoor privy.

ACARAPOUSE: A person lacking a carapouse. Common characteristic amongst Brasilian pygmies.
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Old 11-22-2003, 02:19 PM   #13
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Unhappy Missing!!

Where's Cheeky?
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Vanity quotes:
"Dampy, I am your willing slave. " - NaokoSmith
"Well, you give good type. " - jomar
"Pls don't ever, ever, say you want to take off your clothes right after you or someone proclaimed your or their love to them or you" - Dino ♥
"You're just a good, down to earth girl who happens to write smut. And hang out on porn boards." - cheerful_deviant
"Dampy, the smut runs deep in your soul. Don't worry, it'll crest again." - bluebell7

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Old 11-22-2003, 03:24 PM   #14
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Re: Missing!!

Quote:
Originally posted by damppanties
Where's Cheeky?
Dear DP,
She refuses to be associated with this project. Thanks for noticing, though.
MG

ACOULOTAROMETER: A mechanical instrument used to measure the speed of passage of a meal from the teeth to the anus. Largely replaced in modern gastroenterology by the electronic bogum.

ACCIACCATURA: 1. A difficult maneuver in flamenco guitar playing which often results in dislocation of the thumb. 2. Intentional dislocation of the thumb by someone pretending to be a flamenco guitar player.

ACAULESCENT: Having extraordinarily small testicles. E.g. "Shit, Homer, ma left nut's about the size of a pea, and the right one ain't hardly nothin' at all."

ACCESSIT: Motor driven device for removal of accumulated smegma deposits. Portable diesel-powered models have recently become available.

ACCINGE: To trip over one's own hemorrhoids. A condition usually alleviated by use of an abirutient (qv).

Last edited by MathGirl : 11-22-2003 at 03:28 PM.
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Old 11-22-2003, 05:11 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally posted by MathGirl
ACATALECTIGNOSTIC: One who understands the subtle differences between shit and Shinola. An Arkansas intellectual. From the Cherokee: "Acatalos"-Round eye who knows Jack shit.
My fave so far. Maths, you're hardly through the A's, I can't go w/o one of your AVs that long.

pleadingly, Perdita
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Old 11-22-2003, 07:42 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally posted by perdita My fave so far. Maths, you're hardly through the A's, I can't go w/o one of your AVs that long.
Dear Perdita,
Thank you. I'll try to coax Cheeky and/or Auntie out from under the bed.
MG
Ps. You don't need to pretend with this word list. It's much more mainstream. So far, at least.


ACCIDIE: Scot. A prize for third place in an ovine beauty contest. Traditionally, a decorative leather earpiece.

ACCIPITRINE: Of fresh water mud sharks, toilet snakes, depth charges, U-boats, etc.

ACCISMUS: Accidental nailing or stapling of the foreskin to a redwood tree (Sequoia sempervirens or S. giganticus). A common industrial accident in the west coast timber industry.

ACCLOY: To masturbate while watching "Sesame Street." A common manifestation of latent pedophilia and/or senility.

ACCOLIBATION: Reclining on a couch with the head in a bucket of used beer or ale.
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Old 11-22-2003, 11:11 PM   #17
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ACCORDICISM: The doctrine that sex is immoral unless conducted in the back seat of a Honda sedan.

ACCORHOLOGIST: A scientist who devotes his life to the study of rectogenital warts.

ACCIPITRINATE: Vet. To hobble livestock by nailing the scrotum to a tree stump.

ACCOST: In heraldry, two figures doing it doggy style. E.g. "A flaming sword, the scales of justice, a lion rampant and hippos accost."

ACCARACIDE: The removal of a tick embedded in the inside of the foreskin. Usually accomplished with a lit match or small butane torch.
MG
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Old 11-23-2003, 10:57 AM   #18
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ABATJOUR: Vampire who may go out in daylight

ABATOIR: Three vampires

ABATURE: Mispronunciation of a word meaning 'three ampires'

ABBA: Military honour invested in women who, in the course of childbirth, do not blame the entire male population for their pain

ABBATIAL: Of interacial sex between non-Swedes and members of Swedish pop groups

ABDITIVE: Pertaining to transplanted belly muscles on American female athletes

ABDUCENT: The kidnapping baby sheep for later employment in an acicularium (qv).

ABEAM: Hort. Trees which grow sideways.

ABEAR: A bear. duh

ABDECEDARIAN: Hort. Tees which grow inwards.

ABDECEDISM: Worshiper of dictionaries (see Pure)

ABELE: Inexplicable parting of seam between anus and vagina

ABERDEVINE: Innapropriate theism centred on Scottish C&W stars.

ABESSIVE: Pertaining to fantasies involving senior nuns with rubber panties

ABIECTIC: Of the process of extracting lipidoidal rhyzomes from abecedarian (qv) trees
GC
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Old 11-23-2003, 12:17 PM   #19
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ACCREMENTATION: Anal intercourse with a male sheep. Universally condemned and a felony in many areas, because it combines bestiality with sodomy. Legal in Australia, but an indicator of doubtful masculinity. E.g. "See here, cobber, we all likes a little ewe now and then, but I draws the line at accrementation. That Jock, he's nuthin' but a bleedin' poofter."

ACICULARIUM: An Australian urban gentlemen's establishment where a man can leave behind the cares of the city and have a refreshing "outback experience." The beer is served in filthy cups, and flies are everywhere. Wellingtons and sheep may be rented on an hourly basis.

ACEDIA: Swed. Motto of the legendary Swedish automobile industry: "Driving a Volvo can make a strong man Saab."

ACCIBUTUM: Large, decortive porcelain basin used by bilumics. Employed immediately following a heavy meal. From the Latin "Accium"- To toss and "Butus"-Cookies.
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Old 11-23-2003, 12:27 PM   #20
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I guess "PEGGING" will be defined in late June, '05? I'll check back then. Thank you, MG.

(BTW, you left out ABBA. What's ABBA?)
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Old 11-23-2003, 02:38 PM   #21
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ACELDAMIA: A common affliction amongst nursing home residents in Arkansas. They experience sexual excitement from watching Minnie Pearl on reruns of "Grand Ol Opry" shows from the 60s.

ACERSECTOMATA: Scot. A topiary hedge trimmed in the shape of a sheep. Often used as a tacit signal to other ovinists.

ACERVULIN: A shelf in a garderobe shaft manned by armed guards in times of siege. Usually left unstaffed in peacetime.

ACERVULAE: Armed soldiers on duty at the acervulin (qv). Special wide-brimmed helmets were issued to those acting as acervulae. A necessary service during times of siege, but volunteers were seldom available. Duty often assigned by officers as a reward for valor.

Last edited by MathGirl : 11-23-2003 at 02:48 PM.
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Old 11-23-2003, 02:44 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally posted by shereads
I guess "PEGGING" will be defined in late June, '05? I'll check back then. (BTW, you left out ABBA. What's ABBA?)
Dear sr,
I think you're about right on the time frame. Sorry, but editorial policies preclude issuance of custom definitions. I'm sure you understand. We cannot be all things to all people. You might check with Pure.
MG
Ps. "ABBA" was intentionally excluded. It's disgusting.
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Old 11-23-2003, 04:13 PM   #23
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Thank you. I was afraid that pegging and ABBA might somehow be related, and I'm glad to know that's not likely to be the case.

Next up: the B's.

The dictionary's first consonant! You must be giddy with anticipation.
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Old 11-23-2003, 07:54 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally posted by shereads
Next up: the B's. The dictionary's first consonant! You must be giddy with anticipation.
Dear sr,
Well, yes, it's quite exciting. We try to remain equanianimmious around here, though. The A's should be good for at least another week, so don't soil your nappies.
MG

ACETARIOUS: Shaped like a siskin.

ACHAENOCARPIC: Indehiscent

ACEROUS: The mood of a restaurant patron dining on Chef Alfredo's Special Italian Surprise. The "Surprise" is encountered by the diner in a mouthful of tasty lasagna containing a Bandaid which once covered a badly infected wound.

ACERUMENEMIA: Absence of earwax in the blood.
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Old 11-24-2003, 11:19 AM   #25
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ACINUS: Hemorrhoids which grow in clusters, like cherries. A much admired feature of feminine beauty in some Asian cultures.

ACOSMISM: Religion in which followers believe that communion with God can only be achieved while straining during a bowel movement. Skeptics contend that the "otherworldly" feeling is caused by lack of blood flow to the brain.
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