What happened to me?

I experienced something today I never have before and I'd love some insight. A quick Google search tells me it could have been a sub drop but I'm not super familiar with the term and I'm having a hard time searching for more info.

Let me first say that my husband and I are not new to this. We've been incorporating D/s and pain into our sex for at least 6 years now. We're not as extreme as some but things can get very intense, much more intense than tonight did.

We were fooling around and teasing each other while relaxing together when I started craving some pain and asked him to pull my hair. He did, then told me he was going to slap me. I consented. He smacked me three times across the face as hard as he could. Something he's done before and that I generally enjoy. Tonight I lost it. I completely freaked. I could not speak, could not respond or even look him in the eye. Pretty often I need to be held after we have particularly intense, dominant sex, sometimes even cry. But tonight it was like I just totally lost myself and who I was. It felt like an out of body experience but the opposite, like my mind and soul left my body and I was stuck in the empty shell.

I was able to pull myself out of it and eventually speak after about 15 minutes only because I could see how much it was scaring him but once my emotions came back I started sobbing and clinging to him. I flew through a broad range of intense emotions. It's been about an hour now and I'm mostly feeling back to normal, a little down maybe.

He's apologized about a dozen times but it's not his fault, this wasn't anything out of the norm for us and I wanted him to do it. I just want to know what happened and why. And how to stop it from happening again. Anything that can help us understand or convince my poor husband he's not a monster.

It's not a sub drop. That's for sure.

If you really couldn't talk for 15 minutes, then it sounds more like a mild psychotic breakdown or a seizure. Something like an over-reaction that your brain experienced, falling into a state of deep shock when in should have been only mild adrenaline rush.

I would say it's certainly not a sub-drop. The feelings you describe resemble shock much more - something that victims of disasters or witnesses of scenes of murder experience. When a brain locks down in an effort to protect itself.

Needless to say, it's not normal to have this reaction during sex with a partner, even rough sex. I'm not a doctor, but just thinking about the reasons could be very many.
Really, I would seek professional help, just in case. Get a check-up.

As for your husband, I think he shouldn't be too hard on himself. Both of you need to understand that what you have experienced is an extreme reaction that does not match the influence that caused it. Expecially that you say that you did it before. Think of an allergy as an example - the fact that some people can't eat oranges and fall ill from them - doesn't mean oranges are bad.

Please note that I'm not trying to color you as some mad, deeply ill woman. That's not it. It could be a one-time thing, caused by an unlucky match of circumstances. People have these things from time to time - when our brain does a flip for no reason.
But I just advice you to seek professional help just in case. All in all, I believe you are all right, but it's better be safe than sorry.

In the meantime, I would be more careful with stuff that causes extreme emotions and feelings, which face-slapping normally is.

To me it sounds like you've experienced something like this all of a sudden:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acute_stress_reaction

Maybe I'm wrong.

Nezhul said:

To me it sounds like you've experienced something like this all of a sudden:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acute_stress_reaction

Maybe I'm wrong.

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Huh. The part about dissociating does sound exactly like what I experienced. I'm so confused about why this would happen with a man I trust 110% doing something we've done a dozen times.

As for it being a seizure, thinking back on it I don't believe I truly physically could not speak. Dissociation seems like the best way to describe it.

Anyway, thank you for your thoughts. It's definitely something we'll have to talk through tonight, at the very least.

It's not about if you trust him or not. It's not even about if the situation is threatening or not.

It's just sometimes human brain can make all sorts of weird stunts. Maybe something triggered you, maybe the face slapping (which is still a mild shock to the body, no matter how you look at it) - maybe it was enough.

For example my grandmother once had this happen to her: They were riding in a car with grandfather, her on the passenger seat. And they had an accident - a very minor one, they just bumped with another car in a city - barely even damaged the bumpers. Anyway they sorted it out, but when they returned home - she had a memory loss, couldn't remember what happened 5 minutes ago. And for a full day after that she would forget things that happened 5 minutes ago, so we had to call an ambulance.

Thing is, there was definitely nothing like a big car crash or a huge fright to trigger that. But the mind acted up.

She recovered after a day though, and was completely fine after that, memory and all. But that's just an example how fragile our mind is. The tiniest of things can sometimes trigger an insane reaction that no one can really explain well.

I would still visit a doctor, if I was you. Just in case.

Hope you stay well in the future! Good luck.

I think something similar happened to me once. It wasn't triggered by a physical blow, but mere words, but otherwise it's similar. I broke and sobbed, feeling as though I was falling down a very deep, dark hole. Except there weren't any actual tears, and I didn't feel sad or scared; it was an instinctive reaction, I think. Have you ever seen two dogs get into a physical clash, and one of them turn onto their back to reveal their belly? It stops the agressive one immediately. The social hierarchy is established and the need for agression is gone. I think this was similar. The guy was, like yours, very worried. And I did trust him, before and after that. I think, actually, that this is what brought on this reaction from me, because normally, if anyone so much as looks at me wrong, they get a good look at my teeth, not my bare belly. My usual reaction, even when scared, is to fight back. Not even to run away, but always face forward and fight.

So, for what it's worth, it's now years and years after that experience and if anything, I think it's done me good. Hope yours is similar in that way as well

People react in strange and unpredictable ways to things - even things they've experienced before. Your reaction is nothing to freak out about, but definitely something to be aware of for future play. Given that it's just a one-off at the moment it's hard to draw any particular conclusions from it. Depending on the severity of what you experienced you may wish to speak to a doctor. But, basically, don't be thinking that you're broken or there's something wrong with you. You're just a human.

He smacked me three times across the face as hard as he could.

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As hard as he could?

Another likely possibility is a minor concussion.
And rotational movement is the most likely to cause it... As a hard slap would.

alexismarc said:

Huh. The part about dissociating does sound exactly like what I experienced. I'm so confused about why this would happen with a man I trust 110% doing something we've done a dozen times.

As for it being a seizure, thinking back on it I don't believe I truly physically could not speak. Dissociation seems like the best way to describe it.

Anyway, thank you for your thoughts. It's definitely something we'll have to talk through tonight, at the very least.

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Dissociation is a complex issue, but one aspect can be the triggering of past trauma. Sometimes the nature or even existence of this trauma is not known to the conscious mind of the person who experienced it. It can be the case that the high level of trust you feel for your partner is what enables the trigger to activate- a feeling that you're with someone safe and supportive who can help you deal with whatever the initiating trauma was. I am by no means saying this is what you've experienced, but I have seen cases where similar things have happened. If you have any sense that this might be the case, I would urge you to find a sympathetic counselor familiar with trauma issues and PTSD, because if your current feeling of safety is opening the door to these kinds of issues, some professional help in dealing with them can help keep them from blowing back on your partner and relationship.

Lascivity said:

People react in strange and unpredictable ways to things - even things they've experienced before. Your reaction is nothing to freak out about, but definitely something to be aware of for future play. Given that it's just a one-off at the moment it's hard to draw any particular conclusions from it. Depending on the severity of what you experienced you may wish to speak to a doctor. But, basically, don't be thinking that you're broken or there's something wrong with you. You're just a human.

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Agree.

Thank you all for your thoughts on this. I showed my husband what I wrote here to help him understand how I felt that night, and I'm not experiencing any lasting effects, mental or physical. I've taken all your suggestions to heart and really appreciate them but at the moment I'm not too interested in trying to explain to any health care professionals that my husband hit me during foreplay

We're going to keep the impact play to a minimum for the immediate future in the unlikely case of a concussion (that was hubby's thought too actually) and I'm keeping this thread handy just in case.

This is not what you have described, but it will give you a sense of some of the weird shit that can go on in the old noodle. It happened to me, btw, and was terrifying, especially for my partner.
http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/750317_3

alexismarc said:

I experienced somethi

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No one is asking you to orchestrate your coping skills for a free website. I know everything from books I read and like mysteries by Mary Higgins Clark. Reading books will make you smarter.

twister947 said:

This is not what you have described, but it will give you a sense of some of the weird shit that can go on in the old noodle. It happened to me, btw, and was terrifying, especially for my partner.
http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/750317_3

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Nezhul said:

It asks to log in.

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Hmm...so it does. It's Transient Global Amnesia. Here's another article:
http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/11/04/transient.global.amnesia/index.html

alexismarc said:

Thank you all for your thoughts on this. I showed my husband what I wrote here to help him understand how I felt that night, and I'm not experiencing any lasting effects, mental or physical. I've taken all your suggestions to heart and really appreciate them but at the moment I'm not too interested in trying to explain to any health care professionals that my husband hit me during foreplay

We're going to keep the impact play to a minimum for the immediate future in the unlikely case of a concussion (that was hubby's thought too actually) and I'm keeping this thread handy just in case.

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You don't need to keep "impact play to a minimum" - you just need to keep impact play to dangerous areas of your body to a minimum. If you had been hit with equal force in a safer spot, like your buttocks, it would likely have been fine.

There are parts of your body that you don't go hitting without extreme caution. Anywhere around the head and neck is one such area. Another is the flanks, where your kidneys are.

AmethystMelange said:

You don't need to keep "impact play to a minimum" - you just need to keep impact play to dangerous areas of your body to a minimum. If you had been hit with equal force in a safer spot, like your buttocks, it would likely have been fine.

There are parts of your body that you don't go hitting without extreme caution. Anywhere around the head and neck is one such area. Another is the flanks, where your kidneys are.

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Good point.