Hello, newbie here.

Consilience said:

The only interpersonal insight being into BDSM brings is that any compatible partner has to at least not be repulsed by it.

And even then, are you even naturally attracted to it? You said that your only interest in it is that you think it's some magic seer stone to find perfect partners. That's fairy tale bogus, so is there another reason why you might be here?

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_Necrosomantic_ said:

Like Consilience said, there's a big difference between passing fancy and nature. To me, BDSM isn't a tool to find love or compatability, but an expression of desires you possess that are outside the common practices of physical/emotional intimacy, which CAUSES you to seek out love and compatibility with someone who has similar needs. You don't choose to be this way, you discover that you always have been this way. That's not to say one can't incorporate aspects of this or that, but there is a world of difference between fetishism and being D/s or S&M.

" The reason bdsm came to my interest is only because i believe it to be a way to find a compatible partner, something that would reveal if my partner would be close and bs like that,a strong relationship."

Not attacking you, and correct me if I'm wrong, but your wording here belies serious interest and instead hints at it being a curiosity or simply something you turned to out of desperation.

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LeoLinas said:

So hello everyone. My name's leolinas and recently i've been a bit into bdsm. Personally i only like the softer parts, nothing extreme.

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The reason bdsm came to my interest is only because i believe it to be a way to find a compatible partner, something that would reveal if my partner would be close and bs like that, a strong relationship.

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So i wanted to know stories of people on this forum, have any of you found the one or a lover whos perfect for you?

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I may be being immature here but i want to find a person to spend time with, share secrets and do all sorts of kinky stuff, sort of saying. I havent had any partners or any male-female kind of relationship and i want to.

Thanks for the replies.

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MeekMe said:

Softer stuff to you could be someone else's extreme. We all just do what we're personally comfortable with.



One thing I see a lot, is the idea that d/s or being into BDSM in general will somehow make a relationship better. The truth is, it's not superior to any other kind of relationship. It is just a relationship. With that said, a relationship involving d/s or BDSM can be a better relationship than one not involving d/s or BDSM for individuals that need that in their life.



When ever a question starts with "have any of you" the answer is usually "yes." Some do, some don't. There are many threads open on the board that discuss the different relationships, I think you could benefit from reading in the forum.



This requires knowing about yourself and what you're looking to get out of the relationship. If d/s is something you feel would improve a relationship for you, then search for someone that also feels that way that is compatible. Do not go looking for a label. Look for a person that is compatible and shares the same relationship goals as you.

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kittiGoddess said:

sorry to be the downer here but be careful, there are a lot of manipulators out there, you can get really hurt. But there are some true Masters out there too and it is wonderful when you connect with one of them , just stay alert, the mental connection is great when you find the right one.

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LeoLinas said:

Yeah, you can say i turned to it out of desperation. The thing that attracts me in bdsm is the sub-dom relationship. I didn't think of it as that fairytale thing, just, like i said, sub-dom relationship is what made me look in to it more than before. In private moments, it's that kind of thing im looking towards it to be, it simply turns me on a lot more. Sorry that i used bad-wording i cant effectively express myself.

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_Necrosomantic_ said:

No need to apologize, you knew what you meant, I didn't, so I asked. It's important to figure out what you're looking for and interacting with people that are practiced is certainly one of the better ways to help discover yourself. You seem hesitant when you say " not extreme", but you shouldn't assume any undue pressure because of what you imagine others prefer in terms of play. You say you like " the softer parts ", there's nothing wrong with that, hell, almost everyone started or progressed from light play of some kind. Don't sweat it, no one here is gonna judge you for it.

Know how I know that? I'm new here too, and no one has gotten in my face about anything. They've been kind and replied intelligently and with good humor. AND I'M A FUCKING WEIRDO

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_Necrosomantic_ said:

No need to apologize, you knew what you meant, I didn't, so I asked. It's important to figure out what you're looking for and interacting with people that are practiced is certainly one of the better ways to help discover yourself. You seem hesitant when you say " not extreme", but you shouldn't assume any undue pressure because of what you imagine others prefer in terms of play. You say you like " the softer parts ", there's nothing wrong with that, hell, almost everyone started or progressed from light play of some kind. Don't sweat it, no one here is gonna judge you for it.

Know how I know that? I'm new here too, and no one has gotten in my face about anything. They've been kind and replied intelligently and with good humor. AND I'M A FUCKING WEIRDO

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MeekMe said:

OP hasn't indicated that they are looking for a master. I get the intention here, but I think you're going about it wrong. Abusers exist outside of and inside of kink. So far, the only relationship I was in that was abusive had absolutely nothing to do with BDSM or d/s. Also, "true" isn't a thing in the general sense so I'm not sure what a "true master" is. If you found someone that is compatible with you, fantastic! Good luck with all that.

As for manipulators and abusers, you will find them everywhere. There are those that will try to tell newbies that there is one way to do things and use manipulative phrases like "a true ____ would do XYZ." <--- Don't fall for this, there is no set way to do things and everyone's needs and preferences are different. That statement usually means "a ____ that is compatible with me would do XYZ."

This is why we look for compatible people and get to know them before entering into any kind of relationship with them. This is why we research and learn and find out what it is we want. If someone wants something you're not into and can't be happy doing with them, then they are probably not right for you and at anytime you are free to leave. They can also leave if they aren't up for the things you happen to be into.

If you meet someone and they trigger your instant turn on buttons and the kink is exciting and new and you just feel like you need to do it all right now, take a moment to stop and think. It can be intense and a lot of people do things and make decisions that they later realize weren't the best for them. So stop and ask questions either with your partner (hopefully you're communicating) or even posting questions here. This "must do more now" mentality is often referred to as "sub frenzy." Though, I think this is something that is likely to happen for anyone on either end of the spectrum.

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LeoLinas said:

Small update: i turned to this site after reading this one ero manga. Not a weeb, but i like reading such things during pass-time. Guess that read stirred up some feelings and made me come here. I settled down, but no regrets. This is something i'm interested in and just recently found out about it.

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