Erotic Villanelle Challenge

UnderYourSpell said:

That looks awfully algabraic

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I does, rather. 'Tis one of the many devices I employ to confuse and confound.

Snood

Version 1.0

(okay, I'm taking a stab at it.)
-----




I am always left here feeling so blue
at the thought of dealing with you again,
Tell me again, my dear, why I love you.

Your hair cascades over, curls all askew,
covering your face--expression uncertain.
I am always left here feeling so blue

before the door swings shut, one more adieu,
still on stage when they draw the curtain.
Tell me again, my dear, why I love you.

Your smile is the sun, lighting the day anew,
and that echoing laugh--such a comedienne,
I am always left here feeling so blue

because I know, inside, our moments are few
so I make my peace, I know how to say when.
Tell me again, my dear, why I love you.

Your touch brings me back, flesh and sinew,
hoping to find, maybe, that it's genuine.
I am always left here feeling so blue
Tell me again, my dear, why I love you.

the Snood said:

BTW, Rotwang as Pygmalion is damned clever..

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Why, thank you, Snood. I think the idea is good but the execution poor. That one was kind of hastily produced, and needs to go up on the rack at the Poetry Garage. It needs some suspension work.

Remec said:

(okay, I'm taking a stab at it.)

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And not a bad stab at all, sir. The cool thing about the villanelle, to my mind anyway, is that if you actually can compose one that makes sense, it'll be pretty good.

One thing I quite like about yours is the accentual variation. I tend to write these things like German marches: ten HUP ten HUP ten HUP ten HUP ten HUP. Next line...

Which gives my verse an unnaturalness that sounds contrived. Yours does a good job of varying what could be too march-like feet, which makes it flow in a less contrived fashion when read.

Welcome back.

Hey. 30/30 or 5/5 would welcome you. Just a comment.

Another Day Three

I did not use this in my five in five challange, but might have had I written it first.


Vikdjfhdfjgflle

I can fuck
so can she
just our luck

We can suck
all we see
I can fuck

Lightning struck
fusing we
just our luck

Run amok
just for me
I can fuck

We don't duck
destiny
just our luck

Strings I pluck
set her free
I can fuck
just our luck

sassynyc suggested I track down this thread to post my first villanelle. I hope you enjoy. This came as feedback from my other post so I apologize for the duplicate.

Restrained

Darkness oppressive smothers your sight
A kiss on your lips, all the knots are in place
I take you freely bathed in the light

Your struggles are over, you give up the fight
Whispers in shadows bring tears to your face
Darkness oppressive smothers your sight

Reassurances offered “It’s your turn tonight”
Against bonds you wrestle but fear not a trace
I take you freely bathed in the light

Sounds of cocks stroking, the rush a delight
Smell pussies dripping, a feminine embrace
Darkness oppressive smothers your sight

Wet splashing and gushing moans echo the night
Expressions contorted, to climax they race
I take you freely bathed in the light

Guests leave us alone, just one candle burns bright
Untie each knot, silken bonds don't replace
Darkness oppressive smothers your sight
I take you freely bathed in the light

Sweet Lips

The taste of her lips sent me spiralling on high
to her ear then her neck my lips hungrily glide
I went like warm honey at the sound of her sigh

My fingers gliding across the skin of her thigh
Feeling her knickers, my skilled hand sliding inside
The taste of her lips sent me spiralling on high

I start quaking within as she pulls at my fly
I pull off all of her cloths, her hands are my guide
I went like warm honey at the sound of her sigh

She takes my cloths off slowly, naked we lie
She’s the best so far, my beautiful new bride
The taste of her lips sent me spiralling on high

We start a sixty-niner, our tongues turning sly
Her nails on my ass turned me pussy wet inside
I went like warm honey at the sound of her sigh

She’s licking my loins, as my voice gives a cry
My tongue flicks her clit, inside pink petals I slide
The taste of her lips sent me spiralling on high
I went like warm honey at the sound of her sigh

Not perfect, I know, but hope people will like anyway.