Erotic Villanelle Challenge

[Angeline]

Ange, villan or terzan, that is a smooth and liquid elle.

Yknow I knew that when I wrote it and it was late for me when I found it. Lol. Oh well. But I do think it's a really good one, if I do say so. I wanted to put it up here because I think it's a good example of how to run sentences across lines and beat the form at it's own game, so to speak.

Thanks to you and T-zed for the compliments. I do have lots of terzenelles. They're easier for me to write for some reason.

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

Darkmaas, loved the villanelle!

Now that I am almost fully recovered from my surgery, I need to get back to work. I'll have to catch up on this thread.

 

[Tzara]

I do have lots of terzenelles. They're easier for me to write for some reason.

I have problems with the interlocking rhyme scheme in a terzanelle. Why, I think, I've never been able to write one, even a bad one.

 

[Angeline]

I have problems with the interlocking rhyme scheme in a terzanelle. Why, I think, I've never been able to write one, even a bad one.

I found another terzanelle of mine I really like. You should try again. I see no reason why you can't be really good at this. I've read your other form poetry and you're very good.

This is my naked face alone at end of day,
my private space of weary lids that close
because I’ve struggled, but I haven’t found a way

to quell the drowning tide of memory, of those
who left and those who never leave
my private space of weary lids that close

against the daily battle to retrieve
my pool of peace, a blindness that can’t see
who left and those who never leave

the air they occupy with nothing more
than air, but how their molecules disrupt
my pool of peace, a blindness that can’t see

its way to dreamless sleep, awakening abrupt
to boulevards worn thin, more choked with souls
than air, but how their molecules disrupt

the solid ground until I stumble in the holes.
This is my naked face alone at end of day
on boulevards worn thin, more choked with souls
because I’ve struggled, but I haven’t found a way.

 

[the Snood]

For me jealousy is a myth.
There's more than enough to go 'round.
I worship the one I am with.

Possessiveness reeks of the Sith,
and I find this principle sound:
For me jealousy is a myth.

What training we get from our kith!
"Steer straight! Rocks and sandbars abound!"
I worship the one I am with.

If I'm smiling, then tell me wherewith
do you argue? Again I expound:
For me jealousy is a myth.

I say 'tis a thought of some pith,
is simple and shouldn't confound.
I worship the one I am with.

So loosen the mores and therewith
step into a new life unbound.
For me jealousy is a myth.
I worship the one I am with.

 

[Tzara]

I found another terzanelle of mine I really like. You should try again. I see no reason why you can't be really good at this. I've read your other form poetry and you're very good.

OK, first try. I think I have the form right. Please tell me if I screwed something up:

Terzanelle: On First Kiss
After Brancusi

It's such a strange formality to kiss,
when lovers finally meet their lover's press
and touch becomes the speech to voice their bliss.

And voice it has, to either doom or bless
the nascent union of two too fond hearts.
How lovers at last greet their lover's press

speaks volumes as to whether this now starts
a deepening of love, or starts the end
of nascent union of two too fond hearts

where each seeks more compatible loves, friends.
Thus, tension. Will there still be spark and raw,
swift deepening of love, or marks this end

of brief and violent passion? Flame or flaw?
For this is but the first important touch,
attention. Will there still be spark—a raw

mutual attraction? It means so much,
for this is but our first important touch.
It's such a strange formality to kiss:
now touch becomes our voice, and speech, and bliss.​

.

 

[darkmaas]

Where did all the damn terzanelles come from? This is a Villanelle thread. Have you no shame.

More on the subject of meter. Obviously if one were to reduce the line length to a single syllable then we would arrive at a minimalist villanelle of 19 syllables. This strikes me as more worthwhile than writing haiku (or lobbing terzanelle bombs into a perfectly nice civilized thread.)

d.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Where did all the damn terzanelles come from? This is a Villanelle thread. Have you no shame.

More on the subject of meter. Obviously if one were to reduce the line length to a single syllable then we would arrive at a minimalist villanelle of 19 syllables. This strikes me as more worthwhile than writing haiku (or lobbing terzanelle bombs into a perfectly nice civilized thread.)

d.

I am SO going to try that.

and by the way, i've always liked the "ij" too. Thought I was the only one weird enough to be fond of that.

bj

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

Pussy Tamed

As he caressed the curves of her,
She yielded to his gentle touch.
“I love you,” she said with a purr.

The heat within began to stir.
She mewed with delight, moaning much
as he caressed the curves of her.

She licked him like a cat licks fur.
Sucking his cock, sheets in his clutch
“I love you,” she said with a purr.

Both heated lovers would concur
all was right with love as their crutch
as he caressed the curves of her.

With hearts ablaze he did enter
her wetness, hot and sweet as such.
“I love you,” she said with a purr.

Liquid sex and sweat did transfer
with heights of ecstasy nonesuch.
As he caressed the curves of her,
“I love you,” she said with a purr.

 

[Tzara]

Where did all the damn terzanelles come from? This is a Villanelle thread. Have you no shame.

I guess not, or I would not have posted mine.

But I must say I find it curious that your objection to them is that they are terzanelles, rather than that they are not erotic, which (I haven't checked, I'm just relying on my decaying memory here) I'm not sure any of them are.

This strikes me as being somewhat similar to complaining on a Great Blonde Nudes thread that Marilyn Monroe was a dye job. Accurate, but perhaps too focused on Detail to the sacrifice of Art.

More on the subject of meter. Obviously if one were to reduce the line length to a single syllable then we would arrive at a minimalist villanelle of 19 syllables.

I think that is considered a distinct form--the vilenelle.

Which I will promptly go off to attempt, of course.

 

[Tzara]

For dm, with bright aortic blood:

Vampire; or, One Very Cramped Villanelle
A metrical poem which is very, very restrictive.
Ow! Like even morphemes squeeze for space!

Hex
slays.
Sex

nnnnext
plays
hex.

Ex
sways,
sex:

necks,
flayed.
Hex

flecks,
daid:
Sex!

Grade
made—
hex-
sex?​

{insert overly clever comment here}

 

[Angeline]

For dm, with bright aortic blood:

Vampire; or, One Very Cramped Villanelle
A metrical poem which is very, very restrictive.
Ow! Like even morphemes squeeze for space!

Hex
slays.
Sex

nnnnext
plays
hex.

Ex
sways,
sex:

necks,
flayed.
Hex

flecks,
daid:
Sex!

Grade
made—
hex-
sex?​

{insert overly clever comment here}

or
gone
with
your
bad
self

 

[Tzara]

or
gone
with
your
bad
self

Shush, shush! Or / gone, when I am clothed as Wilhelm Reich?

Too funny. Oops, I mean, shame on you!

 

[Tzara]

Shush, shush! Or / gone, when I am clothed as Wilhelm Reich?

Too funny. Oops, I mean, shame on you!

Or, I guess, how appropriate!

 

[Angeline]

Or, I guess, how appropriate!

Ayuh. That's exactly what I meant, Wilhelm.

 

[Tzara]

Ayuh. That's exactly what I meant, Wilhelm.

Danke, Engel.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I feel like Alice in Wonderland

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Is it safe to click strange links?

 

[champagne1982]

Is it safe to click strange links?

It is never safe to klik spam ... hehehehe

Be brave click the meat...

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Rofllll groooooooooooan

 

[the Snood]

At the centre of things

“‘Tis better to give than to receive.”
This sentiment, though it might seem trite,
is a basic truth, not oft perceived.

Your mouth has skill I’d have not believed,
but regardless of such great delight,
‘tis better to give than to receive.

When your body cannot help but heave,
that the Goddess comes whence you’re alight,
is a basic truth, not oft perceived.

When you’re in charge, I am most alive.
I prefer however to incite.
‘Tis better to give than to receive.

Though I must insist, you needn't grieve.
That you’ll have your chance to rule the night,
is a basic truth, not oft perceived.

Perfection’s a thing we’ll both achieve;
as we each in turn direct the Rite.
“‘Tis better to give than to receive,”
is a basic truth, not oft perceived.

 

[the Snood]

For dm, with bright aortic blood:

Vampire; or, One Very Cramped Villanelle
A metrical poem which is very, very restrictive.
Ow! Like even morphemes squeeze for space!

Hex
slays.
Sex

nnnnext
plays
hex.

Ex
sways,
sex:

necks,
flayed.
Hex

flecks,
daid:
Sex!

Grade
made—
hex-
sex?​

{insert overly clever comment here}

Not overly clever, but I thought that a villanelle went thus:

A1/b/A2 a/b/A1 a/b/A2 a/b/A1 a/b/A2 a/b/A1/A2.

However, yours went:

A1/b/A2 a/b/A1 a/b/A2 a/b/A1 a/b/A2 b/b/A1/A2.

Liked it, though. Reducing one of these to the lowest terms has thus far eluded me. I must renice it soon.

Snood

 

[Tzara]

Not overly clever, but I thought that a villanelle went thus:

A1/b/A2 a/b/A1 a/b/A2 a/b/A1 a/b/A2 a/b/A1/A2.

However, yours went:

A1/b/A2 a/b/A1 a/b/A2 a/b/A1 a/b/A2 b/b/A1/A2.

Liked it, though. Reducing one of these to the lowest terms has thus far eluded me. I must renice it soon.

Snood

You're right. I fucked up. I didn't check the form requirements and had just written a terzanelle, which does/can end b/b/A1/A2.

Oh, well. Not the first time I did something stupid, nor will it likely be the last.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

That looks awfully algabraic

 

[the Snood]

You're right. I fucked up. I didn't check the form requirements and had just written a terzanelle, which does/can end b/b/A1/A2.

Oh, well. Not the first time I did something stupid, nor will it likely be the last.

I'd hardly call a moment of inattention stupid, unless it causes a roll-over on the expressway.

BTW, Rotwang as Pygmalion is damned clever..

Snood